Violent Delights, Violent Ends
by A Thousand Undiscovered Stars
Summary: It's been 6 months since the Cullens left Forks and now Alice receives a package in the mail. It contains the book New Moon. As they read, the Cullens will realize just how bad the consequences of their actions are. Then, when they reach the end, will they make the right choice or will Edward stand by his decision? Read and find out. Bella/Edward eventually.
1. Preface

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any characters associated with it! All source material from New Moon belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

**Violent Delights, Violent Ends **

Alice

It's been just over six months since we left. Since we left Forks. Since we left our home. Since we left my sister. Since we left Bella. I miss her so much. I honestly don't know how we ever got along without her before, because we certainly can't get along without her now.

I can't find it in me to go shopping or smile and be hyper like I used to. It's just not worth the effort that it would take. Carlisle works even more, throwing himself into his work more than ever before. Esme sobs and all of her smiles are full of sadness. She can't bear having left her youngest daughter, her baby girl in many ways, behind. Jasper constantly feels guilty and misses Bella, on top of feeling everyone else's emotions and he has to leave the house for several hours each day just to find some measure of peace. Emmett doesn't joke around or prank anyone. Even Rosalie has been effected to some degree. I can tell that she feels guilty for the way that she treated Bella, but at the same time she feels glad that now Bella will have a chance to have all of the things that she couldn't as a vampire. And Edward…

Edward is the worst of all of us. He hasn't stayed with the family much. He's spent most of the last six months curled up in a ball somewhere in South America. I can see the pain that he's in. At the moment, he's upstairs sitting in his room in our house here in Alaska. He hasn't said anything since he arrived yesterday and briefly greeted our "parents". I feel so bad for him, but at the same time I can't help but be a little mad at him for making us leave her. Still, he is my brother…

My thoughts were interrupted by a vision and after I came out of it, I flew to the front door just as the doorbell rang. I pulled the door open and smiled a small smile at the deliverywoman standing there.

"Hi, I have a package for an Alice Cullen," she said and I nodded.

"That's me," I told her and she held out a clipboard to me.

"I just need you to sign this, please," she asked and I quickly signed the paper as she handed me the box that she was carrying.

"Thank you," I said, smiling and shutting the door after handing back the clipboard. I quickly ran to the living room and placed the box on the coffee table there. I wasn't sure what was in the box but I knew that it was important and that the whole family needed to be down here.

"Could everyone please come down here?" I called in a normal tone of voice, knowing that they would all hear me anyway. "You, too, Edward. It's important," I said, listening to be sure that I heard six pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs; I did.

Once everyone had taken seats around the room, Carlisle spoke. "What is it, Alice?" he inquired and I managed a small smile.

"I had a vision that I was going to receive this package and that it would be important to all of us, but I don't know what's in it," I explained and they all looked slightly interested now, even Edward frowned a little in thought.

"So… Let's open it," Emmett said as if it was obvious and I gave a half-smile and looked to Carlisle who nodded.

I opened up the box easily and frowned at what I saw. There was a book sitting inside, with a letter sitting on top of it. I pulled them both out and read the title of the book. "New Moon."

"What does the letter say, Alice?" Esme asked and I looked down and ripped open the envelope.

_Dear Cullens,_

_I'm sure that this may surprise you, but this book is about Edward and Bella. Yes, Bella Swan, the girl that you left behind in Forks. You should know that this book is happening right now. It begins just before you left and continues into the present and then into the future. I've sent this to you because I feel that it's time that you know the consequences of your actions and if I hadn't then you would never truly have known._

I had stop there, my un-beating heart giving a painful squeeze at that last sentence. What did it mean?

"What do they mean 'consequences'," Emmett asked hesitantly and I shrugged worriedly. I didn't know.

_It's also important that you read the entire book before you make a decision. I won't tell you what to do, but I trust that you'll make the right decision this time. Also, there's one more thing. I have to warn you that this book contains intense amounts of pain and depression. It is also in Bella's point of view, Edward. Now, you should start reading. Remember, read the whole book before you do anything._

_Wishing You Luck, _

_S.M._

When I stopped reading everyone wore the same pained expressions, even Rosalie. I had to force the words "intense amounts of pain and depression" out of my mouth. Oh, God, what have we done? My poor sister. Bella…

Silence descended on us and no one broke it for several moments. But I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know what we had done to her. "We're reading," I announced and no one contradicted me.

I picked up the book and was turning to the first page when I saw something and frowned, fear flashing through me. "There's a quote," I murmured and everyone looked at me intently.

**These violent delights have violent ends**

**And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,**

**Which, as they kiss, consume.**

Esme looked as if she would be crying if she could and we hadn't even started the book yet. I took a deep breath, reaching over and taking Jazz's hand in mine as I sat next to him. "Okay, here's the Preface."

**I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can't make your body move fast enough. My legs seemed to move slower and slower as I fought my way through the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clock tower didn't slow. With relentless, uncaring force, they turned toward the end – the end of everything.**

Edward drew in sharp breath as I read that last sentence. "The end?" he murmured brokenly, his eyes pained even more than usual although there was a kind of relief there – relief at having at least this connection to Bella, painful though it may be. "Keep going, Alice, please," he said and I nodded.

**But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, I wasn't running for **_**my **_**life; I was racing to save something infinitely more precious. My own life meant little to me today.**

Emmett gave a strangled attempt at a laugh at that. "Does she ever think about herself?" he tried to joke but you could hear the sadness and concern in his voice. He missed his "little sister". I kept reading, sending him a sympathetic smile.

**Alice had said that there was a good chance that we would both die here. Perhaps the outcome would be different if she weren't trapped by the brilliant sunlight; only I was free to run across this bright, crowded square.**

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Where are we?" I wondered aloud. Then I noticed Edward glaring at me.

"Alice had said that there was a good chance that we would both die here?" he quoted angrily and I instantly defended myself.

"It's not my fault. I don't even know what's going on, and whatever it is that I did in the book I must have a damn good reason for putting Bella in danger," I retorted worriedly before going on.

**And I couldn't run fast enough.**

**So it didn't matter that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late – and I was glad that something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live.**

"No!" Edward cried out and I froze. No! Bella couldn't die!

"Wait. Clock tower? Bloodthirsty enemies?" Carlisle muttered and even his vampire skin paled a little. I was going to ask him what he was talking about before it occurred to me. Of course.

"The Volturi?" I gasped, my eyes wide and Edward's expression grew even more angry and concerned than before.

"Carlisle?" Edward choked the word out as we all turned to look at our father figure (or husband and mate in Esme's case) with upset expressions.

He frowned. "I may be wrong," Carlisle allowed. "We won't know until we've finished the book. Keep reading, Alice," he instructed and I took a deep breath.

**The clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact center point of the sky.**

I let out a shaky breath. "That's the end of the Preface," I said, glancing at Edward to see his reaction. He had his head in his hands and I couldn't see his face.

_We shouldn't have left her,_ I thought to him and he shook his head a little. I huffed. Stubborn vampire.

"We won't know until we read, Alice," he said, looking up at me with a mixture of hope and pain in his eyes. I shook my head and smiled sadly at him. "Let's keep reading," he said and we all nodded in agreement.

**To Be Continued.**

**A/N: Okay. I know that I really shouldn't be starting another story since I'm already writing four others, but I couldn't help myself. Anyway, I will try to update this story once a week – at the least, once every two weeks. Now, review and let me know what you think!**


	2. Party

Alice

"I guess I'll read first and then we can take turns?" I asked and once everyone had nodded their agreement, I began to read.

**1. Party**

"Oh, great," Jasper muttered and we all frowned at the memory of Bella's disastrous birthday party six months ago.

**I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was dreaming.** **The reasons I was so certain were that, first, I was standing in a bright shaft of sunlight–the kind of blinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly new hometown in Forks, Washington–and second, I was looking at my Grandma Marie. Gran had been dead for six years now, so that was solid evidence toward the dream theory.**

**Gran hadn't changed much; her face looked just the same as I remembered it. The skin was soft and withered, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to the bone underneath.**

**Like a dried apricot, but with a puff of thick white hair standing out in a cloud around it.**

**Our mouths–hers a wizened picker–spread into the same surprised half-smile at just the same time. Apparently, she hadn't been expecting to see me, either.**

**I was about to ask her a question; I had so many–What was she doing here in my dream?** **What had she been up to in the past six years? Was Pop okay, and had they found each other, wherever they were? –but she opened her mouth when I did, so I stopped to let her go first.** **She paused, too, and then we both smiled at the little awkwardness.**

**"Bella!"**

**It wasn't Gran who called my name, and we both turned to see the addition to our small reunion. I didn't have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere– know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I'd bet. The voice I'd walk through fire for –or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.**

**Edward.**

I glanced at Edward to see that he had a small half-smile on his lips. "Oh, Bella," he murmured, chuckling softly.

I frowned at him. "Care to share the joke?" I asked and he glanced at me with one eyebrow slightly raised.

"She makes it sound so dramatic. The way that she puts it – that's the way that I feel for her. As much as I would like it, a human couldn't possibly feel such strong emotions. Not even Bella," he shook his head sadly and I snorted.

"You're wrong," I muttered and I was sure that he was wrong. I had seen her fall in love with him. I saw the way she watched him, the way that she responded to him. He was wrong.

**Even though I was always thrilled to see him–conscious or otherwise–and even though I was almost positive that I was dreaming, I panicked as Edward walked toward us through the glaring sunlight.**

**I panicked because Gran didn't know that I was in love with a vampire–nobody knew that–so how was I supposed to explain the fact that the brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin into a thousand rainbow shards like he was made of crystal or diamond?**

"Well, Gran, you can see that my boyfriend sparkles in the sunlight. It's okay, though. It's just something he does…" Emmett trailed off jokingly, his mood already improved somewhat from reading the book.

**Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It's just something he does in the sun. Don't worry about it…**

Emmett grinned. "Oh, I'm good," he smirked.

**What was he doing? The whole reason he lived in Forks, the rainiest place in the world, was so that he could be outside in the daytime without exposing his family's secret. Yet here he was, strolling gracefully toward me–with the most beautiful smile on his angel's face–as if I were the only one here.**

**In that second, I wished that I was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; I usually felt grateful that I was the only person whose thoughts he couldn't hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud. But now I wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning I was screaming in my head.**

**I shot a panicked glance back at Gran, and saw that it was too late. She was just turning to stare back at me, her eyes as alarmed as mine.**

**Edward–still smiling so beautifully that my heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through my chest–put his arm around my shoulder and turned to face my grandmother.**

**Gran's expression surprised me. Instead of looking horrified, she was staring at me sheepishly, as if waiting for a scolding.**

I paused at that. "What?" Jasper asked and I shook my head.

**And she was standing in such a strange position–one arm held awkwardly away from her body, stretched out and then curled around the air.**

I froze. I had a feeling that I knew what this was about…

**Like she had her arm around someone I couldn't see, someone invisible…**

**Only then, as I looked at the bigger picture, did I notice the huge gilt frame that enclosed my grandmother's form. Uncomprehending, I raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around Edward's waist and reached out to touch her. She mimicked the movement exactly, mirrored it. But where our fingers should have met, there was nothing but cold glass…**

I sighed. I was right.

"Wait, I don't understand," Emmett said, confused and I raised one eyebrow at him.

"Just wait a minute, Em," I told him.

**With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare.**

Edward frowned at that.

**There was no Gran.**

**That was me. Me in a mirror. Me–ancient, creased, and withered.**

**Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen. He pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek.**

**"Happy birthday," he whispered.**

Emmett's eyes widened. "Whoa. Bella dreamt of being old," he said surprised.

"Of course she did," I said. It was obvious – to everyone but Emmett.

Emmett frowned. "Why?" he asked and I could have laughed but it was too sad.

"Because she never wanted to be older than Edward. She knew that he wouldn't change her and it terrified her to think of losing him in any way," I said, glancing at my bronze-haired brother.

He wore a pained but at the same time stubborn expression. I snorted quietly and shook my head. I loved my brother but he was such an idiot sometimes. He was in so much pain right now and it was all his own fault for making this choice. I saw him flinch slightly at my thoughts, but I wouldn't feel guilty about it because it was true.

**I woke with a start–my eyelids popping open wide–and gasped. Dull gray light, the familiar light of an overcast morning, took the place of the blinding sun in my dream.**

**Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was September thirteenth.**

**Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was my birthday.**

**I was officially eighteen years old.**

**I'd been dreading this day for months.**

**All through the perfect summer–the happiest summer I had ever had, the happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had,** **and the rainiest summer in the history of the Olympic Peninsula–this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.**

**And now that it had hit, it was even worse than I'd feared it would be. I could feel it–I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable.**

**I was eighteen.**

**And Edward never would be.**

"You see?" I asked Emmett and he nodded, frowning.

**When I went to brush my teeth, I was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. I stared at myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles in my ivory skin.**

**The only creases were the ones on my forehead, though, and I knew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. My eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious brown eyes.**

**It was just a dream, I reminded myself again. Just a dream… but also my worst nightmare.**

I shook my head slowly. Oh, Bella… If only you could have known what was coming, you wouldn't have worried about this dream so much – or at all, in fact.

**I skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. I wasn't entirely able to avoid my dad, and so I had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. I honestly tried to be excited about the gifts I'd asked him not to get me, but every time I had to smile, it felt like I might start crying.**

**I struggled to get a grip on myself as I drove to school. The vision of Gran–I would not think of it as me–was hard to get out of my head. I couldn't feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty. **

Emmett and Jasper both snorted at that and I half-smiled.

**The dream had not done him justice. And he was waiting there for me, just the same as every other day.**

**Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a year with him, I still couldn't believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune.**

**His sister Alice was standing by his side, waiting for me, too.**

**Of course Edward and Alice weren't really related (in Forks the story was that all the Cullen siblings were adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children),** **but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them. Her face, like his, was also startlingly beautiful. To someone in the know–someone like me–these similarities marked them for what they were.**

**The sight of Alice waiting there–her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrapped square in her hands–made me frown.**

I frowned now, too. I should have listened to Bella when she said that she didn't want a party…

**I'd told Alice I didn't want anything, anything, not gifts or even attention, for my birthday. Obviously, my wishes were being ignored.**

**I slammed the door of my '53 Chevy truck–a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop–and walked slowly toward where they waited. Alice skipped forward to meet me, her pixie face glowing under her spiky black hair.**

**"Happy birthday, Bella!"**

**"Shh!" I hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event.**

"A black event is exactly what it turned out to be," I muttered, too low for my family to hear, before going on.

**She ignored me. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly as we made our way to where Edward still waited.**

**"No presents," I protested in a mumble.**

**She finally seemed to process my mood. "Okay… later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"**

**I sighed. Of course she would know what my birthday presents were. Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills. Alice would have "seen" what my parents were planning as soon as they'd decided that themselves.**

**"Yeah. They're great."**

**"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."**

**"How many times have you been a senior?"**

**"That's different."**

**We reached Edward then, and he held out his hand for mine. I took it eagerly, forgetting, for a moment, my glum mood. His skin was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquid topaz eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own.** **Hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he smiled again.**

**He lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"**

**"Yes. That is correct." I could never quite mimic the flow of his perfect, formal articulation.**

**It was something that could only be picked up in an earlier century.**

Jasper chuckled. "Very true," he agreed.

**"Just checking." He ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair. **

**"You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."**

**Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" **

Edward winced and I frowned. It ended up being far worse than I could ever have imagined.

**She meant it as a rhetorical question.**

**"Getting older," I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be.**

**Beside me, Edward's smile tightened into a hard line.**

I glared at Edward. _You should have just done as she asked and changed her. _He glared back at me.

**"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"**

**"It's older than Edward," I mumbled.**

**He sighed.**

**"Technically," she said, keeping her tone light. "Just by one little year, though."**

**And I supposed… if I could be sure of the future I wanted, sure that I would get to spend forever with Edward, and Alice and the rest of the Cullens (preferably not as a wrinkled little old lady)… then a year or two one direction or the other wouldn't matter to me so much. But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him–that made me immortal, too.**

**An impasse, he called it.**

**I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest.**

"Neither can I," I muttered and no one, not even Edward, contradicted me. Not now, when we had all had to live without her for so long.

**What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing–not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.**

**"What time will you be at the house?" Alice continued, changing the subject. From her expression, she was up to exactly the kind of thing I'd been hoping to avoid.**

**"I didn't know I had plans to be there."**

**"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"**

Fun. I shook my head. Yeah, some fun.

**"I thought my birthday was about what I want."**

**"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward told her, ignoring me altogether.**

"Edward," Esme scolded. "You shouldn't ignore Bella when she speaks to you." Edward frowned and nodded but I knew what he was thinking – it was a moot point now anyway.

**"I have to work," I protested.**

**"You don't, actually," Alice told me smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"**

**"I–I still can't come over," I stammered, scrambling for an excuse.** **"I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."**

**Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."**

**"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it–that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."**

**"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.**

**"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."**

Emmett laughed. "She's really reaching for any possible excuse isn't she?" he asked and I smiled before I frowned. I really should have listened to her.

**Finally, Alice lost the smug smile and glared at me. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other–"**

"Alice," Esme warned and I lowered my head a little.

"Sorry, Esme," I chirped and she smiled a little at me.

**Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."**

**"So there," I added.**

**"I'll bring her over around seven," he continued.**

**"That will give you more time to set up."**

**Alice's laughter chimed again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see."**

_Damn it!_ I thought before I felt a small wave of calmness wash over me and I turned and kissed Jasper on the cheek and smiled at him in thanks.

**She grinned–the wide smile exposed all her perfect, glistening teeth–then pecked me on the cheek and danced off toward her first class before I could respond.**

**"Edward, please–" I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips.**

**"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."**

**No one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of the classroom (we had almost every class together now–it was amazing the favors Edward could get the female administrators to do for him). Edward and I had been together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore. Even Mike Newton didn't bother to give me the glum stare that used to make me feel a little guilty.**

**He smiled now instead, and I was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends. Mike had changed over the summer–his face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he was wearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled into a carefully casual disarray.** **It was easy to see where his inspiration came from–but Edward's look wasn't something that could be achieved through imitation.**

**As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Cullen house tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts.** **Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face.** **And I'd very pointedly asked–well, ordered really–that no one give me any presents this year.**

**It looked like Charlie and Renee weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that.**

**I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job, either–he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. In a town this small, I was lucky to have a job. Every penny I made went into my microscopic college fund. (College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…)**

**Edward had a lot of money–I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. Edward didn't seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me–why it made me uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why I wouldn't let him pay my college tuition (he was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B).**

**Edward thought I was being unnecessarily difficult.**

**But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with?**

Esme frowned. "She really doesn't think much of herself does she?" she asked sadly and I frowned.

"No, she doesn't," I agreed.

**He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.**

**As the day went on, neither Edward nor Alice brought my birthday up again, and I began to relax a little. We sat at our usual table for lunch.**

**A strange kind of truce existed at that table. The three of us–Edward, Alice, and I–sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the "older" and somewhat scarier (in Emmett's case, certainly) Cullen siblings had graduated, Alice and Edward did not seem quite so intimidating, and we did not sit here alone. My other friends, Mike and Jessica (who were in the awkward post-breakup friendship phase), Angela and Ben (whose relationship had survived the summer), Eric, Conner, Tyler, and Lauren (though that last one didn't really count in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of an invisible line.**

**That line dissolved on sunny days when Edward and Alice always skipped school, and then the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me.**

**Edward and Alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I would have. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Cullens, almost afraid for some reason they couldn't explain to themselves. I was a rare exception to that rule.**

**Sometimes it bothered Edward how very comfortable I was with being close to him.** **He thought he was hazardous to my health–an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it.**

Edward frowned. "You were wrong, love," he murmured.

**The afternoon passed quickly. School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time, he held the passenger door open for me. Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it.**

**I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"**

**"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."**

**"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"**

**"All right." He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday."**

**"Shh," I shushed him halfheartedly. I climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer.**

Edward frowned. "Me, too," he agreed morosely.

**Edward played with the radio while I drove, shaking his head in disapproval.** **"Your radio has horrible reception."**

**I frowned. I didn't like it when he picked on my truck. The truck was great–it had personality.**

Rosalie shuddered. "Does that thing even have airbags?" she wondered aloud and Edward froze.

"No airbags?" he questioned. "No airbags. No, no, no. No airbags," he muttered, frowning and looking like he was about to start pacing the room until Jazz sent him a wave of calmness and he relaxed slightly, although he kept his slight frown.

**"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I was so nervous about Alice's plans, on top of my already gloomy mood, that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them. I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.**

**When I parked in front of Charlie's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands. He handled me very carefully, pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline. Like I was especially breakable.** **Which was exactly the case–compared with him, at least.**

**"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face.**

**"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" I asked, my breathing uneven.**

**His golden eyes smoldered. "Too bad."**

"Edward," Esme scolded and Carlisle frowned.

"Son, you really should allow Bella to make her own decisions. If she doesn't want to do something, then she doesn't have to. You can't tell her how to feel," Carlisle said, frowning at his 'eldest son'.

Edward frowned. "But…" he trailed off before shaking his head. "Of course. I'm sorry Esme, Carlisle," he apologized but I could see that he didn't really understand. I was starting to, though.

**My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.**

**His mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw myself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm.** **I could feel his lips curve upward as he let go of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.**

**Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.**

Edward huffed. "Trivial," he muttered, shaking his head.

**"Be good, please," he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach.**

**My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyperactively under my palm.**

**"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" I wondered, mostly to myself. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"**

**"I really hope not," he said, a bit smug.**

**I rolled my eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"**

**"Your wish, my command."**

**Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits.**

**When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold–and perfect–as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable. He pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze beside his body.**

**"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," he commented as the movie started.**

**"What's wrong with Romeo?" I asked, a little offended. Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I'd met Edward, I'd sort of had a thing for him.**

Jasper chuckled and I looked at him questioningly. "Edward is jealous," he said slyly and Emmett burst into laughter while everyone else but Edward himself either smirked or smiled at the bronze-haired vampire.

**"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline–don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"**

Rosalie smiled wryly. "That sounds vaguely familiar," she commented, staring hard at Edward. I couldn't say that I disagreed with her.

**I sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"**

**"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." His fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raising goose bumps. "Will you cry?"**

**"Probably," I admitted, "if I'm paying attention."**

**"I won't distract you then." But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was very distracting.**

**The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edward whispering Romeo's lines in my ear–his irresistible, velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. And I did cry, to his amusement, when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead.**

**"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," Edward said, drying the tears with a lock of my hair.**

**"She's very pretty."**

**He made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him the girl–just the ease of the suicide," he clarified in a teasing tone. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"**

Esme gasped slightly, her expression pained.

**"What?" I gasped.**

**"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…" His voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."**

Esme and Carlisle both frowned at that, holding each other close.

**I twisted around so that I could read his face. "What are you talking about?" I demanded. "What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"**

**"Last spring, when you were… nearly killed…"** **He paused to take a deep breath, snuggling to return to his teasing tone. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."**

**For one second, the memory of my last trip to Phoenix washed through my head and made me feel dizzy. I could see it all so clearly–the blinding sun, the heat waves coming off the concrete as I ran with desperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to death. James, waiting in the mirrored room with my mother as his hostage–or so I'd thought. I hadn't known it was all a ruse. Just as James hadn't known that Edward was racing to save me; Edward made it in time, but it had been a close one.**

**Unthinkingly, my fingers traced the crescent-shaped scar on my hand that was always just a few degrees cooler than the rest of my skin.**

Carlisle looked interested at that. "Really?" he asked curiously, but no one answered him since it was clear that he didn't expect an answer.

**I shook my head–as if I could shake away the bad memories–and tried to grasp what Edward meant. My stomach plunged uncomfortably. "Contingency plans?" I repeated.**

Esme glared at Edward now.

**"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. "But I wasn't sure how to do it–I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."**

**I didn't want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes were brooding, focused on something far away in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life. Abruptly, I was furious.**

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! You absolutely will do no such thing! Do you hear me?" Esme demanded and Edward looked slightly abashed.

"I'm sorry, Esme," he apologized, but I noticed that he didn't promise anything. I'm sure that Esme did, too.

**"What is a Volturi?" I demanded.**

**"The Volturi are a family," he explained, his eyes still remote. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America–do you remember the story?"**

**"Of course I remember."**

**I would never forget the first time I'd gone to his home, the huge white mansion buried deep in the forest beside the river, or the room where Carlisle–Edward's father in so many real ways–kept a wall of paintings that illustrated his personal history. The most vivid, most wildly colorful canvas there, the largest, was from Carlisle's time in Italy. Of course I remembered the calm quartet of men, each with the exquisite face of a seraph, painted into the highest balcony overlooking the swirling mayhem of color. Though the painting was centuries old, Carlisle–the blond angel**

Esme chuckled at that while "the blond angel" looked embarrassed.

–**remained unchanged. And I remembered the three others, Carlisle's early acquaintances. Edward had never used the name Volturi for the beautiful trio, two black-haired, one snow white. He'd called them Aro, Caius, and Marcus, nighttime patrons of the arts…**

**"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," Edward went on, interrupting my reverie. "Not unless you want to die–or whatever it is we do." His voice was so calm, it made him sound almost bored by the prospect. My anger turned to horror. I took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly.**

**"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" I said. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"**

**"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."**

**"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" I was getting angrier. "How dare you even think like that?" The idea of Edward ceasing to exist, even if I were dead, was impossibly painful.**

Edward frowned.

"That applies to you being gone from her life, as well," I said with certainty and he glared at me, but I could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

**"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" he asked.**

**"That's not the same thing."**

**He didn't seem to understand the difference. He chuckled.**

**"What if something did happen to you?" I blanched at the thought. "Would you want me to go off myself?"**

"No!" Edward exclaimed.

**A trace of pain touched his perfect features.**

**"I guess I see your point… a little," he admitted. "But what would I do without you?"**

**"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."**

**He sighed. "You make that sound so easy."**

**"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."**

Rosalie frowned at that. "She really does have low self-esteem, doesn't she?" she asked and I nodded, frowning.

**He was about to argue, but then he let it go. "Moot point," he reminded me. Abruptly, he pulled himself up into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side so that we were no longer touching.**

**"Charlie?" I guessed.**

**Edward smiled. After a moment, I heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the driveway. I reached out and took his hand firmly. My dad could deal with that much.**

**Charlie came in with a pizza box in his hands.** **"Hey, kids." He grinned at me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"**

**"Sure. Thanks, Dad."**

**Charlie didn't comment on Edward's apparent lack of appetite. He was used to Edward passing on dinner.**

**"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" Edward asked when Charlie and I were done.**

**I looked at Charlie hopefully. Maybe he had some concept of birthdays as stay-at-home, family affairs–this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, Renee, had remarried and gone to live in Florida, so I didn't know what he would expect.**

**"That's fine–the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie explained, and my hope disappeared. "So I won't be any kind of company… Here." He scooped up the camera he'd gotten me on Renee's suggestion (because I would need pictures to fill up my scrap-book), and threw it to me.**

**He ought to know better than that–I'd always been coordinationally challenged. The camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. Edward snagged it before it could crash onto the linoleum.**

**"Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets–she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."**

**"Good idea, Charlie," Edward said, handing me the camera.**

**I turned the camera on Edward, and snapped the first picture. "It works."**

**"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie's mouth pulled down at one corner.**

**"It's been three days, Dad," I reminded him. Charlie was crazy about Alice. He'd become attached last spring when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; Charlie would be forever grateful to her for saving him from the horror of an almost-adult daughter who needed help showering. **

I chuckled at that. I'm pretty sure that Bella and Charlie both would have died of embarrassment otherwise – that or Bella may have become permanently red-faced.

**"I'll tell her."**

**"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." It was clearly a dismissal. Charlie was already edging toward the living room and the TV.**

**Edward smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.**

**When we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time I didn't argue. I still had a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house in the dark.**

**Edward drove north through Forks, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric Chevy. The engine groaned even louder than usual as he pushed it over fifty.**

**"Take it easy," I warned him.**

**"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"**

**"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."**

**"Not a dime," he said virtuously.**

**"Good."**

**"Can you do me a favor?"**

**"That depends on what it is."**

Emmett chuckled. "Smart girl," he complimented.

"Emmett, you do know that you're talking to a book, right?" Jasper teased lightly and Emmett fake-pouted, making us all laugh lightly.

**He sighed, his lovely face serious. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."**

**It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "Fine, I'll behave."**

**"I probably should warn you…"**

**"Please do."**

**"When I say they're all excited… I do mean all of them."**

**"Everyone?" I choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."**

**The rest of Forks was under the impression that the older Cullens had gone off to college this year, to Dartmouth, but I knew better.**

Emmett snorted. "Been there, done that."

**"Emmett wanted to be here."**

**"But… Rosalie?"**

**"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."**

**I didn't answer. Like I could just not worry, that easy. Unlike Alice, Edward's other "adopted" sister, the golden blond and exquisite Rosalie, **

Rosalie grinned at her description and I chuckled as I looked down at the book, pulling a few folded sheets of paper out of it.

"What does it say?" Carlisle asked.

_Rosalie,_

_I thought that you, as well as the other Cullens, might like to read what Bella's first impression of you was. So, here they are:_

"_It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them. _

_They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room. There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. They weren't gawking at me, unlike most of the other students, so it was safe to stare at them without fear of meeting an excessively interested pair of eyes. But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention. They didn't look anything alike._

_Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students._

_The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the __Sports Illustrated __swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on herself-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back._

_The short girl was pixie like, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction._

_And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruise like shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, and angular. But all this is not why I couldn't look away._

_I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel._

_It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful —_

_maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronze-haired boy."_

Rosalie appeared both surprised and gratified as she smiled widely. "I never knew that she saw me that way," she mused quietly.

"This next part seems to be at a different time than this," I said before going on.

"_Then a doctor walked around the corner, and my mouth fell open._

_He was young, he was blond… and he was handsomer than any movie star I'd ever seen. _

_He was pale, though, and tired-looking, with circles under his eyes. From Charlie's description, this had to be Edward's father."_

Carlisle looked embarrassed at that, whereas Esme smiled widely and kissed him on the cheek.

"Next should be you, Mom," I said and she beamed. We rarely called Esme and Carlisle "Mom and Dad" but sometimes we did. They were the only parents we had, after all.

"_I'd seen Dr. Cullen before, of course, yet I couldn't help but be struck again by his youth, his outrageous perfection. At his side was Esme, I assumed, the only one of the family I'd never seen before. _

_She had the same pale, beautiful features as the rest of them. Something about her heart-shaped face, her billows of soft, caramel-colored hair, reminded me of the ingénues of the silent-movie era. _

_She was small, slender, yet less angular, more rounded than the others. They were both dressed casually, in light colors that matched the inside of the house. They smiled in welcome, but made no move to approach us. Trying not to frighten me, I guessed."_

Esme smiled softly and shook her head. "That was exactly it," she agreed.

"The note ends there," I informed everyone and they all nodded.

**didn't like me much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike. As far as Rosalie was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life. I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Rosalie and Emmett's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed not having to see her Emmett, Edward's playful bear of a brother, I did miss.**

Emmett grinned at that. He really did think of Bella as the little sister he never had.

**He was in many ways just like the big brother I'd always wanted… only much, much more terrifying.**

**Edward decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"**

**The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."**

**A deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Rosalie.**

**It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today.**

**"Not tonight, Bella. Please."**

**"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."**

"I should have," I stated and Edward growled but I ignored him.

**Edward growled–a deep, menacing sound. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," he vowed.**

**"That's not fair!"**

**I thought I heard his teeth clench together.**

**We were pulling up to the house now. Bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house. Big bowls of flowers–pink roses–lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.**

**Edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "This is a party," he reminded me. "Try to be a good sport."**

**"Sure," I muttered.**

**He came around to get my door, and offered me his hand.**

**"I have a question."**

**He waited warily.**

**"If I develop this film," I said, toying with the camera in my hands, **

**"will you show up in the picture?"**

**Edward started laughing. He helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as he opened the door for me.**

**They were all waiting in the huge white living room; when I walked through the door, they greeted me with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" while I blushed and looked down.**

**Alice, I assumed, had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.**

**It was a hundred times worse than I'd imagined.**

I had to laugh at that. Bella really wasn't one to let anyone do anything for her if she could help it.

**Edward, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.**

**Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme–impossibly youthful and lovely as ever–were the closest to the door. Esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and then Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders.**

**"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."**

I put a mock-offended expression on my face. "Of course not!" I declared and they chuckled. Still, you could hear the underlying sadness, even as we laughed.

**Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare.**

Rosalie frowned and sighed and I nearly smiled. I had a feeling that by the time that we finished this book, Rosalie's attitude towards Bella would have changed completely.

**Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin. It had been months since I'd seen them; I'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful Rosalie was–it almost hurt to look at her.**

Rosalie smiled and shook her head. I chuckled silently. If only Bella had known that all she had to do to get on Rosalie's good side was tell what she really thought about how she looked…

**And had Emmett always been so… big?**

**"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."**

**"Thanks a lot, Emmett," I said, blushing deeper.**

**He laughed, "I have to step out for a second"–he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice–"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."**

**"I'll try."**

**Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light.**

**Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Phoenix, I'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me. But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before–avoiding me as much as possible–the moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect me.**

**I knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution, and I tried not to be overly sensitive about it. Jasper had more trouble sticking to the Cullens' diet than the rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others–he hadn't been trying as long.**

Jasper lowered his head slightly and I leaned over to kiss him quickly, sending him waves of love and reassurance.

**"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.**

We all tensed and Edward glared at the book as if blaming it for what happened.

**I put on my best martyr face. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything–"**

**"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug.**

**"Open it." She took the camera from my hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box.**

**The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Self-consciously, I tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.**

**It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. I opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box was empty.**

**"Um… thanks."**

**Rosalie actually cracked a smile. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."**

**Alice was always one step ahead of me. "Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," I told them, grinning as I remembered Edward's complaints about my radio this afternoon–all a setup, apparently.**

**"Thanks, Emmett!" I called more loudly.**

**I heard his booming laugh from my truck, and I couldn't help laughing, too.**

**"Open mine and Edward's next,"Alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. She held a small, flat square in her hand.**

**I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare. "You promised."**

**Before he could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. He pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.**

**"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured me.**

**He brushed a strand of hair from my face, leaving my skin tingling from his touch.**

**I inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," I sighed.**

We all frowned and froze in place as I read on.

**I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.**

**"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage.**

**A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.**

Edward growled lowly at that.

**It all happened very quickly then.**

**"No!" Edward roared.**

**He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal.**

Edward flinched, reminded that he had actually caused more damage than Jasper.

Jasper flinched at the thought of the way he had taken a snap at his little sister. I rubbed his arm comfortingly and continued reading.

**Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.** **There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face.**

**Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.**

**Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow.**

**Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm–into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.**

"That's the end of the chapter," I said, turning to Jazz and wrapping my arms around him. "Who wants to read next?" I asked.

"I will," Carlisle said, and I tossed him the book so that he could start reading.


	3. Stitches

Alice

I shook my head. It won't be long until we start seeing what happened after we left, and I'm not entirely sure if that's a good or a bad thing… I looked at Carlisle as he began to read.

**2. Stitches**

**Carlisle was the only one who stayed calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.**

**"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." Unsmiling for once, Emmett nodded. **

**"Come on, Jasper." Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason. **

Jasper hung his head in shame and I took his hand, rubbing it while sending him waves of comfort and reassurance.

**Edward's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing. Rosalie, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Jasper–keeping a careful distance from his teeth–and helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door that Esme held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose. Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. **

**"I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.**

Esme smiled sadly. "I couldn't even stay with my daughter when she was hurt, all because she was bleeding…" she trailed off with a sigh, leaning into Carlisle.

**"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured. A second passed, and then Edward nodded slowly and relaxed his stance. Carlisle knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it.**

**"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing him a towel. He shook his head. **

**"Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. He twisted it around my arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making me dizzy. My ears rang.**

**"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"**

**"Here, please," I whispered. If he took me to the hospital, there would be no way to keep this from Charlie.**

**"I'll get your bag," Alice said.**

**"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to Edward. Edward lifted me effortlessly, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on my arm.**

**"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.**

**"I'm fine." My voice was reasonably steady, which pleased me. Edward's face was like stone. Alice was there. Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. Edward sat me gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once. Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.**

**"Just go, Edward," I sighed.**

**"I can handle it," he insisted. But his jaw was rigid; his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought, so much worse for him than it was for the others.**

I gave a wry smile. "She would worry about that when she was the one hurt," I murmured, too low for anyone but Jasper to hear.

**"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air." I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung.**

**"I'll stay," he said.**

**"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled. Carlisle decided to intercede. **

_Because he's an idiot,_ I thought, staring coolly at Edward when he hissed lowly. I wouldn't apologize. I knew that he was hurting, but so were the rest of us and he made the decision to leave.

**"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."**

**"Yes," I eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper." **

**"You might as well do something useful," Alice added. **

**Edward's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him, but, finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd sliced my finger. A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm. Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. **

**His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. I could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usual squeamishness get the best of me. There was no pain now, just a gentle tugging sensation that I tried to ignore. No reason to get sick like a baby. **

**If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.**

I sighed. I had wanted so badly to stay with her, but I knew that I shouldn't. Her blood was too potent, but I knew that she would understand. Bella, my sister, was so selfless. She would never hold it against me, but still…

**"Well, that's everyone," I sighed. "I can clear a room, at least."**

**"It's not your fault," Carlisle comforted me with a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."**

**"**_**Could," **_**I repeated. "But it usually just happens to me." He laughed again. His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. He worked with quick, sure movements. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft **_**plink, plink **_**as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table.**

**"How can you do this?" I demanded. "Even Alice and Esme…" I trailed off, shaking my head in wonder. Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation. Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem.**

**"Years and years of practice," he told me. "I barely notice the scent anymore."**

**"Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time. And weren't around any blood?"**

**"Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. "I've never felt the need for an extended holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "I enjoy my work too much." **_**Plink, plink, plink**_**. I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in my arm. I was tempted to glance at the growing pile, just to check the size, but I knew that idea would not be helpful to my no-vomiting strategy.**

I smiled a little as Carlisle read that last line. _Oh, Bella…_

**"What is it that you enjoy?" I wondered. It didn't make sense to me–the years of struggle and self-denial he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily. Besides, I wanted to keep him talking; the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my stomach. His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered. **

Carlisle stopped reading for a moment and smiled, shaking his head. "She is very perceptive. And mature," he added. "Most humans, even those that are older and more advanced in their lives, would never consider such things," he murmured.

Rose frowned. "It's almost like she's thinking like a vampire," she murmured, her voice thoughtful. I was glad to see that she wasn't being antagonistic. I really thought that this book could help relieve the envy and resentment that Rosalie felt for Bella.

**"Hmm. What I enjoy the very most is when my… enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It's pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times." One side of his mouth pulled up in half a smile. I mulled that over while he poked around, making sure all the glass splinters were gone. Then he rummaged in his bag for new tools, and I tried not to picture a needle and thread.**

**"You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault," I suggested while a new kind of tugging started at the edges of my skin. "What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so **_**hard **_**to be good."**

**"I don't know that I'm making up for anything," he disagreed lightly. "Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."**

**"That makes it sound too easy." He examined my arm again. **

**"There," he said, snipping a thread. "All done." He wiped an oversized Q-tip, dripping with some syrup-colored liquid, thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. The syrup stained my skin.**

**"In the beginning, though," I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?" His lips turned up in a private smile. **

Carlisle smiled softly. "She truly does try to understand to the best of her abilities. Clearly she's far more observant and intelligent than we gave her credit for," he said fondly, with a touch of sadness in his eyes. I couldn't disagree with him. Even I, her best friend, didn't realize just how much she was capable of understanding.

**"Hasn't Edward told you this story?"**

**"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…" His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when–I refused to think **_**if**_**–it was me.**

Edward frowned. "So stubborn eager for eternal damnation," he muttered and I glared at him.

"Of course she's stubborn. She loves you and she would never have wanted to let you go!" I snapped at him, making him glare back at me. I didn't want to continue this fight right now so I gestured for Carlisle to keep reading.

**"You know my father was a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the table carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose. **

**"He had a rather harsh view of the world, which I was already beginning to question before the time that I changed." Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump.**

**"Sorry," he apologized. "That ought to do it… So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror." I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at the direction our conversation had taken. **

**Religion was the last thing I expected, all things considered. My own life was fairly devoid of belief. Charlie considered himself a Lutheran, because that's what his parents had been, but Sundays he worshipped by the river with a fishing pole in his hand. Renee tried out a church now and then, but, much like her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, and French classes, she moved on by the time I was aware of her newest fad.**

Carlisle and Esme both frowned at that. "She never had a religion?" Esme asked incredulously and even I found it a little hard to believe. Did she not really believe in anything, then?

Carlisle frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps that's why she took the realization of what we are so well. She had no previous prejudices or religious beliefs," he suggested and I mulled that over. It was possible, I decided.

**"I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire." He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. "But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit," he continued in an offhand voice. "By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."**

**"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of heaven **_**I **_**could appreciate would have to include Edward. "And I don't think anyone else would, either."**

Esme smiled, turning to place a kiss on her mate's cheek. "I agree with her. No one could not be impressed by you," she murmured.

I, on the other hand, was focusing on the next sentence after that. _You see, she can't even imagine an afterlife without you there,_ I thought to Edward, who frowned.

**"Actually, you're the very first one to agree with me."**

**"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular. Carlisle guessed the direction of my thoughts again. **

**"Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist… and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind." Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness.**

**"You see, he thinks we've lost our souls." I immediately thought of Edward's words this afternoon: **_**unless you want to die**_**–**_**or whatever it is that we do**_**. The light bulb flicked on over my head.**

**"That's the real problem, isn't it?" I guessed. "That's why he's being so difficult about me." Carlisle spoke slowly. **

**"I look at my… **_**son**_**. His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him–and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?" I nodded in fervent agreement.**

"They're right," Esme stated, smiling softly at her 'son'.

**"But if I believed as he does…" He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. "If you believed as he did. Could you take away **_**his **_**soul?" The way he phrased the question thwarted my answer. If he'd asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward's soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn't a fair exchange.**

**"You see the problem." I shook my head, aware of the stubborn set of my chin. Carlisle sighed.**

**"It's my choice," I insisted.**

_Yes, it should have been,_ I agreed with her mentally.

**"It's his, too." He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue. "Whether he is responsible for doing that to you."**

**"He's not the only one able to do it." I eyed Carlisle speculatively.**

**He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out with **_**him**_**." But then he sighed. "That's the one part I can never be sure of. I **_**think**_**, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide." I didn't answer. I imagined what my life would be like if Carlisle had resisted the temptation to change his lonely existence… and shuddered.**

**"It was Edward's mother who made up my mind." Carlisle's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows.**

**"His mother?" Whenever I'd asked Edward about his parents, he would merely say that they had died long ago, and his memories were vague. I realized Carlisle's memory of them, despite the brevity of their contact, would be perfectly clear.**

**"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior, never regained consciousness in the hospital. He died in the first wave of the influenza. But Elizabeth was alert until almost the very end. Edward looks a great deal like her–she had that same strange bronze shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same color green."**

**"His eyes were green?" I murmured, trying to picture it.**

I thought for a moment. Yes, I could see Edward with green eyes to match the unusual bronze shade of his hair.

**"Yes…" Carlisle's ocher eyes were a hundred years away now. "Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. When the end came for her, it was very quick. It was just after sunset, and I'd arrived to relieve the doctors who'd been working all day. That was a hard time to pretend–there was so much work to be done, and I had no need of rest. How I hated to go back to my house, to hide in the dark and pretend to sleep while so many were dying."**

**"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached–always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans. I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore. She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot. 'Save him!' she commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage."**

**"'I'll do everything in my power,' I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt. Everything felt cold to her skin. 'You must,' she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds. 'You must do everything in **_**your **_**power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.'"**

**"It frightened me. She looked at me with those piercing eyes, and, for one instant, I felt certain that she knew my secret. Then the fever overwhelmed her, and she never regained consciousness. She died within an hour of making her demand. I'd spent decades considering the idea of creating a companion for myself. Just one other creature who could really know me, rather than what I pretended to be. But I could never justify it to myself–doing what had been done to me."**

**"There Edward lay, dying. It was clear that he had only hours left. Beside him, his mother, her face somehow not yet peaceful, not even in death." Carlisle saw it all again, his memory unblurred by the intervening century. I could see it clearly, too, as he spoke–the despair of the hospital, the overwhelming atmosphere of death. Edward burning with fever, his life slipping away with each tick of the clock… I shuddered again, and forced the picture from my mind.**

**"Elizabeth's words echoed in my head. How could she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for her son? I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have. After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough hands, enough eyes, to keep track of half of what the patients needed."**

I frowned. It sounded like Hell. So much death…

**"The morgue was empty–of the living, at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home. I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary. I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." He shook his head, coming back to the present. He smiled at me. "I suppose I should take you home now."**

**"I'll do that," Edward said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes–something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.**

"She knew something was wrong..." I said, frowning. That would have just made it worse, the anticipation.

**"Carlisle can take me," I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting. **

**"I'm fine." Edward's voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice getyou something." He strode out the kitchen door again. **

**I looked at Carlisle anxiously. "He's very upset."**

**"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."**

**"It's not his fault."**

**"It's not yours, either." I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes. **

**I couldn't agree with that. **

I sighed out of frustration. "She always insists on blaming herself doesn't she?" I asked.

"She's far too selfless for her own good," Esme agreed with me, smiling sadly, no doubt thinking of her lost daughter. Edward flinched at her thoughts, whatever they were, and I smiled at him sympathetically. I may not approve of or like his choice, but he was still my brother and he was hurting.

**Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Esme had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen–with straight bleach from the smell of it.**

**"Esme, let me do that." I could feel that my face was bright red again.**

**"I'm already done." She smiled up at me. "How do you feel?"**

**"I'm fine," I assured her. "Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had." They both chuckled. Alice and Edward came in the back doors. Alice hurried to my side, but Edward hung back, his face indecipherable.**

**"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." **

**She found me a shirt of Esme's that was close to the same color mine had been. Charlie wouldn't notice, I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged.**

Emmett laughed at that. "I should hope not, what with how clumsy little Bella is," he said teasingly and we couldn't help but smile at him. It was true, after all.

**"Alice," I whispered as she headed back to the door.**

**"Yes?" She kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.**

**"How bad is it?" I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs, with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me. Her face tensed. **

**"I'm not sure yet."**

**"How's Jasper?" She sighed. **

I couldn't help but smile at that. "She's worried about me?" Jasper asked, his voice shocked.

I kissed him on the cheek. "Of course she is. You know she loves you," I told him and he smiled.

"I'm glad. I love her, too," he said softly and I leaned into his side. Maybe he would stop blaming himself quite so much, now…

**"He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."**

**"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"**

Jasper smiled a little. "Thank you," he whispered reverently. No one commented. We all knew how much Bella's forgiveness meant to him, even if she wasn't able to forgive him in person.

**"Of course." Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the staircase, he held it open without a word.**

**"Take your things!" Alice cried as I walked warily toward Edward. She scooped up the two packages, one half-opened, and my camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm. **

**"You can thank me later, when you've opened them." Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight. **

**I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive son, much like I was. It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now unwelcome reminders. Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened the passenger side for me, and I climbed in without complaint. On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor. **

Emmett pouted. "But why?" he whined and I raised one eyebrow at him.

"She can already tell that something's wrong. Do you really think that she wants to be reminded of the party – or wants Edward to see a visible reminded of it?" I asked and he frowned, shaking his head. The corner of my mouth twitched. He really was just a big teddy bear.

**As Edward slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat. He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified by the sudden thunder of the engine. He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane. The silence was making me insane.**

**"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.**

**"What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice. I cringed at his remoteness. **

Rosalie growled at that, surprising everyone.

"What?" Edward asked, since it was obvious that her growl was directed at him.

"You had to draw it out for so long, and push her away like that?" she asked scathingly and he glared at her.

"Why do you care anyway? You never liked Bella," he growled back at her and she hissed lightly.

"I can see now that I've misjudged her. I may not exactly like her yet, but even I know that she didn't deserve this," she said, her voice full of finality. Silence ensued for a moment before Carlisle began to read again.

**''Tell me you forgive me." That brought a flicker of life to his face–a flicker of anger. **

"Oh, Bella…" Esme trailed off.

**"Forgive **_**you**_**? For what?"**

**"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."**

**"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut–that hardly deserves the death penalty."**

**"It's still my fault." My words opened up the floodgate.**

**"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own–without someone throwing you into them–even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up–and he wouldn't be righting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."**

"Edward!" Esme snapped and the bronze-haired vampire hung his head. Esme shook her head but didn't chastise him further.

**"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded.**

**"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," he growled.**

**"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," I protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."**

**"Don't be melodramatic, please."**

"Edward!" Jasper was the one to snap at him this time. I've felt what she feels for you, and I can tell you that she was in no way exaggerating or being melodramatic," he seethed and Edward stared at him in surprised denial.

"That's not possible. She's human! She couldn't possible feel that strongly for me!" he protested and Jasper glared at him darkly.

"You want to bet?" my mate growled before turning to the rest of us. "Does anyone object to having their emotions altered for a moment? I want to show Edward something," he said evenly and we all shook our heads.

Jasper turned back to our brother. "You don't believe her? Well, let's see what you think when you feel what I could feel coming from her whenever she was around you," he said.

And then I was hit by such an overpowering depth of feeling and emotion that I gasped and nearly doubled over from the force of it. It was so powerful… It almost felt like flying, or lying in a peaceful field beneath the sunshine, perfectly content but at the same time overwhelmingly exhilarated. It was perfect, absolutely pure without any hint of corruption or dishonesty. It was nothing less than pure, undeniable, unending… love.

I gasped again, looking at everyone else's expressions to see my own shock reflected in their eyes, particularly Edward's. "She really felt all of that?" I asked breathlessly and he nodded.

"How could she possibly feel that, all the time?" Rose choked out, and I agreed with her.

"Incredible…" Carlisle breathed.

"So much love… I don't know that I could stand to feel it even a single minute, much less every minute of the day," Esme said wonderingly, and again I agreed with that statement. I don't know how Bella could stand it. Even I, a vampire, couldn't stand it.

We all looked to Edward to see his response. He looked blown away, as well he should. "She felt…all of _that_ for me?" he asked in disbelief and Jasper nodded.

"Every single moment that she was with you and most likely even when she wasn't," he replied firmly and Edward's mouth hung slightly open.

When nothing else was said, Carlisle turned back to the book, pulling another small sheet of paper from it. He unfolded it before reading.

_Edward,_

_I'm sure that by now you're realizing the true depth of Bella's feelings for you. I just wanted to add something:_

"_Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" he murmured, leaning closer to me as he spoke, his dark golden eyes piercing._

_I tried to remember how to exhale. I had to look away before it came back to me._

_"You're doing it again," I muttered._

_His eyes opened wide with surprise. "What?"_

_"Dazzling me," I admitted, trying to concentrate as I looked back at him._

_"Oh." He frowned._

_"It's not your fault," I sighed. "You can't help it."_

_"Are you going to answer the question?"_

_I looked down. "Yes."_

_"Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" He was irritated again._

_"Yes, I really think that." I kept my eyes down on the table, my eyes tracing the pattern of the faux wood grains printed on the laminate. The silence dragged on. I stubbornly refused to be the first to break it this time, fighting hard against the temptation to peek at his expression._

_Finally he spoke, voice velvet soft. "You're wrong.""_

_I just thought you should know, Edward. You were the one that was wrong._

_Best of Luck, S.M._

We were all silent for a moment. Carlisle began to read again.

**"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black. I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything. He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.**

**"Will you stay tonight?" I asked.**

**"I should go home." The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.**

**"For my birthday," I pressed.**

**"You can't have it both ways–either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.**

**"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.**

**"You don't have to take those."**

**"I want them," I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.**

**"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."**

"Edward," Esme and Carlisle scolded and he apologized.

**"I'll live." I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.**

**"Let me carry them, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in your room." I smiled. **

**"Thanks."**

**"Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine. I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness. The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling over the babble of the crowd.**

**"Bell?" Charlie called.**

**"Hey, Dad," I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.**

**"How was it?" Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.**

**"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents–the whole bit."**

**"What did they get you?"**

**"A stereo for my truck." And various unknowns.**

**"Wow."**

**"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, I'm calling it a night."**

**"I'll see you in the morning." I waved. **

**"See ya." **

**"What happened to your arm?" I flushed and cursed silently.**

Emmett chuckled. "I would love to hear Bella curse," he grinned.

"Emmett," Esme sighed, shaking her head affectionately.

**"I tripped. It's nothing."**

**"Bella," he sighed, shaking his head.**

**"Goodnight, Dad." I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these. **

**I shrugged into the matching tank top and cotton pants that I'd gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room. He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.**

**"Hi," he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing. I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.**

**"Hi." I snuggled into his stone chest. "Can I open my presents now?"**

**"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" he wondered.**

**"You made me curious." I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme.**

**"Allow me," he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.**

**"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I muttered, but he ignored me. Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information.**

**"We're going to Jacksonville?" And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Edward.**

Esme smiled. "I'm glad she liked them," she murmured, but I couldn't help but wonder if Bella would even use them, now.

**"That's the idea."**

**"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."**

**"I think I can handle it," he said, and then frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."**

**"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" He chuckled. **

Esme and Carlisle smiled sadly. "It could never be too much. You're our daughter and we wanted to treat you as such, including presents," Carlisle murmured before he continued. I watched my adopted parents sympathetically. They really did love Bella as their daughter, their little girl, their youngest daughter and their youngest child out of all of us. I couldn't even imagine how much they must miss her or how it must have hurt them to leave her behind.

**"Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable." I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one. He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.**

**"What is it?" I asked, perplexed. He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began. I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.**

**"Does your arm hurt?" he asked anxiously.**

Rosalie stared at Edward blankly. "Did you really believe that she was crying _because her arm hurt_?" she asked in disbelief and Edward nodded sheepishly. Rose just shook her head.

**"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." I shut up, so I could listen. It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.**

**"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," he explained.**

I snorted. "Yeah, right," I muttered affectionately. Bella would never willingly accept such an expensive gift from someone.

**"You're right."**

**"How does your arm feel?"**

**"Just fine." Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.**

Edward sighed at that. "Bella…" he murmured her name with a pained expression on his face.

**"I'll get you some Tylenol."**

**"I don't need anything," I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door.**

**"Charlie," I hissed. Charlie wasn't exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn't feel too guilty for deceiving him It wasn't as if we were up to anything he wouldn't want me to be up to. Edward and his rules…**

**"He won't catch me," Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door . . and returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand. I took the pills he handed me without arguing–I knew I would lose the argument. And my arm really was starting to bother me. My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.**

**"It's late," Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next to me–on top of the blanket so I wouldn't get chilled–and put his arm over me. I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily.**

**"Thanks again," I whispered.**

**"You're welcome." It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Esme's favorite.**

Esme smiled at that. She loved to hear that song, and I had to admit that Edward was a phenomenal pianist.

**"What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper. He hesitated for a second before he told me. **

**"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." I felt a chill tingle along my spine.**

**"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to **_**not **_**ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.**

**"Yes," he agreed, wary.**

**"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."**

Esme smiled and Emmett snickered. I grinned. Bella would find a way to use her surrender to her advantage. The girl was brilliant.

**"You're greedy tonight."**

**"Yes, I am–but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued. He laughed, and then sighed. **

**"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his. The kiss began much the same as usual–Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. **

**Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly. **

**When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands. I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges.**

My eyebrows furrowed together. "What could she be remembering?" I wondered aloud but even Edward didn't have an answer to that.

**"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line."**

**"**_**I **_**don't mind," I panted. He frowned at me in the darkness. **

**"Try to sleep. Bella."**

**"No, I want you to kiss me again."**

Emmett chuckled while Rose smiled. "She is greedy tonight," Emmett commented laughingly. I knew he was just trying to relieve some of the tension of reading the book so I smiled at him.

**"You're overestimating my self-control."**

**"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.**

I raised one eyebrow in Edward's direction but he avoided my gaze and looked as if he would be blushing if he could. Hmm…

**"It's a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. "Now. why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"**

**"Fine," I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition–what could be worse than today? **

We all shook our heads at that. It was going to be much, much worse.

**Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt. Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth the burning. It felt better at once. **

**I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when–or if–we would see each other again. **

**This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.**

Esme frowned, her eyes glassy with tears that would never fall. "My poor daughter…" she whispered.

Carlisle sighed, wrapping one arm more tightly around his wife's form. "That was the end of the chapter," he told us.

Rosalie nodded. "I'll read next," she said and he tossed her the book. She frowned when she caught it.

"What is it, Rose?" I asked her, confused by her reaction.

She glanced at me. Instead of answering, she read the title of the next chapter and I understood. "Chapter Three: The End," she read and we all gasped.

This wasn't going to be good. This wasn't going to be good at all…


	4. The End

Rosalie

**3. The End**

I shook my head a little. I had been cold and unfriendly to Bella when we were in Forks, but I realized now just how wrong I was for having done that. I should have welcomed her as my little sister, and I longed for the opportunity to do that now.

But that wasn't what the majority of my focus was on at the moment. I knew from the chapter title what this was – we all did. This was when Edward left Bella. And I for one was at the very least glad to be getting some answers soon. He never said a word about when he did this and Alice didn't see it, so… I shook my head. It was time.

**I felt absolutely hideous in the morning. I hadn't slept well; my arm burned and my head ached. It didn't help my outlook that Edward's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. **

**The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.**

**Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of—and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up last night, but I wasn't sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.**

**He opened my door for me.**

**"How do you feel?"**

**"Perfect," I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.**

**We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. **

**There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Alice: How was Jasper this morning?**

"I still can't believe that she really worried about me, then…" Jasper whispered in awe. I almost smiled – almost. I had to admit. Part of the reason that I hadn't welcomed Bella into the family was that I was unsure of her loyalties, but now… Having felt what she felt for my idiot brother, I could harbor no more doubts.

"Of course she did, Jazz," Alice smiled a little, her eyes full of love and sadness. It was worse for Alice, I knew. Bella had been Alice's best friend, her sister in ways that I wasn't. Perhaps I should try to change that, too. Alice's eyes flashed up to meet mine and she smiled and nodded. I returned her smile. Of course, she would see it. I shook my head.

**What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said?**

I was shocked. She cared about what I said? But… I shook my head. She should hate me, yet her thoughts had not once been even the slightest bit annoyed at me. I was realizing more and more all the time just how much I had missed by refusing to accept Bella.

**And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn't seem to shake?**

**The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.**

**Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat.**

**Edward didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late—until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.**

**"Where's Alice?" I asked Edward anxiously.**

**He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. "She's with Jasper."**

**"Is he okay?"**

**"He's gone away for a while."**

**"What? Where?"**

**Edward shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."**

**"And Alice, too," I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.**

**"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."**

**Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires—good ones like the Cullens—lived. Tanya and her family. I'd heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James's little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there.**

**I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.**

I smiled sadly. Even when she could feel that something was wrong, she worried about running me out of my own home – when really I could see now that it was all my own fault for being so damn proud.

**"Is your arm bothering you?" he asked solicitously.**

**"Who cares about my stupid arm?" I muttered in disgust.**

**He didn't answer, and I put my head down on the table.**

**By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.**

**"You'll come over later tonight?" I asked as he walked me—silently—to my truck. He always came over.**

**"Later?"**

**It pleased me that he seemed surprised. "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."**

**"Oh," he murmured.**

**"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.**

**"If you want me to."**

I shook my head in anger this time. _Jackass. You didn't have to draw it out so damn long. In fact, you didn't have to go at all, idiot!_ I snapped at him mentally and he glared at me. I glared back for a moment before I continued reading, ignoring the bronze-haired vampire.

**"I always want you," I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.**

**I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.**

**"All right, then," he said indifferently.**

**He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car.**

**I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton's.**

**He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing.**

**But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river—I'd never set foot there again. **

**That didn't matter. I'd still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by staying away.**

**No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity—in the emergency room.**

**After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down—that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood—and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?**

**Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year,**

**Charlie wouldn't be able to object.**

**We could go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn't even seem like that much to me.**

**I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locales.**

I sighed. _Oh, Bella… If only you knew…_

**Mike interrupted my fantasy. "How was your birthday?"**

**"Ugh," I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."**

**Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.**

**Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.**

**The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.**

**I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.**

**"Dad? Edward?"**

**As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's Sports Center coming from the living room.**

**"In here," Charlie called.**

**I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.**

**Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.**

**"Hi," I said weakly.**

**"Hey, Bella," my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."**

**"Okay."**

**I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you," he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.**

**I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.**

**The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized. **

**The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set.**

**I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.**

**What's the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.**

**Okay, I thought again, what's the worst I can live through? I didn't like that question so much, either.**

I forced my voice to remain steady through that last paragraph. She knew. She may not have consciously acknowledged it, but she knew. I could tell. And I was beginning to think that it was far more painful for her than I had thought.

My mind flashed back to a part of the original note attached to the book. "_Also, there's one more thing. I have to warn you that this book contains intense amounts of pain and depression._" My eyes widened slightly, but I forced myself to keep going. Yes, this was going to be painful. Very painful.

**But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today.**

**Staying away from Edward's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Alice to be part of that. But if Jasper was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself—I could live with that.**

**Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to be now.**

I drew in a sharp breath. She never even considered the possibility of him leaving. The worst thing that she could live through that she could imagine would be staying away from us…

**In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I had left them, the camera** **I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullens' sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renee. Somehow, living without her for as long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt…**

**But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we?**

**I couldn't be certain about the answer to that.**

**I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents' love. I'd known this path I'd chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario—the very worst I could live through.**

**I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn't have that long left in Forks.**

**I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. **

**The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.**

**I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed up the stairs.**

**My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here. The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top—it had been a gift from Gran.**

**Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight—it was too dark outside—and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I would record everything about Forks before I had to leave it.**

**Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.**

**I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's eyes. He would get over this.**

**Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.**

**I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn't look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.**

**They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty, expressionless.**

**"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.**

**"Oh, come on." I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."**

**"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.**

**"Because you're so handsome," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."**

**He mumbled something unintelligible.**

**"Hey, Edward," I said with admirable indifference. "Take one of me and my dad together."**

**I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was. Charlie sighed.**

**"You need to smile, Bella," Edward murmured.**

**I did my best, and the camera flashed.**

**"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself.**

**Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera.**

**I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.**

**"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded me again.**

**I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.**

**"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said then, shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."**

**Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in the armchair.**

**I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.**

**When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand.**

**"I'd better get home," he said.**

**Charlie didn't look up from the commercial. "See ya."**

**I got awkwardly to my feet—I was stiff from sitting so still—and followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.**

**"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.**

**I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.**

**"Not tonight."**

**I didn't ask for a reason.**

**He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.**

**"Bella, what are you doing?" Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.**

**"Nothing." I turned and trudged back to the house.**

**It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.**

**I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I realized I would miss this—the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.**

**I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night.**

**Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?**

**It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.**

**At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica.**

**"Hey, Jess?"**

**"What's up, Bella?"**

**"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"**

**I handed her the camera.**

**"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full. A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. **

**Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.**

**"Uh-oh," Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. "I think we used all your film."**

**"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."**

**After school, Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence. I had to work again, and for once, I was glad. Time with me obviously wasn't helping things. Maybe time alone would be better.**

**I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's, and then picked up the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie, grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm.**

**I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity. Ridiculously, I still half expected the first print to be a blank.**

**When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.**

**I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once, and then laid three of them out on the bed side by side.**

**The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Edward and Charlie, watching ESPN. The difference in Edward's expression was severe.**

**His eyes were careful here, reserved. Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a sculpture, less alive.**

I glanced at Edward, now. He appeared pained (as usual), but there was something else… Guilt. Shame… I didn't know what that was about but I was going to find out soon, and I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like it. At all. I narrowed my eyes at him.

**The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side. Edward's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust.**

I shook my head in disbelief. "She really has terrible self-esteem, doesn't she?" I asked incredulously. Did she really not see it? Even I, admittedly a very vain person, could see how beautiful that she was, even if I hadn't accepted her the way I should have.

"Yeah," Alice agreed sadly, nodding. I shook my head. No one should see themselves like that. It wasn't right.

**Instead of doing my homework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album.**

**With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the picture of Edward and me, and, without looking at it too long, I folded it in half and stuck it under the metal tab, Edward-side up.**

_Of course…_

**When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank-you letter to Renee.**

**Edward still hadn't come over. I didn't want to admit that he was the reason I'd stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call… He never had.**

**Again, I didn't sleep well.**

**School followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the last two days. I felt relief when I saw Edward waiting for me in the parking lot, but it faded quickly. He was no different, unless maybe more remote.**

**It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Alice would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of hand.**

Alice frowned. "I wish that I could have been there for you, Bella," she whispered and Edward hissed.

"You know that we had to leave, Alice," he said, managing to sound furious and pained at the same time.

I growled at him. "Don't you dare put that on my sister! You made the decision to leave, and you forced the rest of us to come with you! So, don't you dare speak that way to Alice!" I hissed, feeling Emmett wrap an arm around my shoulders. I relaxed into his side and glared at Edward one more time before I went back to the book.

**But I couldn't count on that. I decided that, if I couldn't talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Carlisle tomorrow. I had to do something.**

**After school, Edward and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.**

**He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands.**

**"Do you mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.**

**"Of course not."**

**"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.**

**"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."**

**He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it.**

**"I'll do it," he said quietly. "And I'll still beat you there." He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes.**

**"Okay," I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car.**

**He did beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then.**

**I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.**

**He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.**

**"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.**

"What?" Jasper asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Edward shook his head and didn't respond. "Keep reading, Rose," he said quietly. I eyed him suspiciously but kept going.

**I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.**

**But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. **

"You took her into the forest?!" Alice and I yelled at the same time and he looked down but didn't respond. I felt disgust and anger welling up inside of me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yelled; still he didn't move.

"I don't know," he whispered. I stared at him in disgust for a moment before I sighed and looked back at the book, leaning into Emmett.

"Shh… I'm here, babe," he murmured in my ear and I calmed, giving him a grateful glance.

**I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?**

**We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail—I could still see the house.**

**Some walk.**

**Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.**

**"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.**

**He took a deep breath.**

**"Bella, we're leaving."**

**I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.**

"Not the way that you think, Bella," Alice whispered brokenly.

**"Why now? Another year—"**

**"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."**

"Edward!" Carlisle snapped. That surprised me. Carlisle was hardly ever bad-tempered, but these circumstances certainly called for it. "Do not use me as an excuse," he said sternly and Edward just nodded, looking pathetic. I had a feeling it got much, much worse than him using Carlisle as an excuse to leave…

**His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.**

**He stared back coldly.**

**With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.**

**"When you say we—," I whispered.**

**"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.**

**I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.**

**"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."**

**"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."**

I froze when I read that, and so did everyone else. "What are you doing, Edward?" Esme breathed, but the coward wouldn't answer her. I took a deep (unneeded) breath.

**"Where you are is the right place for me."**

**"I'm no good for you, Bella."**

**"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."**

**"My world is not for you," he said grimly.**

"You're wrong. If anyone, Bella was born for this life. Everything that I know about her points to that conclusion. Don't you dare argue with me right now, Edward," Carlisle told him firmly. As much as I may hate it, even I couldn't argue with that statement. As much as it pained me, Isabella Swan was born to be a vampire.

Edward flinched at my thoughts. Good.

**"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"**

**"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."**

**"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"**

**"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.**

**"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me—somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"**

"How can you do this to her – to my little sister? She's willing to give up _her soul _for you, and you leave her," Emmett hissed from my side and Edward glared at him.

"It's my decision," he hissed back.

"No!" I had been prepared to intervene but it wasn't me that interrupted. It was Esme; I was shocked. "It was her decision, Edward. It was Bella's life, and it should have been her decision," Esme said heatedly before taking a deep breath and turning to me. "Keep going, Rose," she said hesitantly. I smiled a little. I could see how hard this was for her. She had to leave her youngest daughter behind, and Esme was nothing if not a loving mother so that had to cut her to quick. I did as she said and kept reading.

**He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment.**

**His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder—like the liquid gold had frozen solid.**

**"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."**

We all froze and I felt rage well up inside of me, but none of us said anything. We could feel it, now. It was about to get worse and we didn't have any words for this. Not yet.

**He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.**

**There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.**

**"You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.**

**"No." **

My family and I hissed. What?!

"What the hell are you doing, Edward?!" – Jasper.

"Edward!" – Carlisle and Esme.

"You lied to her?!" – Alice.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing telling my little sister that you don't want her?!" – Emmett

"Do you have any idea what that would do to her – did do to her?!" I screeched. We all yelled at the same time. How dare he do that to her?! She already had basically no self-esteem! And then he goes and tells her that he doesn't want her?! What the fuck is the matter with him?!

I growled but took a deep breath and realized that I hadn't been paying attention. When I looked up, Emmett had Edward by the throat and was holding him off the ground and against the wall. I snarled but ran over and grabbed my mate's arm.

"Enough, Emmett. We can deal with _him_ later. I want to know what happened next!" I spat at Edward when I was done before Emmett and I took our seats.

I could see the fury in my father-figure's eyes but he kept his voice even when he spoke. "We are all extremely angered by this, but in the interest of fully assessing Bella's condition, no one will move from their seats until we have finished this chapter," Carlisle said lowly and we all nodded reluctantly. I wanted to know how Bella was, but I also wanted to rip Edward apart.

I took a deep breath. Here we go…

**I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz—hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.**

**"Well, that changes things."**

**I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.**

**He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way.** **But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."**

**"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."**

**He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.**

**"You're not good for me, Bella."**

**He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.**

I clenched my jaw shut after I forced those words out. Damn it, Edward! This was destroying her. Every word was destroying her…

**I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.**

**"If… that's what you want."**

**He nodded once.**

**My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.**

**"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.**

_You have no right to ask anything of her! _I snarled in my thoughts and, from the looks on their faces, the rest of my family were having similar thoughts. I was glad. He deserved it. He deserved every bit of it!

**I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.**

**"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.**

**As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.**

**"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. **

**"Do you understand what I'm saying?"**

**I nodded helplessly.**

**His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."**

**I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.**

**He seemed to relax just a little.**

**"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."**

Ha! My mental laugh was completely and utterly humorless. As if he never existed… A promise broken as soon as it was made…

**My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.**

**He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."**

I could feel the same anger that I now saw in Esme's eyes reflected in my own. He was wrong. Time didn't heal all wounds, not even for humans. I had to force myself to continue.

**"And your memories?" I asked. **

**It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.**

**"Well"—he hesitated for a short second—"I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted."** **He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.**

**He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."**

**The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.**

**"Alice isn't coming back," I realized. I don't know how he heard me—the words made no sound—but he seemed to understand.**

**He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.**

**"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."**

**"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.**

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so sorry. So sorry…" Alice chanted remorsefully, looking as though she would break out into dry sobs any second – just like the rest of us.

**"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."**

**I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. You can see it's a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.**

**I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.**

**"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.**

**"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.**

**I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant.** **My eyes closed.**

**"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin.**

**There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.**

**He was gone.**

One small snarl escaped from my chest. Damn it! My entire body was tense and I was barely containing the dry sobs that fought to break free. Alice and Esme were already sobbing lightly, but I knew it was still going to get worse…

**With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.**

**Love, life, meaning… over.**

My breathing hitched and the words burned in my mouth. I could feel the pain of it, just from reading the words. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to actually experience it. It would be unbearable…

**I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.**

**Finally, I tripped over something—it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot—and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.**

**As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.**

**Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight—a lunar eclipse, a new moon.**

I inhaled sharply. Of course… The title of the book. This was Bella's darkest hour… This entire book was her most painful time… Oh, God…

**A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.**

**It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.**

**Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognize the voice. I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped.**

**Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.**

**The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.**

Emmett took a shaky breath at my side. "She has to get up," he said pleadingly and Carlisle answered him in a faint voice.

"I don't think that she can. The sheer trauma of it…" his voice trailed off painfully, but I knew what he meant. The pain and shock of it wouldn't allow her to get up. It just wasn't possible.

**It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?**

**Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big.**

**I wondered if I should feel afraid. **

**I didn't—just numb. It didn't matter.**

I clenched my jaw shut. I knew that feeling. I knew that feeling all too well…

**The snuffling went away.**

**The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.**

**At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see—the brightness blinded me for a moment.**

**"Bella."**

**The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.**

**I stared up—impossibly high it seemed—at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.**

**"Have you been hurt?"**

**I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?**

**"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."**

Sam Uley… I hissed mentally. A Quileute.

**There was nothing familiar about his name.**

**"Charlie sent me to look for you."**

**Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did.**

Esme whimpered quietly at that. "She doesn't care about anything anymore… Nothing except Charlie…" The words were so faint that I could barely hear them. I knew what she was thinking of because I was thinking the exact same thing.

Would that be enough? Would Charlie be enough reason for her to go on living? I could only hope that it was…

**The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.**

**His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple notion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms.**

**I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me—being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.**

**It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Sam Uley slowed as he approached the commotion.**

**"I've got her!" he called in a booming voice.**

**The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sam's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.**

**"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying 'He's gone.' "**

**Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip.**

**"Bella, honey, are you all right?"**

**That was one voice I would know anywhere—even distorted, as it was now, with worry.**

**"Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small.**

**"I'm right here, baby."**

**There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket. Charlie staggered under my weight.**

**"Maybe I should hold on to her," Sam Uley suggested.**

Esme shook her head. "He needs to do it…" she murmured.

**"I've got her," Charlie said, a little breathless.**

**He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn't find my voice.**

**There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession. **

**I closed my eyes.**

**"We're almost home now, honey," Charlie mumbled now and then.**

**I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie's arms failed.**

**But Charlie managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room.**

**"Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.**

Edward – whose presence I had almost (thankfully and gladly) forgotten – let out a strangled cry at that. "Of course you would worry about that…" I didn't acknowledge him. He didn't deserve it.

**"That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."**

**"Bella?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds.  
**

**"Dr. Gerandy?" I mumbled.**

**"That's right, dear," he said. "Are you hurt, Bella?"**

**It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sam Uley's similar question in the woods. Only Sam had asked something else: Have you been hurt? he'd said. The difference seemed significant somehow.**

**Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.**

**"I'm not hurt," I lied. The words, were true enough for what he'd asked.**

**His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.**

**"What happened to you?" he asked casually.**

**I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.**

**"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. I was aware of several other people listening. Three tall men with dark faces—from La Push, the Quileute Indian reservation down on the coastline, I guessed—Sam Uley among them, were standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Newton was there with Mike and Mr. Weber, Angela's father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.**

**Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.**

**"Yes," I whispered. "I got lost."**

**The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands under my jaw. Charlie's face hardened.**

**"Do you feel tired?" Dr. Gerandy asked.**

**I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.**

**"I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter to Charlie after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I'll come check on her tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, "Well, later today actually."**

I choked the last sentence out. "She was out there all night?" I asked no one, horrified. We all exchanged glances full of horror, pain, regret…

**There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet.**

**"Is it true?" Charlie whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. "Did they leave?"**

**"Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything," Dr. Gerandy answered. "The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."**

**"A little warning might have been nice," Charlie grumbled.**

**Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for."**

**I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.**

**I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left.**

**I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.**

**"Yeah, we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now," he said again and again.**

I snorted. No, she most certainly was not "fine, now."

**I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.**

**A few minutes later, the phone rang again.**

**Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again.**

**"Yeah," Charlie said, and yawned.**

**His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. **

**"Where?'" There was a pause. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out there?" **

**He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out."**

**I listened with more interest as he punched in a number.**

**"Hey, Billy, it's Charlie—sorry I'm calling so early… no, she's fine. She's sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really… Oh!" **

**Suddenly there was an edge in his voice—irritation… or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said it sarcastically.**

**"Well, don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread… I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this weather."**

**Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly. "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right—they do know the forest better than we do.** **It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one…** **Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.**

**Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the **

**living room.**

**"What's wrong?" I asked.**

**He hurried to my side.**

**"I'm sorry I woke you, honey."**

**"Is something burning?"**

**"It's nothing," he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."**

**"Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.**

**Charlie frowned. "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy," he explained.**

**"Why?" I wondered dully.**

**I could tell he didn't want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees. "They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter.**

Usually, I would make a snide comment about the dogs, but… I just didn't have it in me right now. I held tighter to Emmett with the arm I wasn't using to hold the book up.

**There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. "Because the Cullens left," I whispered. "They don't like the Cullens in La Push—I'd forgotten about that."**

**The Quileutes had their superstitions about the "cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie's good friend Billy Black believed, though even Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had warned me to stay away from the Cullens…**

**The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way toward the surface, something I knew I didn't want to face.**

Alice's sobs grew louder when I read the last sentence. "S-She c-can't even s-say our last name!" she stuttered out. No one said anything. We didn't have it in us. By now the arrogant jackass that caused all of this was curled up on the floor, sobbing but still listening I could tell. It was all his fault, I thought venomously as my own tearless sobs fought to break free.

**"It's ridiculous," Charlie spluttered.**

**We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window. Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.**

**"Bella?" Charlie asked.**

**I looked at him uneasily.**

**"He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed.**

**I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?" My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.**

**"Your note," Charlie answered, surprised.**

"Note?" Jasper asked sharply, not asking for an answer – demanding one.

"I left a note in her hand writing, so that Charlie would know where she was," Edward whispered, barely audible. I snorted quietly. That was the only thing he did right in this whole book, as far as I was concerned.

**He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own.**

_**Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, it said. Back soon, B.**_

**"When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered," Charlie said in a low voice.**

**"Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone."**

**"Where did they go?" I mumbled.**

**He stared at me. "Didn't Edward tell you?"**

**I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me—a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.**

Edward stopped breathing at that, moving to sit up against the couch and staring at me in desperation and horror. I didn't respond to his unspoken need for comfort, reassurance, denial…

**Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him."**

**Sunny L.A. The last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin— **

**Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.**

**"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted.**

**His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him."**

"Oh, my God… She's still defending you," I barely breathed the words, which were saturated in dismay and grief.

**Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room."**

**Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.**

**Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.**

**Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open.**

**It was empty.**

**The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.**

**I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: Edward Cullen,** **Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13th.**

**I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.**

**It will be as if I'd never existed, he'd promised me.**

**I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness.**

**The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.**

**I did not resurface.**

The book dropped from my hands. "What did you do?" I asked _him_ in revulsion.

We were all silent for a long moment. There was nothing that we could say. I'm sure that we would all, except for Carlisle and Esme, love to kill the bastard right now. But Bella loved him, and that was the only thing preserving his worthless existence right now.

Bella…

I didn't know how he could possibly be so moronic and heartless as to tell her that he didn't want her. The most self-critical girl in the world, who already believed that she didn't deserve him, who never doubted him for a second until he came out and spoke the words she always feared, and he told her that he didn't want her, didn't love her anymore…

I knew what this would do to her. Her whole world had been shattered when he spoke those vile words, and I had felt what that was like. But I had become a vampire immediately afterwards and I had Carlisle, Esme, and… _him _to help me. Who did she have? She was alone. She was alone and she was going to feel like she was worth nothing, like it was absolutely pointless, that it was her fault, that she caused it… And it was all his fault:

He was lucky to be alive right now.

Eventually, Carlisle cleared his throat to speak and the sobs that came from around the room – including mine although I didn't remember when I had finally started sobbing – finally stopped and we all looked to our leader.

"I can understand the extreme animosity towards Edward right now," he began in a voice that was even but rang with an undercurrent of fury. "However, he is not to be harmed. Bella loves him and we do not have the right to punish him. That right belongs to her alone. Now, we are going to read one more chapter and then we are going hunting. Am I understood?" Carlisle asked quietly and, although we didn't like that we couldn't hurt the jackass, we all nodded in agreement.

"Very well, then. Who would like to read next?" Carlisle asked.

Esme took a deep breath. "I will," she said softly and I got up, crossing to her and handing her the book.

She took it from me and I was about to sit back down, but instead I leaned forward and pulled my "mother" into a hug. I would usually never do something like this, but… I needed it, and so did she.

After a moment, we both pulled back. Esme gave me a soft, sad smile and reached up to push a lock of my hair out of my face before I went and sat next to Emmett. We kissed quickly but still passionately, communicating our mutual anger and distress before we settled onto the couch together.

_Here we go again…_

**A/N: I just want to say thanks to anyone who reviewed or just read the story! You guys are awesome and your support means a lot to me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I thought that it would be appropriate for it to be in Rosalie's POV since she can relate in some ways - that and I always hate Edward too much during this part of the book to even begin trying to understand him and write his POV. Anyways, thanks for reading everyone! Now, review, please!**


	5. Waking Up

Esme

My poor, sweet Bella. My little girl. She had obviously taken what happened the worst out of any of us – even… Edward. It hurt and angered me to think about him right now. Yes, he was my "firstborn" but I am equally protective of all of my children. And for him to hurt my youngest, my baby girl, like that…

It was nearly unbearable and even I was unable to find any pity in me for his own plight when I could already see that hers was worse, far, far worse. He still had us, whereas she had lost all of us. He had left her behind when she would have done anything to come with us. He told her that he didn't want her, didn't love her… I choked a little at that thought. But she loved him above all else, above everyone and everything.

I shook my head. I couldn't keep thinking about that or I would go mad. I had to know. I had to know what not only Edward but _we, _all of us, had put my little Bella through.

**October**

I frowned along with everyone else. That was the only word on the entire page…

"Is that supposed to be the chapter title?" Jasper asked quietly, his voice slightly strained. I knew that he was struggling with all of the anger and pain that everyone was feeling and I attempted to calm my emotions as much as I could.

"I don't know. The rest of the page is blank," I told him, turning the book so that everyone could see that one, solitary word in the center of the page. I flipped to the next page and my frown deepened slightly.

**November**

A feeling of dread flashed through me when Rosalie spoke. "Wait… We left in September…" she said slowly and my eyes widened with growing horror. Was this…

Alice was the one to speak my suspicion as the three of us – my daughters and I – locked eyes. The boys could all attempt to understand but really the three of us knew better than they did what Bella was feeling. Each of us had known that feeling of being utterly alone, unloved, without anyone to care for us… Alice's voice broke me out of my thoughts. "It's the months passing by," she whispered, her voice pained.

Emmett frowned and appeared to be deep in thought although he looked confused as well. "Why just the name of the month, though?" he questioned and my mate answered him.

"She may not have been in any state to note those things which she normally would. She… may just not care," Carlisle spoke softly from my side, his arm wrapped around me comfortingly.

None of us knew how to respond to that, so I looked down at the book in my hands and sighed. I turned the page and I'm sure my face registered my pain.

**December**

Everyone drew sharp breaths at that, even Edward who sat immobile against the couch, his eyes crazed and sorrowful.

"How much longer can it go on?" Rosalie asked in horror. I shook my head. I didn't know.

**January**

I did nothing to attempt to hide my inner turmoil as I read that. Please, I begged silently. Please, don't let the next page say "February". I didn't know who I was begging, but I would have prayed to any God out there if it would help.

I turned to the next page and sighed in relief before reading the words there.

**4. Waking Up**

The rest of the family relaxed slightly, although we were all still shocked and pained. Four months. Four months she had (we assumed) been unaware of what was going on around her. Words failed me as I considered that heartbreaking thought. The only thing that I could do was read.

**Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.**

Edward flinched, and my eyes filled with venom tears that would never fall. She felt so much pain… I looked around at the agonized faces of my family before continuing.

**Charlie's fist came down on the table. "That's it, Bella! I'm sending you home."**

**I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Charlie in shock. I hadn't been following the conversation–actually, I hadn't been aware that we were having a conversation–and I wasn't sure what he meant.**

Alice gasped slightly. "She didn't even know that he was speaking to her…" she trailed off. No one said anything. There was nothing that we could say. This part of the book had already happened. It was currently March 15, so there was nothing that we could do to change any of this…

**"I am home," I mumbled, confused.**

**"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," he clarified.**

I frowned. Bella was eighteen. He couldn't force her to go and I knew that she would never willingly leave Forks – it meant leaving us. And no matter the fact that we had left her, Bella would never leave us. It broke my heart. We were so very undeserving of her love after what we all did, but I would never try to convince her to let go of us. We needed her. I needed her, my daughter.

"**What did I do?" I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for the past months. After that first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn't missed a day of school or work. My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew – I never went anywhere from which to break curfew in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers.**

My breathing hitched as I read that paragraph. "She tried so hard…" I breathed in disbelief. It was clear after reading that, that Bella had lost all interest in her life as it was but she tried so very hard to maintain a semblance of normalcy – most likely for Charlie…

Carlisle had other things on his mind at the moment. "After that first week?" he quoted quietly and his statement got me thinking about it, too. I looked to the others, who took a moment to glare at Edward simultaneously. Out of respect for Carlisle's decision they had mainly been ignoring him where he sat on the floor but I had no doubt that they were screaming at him in their thoughts.

Alice shook her head. "I don't know. It's seems to be implied that she missed school that week. Maybe she stayed home?" she theorized and no one contradicted her. It seemed the most logical explanation.

Carlisle frowned but nodded. "Keep reading, dear," he told me, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek. I managed to give him a small smile in return. I truly did love him…

**Charlie was scowling.**

**"You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything."**

**"You want me to get into trouble?" I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made an effort to pay attention. It wasn't easy. I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears felt stopped up.**

We all glanced at each other warily, the children pausing to glare at Edward again. I didn't reprimand them for it. He made his bed, now he had to lie in it. I saw him flinch at my thoughts.

_It's the truth, Edward. I love you, but you should never have done this,_ I told him mentally. He didn't respond.

**"Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"**

**That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included.**

**"I am not moping around."**

**"Wrong word," he grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better–that would be doing something. You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."**

"Mom…" Emmett trailed off uneasily and I tried to smile at him, but even I could feel the sadness in it. He was worried about his little sister and I could see that, even now, he was about ready to kill his brother for causing this.

"I know, Emmett, but all we can do is keep reading and hope that it gets even the smallest bit better," I said softly and he sighed, pulling Rosalie closer to him. She snuggled into his side and the two of them relaxed slightly. I couldn't help the small smile that crept across my face at the sight of them. Rosalie and Emmett's relationship was very… physical, but they shared a love that was as strong as mine and Carlisle's, or Alice and Jasper's.

**This accusation struck home. I sighed and tried to put some animation into my response.**

**"I'm sorry, Dad." My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'd thought I'd been fooling him. Keeping Charlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort.**

**How depressing to think that the effort had been wasted.**

**"I don't want you to apologize."**

**I sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do."**

**"Bella," he hesitated, scrutinizing my reaction to his next words. "Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."**

**"I know that." My accompanying grimace was limp and unimpressive.**

**"Listen, honey. I think that–that maybe you need some help."**

"I guess I was right all along. Bells really is crazy," Emmett joked weakly and we all chuckled a little in spite of ourselves. We needed the comic relief at a time like this.

**"Help?"**

**He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning," and took you with her." He inhaled deeply. "Well, that was a really bad time for me."**

**"I know, Dad," I mumbled.**

**"But I handled it," he pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better." He stared at me and I looked down quickly. "I think we both know it's not getting better."**

**"I'm fine."**

"No, she's not," Rose whispered and I silently agreed with her. Bella was in no way fine, not even close.

**He ignored me. "Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional."**

**"You want me to see a shrink?" My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.**

**"Maybe it would help."**

**"And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit."**

**I didn't know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth–if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.**

Carlisle frowned at that, along with rest of us. "I hadn't thought of that. Not only is she heartbroken, but she literally cannot speak to anyone about it solely because it would give away our secret," he said sadly. He was right. Bella had Charlie, yes, but it truly didn't count much in this instance. She truly was alone in this…

**He examined my obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack.**

**"It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother–"**

**"Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."**

**"That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder. I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."**

I grimaced. My poor daughter. I abandoned her along with the rest of the family and now she was going through her own personal hell… It was absolutely and utterly unforgivable.

**I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out."**

**"I want you to be happy–no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks."**

**My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long to contemplate.**

Jasper appeared shocked by that.

"What is it, Jazz?" Alice asked her mate quietly and we all turned to look at the two of them.

He shook his head. "It's just…" he hesitated. "I've never been around anyone who feels the way that Bella describes it. I can't even imagine it, but I do know one thing," Jasper said stiffly.

"What?" Edward choked out desperately, earning glares from his siblings before they turned back to Jasper.

Jasper sighed, his eyes narrowing slightly. "It sounds like the worst feeling that anyone could ever experience. Worse, even, than what you feel," he said darkly and Edward's look of anguish mirrored my own feelings. How could she possibly stand such pain…

**"I'm not leaving," I said.**

**"Why not?" he demanded.**

**"I'm in my last semester of school–it would screw everything up."**

**"You're a good student–you'll figure it out."**

**"I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil."**

**"Your mother's been dying to have you back."**

**"Florida is too hot."**

Alice smiled slightly. "She really would say anything, give any excuse, if it meant that she didn't have to go," she murmured and we all agreed with her. Bella would never leave Forks without us.

**His fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keep waiting for him."**

**I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I'd blushed with any emotion.**

**This whole subject was utterly forbidden, as he was well aware.**

**"I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone.**

**"Bella–," Charlie began, his voice thick.**

**"I have to get to school," I interrupted, standing up and yanking my untouched breakfast from the table. I dumped my bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out. I couldn't deal with any more conversation.**

**"I'll make plans with Jessica," I called over my shoulder as I strapped on my school bag, not meeting his eyes. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie."**

**I was out the front door before he could react.**

**In my haste to get away from Charlie, I ended up being one of the first ones to school. The plus side was that I got a really good parking spot. The downside was that I had free time on my hands, and I tried to avoid free time at all costs.**

All of us frowned slightly. Why would free time be such a bad thing? I knew from my family's faces that they were wondering the same thing. Well, there was only one way to find out.

**Quickly, before I could start thinking about Charlie's accusations, I pulled out my Calculus book. I flipped it open to the section we should be starting today, and tried to make sense of it. Reading math was even worse than listening to it, but I was getting better at it. In the last several months, I'd spent ten times the amount of time on Calculus than I'd ever spent on math before.**

**As a result, I was managing to keep in the range of a low A. I knew Mr. Varner felt my improvement was all due to his superior teaching methods. And if that made him happy, I wasn't going to burst his bubble.**

**I forced myself to keep at it until the parking lot was full, and I ended up rushing to English.**

**We were working on Animal Farm, an easy subject matter. I didn't mind communism; it was a welcome change from the exhausting romances that made up most of the curriculum. I settled into my seat, pleased by the distraction of Mr. Berty's lecture.**

**Time moved easily while I was in school. The bell rang all too soon. I started repacking my bag.**

**"Bella?"**

**I recognized Mike's voice, and I knew what his next words would be before he said them.**

Edward hissed and Carlisle looked at him sternly. "Don't," he commanded and Edward turned pained, angered eyes on him. "You made the decision to leave, Edward, and as much as it may hurt you have to deal with the consequences of that decision," he reprimanded the bronze-haired teen vampire.

Edward frowned but nodded, the pain never leaving his expression. I sighed. It was so very difficult for me to be angry with him, but I couldn't deny the facts of the situation.

**"Are you working tomorrow?"**

**I looked up. He was leaning across the aisle with an anxious expression. Every Friday he asked me the same question. Never mind that I hadn't taken so much as a sick day. Well, with one exception, months ago. But he had no reason to look at me with such concern. I was a model employee.**

**"Tomorrow is Saturday, isn't it?" I said. Having just had it pointed out to me by Charlie, I realized how lifeless my voice really sounded.**

**"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "See you in Spanish." He waved once before turning his back. He didn't bother walking me to class anymore.**

**I trudged off to Calculus with a grim expression. This was the class where I sat next to Jessica.**

**It had been weeks, maybe months, since Jess had even greeted me when I passed her in the hall. I knew I had offended her with my antisocial behavior, and she was sulking. It wasn't going to be easy to talk to her now–especially to ask her to do me a favor. I weighed my options carefully as I loitered outside the classroom, procrastinating.**

**I wasn't about to face Charlie again without some kind of social interaction to report. I knew I couldn't lie, though the thought of driving to Port Angeles and back alone–being sure my odometer reflected the correct mileage, just in case he checked–was very tempting.**

**Jessica's mom was the biggest gossip in town, and Charlie was bound to run into Mrs. Stanley sooner rather than later. When he did, he would no doubt mention the trip. Lying was out.**

**With a sigh, I shoved the door open.**

**Mr. Varner gave me a dark look–he'd already started the lecture. I hurried to my seat. Jessica didn't look up as I sat next to her. I was glad that I had fifty minutes to mentally prepare myself.**

**This class flew by even faster than English. A small part of that speed was due to my goody-goody preparation this morning in the truck–but mostly it stemmed from the fact that time always sped up when I was looking forward to something unpleasant.**

**I grimaced when Mr. Varner dismissed the class five minutes early. He smiled like he was being nice.**

Everyone but Edward cracked a smile at that. I had to admit, it was rather amusing.

Emmett chuckled. "Of course the man would pick the one day that Bella really wants him to keep droning on about math," he smiled slightly, a more real smile than I had seen on him since we left Forks. I couldn't help but smile at him. Out of the three of them, Emmett was the one I would be most inclined to name my baby boy – he was just so silly and energetic that it leant him an air of youth, not to mention his tendency to whine like a child. He truly was endearing.

**"Jess?" My nose wrinkled as I cringed, waiting for her to turn on me.**

**She twisted in her seat to face me, eyeing me incredulously. "Are you talking to me, Bella?"**

**"Of course." I widened my eyes to suggest innocence.**

**"What? Do you need help with Calculus?" Her tone was a tad sour.**

**"No." I shook my head. "Actually, I wanted to know if you would… go to the movies with me tonight? I really need a girls' night out." **

**The words sounded stiff, like badly delivered lines, and she looked suspicious.**

**"Why are you asking me?" she asked, still unfriendly.**

**"You're the first person I think of when I want girl time." I smiled, and I hoped the smile looked genuine. It was probably true. She was at least the first person I thought of when I wanted to avoid Charlie.**

**It amounted to the same thing.**

Emmett chuckled again. "Even in her darkest hour, my little sis can crack a joke. Who knew? Why didn't she ever joke around with me?" he asked, appalled to find that his little sister had a previously undiscovered sense of humor and hadn't shared it with him. I smiled at him, shaking my head indulgently.

Rose smiled at her mate in amusement. "Well, perhaps you'll get the chance to confront her about it yourself," she suggested and Emmett grinned widely. Rose threw a hard glance at Edward as she finished speaking, cutting off the growl that was obviously about to come out.

I sighed. Really, why couldn't Edward see how necessary it was for him to go back, for all of us to go back? My poor little girl was all alone; she needed us.

**She seemed a little mollified. "Well, I don't know."**

**"Do you have plans?"**

**"No… I guess I can go with you. What do you want to see?"**

**"I'm not sure what's playing," I hedged. This was the tricky part. I racked my brain for a clue–hadn't I heard someone talk about a movie recently? Seen a poster? "How about that one with the female president?"**

**She looked at me oddly. "Bella, that one's been out of the theater forever."**

**"Oh." I frowned. "Is there anything you'd like to see?"**

**Jessica's natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of herself as she thought out loud.**

**"Well, there's that new romantic comedy that's getting great reviews.**

Alice smiled wryly, though the sadness was still present in her eyes. "Somehow, I doubt that that will appeal to her." I couldn't say that I disagreed.

**I want to see that one. And my dad just saw Dead End and he really liked it."**

**I grasped at the promising title. "What's that one about?"**

**"Zombies or something. He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years."**

**"That sounds perfect." I'd rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance.**

**"Okay." She seemed surprised by my response. I tried to remember if I liked scary movies, but I wasn't sure. "Do you want me to pick you up after school?" she offered.**

**"Sure."**

**Jessica smiled at me with tentative friendliness before she left. My answering smile was just a little late, but I thought that she saw it.**

**The rest of the day passed quickly, my thoughts focused on planning for tonight. I knew from experience that once I got Jessica talking, I would be able to get away with a few mumbled responses at the appropriate moments. Only minimal interaction would be required.**

**The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing. **

Carlisle froze at my side when I read that sentence. "What is it?" I asked worriedly and he looked to me with a worried frown on his face.

He hesitated before answering. "I'll tell you in a moment. Please, continue." I frowned but did as he asked.

**I was surprised when I found myself in my room, not clearly remembering the drive home from school or even opening the front door. But that didn't matter. Losing track of time was the most I asked from life.**

I gasped as I read that last paragraph. What? "Carlisle?" I asked fearfully and he wore an expression of mild alarm.

"It's possible that Bella has contracted a mild case of fugue. The symptoms are as she described: loss of awareness, periods of time which go unremembered, and it's associated with hysteria. It's possible that our leaving caused such a strong impact on her as to push a mild strain of the illness on her," he said quietly and we all froze. "However, I cannot be sure without being there. Still, we may be able to glean more information from the book. Esme?" my husband concluded, looking to me and taking my free hand firmly in one of his. I took a deep breath and nodded.

**I didn't fight the haze as I turned to my closet. The numbness was more essential in some places than in others. I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to reveal the pile of rubbish on the left side of my closet, under the clothes I never wore.**

**My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from that last birthday, did not see the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic; I didn't think of the bloody mess my nails had been when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard.**

Emmett wore an expression of faint hurt. "Why would she do that?" he asked, slightly confused.

Alice sighed. "It would obviously remind her of all of us and from what she's described, the pain would be excruciating," she said sadly and Emmett frowned, nodding in understanding. He really was much more intelligent than his playful nature made him seem, and he cared about his family more than anything. He was the ideal big brother, though he could be quite a handful on occasion.

**I yanked the old purse I rarely used off the nail it hung from, and shoved the door shut.**

**Just then I heard a horn honking. I swiftly traded my wallet from my schoolbag into the purse. I was in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly.**

**I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door, arranging my features carefully into a smile and trying to hold them there.**

"This is so sad…" Rose murmured, holding more tightly to Emmett. And it was. She had to force herself to smile and wasn't even sure if she had it right until she looked into the mirror…

**"Thanks for coming with me tonight," I told Jess as I climbed into the passenger seat, trying to infuse my tone with gratitude. It had been a while since I'd really thought about what I was saying to anyone besides Charlie. Jess was harder. I wasn't sure which were the right emotions to fake.**

**"Sure. So, what brought this on?" Jess wondered as she drove down my street.**

**"Brought what on?"**

**"Why did you suddenly decide… to go out?" It sounded like she changed her question halfway through.**

**I shrugged. "Just needed a change."**

**I recognized the song on the radio then, and quickly reached for the dial. "Do you mind?" I asked.**

**"No, go ahead."**

**I scanned through the stations until I found one that was harmless.**

**I peeked at Jess's expression as the new music filled the car.**

**Her eyes squinted. "Since when do you listen to rap?"**

Edward frowned. "She never listens to rap," he muttered; no one responded.

**"I don't know," I said. "A while."**

**"You like this?" she asked doubtfully.**

**"Sure."**

**It would be much too hard to interact with Jessica normally if I had to work to tune out the music, too. I nodded my head, hoping I was in time with the beat.**

**"Okay…" She stared out the windshield with wide eyes.**

**"So what's up with you and Mike these days?" I asked quickly.**

**"You see him more than I do."**

**The question hadn't started her talking like I'd hoped it would.**

**"It's hard to talk at work," I mumbled, and then I tried again. "Have you been out with anyone lately?"**

**"Not really. I go out with Conner sometimes. I went out with Eric two weeks ago." She rolled her eyes, and I sensed a long story. I clutched at the opportunity.**

**"Eric Yorkie? Who asked who?"**

Rose and Alice both shuddered and I frowned at them. They noticed and Alice responded. "Sorry, but he's a little too enthusiastic. It's just a little creepy, not that we would ever say anything to him about it," she defended quickly and I sighed before smiling wryly. They shouldn't judge the boy so harshly, but I was satisfied that at the least they had never confronted him about it. It would be extremely bad manners.

**She groaned, getting more animated. "He did, of course! I couldn't think of a nice way to say no."**

**"Where did he take you?" I demanded, knowing she would interpret my eagerness as interest. "Tell me all about it."**

**She launched into her tale, and I settled into my seat, more comfortable now. I paid strict attention, murmuring in sympathy and gasping in horror as called for. When she was finished with her Eric story, she continued into a Conner comparison without any prodding.**

**The movie was playing early, so Jess thought we should hit the twilight showing and eat later. I was happy to go along with whatever she wanted; after all, I was getting what I wanted–Charlie off my back.**

**I kept Jess talking through the previews, so I could ignore them more easily. But I got nervous when the movie started. A young couple was walking along a beach, swinging hands and discussing their mutual affection with gooey falseness. I resisted the urge to cover my ears and start humming. I had not bargained for a romance.**

**"I thought we picked the zombie movie," I hissed to Jessica.**

**"This is the zombie movie."**

**"Then why isn't anyone getting eaten?" I asked desperately.**

Emmett grinned widely at that. "Oh, Bella…" he trailed off in amusement while we all just smiled at him.

**She looked at me with wide eyes that were almost alarmed. "I'm sure that part's coming," she whispered.**

**"I'm getting popcorn. Do you want any?"**

**"No, thanks."**

**Someone shushed us from behind.**

**I took my time at the concession counter, watching the clock and debating what percentage of a ninety-minute movie could be spent on romantic exposition. I decided ten minutes was more than enough, but I paused just inside the theater doors to be sure. I could hear horrified screams blaring from the speakers, so I knew I'd waited long enough.**

**"You missed everything," Jess murmured when I slid back into my seat. "Almost everyone is a zombie now."**

**"Long line." I offered her some popcorn. She took a handful.**

**The rest of the movie was comprised of gruesome zombie attacks and endless screaming from the handful of people left alive, their numbers dwindling quickly. I would have thought there was nothing in that to disturb me. But I felt uneasy, and I wasn't sure why at first.**

I frowned to myself, thinking about what could cause her unease before it occurred to me and my eyes widened slightly. I had a feeling that I knew exactly what was bothering her and it broke my cold, still heart to think about it.

**It wasn't until almost the very end, as I watched a haggard zombie shambling after the last shrieking survivor, that I realized what the problem was. The scene kept cutting between the horrified face of the heroine, and the dead, emotionless face of her pursuer, back and forth as it closed the distance.**

**And I realized which one resembled me the most.**

"Oh, my daughter…" I whispered. Everyone was silent. It was a horrifying thought in and of itself that we had driven her to that, and I worried what her state of mind would be at this very moment.

**I stood up.**

**"Where are you going? There's, like, two minutes left," Jess hissed.**

**"I need a drink," I muttered as I raced for the exit.**

**I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony.**

**But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn't seen that one coming.**

**Not that I hadn't dreamed of becoming a mythical monster once–just never a grotesque, animated corpse. I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought, feeling panicky. I couldn't afford to think about what I'd once dreamed of.**

**It was depressing to realize that I wasn't the heroine anymore, that my story was over.**

Jasper shook his head. "This is so depressing, and I'm not even anywhere near her…" he trailed off, a sad expression on his face. I smiled encouragingly at him, focusing on sending off waves of love and reassurance. He caught my eye and smile gratefully.

**Jessica came out of the theater doors and hesitated, probably wondering where the best place was to search for me. When she saw me, she looked relieved, but only for a moment. Then she looked irritated.**

**"Was the movie too scary for you?" she wondered.**

**"Yeah," I agreed. "I guess I'm just a coward."**

**"That's funny." She frowned. "I didn't think you were scared–I was screaming all the time, but I didn't hear you scream once. So I didn't know why you left."**

**I shrugged. "Just scared."**

**She relaxed a little. "That was the scariest movie I think I've ever seen. I'll bet we're going to have nightmares tonight."**

**"No doubt about that," I said, trying to keep my voice normal. It was inevitable that I would have nightmares, but they wouldn't be about zombies. **

My eyes widened. "What does she mean that she had nightmares?" Rose asked cautiously but no one had an answer for her.

**Her eyes flashed to my face and away.**

**Maybe I hadn't succeeded with the normal voice.**

**"Where do you want to eat?" Jess asked.**

**"I don't care."**

**"Okay."**

**Jess started talking about the male lead in the movie as we walked. I nodded as she gushed over his hotness, unable to remember seeing a non-zombie man at all.**

**I didn't watch where Jessica was leading me. I was only vaguely aware that it was dark and quieter now. It took me longer than it should have to realize why it was quiet. Jessica had stopped babbling. I looked at her apologetically, hoping I hadn't hurt her feelings.**

**Jessica wasn't looking at me. Her face was tense; she stared straight ahead and walked fast.**

**As I watched, her eyes darted quickly to the right, across the road, and back again.**

**I glanced around myself for the first time.**

**We were on a short stretch of unlit sidewalk. The little shops lining the street were all locked up for the night, windows black. Half a block ahead, the streetlights started up again, and I could see, farther down, the bright golden arches of the McDonald's she was heading for.**

**Across the street there was one open business. The windows were covered from inside and there were neon signs, advertisements for different brands of beer, glowing in front of them.**

Emmett's eyes widened excitedly. "Dude, Bella's gonna get drunk!" he yelled and I frowned at him disapprovingly.

"Emmett, Bella is far too responsible to do something like that," I scolded him and he pouted slightly while the others tried to hold back their laughter at his expense while Rose grinned at her husband.

**The biggest sign, in brilliant green, was the name of the bar–One-Eyed Pete's. I wondered if there was some pirate theme not visible from outside. The metal door was propped open; it was dimly lit inside, and the low murmur of many voices and the sound of ice clinking in glasses floated across the street. Lounging against the wall beside the door were four men.**

**I glanced back at Jessica. Her eyes were fixed on the path ahead and she moved briskly. She didn't look frightened–just wary, trying to not attract attention to herself.**

**I paused without thinking, looking back at the four men with a strong sense of déjà vu. This was a different road, a different night, but the scene was so much the same.**

I frowned. "What does she mean?" I asked and Edward, Carlisle, and Alice froze.

Carlisle took a deep breath. "Last year, Bella went into Port Angeles with Jessica Stanley and Angela Webber. While she was there, she went looking for a bookstore but got lost and ended up in one the darker parts of town," he began carefully but I could feel the anxiety burning inside of me. I glanced at Rose and saw that her expression was dark and reflected my own anxiety. Of course this would remind her of her own bad experience. My poor daughters. They had all three suffered so much…

Alice spoke then. "She was heading back towards the more populated part of town when she passed four men on the sidewalk." Rosalie froze completely when she said that, as did I. No. No, not Bella. Not that. "She turned onto a side street to get away from them but she realized that two of them were following her," she said carefully and Rosalie growled loudly while sobs rose up in my chest. Bella…

Carlisle wrapped his arms around me and held me to him tightly. "Before we go any further, you should all know that Bella was absolutely fine," he said reassuringly and I watched as Emmett relaxed his tense position slightly. I could almost feel the fury rolling off of him at the thought of the same thing that his wife had suffered happening to his little sister.

"They were herding her. They followed her onto another side street that led closer to civilization and the other two blocked the way. They were closing in on her when I arrived," Edward said darkly, his expression furious, and I was reminded that he would have heard what those vile… _people _were thinking. Still, now that I knew that he saved her I relaxed some and so did Rose. I could see that she now regretted her previous attitude towards Bella and would do her best to correct it when the chance arose. "Later that night, I came to Carlisle and he and I ensured that the four of them were dropped off at a police station in a different state. They're currently in jail and will remain there for a very, very long time," he said, faint satisfaction in his tone. I sighed in relief though Rose didn't appear entirely satisfied. I knew that she would rather they had been killed and I couldn't begrudge her that feeling, after what had happened to her when she was human.

"Thank you for saving her, Edward," I murmured and he nodded, a faint smile on his face.

**One of them was even short and dark. As I stopped and turned toward them, that one looked up in interest.**

**I stared back at him, frozen on the sidewalk.**

**"Bella?" Jess whispered. "What are you doing?"**

**I shook my head, not sure myself. "I think I know them…" I muttered.**

Rose frowned. "What is she doing?" she asked from her current seat on Emmett's lap, his arms wrapped around her securely. I wondered that, as well.

**What was I doing? I should be running from this memory as fast as I could, blocking the image of the four lounging men from my mind, protecting myself with the numbness I couldn't function without. **

**Why was I stepping, dazed, into the street?**

**It seemed too coincidental that I should be in Port Angeles with Jessica, on a dark street even. My eyes focused on the short one, trying to match the features to my memory of the man who had threatened me that night almost a year ago. I wondered if there was any way I would recognize the man, if it was really him. That particular part of that particular evening was just a blur. My body remembered it better than my mind did; the tension in my legs as I tried to decide whether to run or to stand my ground, the dryness in my throat as I struggled to build a decent scream, the tight stretch of skin across my knuckles as I clenched my hands into fists, the chills on the back of my neck when the dark-haired man called me "sugar"…**

I gasped. "What is she doing?" Alice demanded more desperately. No one knew.

**There was an indefinite, implied kind of menace to these men that had nothing to do with that other night. It sprung from the fact that they were strangers, and it was dark here, and they outnumbered us–nothing more specific than that. But it was enough that Jessica's voice cracked in panic as she called after me.**

**"Bella, come on!"**

**I ignored her, walking slowly forward without ever making the conscious decision to move my feet. I didn't understand why, but the nebulous threat the men presented drew me toward them. It was a senseless impulse, but I hadn't felt any kind of impulse in so long… I followed it.**

Sobs began to rise in my chest and I could hear them echoed by Rose and Alice. Bella… what are you doing?!

**Something unfamiliar beat through my veins. Adrenaline, I realized, long absent from my system, drumming my pulse faster and fighting against the lack of sensation. It was strange–why the adrenaline when there was no fear?**

Carlisle wore a pained expression. "She's been pushed to the very brink of her sanity," he breathed out painfully. I glanced at my eldest son and his expression was very dark as he heard about his love's reckless and, quite frankly, possibly insane actions.

**It was almost as if it were an echo of the last time I'd stood like this, on a dark street in Port Angeles with strangers.**

**I saw no reason for fear. I couldn't imagine anything in the world that there was left to be afraid of, not physically at least. One of the few advantages of losing everything.**

Edward's eyes closed and he whimpered lightly. My sobs increased but I forced myself to keep reading. If this ended badly I would never forgive myself.

**I was halfway across the street when Jess caught up to me and grabbed my arm.**

**"Bella! You can't go in a bar!" she hissed.**

**"I'm not going in," I said absently, shaking her hand off. "I just want to see something…"**

**"Are you crazy?" she whispered. "Are you suicidal?"**

My breath caught and we all froze as we considered that. I hadn't even thought of that. Would she, could she, do that? I forced myself to put myself in her place and Carlisle in Edward's, and I had my answer. Yes, yes she could. But would she?

"Carlisle?" Edward and Alice begged at the same time but my husband just shook his head sadly. He didn't know.

**That question caught my attention, and my eyes focused on her.**

**"No, I'm not." My voice sounded defensive, but it was true. I wasn't suicidal. Even in the beginning, when death unquestionably would have been a relief,** **I didn't consider it. I owed too much to Charlie. I felt too responsible for Renee. I had to think of them.** **And I'd made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless. For all those reasons, I was still breathing.**

Everyone gasped. "The only reason… that she's still breathing… is because…" Alice choked out. I was too shocked and pained to even sob, now. She wanted to die. Her words echoed within me and I still remembered that feeling. It was unbearably painful to think that my daughter now felt that way. She wanted to die and only her responsibility for her parents and her promise to Edward kept her alive…

No one said anything. We didn't know what to say. What we had done was unforgiveable. We made Bella, sweet innocent Bella, wish for death.

**Remembering that promise. I felt a twinge of guilt, but what I was doing right now didn't really count. It wasn't like I was taking a blade to my wrists.**

**Jess's eyes were round, her mouth hung open. Her question about suicide had been rhetorical, I realized too late.**

**"Go eat," I encouraged her, waving toward the fast food. I didn't like the way she looked at me. "I'll catch up in a minute."**

**I turned away from her, back to the men who were watching us with amused, curious eyes.**

**"Bella, stop this right now!"**

"I don't think that was Jessica…" Alice said unsurely.

**My muscles locked into place, froze me where I stood. Because it wasn't Jessica's voice that rebuked me now. It was a furious voice, a familiar voice, a beautiful voice–soft like velvet even though it was irate.**

I gasped quietly. "Wait… could that be… Edward's voice?" I asked in confusion.

Jasper frowned. "But how?"

Carlisle sighed deeply. "It's possible that…" he trailed off and shook his head, motioning me to keep reading.

**It was his voice–I was exceptionally careful not to think his name–and I was surprised that the sound of it did not knock me to my knees, did not curl me onto the pavement in a torture of loss. But there was no pain, none at all.**

We all gasped, and Edward looked more shocked than anyone. "She heard my voice?" he asked in disbelief.

Carlisle frowned deeply. "It would appear that she is, or at least was, suffering from a form of hallucination," he said worriedly, looking to me. "Please, dear, keep reading. I need to know more in order to be certain."

**In the instant that I heard his voice, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. I was more aware of everything–sight, sound, the feel of the cold air that I hadn't noticed was blowing sharply against my face, the smells coming from the open bar door.**

My eyes widened. "Just the sound of your voice had a profound effect on her…" I murmured and my son appeared to be torn between incredible joy and incredible pain. I smiled at him a little. _That is a good thing, Edward._

**I looked around myself in shock.**

**"Go back to Jessica," the lovely voice ordered, still angry. "You promised–nothing stupid."**

**I was alone. Jessica stood a few feet from me, staring at me with frightened eyes. Against the wall, the strangers watched, confused, wondering what I was doing, standing there motionless in the middle of the street.**

"She's hallucinating," Carlisle confirmed unhappily and I could feel the unease and tension in the room even without Jasper's gift. We, none of us, expected this.

**I shook my head, trying to understand. I knew he wasn't there, and yet, he felt improbably close, close for the first time since… since the end. The anger in his voice was concern, the same anger that was once very familiar–something I hadn't heard in what felt like a lifetime.**

**"Keep your promise." The voice was slipping away, as if the volume was being turned down on a radio.**

**I began to suspect that I was having some kind of hallucination.**

**Triggered, no doubt, by the memory–the déjà vu, the strange familiarity of the situation.**

**I ran through the possibilities quickly in my head.**

**Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman's term for people who heard voices in their heads.**

**Possible.**

**Option two: My subconscious mind was giving me what it thought I wanted. This was wish fulfillment–a momentary relief from pain by embracing the incorrect idea that he cared whether I lived or died.**

**Projecting what he would have said if A) he were here, and B) he would be in any way bothered by something bad happening to me.**

**Probable.**

**I could see no option three, so I hoped it was the second option and this was just my subconscious running amuck, rather than something I would need to be hospitalized for.**

I was shocked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle frown. "What is it?"

"She's rational enough to realize what's happening, so I'm fairly certain that she has not actually gone insane," he responded and we all unconsciously let out a sigh of relief. "So, I believe that her second thought may be accurate," he said and I thought about that. I smiled sadly. Poor girl…

**My reaction was hardly sane, though–I was grateful. The sound of his voice was something that I'd feared I was losing, and so, more than anything else, I felt overwhelming gratitude that my unconscious mind had held onto that sound better than my conscious one had.**

**I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. **

I couldn't believe it. "That's terrible," I whispered.

**Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The tradeoff was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing.**

"I'm not so sure which would have been better for her in the long run," Carlisle muttered, obviously worried about our daughter. He cared about Bella just as much as I did.

**I waited for the pain now. I was not numb–my senses felt unusually intense after so many months of the haze–but the normal pain held off. The only ache was the disappointment that his voice was fading.**

**There was a second of choice.**

**The wise thing would be to run away from this potentially destructive–and certainly mentally unstable–development. It would be stupid to encourage hallucinations.**

"Yes, it would," Carlisle agreed, his doctor's training coming out.

**But his voice was fading.**

**I took another step forward, testing.**

**"Bella, turn around," he growled.**

**I sighed in relief. The anger was what I wanted to hear–false, fabricated evidence that he cared, a dubious gift from my subconscious.**

**Very few seconds had passed while I sorted this all out. My little audience watched, curious.**

**It probably looked like I was just dithering over whether or not I was going to approach them. How could they guess that I was standing there enjoying an unexpected moment of insanity?**

Alice looked pained. "Oh, Bella…"

**"Hi," one of the men called, his tone both confident and a bit sarcastic. He was fair-skinned and fair-haired, and he stood with the assurance of someone who thought of himself as quite good-looking. I couldn't tell whether he was or not. I was prejudiced.**

**The voice in my head answered with an exquisite snarl. I smiled, and the confident man seemed to take that as encouragement.**

Edward looked horrified. "I made her go crazy," he choked out before taking a deep breath and frowning.

**"Can I help you with something? You look lost." He grinned and winked.**

**I stepped carefully over the gutter, running with water that was black in the darkness.**

**"No. I'm not lost."**

"Yes, you are," Rose murmured sadly.

**Now that I was closer–and my eyes felt oddly in focus–I analyzed the short, dark man's face.**

**It was not familiar in any way. I suffered a curious sensation of disappointment that this was not the terrible man who had tried to hurt me almost a year ago.**

"Disappointment?" we all echoed in dismay.

"She wanted it to be them," Edward's voice broke and Rosalie growled at him.

"This is all your fault! Because of you she actually wished for those guys to be the ones that almost raped her!" Rose shrieked, lunging for Edward. Fortunately, Emmett held her tight in his arms as she struggled although he looked like he would rather help.

After Rose calmed down my mate spoke. "I told you before – we will not attack Edward. Is that clear?" he asked and they all nodded reluctantly. "We are almost finished with this chapter and then we are all going to hunt," he said. No one dared contradict him.

**The voice in my head was quiet now.**

**The short man noticed my stare. "Can I buy you a drink?" he offered, nervous, seeming flattered that I'd singled him out to stare at.**

**"I'm too young," I answered automatically.**

**He was baffled–wondering why I had approached them. I felt compelled to explain.**

**"From across the street, you looked like someone I knew. Sorry, my mistake."**

**The threat that had pulled me across the street had evaporated. These were not the dangerous men I remembered. They were probably nice guys. Safe. I lost interest.**

Alice was appalled, as was I. "She wanted them to be dangerous," she said lowly, disbelief coloring her tone.

**"That's okay," the confident blonde said. "Stay and hang out with us."**

**"Thanks, but I can't." Jessica was hesitating in the middle of the street, her eyes wide with outrage and betrayal.**

**"Oh, just a few minutes."**

**I shook my head, and turned to rejoin Jessica.**

**"Let's go eat," I suggested, barely glancing at her. Though I appeared to be, for the moment, freed of the zombie abstraction, I was just as distant. My mind was preoccupied. The safe, numb deadness did not come back, and I got more anxious with every minute that passed without its return.**

**"What were you thinking?" Jessica snapped. "You don't know them–they could have been psychopaths!"**

**I shrugged, wishing she would let it go. "I just thought I knew the one guy."**

**"You are so odd, Bella Swan. I feel like I don't know who you are."**

"I don't know that she knows who she is either," I commented sadly. I had already grown to hate this book with a passion that was very unlike me, but I couldn't help it. So much pain…

**"Sorry." I didn't know what else to say to that.**

**We walked to McDonald's in silence. I'd bet that she was wishing we'd taken her car instead of walking the short distance from the theater, so that she could use the drive-through. She was just as anxious now for this evening to be over as I had been from the beginning.**

**I tried to start a conversation a few times while we ate, but Jessica was not cooperative. I must have really offended her.**

**When we go back in the car, she tuned the stereo back to her favorite station and turned the volume too loud to allow easy conversation.**

**I didn't have to struggle as hard as usual to ignore the music. Even though my mind, for once, was not carefully numb and empty, I had too much to think about to hear the lyrics.**

**I waited for the numbness to return, or the pain. Because the pain must be coming. I'd broken my personal rules. Instead of shying away from the memories, I'd walked forward and greeted them. I'd heard his voice, so clearly, in my head. That was going to cost me, I was sure of it. Especially if I couldn't reclaim the haze to protect myself. I felt too alert, and that frightened me.**

**But relief was still the strongest emotion in my body–relief that came from the very core of my being.**

**As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget.**

We all frowned at that. She couldn't even bear to think of us, and yet she was terrified of forgetting us…

**I worried–late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses–that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them.**

"I can't even imagine how difficult that must be," Jasper said quietly and I could hear the mix of awe and sadness in his voice.

**Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live–I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.**

Edward looked both pained and hopeful at that. _It's true, Edward. She loves you,_ I thought to him and he looked at me, giving me a small, timid smile. I returned it before I continued reading.

**That's why I was more trapped in Forks than I ever had been before, why I'd fought with Charlie when he suggested a change. Honestly, it shouldn't matter; no one was ever coming back here.**

**But if I were to go to Jacksonville, or anywhere else bright and unfamiliar, how could I be sure he was real? In a place where I could never imagine him, the conviction might fade… and that I could not live through.**

"It's all your fault," Alice muttered. I frowned at her, but didn't scold her for it. I knew that they all must think far worse things at him in their minds.

**Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.**

**I was surprised when Jessica stopped the car in front of my house. The ride had not taken long, but, short as it seemed, I wouldn't have thought that Jessica could go that long without speaking.**

**"Thanks for going out with me, Jess," I said as I opened my door. **

**"That was…fun." I hoped that fun was the appropriate word.**

**"Sure," she muttered.**

**"I'm sorry about… after the movie."**

**"Whatever, Bella." She glared out the windshield instead of looking at me. She seemed to be growing angrier rather than getting over it.**

I frowned and my daughters hissed. "I really do not like her," they chorused and I silently agreed with them.

**"See you Monday?"**

**"Yeah. Bye."**

**I gave up and shut the door. She drove away, still without looking at me.**

**I'd forgotten her by the time I was inside.**

**Charlie was waiting for me in the middle of the hall, his arms folded tight over his chest with his hands balled into fists.**

**"Hey, Dad," I said absentmindedly as I ducked around Charlie, heading for the stairs. I'd been thinking about him for too long, and I wanted to be upstairs before it caught up with me.**

**"Where have you been?" Charlie demanded.**

**I looked at my dad, surprised. "I went to a movie in Port Angeles with Jessica. Like I told you this morning."**

**"Humph," he grunted.**

**"Is that okay?"**

**He studied my face, his eyes widening as if he saw something unexpected.**

**"Yeah, that's fine. Did you have fun?"**

**"Sure," I said. "We watched zombies eat people. It was great."**

**His eyes narrowed.**

**"'Night, Dad."**

**He let me pass. I hurried to my room.**

**I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.**

I whimpered quietly and Carlisle kissed the top of my head. "I know, darling, I know," he murmured and I couldn't help but relax a little. What would I do without him?

**It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. **

"This is… unbelievably terrible," Carlisle said in an agonized tone of voice. I couldn't speak. That was…

**My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.**

"She doesn't even want to feel anything…" Jasper breathed, his expression screaming of sadness.

**And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain–the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head–but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.**

**Whatever it was that had happened tonight–and whether it was the zombies, the adrenaline, or the hallucinations that were responsible–it had woken me up.**

**For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to expect in the morning.**

We were all silent. No one knew what to say. Eventually Carlisle spoke up. "We are all going hunting and we will discuss this when we return," he said softly and everyone nodded. We were all still stunned.

I followed as Carlisle ran out the door and into the forest that surrounded our home and I heard the sound of the others running out of the house, too, but I couldn't focus on it. Every bit of my immortal attention was focused on my youngest child, my Bella.

I couldn't believe the depth of pain that she had endured – and no doubt endured even now. But she was strong. She had survived when many would have fallen long ago. I could only hope that she was still holding on and that she would last until we were able to finish the book and return to her. Please, Bella… Hold on, my daughter…

**A/N: Okay, in this chapter I said that the date was March 15 because I've studied the book and, as close as I can figure, Bella jumped from the cliff on March 16. Anyways, hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! :D Thanks for reading – now, review please!**

**- Ashe**


	6. Cheater

Edward

I ran from the house and entered the forest, moving away from the rest of my family as fast as I could. I don't know how far I ran before I collapsed to the ground in a heap.

I could have cried, were I human. As it was, I dry sobbed. My Bella, my angel… She was suffering so much… It hurt me so much to read this because – _I _did this to her. _I _left her like that. And it was killing me to read about her pain.

I never thought… I always believed that because Bella was human that her feelings must not be as strong as mine. I assumed that, because I've known the minds of thousands of teenagers who were "in love", her feelings, her love, could not possibly compare to mine. But then Jasper showed us all what she felt for me… I've never felt anything so strong, so… pure. Not… Not even my love for her. It comes close but… Even my feelings for her can't quite measure up. But…

All of the problems remain the same. I am still dangerous to her – we are still a danger to her. As much as I miss her, as much as I love her, can I go back and knowingly endanger her life? I shudder as I remember a line from… _that _chapter.

_Love, life, meaning… over._

Did she really mean that? After these last few chapters I'm not so sure that I know the correct answer anymore… Before, I would have said that she was just being melodramatic, overdramatizing things. But now…

I let out a low, pained cry. I shook my head roughly. I needed to know more. I needed to read more. I wanted to know everything…

I jumped up and began my hunt. I had to get back to the house so that I could keep reading about my love. It would get better, I was certain… It had to get better…

Once I was finished I rushed back to house and I could hear the sounds of my family's approach and my heart sank a little. I was pretty sure that they were going to say something. If not now, then soon.

After everyone was settled in the house I hesitantly cleared my throat. "I would like to read, please," I said quietly and my siblings all looked at me sharply when I spoke. I knew that they blamed me – they should. Carlisle said nothing but Esme got up and crossed over to me before handing me the book.

She looked into my eyes for a moment before smiling just a little and returning to her seat. _It will be alright, Edward. I know that the others blame you and, yes, you did make the decision that led to this. However, I want you to know that I am here for you. I love you, Edward, and I just want you to be happy – both of you. I don't approve of your choice, but I won't abandon you because of it, _Esme thought to me and I gave her a small nod and slight half-smile of appreciation. It was a relief to know that she wouldn't curse me in her thoughts like the others. Carlisle, either. He was stern but not condemning like the others.

"Well, are you going to read?" Emmett asked in annoyance and I sighed, looking down at the book in my lap. I didn't respond.

**5. Cheater**

**Bella, why don't you take off," Mike suggested, his eyes focused off to the side, not really looking at me. I wondered how long that had been going on without me noticing.**

**It was a slow afternoon at Newton's.**

**At the moment there were only two patrons in the store, dedicated backpackers from the sound of their conversation. Mike had spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands of lightweight packs with them.** **But they'd taken a break from serious pricing to indulge in trying to one-up each other with their latest tales from the trail. Their distraction had given Mike a chance to escape.**

**"I don't mind staying," I said. I still hadn't been able to sink back into my protective shell of numbness, and everything seemed oddly close and loud today, like I'd taken cotton out of my ears.** **I tried to tune out the laughing hikers without success.**

I frowned sadly. How could I possibly cause her so much pain… No. It would get better, I told myself feebly. I wasn't sure it wasn't a lie, but I wasn't sure that was, either. My family's thoughts bombarded me.

_Thank goodness she's not numb like she was before. The poor girl… _Esme was full of motherly relief and it made me glad that she worried about my Bella so much. Still, it was too difficult to smile without having her here by my side…

_Hmm… Still not sure about the symptoms… _I quickly tuned Carlisle out. His thoughts were too technical and I didn't want to hear about the possible things wrong with my angel. There was nothing wrong with her. She was going to get better… Wasn't she?

_You jerk! Listen to what you did to my sister! This is all your fault, Edward! _Alice was still fuming at me in her thoughts. I didn't blame her.

_Dude! You made my little sis crazy! That's not okay, man! _Emmett half glared/half pouted at me. He really was upset and worried about his little sister. It made me feel even worse.

_This is all your fault, you know?! I may not have been kind to her when we were still in Forks, but now I know what a mistake that was. And she didn't deserve what you did to her! You made her _wish _for those assholes who almost attacked her before! _Rosalie was seething at me and her thoughts made me want to sob. Those… monsters that almost got her in Port Angeles the first time were going to… _rape _her, and I made her wish to run into them again. What kind of monster was I…

_Numb. No feeling whatsoever. Terrible… _Jasper shuddered lightly at his own thought and so did I. He was still agonizing over how horrifying it must be to be an emotional vacuum – no feeling, no sensations. He honestly couldn't imagine it, and I was horrified that I had caused my sweet Bella to feel such a thing, to be in such a state…

I gritted my teeth for a moment and forced myself to continue reading. It would get better. That was starting to become my new mantra.

**"I'm telling you," said the thickset man with the orange beard that didn't match his dark brown hair. **

**"I've seen grizzlies** **pretty close up in Yellowstone, but they had nothing on this brute."** **His hair was matted, and his clothes looked like they'd been on his back for more than a few days. Fresh from the mountains.**

**"Not a chance. Black bears don't get that big. The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs."** **The second man was tall and lean, his face tanned and wind-whipped into an impressive leathery crust.**

**"Seriously, Bella, as soon as these two give up, I'm closing the place down," Mike murmured.**

**"If you want me to go…" I shrugged.**

**"On all fours it was taller than you," the bearded man insisted while I gathered my things together. "Big as a house and pitch-black.**

**I'm going to report it to the ranger here. People ought to be warned—this wasn't up on the mountain, mind you—this was only a few miles from the trailhead."**

**Leather-face** **laughed and rolled his eyes. "Let me guess—you were on your way in? Hadn't eaten real food or slept off the ground in a week, right?"**

**"Hey, uh, Mike, right?" the bearded man called, looking toward us.**

**"See you Monday," I mumbled.**

**"Yes, sir," Mike replied, turning away.**

**"Say, have there been any warnings around here recently—about black bears?"**

**"No, sir. But it's always good to keep your distance and store your food correctly. Have you seen the new bear-safe canisters? They only weigh two pounds…"**

**The doors slid open to let me out into the rain. I hunched over inside my jacket as I dashed for my truck.**

**The rain hammering against my hood sounded unusually loud, too, but soon the roar of the engine drowned out everything else.**

**I didn't want to go back to Charlie's empty house. Last night had been particularly brutal, and I had no desire to revisit the scene of the suffering.**

I grimaced. Suffering… She was suffering because of me… And it was agonizing to hear, to read about. I hurried on before my siblings could yell at me in their thoughts. I didn't think I could handle it right now.

**Even after the pain had subsided enough for me to sleep, it wasn't over. Like I'd told Jessica after the movie, there was never any doubt that I would have nightmares.**

**I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare.** **You'd think I'd get bored after so many months, grow immune to it. But the dream never failed to horrify me, and only ended when I woke myself with screaming.**

I whimpered a little and everyone else winced, but no one said anything. She woke up… screaming… every night. Because of me. If I wasn't going to hell before, just for being a vampire, then I most certainly was now. Because only the worst kind of monster could bring such pain to an angel such as her.

**Charlie didn't come in to see what was wrong anymore, to make sure there was no intruder strangling me or something like that—he was used to it now.**

"That's terrible," Esme and Carlisle whispered in tandem, both thinking about if it was one of us doing something like that. They couldn't imagine how bad it must be, how constant, before they could ever possibly become used to it. I shuddered at their thoughts.

**My nightmare probably wouldn't even frighten someone else. Nothing jumped out and screamed, "Boo!"**

**There were no zombies, no ghosts, no psychopaths. There was nothing, really. Only nothing.**

**Just the endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy… **

My breathing hitched. She was reliving that day in the forest, over and over and over… My eyes welled up with venom tears that would never fall. Every night she lived through it all again and even in her dreams she couldn't find me…

I was sure that my siblings were mentally yelling at me again but I was trying desperately not to let them slip through. I'm sure that if I was forced to listen to them all and read this at the same time, then I would end up curled up in a ball on the floor again. And I needed to keep going. I had to know.

My mantra repeated in my head again. It will get better.

**Then there would come the point in my dream—and I could feel it coming now, but could never seem to wake myself up before it hit—when I couldn't remember what it was that I was searching for.**

**When I realized that there was nothing to search for, and nothing to find. That there never had been anything more than just this empty, dreary wood, and there never would be anything more for me… nothing but nothing…**

**That was usually about when the screaming started.**

"This is… awful," Alice is whispered, her face betraying the pain it caused her to read about this. I knew that she missed her almost as much as I did and I felt another wave of guilt for taking us all away from her, for separating Alice from her sister, her best friend.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I whimpered slightly and she looked at me sharply before her face softened just a little and she nodded.

**I wasn't paying attention to where I was driving—just wandering through empty, wet side roads as I avoided the ways that would take me home—because I didn't have anywhere to go.**

**I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn't remember how I'd managed it before. The nightmare was nagging at my mind and making me think about things that would cause me pain. I didn't want to remember the forest. Even as I shuddered away from the images, I felt my eyes fill with tears and the aching begin around the edges of the hole in my chest.**

**I took one hand from the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso to hold it in one piece.**

_**It will be as if I'd never existed.**_

A sob broke from my throat and I gulped audibly. So much pain… She believed me. She believed every word… Not once did she question me and now those… That blasphemy was stuck in her mind… Oh, god, what have I done? When I get back… Wait! What am I thinking? I can't go back. She has to be safe. My Bella has to be safe… I frowned sadly.

**The words ran through my head, lacking the perfect clarity of my hallucination last night. They were just words, soundless, like print on a page.**

**Just words, but they ripped the hole wide open, and I stomped on the brake, knowing I should not drive while this incapacitated.**

**I curled over, pressing my face against the steering wheel and trying to breathe without lungs.**

**I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now—if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it—I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me.**

My mouth fell open a little at that. "You hear that? She would be thankful for what time you gave her, even though she thinks you don't love her. Great job, Eddie boy," Rose applauded me sarcastically.

"Rose," Carlisle cautioned her. "I know that Edward has a few things to answer to, but we'll deal with that once we're done with this chapter. Alright?" he asked and everyone nodded, though reluctantly.

**More than I'd asked for, more than I'd deserved. **

**Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way.**

**But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?**

**I held myself tightly together. As if he'd never existed, I thought in despair. What a stupid and impossible promise to make!**

**He could steal my pictures and reclaim his gifts, but that didn't put things back the way they'd been before I'd met him. The physical evidence was the most insignificant part of the equation. I was changed, my insides altered almost past the point of recognition.**

My teeth were clenched. How impossibly stupid was I to ever believe that her feelings were less than my own? The way that she described it was precisely the way that vampires reacted when they found their mates. But she was still human? How could she possibly feel that? I didn't understand.

**Even my outsides looked different—my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes. My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that—if I were beautiful, and seen from a distance—I might even pass for a vampire now. But I was not beautiful, and I probably looked closer to a zombie.**

I frowned deeply. Bella was always beautiful, but she could never see herself clearly. Silly, gorgeous girl… Oh, how I missed her, longed for her. My Bella…

**As if he'd never existed? That was insanity.**

**It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he'd made it.**

**I thumped my head against the steering wheel, trying to distract myself from the sharper pain.**

Carlisle frowned. "That's not healthy," he said worriedly and I silently agreed and worried with him.

**It made me feel silly for ever worrying about keeping my promise. Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party? Who cared if I was reckless and stupid?**

I froze. "What?" I hissed lowly. No, Bella, no. You promised. Please… I begged silently. She had to be safe. She had to.

**There was no reason to avoid recklessness, no reason why I shouldn't get to be stupid.**

**I laughed humorlessly to myself, still gasping for air. Reckless in Forks—now there was a hopeless proposition.**

"Not for you," Alice mumbled. I was still in too much shock to respond. She couldn't…

**The dark humor distracted me, and the distraction eased the pain. My breath came easier, and I was able to lean back against the seat. **

**Though it was cold today, my forehead was damp with sweat. I concentrated on my hopeless proposition to keep from sliding back into the excruciating memories. To be reckless in Forks would take a lot of creativity—maybe more than I had. But I wished I could find some way…**

"Absolutely not!" Esme snapped, her motherly protective side going into overdrive. If I could speak I would agree with her.

She wanted to be reckless. She wanted to find something dangerous. And it was all my fault. What have I done?

**I might feel better if I weren't holding fast, all alone, to a broken pact. If I were an oath-breaker, too. But how could I cheat on my side of the deal, here in this harmless little town? Of course, Forks hadn't always been so harmless, but now it was exactly what it had always appeared to be. It was dull, it was safe.**

I relaxed just a little. I had forgotten about that. Of course. Forks was a small town. It was safe. She was safe…

**I stared out the windshield for a long moment, my thoughts moving sluggishly—I couldn't seem to make those thoughts go anywhere. I cut the engine, which was groaning in a pitiful way after idling for so long, and stepped out into the drizzle.**

**The cold rain dripped through my hair and then trickled across my cheeks like freshwater tears. It helped to clear my head. I blinked the water from my eyes, staring blankly across the road.**

**After a minute of staring, I recognized where I was. I'd parked in the middle of the north lane of Russell Avenue. I was standing in front of the Cheneys' house—my truck was blocking their driveway—and across the road lived the Markses. I knew I needed to move my truck, and that I ought to go home. It was wrong to wander the way I had, distracted and impaired, a menace on the roads of Forks. **

**Besides, someone would notice me soon enough, and report me to Charlie.**

**As I took a deep breath in preparation to move, a sign in the Markses' yard caught my eye—it was just a big piece of cardboard leaning against their mailbox post, with black letters scrawled in caps across it.**

**Sometimes, kismet happens**.

**Coincidence? Or was it meant to be? I didn't know, but it seemed kind of silly to think that it was somehow fated, that the dilapidated motorcycles rusting in the Markses' front yard beside the hand-printed FOR SALE, AS IS sign were serving some higher purpose by existing there, right where I needed them to be.**

"NO!" I roared. No, no, no, no, no! What was she thinking?!

"Motorcycles?!" Esme hissed in horror. Everyone else seemed to share our sentiment.

"She cannot ride a motorcycle!" I hissed. "She can't even walk across a flat surface without tripping on something!" I seethed. Everyone was silent for now, all thinking about the possible things that could go wrong with this kind of thing.

What the hell was she thinking? Motorcycles? Was she trying to get herself killed? My chest tightened painfully at that thought. No. She would be okay. She had to be okay.

It would get better. It would get better. It would get better.

**So maybe it wasn't kismet. Maybe there were just all kinds of ways to be reckless, and I only now had my eyes open to them.**

**Reckless and stupid. Those were Charlie's two very favorite words to apply to motorcycles.**

**Charlie's job didn't get a lot of action compared to cops in bigger towns, but he did get called in on traffic accidents. With the long, wet stretches of freeway twisting and turning through the forest, blind corner after blind corner, there was no shortage of that kind of action.**

**But even with all the huge log-haulers barreling around the turns, mostly people walked away. The exceptions to that rule were often on motorcycles, and Charlie had seen one too many victims, almost always kids, smeared on the highway.**

I shuddered in horror along with the rest of my family. _What the hell was she thinking? _The thought ran through all of our minds at the same time.

**He'd made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on a motorcycle. Even at that age, I didn't have to think twice before promising. Who would want to ride a motorcycle here? It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.**

**So many promises I kept…**

**It clicked together for me then. I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises.**

**Why stop at one?**

Esme's mouth dropped open a little. "That's…" she couldn't seem to find a way to finish her statement, even in her mind. I couldn't find one either.

**That's as far as I thought it through. I sloshed through the rain to the Markses' front door and rang the bell.**

**One of the Marks boys opened the door, the younger one, the freshman. I couldn't remember his name.**

**His sandy hair only came up to my shoulder.**

**He had no trouble remembering my name.** **"Bella Swan?" he asked in surprise.**

**"How much do you want for the bike?" I panted, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the sales display.**

**"Are you serious?" he demanded.**

**"Of course I am."**

**"They don't work."**

**I sighed impatiently—this was something I'd already inferred from the sign. "How much?"**

**"If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they'd get picked up with the garbage."**

**I glanced at the bikes again and saw that they were resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches.**

"Exactly where they should stay," Rose seethed. She was just as worried as the rest of us and in the back of my mind I was appreciative of her concern, but I couldn't concentrate on that. Not right now.

**"Are you positive about that?"**

**"Sure, you want to ask her?"**

**It was probably better not to involve adults who might mention this to Charlie.**

**"No, I believe you."**

**"You want me to help you?" he offered. "They're not light."**

**"Okay, thanks. I only need one, though."**

**"Might as well take both," the boy said. "Maybe you could scavenge some parts."**

**He followed me out into the downpour and helped me load both of the heavy bikes into the back of my truck. He seemed eager to be rid of them, so I didn't argue.**

**"What are you going to do with them, anyway?" he asked. "They haven't worked in years."**

**"I kind of guessed that," I said, shrugging. My spur-of-the-moment whim hadn't come with a plan intact.**

**"Maybe I'll take them to Dowling's."**

Rose snorted. "Yeah, right. Hack mechanic who overcharges for shoddy workmanship," she muttered irritatedly and the family couldn't help but crack smiles at that. Except for me. I couldn't smile without her here. Not really.

**He snorted. "Dowling would charge more to fix them than they'd be worth running."**

**I couldn't argue with that. John Dowling had earned a reputation for his pricing; no one went to him except in an emergency. Most people preferred to make the drive up to Port Angeles, if their car was able. **

**I'd been very lucky on that front—I'd been worried, when Charlie first gifted me my ancient truck, that I wouldn't be able to afford to keep it running. But I'd never had a single problem with it, other than the screaming-loud engine and the fifty-five-mile-per-hour maximum speed limit. Jacob Black had kept it in great shape when it had belonged to his father, Billy…**

I almost growled at the mention of Jacob Black. The boy had a crush on my Bella…

**Inspiration hit like a bolt of lightning—not unreasonable, considering the storm. "You know what? That's okay. I know someone who builds cars."**

**"Oh. That's good." He smiled in relief.**

**He waved as I pulled away, still smiling. Friendly kid.**

**I drove quickly and purposefully now, in a hurry to get home before there was the slightest chance of Charlie appearing, even in the highly unlikely event that he might knock off early. I dashed through the house to the phone, keys still in hand.**

Esme and Carlisle looked disappointed. "She's going to deceive her own father," Carlisle sighed, running a single hand through his hair. Esme smiled sadly and hugged his side. I looked away. It reminded me too much of when Bella would do that with me, and it hurt.

**"Chief Swan, please," I said when the deputy answered. "It's Bella."**

**"Oh, hey, Bella," Deputy Steve said affably. "I'll go get him."**

**I waited.**

**"What's wrong, Bella?" Charlie demanded as soon as he picked up the phone.**

**"Can't I call you at work without there being an emergency?"**

**He was quiet for a minute. "You never have before. Is there an emergency?"**

"No, Dad, I just want directions to someone who I'm gonna convince to help me do something stupid and dangerous and break a couple promises. No big deal," Emmett said in a teasing tone. The family just smiled a little at him. We all knew how much he worried about his fragile human sister, and we knew that he was just trying to ease the tension. Even me. Otherwise I would have growled at him for it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

**"No. I just wanted directions to the Blacks' place—I'm not sure I can remember the way. I want to visit Jacob. I haven't seen him in months."**

**When Charlie spoke again, his voice was much happier.** **"That's a great idea, Bells. Do you have a pen?"**

**The directions he gave me were very simple. I assured him that I would be back for dinner, though he tried to tell me not to hurry. He wanted to join me in La Push, and I wasn't having that.**

**So it was with a deadline that I drove too quickly through the storm-darkened streets out of town. I hoped I could get Jacob alone. Billy would probably tell on me if he knew what I was up to.**

**While I drove, I worried a little bit about Billy's reaction to seeing me. He would be too pleased. In Billy's mind, no doubt, this had all worked out better than he had dared to hope. His pleasure and relief would only remind me of the one I couldn't bear to be reminded of. Not again today, I pleaded silently.**

**I was spent.**

I almost whimpered. She couldn't even bear to think of me… I truly was a monster.

**The Blacks' house was vaguely familiar, a small wooden place with narrow windows, the dull red paint making it resemble a tiny barn.**

**Jacob's head peered out of the window before I could even get out of the truck. No doubt the familiar roar of the engine had tipped him off to my approach. Jacob had been very grateful when Charlie bought Billy's truck for me, saving Jacob from having to drive it when he came of age. I liked my truck very much, but Jacob seemed to consider the speed restrictions a shortcoming.**

**He met me halfway to the house.**

**"Bella!" His excited grin stretched wide across his face, the bright teeth standing in vivid contrast to the deep russet color of his skin. I'd never seen his hair out of its usual ponytail before. It fell like black satin curtains on either side of his broad face.**

**Jacob had grown into some of his potential in the last eight months. **

**He'd passed that point where the soft muscles of childhood hardened into the solid, lanky build of a teenager; the tendons and veins had become prominent under the red-brown skin of his arms, his hands. His face was still sweet like I remembered it, though it had hardened, too—the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childish roundness gone.**

I frowned deeply at that. I didn't like hearing the way that she described the boy. It was almost as if… No. She wouldn't. But still… I didn't like it.

**"Hey, Jacob!" I felt an unfamiliar surge of enthusiasm at his smile. I realized that I was pleased to see him.**

I huffed a little and Jasper glanced at me sharply. _Edward, please, try to tone down the jealousy a little. I'm having the urge to take Alice upstairs and lock her away in the bedroom just to keep any other males away from her, _he thought seriously. _You know Bella loves you. I showed you how she felt. And… I'm sorry. I know that it's my fault that you decided to leave, _he thoughts sadly, his thoughts expressing his own guilty feelings.

I frowned at him and shook my head a little, struggling to calm myself and sending him a wave of forgiveness. Not that I ever blamed him in the first place. It was my fault, not his. He smiled a little at me, but I knew that he didn't really believe me. Still, he had improved drastically since we read about how Bella, my innocent angel, never blamed him either.

**This knowledge surprised me.**

**I smiled back, and something clicked silently into place, like two corresponding puzzle pieces. I'd forgotten how much I really liked Jacob Black.**

My frown deepened, but I tried to keep a handle on my jealousy for Jasper's sake.

**He stopped a few feet away from me, and I stared up at him in surprise, leaning my head back though the rain pelted my face.**

**"You grew again!" I accused in amazement.**

**He laughed, his smile widening impossibly. "Six five," he announced with self-satisfaction. His voice was deeper, but it had the husky tone I remembered.**

I huffed again and Rose smirked at me. _What? You don't want a little competition? After all, you're the idiot that left her._

I glared at her but she just met my stare coolly.

**"Is it ever going to stop?" I shook my head in disbelief. "You're huge."**

**"Still a beanpole, though." He grimaced. "Come inside! You're getting all wet."**

Emmett opened his mouth to speak, but I hissed at him before he could. Rose smacked him on the head and Esme scolded him. "Emmett! I do not want to hear you say anything inappropriate!"

Rose snorted. "Unfortunately, I'm not sure that that's possible," she pointed out and Esme sighed in defeat, knowing that it was true.

_Bet you wish she was wet for you, huh, Eddie boy? _Emmett mentally chuckled and I growled at him. How dare he think about my Bella that way. I flinched a little as Emmett's mind turned to what he wanted to do with Rosalie after we finished this book.

I shuddered. I hated being in Emmett's mind. I had seen far more of my sister than I should ever be subjected to. Even if we weren't actually related… I shuddered again before deciding it would be safest just to keep reading.

**He led the way, twisting his hair in his big hands as he walked. He pulled a rubber band from his hip pocket and wound it around the bundle.**

**"Hey, Dad," he called as he ducked to get through the front door. "Look who stopped by."**

**Billy was in the tiny square living room, a book in his hands. He set the book in his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw me.**

**"Well, what do you know! It's good to see you, Bella."**

**We shook hands. Mine was lost in his wide grasp.**

**"What brings you out here? Everything okay with Charlie?"**

**"Yes, absolutely. I just wanted to see Jacob—I haven't seen him in forever."**

**Jacob's eyes brightened at my words. He was smiling so big it looked like it would hurt his cheeks.**

**"Can you stay for dinner?" Billy was eager, too.**

**"No, I've got to feed Charlie, you know."**

**"I'll call him now," Billy suggested. "He's always invited."**

**I laughed to hide my discomfort. "It's not like you'll never see me again. I promise I'll be back again soon—so much you'll get sick of me." After all, if Jacob could fix the bike, someone had to teach me how to ride it.**

A growl rumbled in my chest. Stupid son of a mutt…

**Billy chuckled in response. "Okay, maybe next time."**

**"So, Bella, what do you want to do?" Jacob asked.**

**"Whatever. What were you doing before I interrupted?" I was strangely comfortable here. It was familiar, but only distantly. There were no painful reminders of the recent past.**

"Hmm…" Carlisle mused. "That could explain her relative level of ease being there. The place has no obvious connection to any of us," he said thoughtfully and I was both pained and glad. I was glad because I didn't want her to be in pain, but at the same time I regretted that I never got the opportunity to go there with her. Still, I was grateful for her calmness even if she was with the boy.

**Jacob hesitated. "I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else…"**

**"No, that's perfect!" I interrupted. "I'd love to see your car."**

**"Okay," he said, not convinced.** **"It's out back, in the garage."**

**Even better, I thought to myself. I waved at Billy. "See you later."**

**A thick stand of trees and shrubbery concealed his garage from the house. The garage was no more than a couple of big preformed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out.**

**Under this shelter, raised on cinder blocks, was what looked to me like a completed automobile. I recognized the symbol on the grille, at least.**

"Hmm. Well, that's something, at least," Rose shrugged.

**"What kind of Volkswagen is that?" I asked.**

**"It's an old Rabbit—1986, a classic."**

**"How's it going?"**

**"Almost finished," he said cheerfully. And then his voice dropped into a lower key. "My dad made good on his promise last spring."**

**"Ah," I said.**

**He seemed to understand my reluctance to open the subject. I tried not to remember last May at the prom. Jacob had been bribed by his father with money and car parts to deliver a message there. Billy wanted me to stay a safe distance from the most important person in my life. It turned out that his concern was, in the end, unnecessary. I was all too safe now.**

**But I was going to see what I could do to change that.**

We all hissed. I shook my head slowly. What was she _thinking_?

**"Jacob, what do you know about motorcycles?" I asked.**

**He shrugged. "Some. My friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?"**

**"Well…" I pursed my lips as I considered. I wasn't sure if he could keep his mouth shut, but I didn't have many other options. "I recently acquired a couple of bikes, and they're not in the greatest condition. I wonder if you could get them running?"**

**"Cool." He seemed truly pleased by the challenge. His face glowed. **

Emmett snickered. "His face glowed," he quoted, smirking at me. I growled at him.

**"I'll give it a try."**

**I held up one finger in warning. "The thing is," I explained, **

**"Charlie doesn't approve of motorcycles.** **Honestly, he'd probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew about this. So you can't tell Billy."**

**"Sure, sure." Jacob smiled. "I understand."**

**"I'll pay you," I continued.**

**This offended him. "No. I want to help. You can't pay me."**

**"Well… how about a trade, then?" I was making this up as I went, but it seemed reasonable enough. "I only need one bike—and I'll need lessons, too. So how about this? I'll give you the other bike, and then you can teach me."**

**"Swee-eet." He made the word into two syllables.**

Alice growled. "How stupid can you get? He must already know about how clumsy she is on her own two feet! And now he's going to teach her to ride a motorcycle?!" she fumed. I most definitely agreed with her.

**"Wait a sec—are you legal yet? When's your birthday?"**

**"You missed it," he teased, narrowing his eyes in mock resentment. "I'm sixteen."**

**"Not that your age ever stopped you before," I muttered. "Sorry about your birthday."**

**"Don't worry about it. I missed yours. What are you, forty?"**

**I sniffed. "Close."**

**"We'll have a joint party to make up for it."**

**"Sounds like a date."**

Alice and Rose groaned while I growled. "Bad choice of words, Bella," Rose shook her head and Alice sighed.

**His eyes sparkled at the word.**

**I needed to reign in the enthusiasm before I gave him the wrong idea—it was just that it had been a long time since I'd felt so light and buoyant. The rarity of the feeling made it more difficult to manage.**

I was still frowning but I didn't growl. At least she didn't think of it that way. But the boy was a problem…

**"Maybe when the bikes are finished—our present to ourselves," I added.**

**"Deal. When will you bring them down?"**

**I bit my lip, embarrassed. "They're in my truck now," I admitted.**

**"Great." He seemed to mean it.**

**"Will Billy see if we bring them around?"**

**He winked at me. "We'll be sneaky."**

**We eased around from the east, sticking to the trees when we were in view of the windows, affecting a casual-looking stroll, just in case. Jacob unloaded the bikes swiftly from the truck bed, wheeling them one by one into the shrubbery where I hid. It looked too easy for him—I'd remembered the bikes being much, much heavier than that.**

Carlisle frowned. "What is it?" I asked quietly and his eyes snapped to mine.

"Well, from the way that Bella described them, it should have been more difficult for the boy to lift them…" he mused and I froze at his thoughts.

"You think that he might be a werewolf?" I spat out and the rest of the family looked to Carlisle in shock.

Carlisle shrugged. "I'm not sure. We shall just have to wait and see," he said serenely and I grimaced. Leave it to Bella to find a dog after the vampires leave town…

**"These aren't half bad," Jacob appraised as we pushed them through the cover of the trees. "This one** **here will actually be worth something when I'm done—it's an old Harley Sprint."**

**"That one's yours, then."**

**"Are you sure?"**

**"Absolutely."**

**"These are going to take some cash, though," he said, frowning down at the blackened metal. "We'll have to save up for parts first."**

**"We nothing," I disagreed. "If you're doing this for free, I'll pay for the parts."**

**"I don't know…" he muttered.**

**"I've got some money saved. College fund, you know." College, schmollege, I thought to myself. It wasn't like I'd saved up enough to go anywhere special—and besides, I had no desire to leave Forks anyway. What difference would it make if I skimmed a little bit off the top?**

Esme frowned. "That's very irresponsible," she lectured. We all just nodded. It wasn't like we had to worry about it. Still, it made me sad to think that she had no interest in going to college. That was supposed to be something that she should want. It was a very human thing to do. Even we had attended college numerous times.

**Jacob just nodded. This all made perfect sense to him.**

**As we skulked back to the makeshift garage, I contemplated my luck. Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. He didn't see anything wrong with that picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods.**

I frowned and glared at the book in my hands. "That's the end of the chapter," I muttered.

"Alright then," Carlisle began. "The letter that we read before we began the book said that we should wait and read the whole thing before we actually did anything. However, I believe that we should at least discuss what we should do." I frowned suspiciously. What did he mean 'what we should do'?

"I say we go back to Forks," Rose suggested and I growled at her. Everyone just ignored me.

"Yes! We have to go back! Bella will be so glad to see us and we can stop all of the pain that she's in! I can have my sister back!" Alice squealed happily and I hissed lowly. Still, everyone ignored me.

Esme smiled the widest smile that I've seen on her since the day that we left. "I can have my daughter back and the family will be whole again," she said happily. I frowned. I couldn't bring myself to growl or hiss at Esme. She was too… kind and motherly.

"Yeah! I can get my clumsy little sis back!" Emmett cheered and I shook my head. No. We couldn't go back. We couldn't.

Jasper just smiled. I could tell from his thoughts that he worried about his self-control but he was dedicated to ensuring that a repeat of last September never occurred. He wanted to return, as well, though he was more hesitant than the others.

"No! We are not going back! We left to keep her safe!" I protested loudly and everyone but Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper glared at me.

My siblings started to yell and complain but Carlisle cut them off. "Enough!" he shouted and everyone turned to him as he faced me.

"Edward, that is enough. I understand that Bella is your mate and you are concerned for her safety. However, we should never have agreed to leave with you. All that our leaving has done is cause more damage than we ever could have by staying. And she is already not safe, son. Even these few chapters that we have read have proven that we need to go back as she is obviously determined not to be safe without us there. We are going back," Carlisle said sternly, raising a hand when I opened my mouth to protest. "No, Edward. I am the head of this family and we _are _going back once we finish this book. You will not protest, is that clear?" he said sternly.

My eyes fell shut and my shoulders slumped in defeat. "Yes…" I whispered and they all cheered. We were going back. We were back to Forks, back to Bella. It was the very thing that I tried to prevent. And I couldn't help but be glad. I really was a monster; I couldn't bring myself to care at the moment.

I was going back to her, back to my angel. A genuine smile spread across my face for the first time in almost six months.

**A/N: Okay. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. I just want to thank all of the readers. You guys rock! Now, review and tell me what you think! :D**

**- Kimmie: Alice will not have the vision because them getting the books changed the future. I won't say what will happen, but you will see later in the story. However, yes, they will finish the entire book. :)**

**- Ashe**


	7. Friends

Alice

I struggled to hold back my grin, but couldn't help but let a smile slip through. I hugged myself closer to Jazz. We were going back to Forks! I was going to get to see my best friend again!

I could almost have bounced with excitement if it weren't for the book that we were reading right now… I mentally sighed. What had we done? And I did mean 'we'. Edward may have made the initial decision to leave, but we all agreed to go with him – no matter how reluctantly we did so. We were at fault, too, but knowing Bella she wouldn't blame us for a thing. This book proved as much…

Emmett's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Can I read? Please, please, please!" he begged and I grinned at him. It was obvious how excited that he was to be going back to his little sister. I knew that Rosalie could tell as well by the tender smile that she let slip out.

"Of course, Emmett," Carlisle said calmly, though there was a touch of amusement in his voice.

Emmett grinned widely and hurried to grab the book and begin reading.

**6. Friends**

**The motorcycles didn't need to be hidden any further than simply placing them in Jacob's shed. Billy's wheelchair couldn't maneuver the uneven ground separating it from the house.**

**Jacob started pulling the first bike–the red one, which was destined for me–to pieces immediately. He opened up the passenger door of the Rabbit so I could sit on the seat instead of the ground. While he worked, Jacob chattered happily, needing only the lightest of nudges from me to keep the conversation rolling. He updated me on the progress of his sophomore year of school, running on about his classes and his two best friends.**

**"Quil and Embry?" I interrupted. "Those are unusual names."**

**Jacob chuckled. "Quil's is a hand-me-down, and I think Embry got named after a soap opera star. I can't say anything, though. They fight dirty if you start on their names–they'll tag team you."**

**"Good friends." I raised one eyebrow.**

**"No, they are. Just don't mess with their names."**

**Just then a call echoed in the distance. "Jacob?" someone shouted.**

**"Is that Billy?" I asked.**

**"No." Jacob ducked his head, and it looked like he was blushing under his brown skin.**

**"Speak of the devil," he mumbled, "and the devil shall appear."**

**"Jake? Are you out here?" The shouting voice was closer now.**

**"Yeah!" Jacob shouted back, and sighed.**

I frowned slightly. I was glad that Bella had a friend to help her – even if he was completely stupid for helping her _fix up motorcycles _– but I didn't like the way that things seemed to be heading. It was obvious that Jacob must have a crush on Bella, and I worried about how that would affect her given her current state of mind.

**We waited through the short silence until two tall, dark-skinned boys strolled around the corner into the shed.**

**One was slender, and almost as tall as Jacob. His black hair was chin-length and parted down the middle, one side tucked behind his left ear while the right side swung free. The shorter boy was more burly. His white T-shirt strained over his well-developed chest, and he seemed gleefully conscious of that fact. His hair was so short it was almost a buzz.**

**Both boys stopped short when they saw me. The thin boy glanced swiftly back and forth between Jacob and me, while the brawny boy kept his eyes on me, a slow smile spreading across his face.**

**"Hey, guys," Jacob greeted them halfheartedly.**

**"Hey, Jake," the short one said without looking away from me. I had to smile in response, his grin was so impish. When I did, he winked at me. "Hi, there."**

I couldn't help but giggle quietly and shake my head a little. Oh, Bella… Always picking up new admirers, all without doing even the slightest thing to intentionally encourage them…

**"Quil, Embry–this is my friend, Bella."**

**Quil and Embry, I still didn't know which was which, exchanged a loaded look.**

**"Charlie's kid, right?" the brawny boy asked me, holding out his hand.**

**"That's right," I confirmed, shaking hands with him. His grasp was firm; it looked like he was flexing his bicep.**

Edward growled quietly when Emmett read that, which made Emmett grin widely.

"Aw… Is little Eddy jealous?" Emmett snickered, his tone holding an underlying layer of ice. It would be a while before Emmett fully forgave Edward, the same as it would be for Rosalie and I. Jazz felt too guilty to blame Edward, but I wasn't going to give in so easily. Not this time. Yes, I shared a portion of the guilt, but he lied to everyone. He was my brother and I loved him, but I wasn't ready to forgive him for what he did to her in those woods yet. Not for a long while, probably.

**"I'm Quil Ateara," he announced grandly before releasing my hand.**

**"Nice to meet you, Quil."**

**"Hey, Bella. I'm Embry, Embry Call–you probably already figured that out, though." Embry smiled a shy smile and waved with one hand, which he then shoved in the pocket of his jeans.**

**I nodded. "Nice to meet you, too."**

**"So what are you guys doing?" Quil asked, still looking at me.**

**"Bella and I are going to fix up these bikes," Jacob explained inaccurately. But bikes seemed to be the magic word. Both boys went to examine Jacob's project, drilling him with educated questions. Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.**

Rose shook her head and sighed disappointedly. "Maybe she would let me teach her the basics?" she mused and I grinned at her. I was glad that Rose was over her animosity at Bella. I had a feeling that the two of them could actually be great friends given the opportunity…

**They were still immersed in talk of parts and pieces when I decided that I needed to head back home before Charlie showed up here. With a sigh, I slid out of the Rabbit.**

**Jacob looked up, apologetic. "We're boring you, aren't we?"**

**"Naw." And it wasn't a lie. I was enjoying myself–how strange. "I just have to go cook dinner for Charlie."**

**"Oh… well, I'll finish taking these apart tonight and figure out what more we'll need to get started rebuilding them. When do you want to work on them again?"**

**"Could I come back tomorrow?" Sundays were the bane of my existence. There was never enough homework to keep me busy.**

**Quil nudged Embry's arm and they exchanged grins.**

**Jacob smiled in delight. "That would be great!"**

**"If you make a list, we can go shop for parts," I suggested.**

**Jacob's face fell a little. "I'm still not sure I should let you pay for everything."**

**I shook my head. "No way. I'm bankrolling this party. You just have to supply the labor and expertise."**

**Embry rolled his eyes at Quil.**

**"That doesn't seem right," Jacob shook his head.**

**"Jake, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would he charge me?" I pointed out.**

**He smiled. "Okay, you're getting a deal."**

**"Not to mention the riding lessons," I added.**

**Quil grinned widely at Embry and whispered something I didn't catch.**

Emmett burst out laughing and everyone looked at him curiously except for Edward who glared at him and growled.

"What is going on?" Esme interjected and Emmett's laughter stopped, making him assume a sheepish expression. Edward hissed again and Emmett paused to throw a glare at him.

"It's just that I thought I knew what they might have said," he explained before glaring at Edward. "But I wasn't going to say it out loud!" Emmett growled at Edward before settling back in his seat and pulling Rose into his side.

Esme sighed before turning to Edward and cutting him off when he hissed. "Edward! You cannot fault Emmett for his own thoughts. Thoughts are meant to be private and while I understand that you cannot control some of the thoughts that you here, I do not want you to hold them against the others unless they are specifically meant for you to hear. Am I clear?" she asked evenly and Edward sighed.

"I'm sorry, Esme. I apologize, Emmett," Edward said quietly, relaxing once more. He was looking different since Carlisle decided that we were going back when we were finished with the book. Hmm… I thought about what it was and then I realized it, and I shook my head in exasperation. That's it. Once we finished this book, Rose, Emmett, and I needed to have a talk with him…

**Jacob's hand flashed out to smack the back of Quil's head. "That's it, get out," he muttered.**

**"No, really, I have to go," I protested, heading for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jacob."**

**As soon as I was out of sight, I heard Quil and Embry chorus, "Wooooo!"**

**The sound of a brief scuffle followed, interspersed with an "ouch" and a "hey!"**

**"If either of you set so much as one toe on my land tomorrow…" I heard Jacob threaten. His voice was lost as I walked through the trees.**

**I giggled quietly. The sound made my eyes widen in wonder. I was laughing, actually laughing, and there wasn't even anyone watching. I felt so weightless that I laughed again, just make the feeling last longer.**

I smiled, seeing my own expression mirrored on Esme and Rose's faces. She laughed.

**I beat Charlie home. When he walked in I was just taking the fried chicken out of the pan and laying it on a pile of paper towels.**

**"Hey, Dad." I flashed him a grin.**

**Shock flitted across his face before he pulled his expression together.**

**"Hey, honey," he said, his voice uncertain. "Did you have fun with Jacob?"**

**I started moving the food to the table. "Yeah, I did."**

**"Well, that's good." He was still cautious. "What did you two do?"**

**Now it was my turn to be cautious. "I hung out in his garage and watched him work. Did you know he's rebuilding a Volkswagen?"**

**"Yeah, I think Billy mentioned that."**

**The interrogation had to stop when Charlie began chewing, but he continued to study my face as he ate.**

**After dinner, I dithered around, cleaning the kitchen twice, and then did my homework slowly in the front room while Charlie watched a hockey game. I waited as long as I could, but finally Charlie mentioned the late hour. When I didn't respond, he got up, stretched, and then left, turning out the light behind him. Reluctantly, I followed.**

**As I climbed the stairs, I felt the last of the afternoon's abnormal sense of well-being drain from my system, replaced by a dull fear at the thought of what I was going to have to live through now.**

**I wasn't numb anymore. Tonight would, no doubt, be as horrific as last night. I lay down on my bed and curled into a ball in preparation for the onslaught. I squeezed my eyes shut and… the next thing I knew, it was morning.**

I sucked in a breath and heard the sound echoed throughout the room. She actually slept through the night… I looked up to see Esme hugging Carlisle with a relieved expression on her face. I squeezed Jasper tightly and grinned into his chest. I didn't know how to express how grateful I was that she got at least that one night of rest.

**I stared at the pale silver light coming through my window, stunned.**

**For the first time in more than four months, I'd slept without dreaming. Dreaming or screaming. **

**I couldn't tell which emotion was stronger–the relief or the shock.**

**I lay still in my bed for a few minutes, waiting for it to come back. Because something must be coming. If not the pain, then the numbness. I waited, but nothing happened. I felt more rested than I had in a long time.**

**I didn't trust this to last. It was a slippery, precarious edge that I balanced on, and it wouldn't take much to knock me back down. Just glancing around my room with these suddenly clear eyes–noticing how strange it looked, too tidy, like I didn't live here at all–was dangerous.**

**I pushed that thought from my mind, and concentrated, as I got dressed, on the fact that I was going to see Jacob again today. The thought made me feel almost… hopeful. **

**Maybe it would be the same as yesterday. Maybe I wouldn't have to remind myself to look interested and to nod or smile at appropriate intervals, the way I had to with everyone else. Maybe… but I wouldn't trust this to last, either. Wouldn't trust it to be the same–so easy–as yesterday.**

**I wasn't going to set myself up for disappointment like that.**

I heard Rose sigh lightly and, looking into her eyes, I could see the recognition and agreement in her eyes. Rose knew what that felt like, and she could fully comprehend the thoughts that Bella had for the most part, now that she was hearing them. I smiled sadly. That would bring them closer, but it was a connection I wished that they didn't have so that neither of them would have had to suffer that way.

**At breakfast, Charlie was being careful, too. He tried to hide his scrutiny, keeping his eyes on his eggs until he thought I wasn't looking.**

**"What are you up to today?" he asked, eyeing a loose thread on the edge of his cuff like he wasn't paying much attention to my answer.**

**"I'm going to hang out with Jacob again."**

**He nodded without looking up. "Oh," he said.**

**"Do you mind?" I pretended to worry. "I could stay…"**

**He glanced up quickly, a hint of panic in his eyes. "No, no! You go ahead. Harry was going to come up to watch the game with me anyway."**

**"Maybe Harry could give Billy a ride up," I suggested. The fewer witnesses the better.**

**"That's a great idea."**

**I wasn't sure if the game was just an excuse for kicking me out, but he looked excited enough now. He headed to the phone while I donned my rain jacket. I felt self-conscious with the checkbook shoved in my jacket pocket. It was something I never used.**

**Outside, the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket. I had to drive more slowly than I wanted to;**

**I could hardly see a car length in front of the truck. But I finally made it through the muddy lanes to Jacob's house. Before I'd killed the engine, the front door opened and Jacob came running out with a huge black umbrella.**

**He held it over my door while I opened it.**

**"Charlie called–said you were on your way," Jacob explained with a grin.**

**Effortlessly, without a conscious command to the muscles around my lips, my answering smile spread across my face. A strange feeling of warmth bubbled up in my throat, despite the icy rain splattering on my cheeks.**

**"Hi, Jacob."**

**"Good call on inviting Billy up." He held up his hand for a high five.**

**I had to reach so high to slap his hand that he laughed.**

**Harry showed up to get Billy just a few minutes later. Jacob took me on a brief tour of his tiny room while we waited to be unsupervised.**

**"So where to, Mr. Goodwrench?" I asked as soon as the door closed behind Billy.**

**Jacob pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out. "We'll start at the dump first, see if we can get lucky. This could get a little expensive," he warned me. "Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they'll run again." My face didn't look worried enough, so he continued. "I'm talking about maybe more than a hundred dollars here."**

**I pulled my checkbook out, fanned myself with it, and rolled my eyes at his worries. "We're covered."**

**It was a very strange kind of day. I enjoyed myself. Even at the dump, in the slopping rain and ankle-deep mud. I wondered at first if it was just the aftershock of losing the numbness, but I didn't think that was enough of an explanation.**

**I was beginning to think it was mostly Jacob. It wasn't just that he was always so happy to see me, or that he didn't watch me out of the corner of his eye, waiting for me to do something that would mark me as crazy or depressed.**

Carlisle sighed sadly. "She is depressed, but I'm glad that she's found a friend," he said softly. I agreed with him completely.

**It was nothing that related to me at all.**

**It was Jacob himself. Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. **

**Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. No wonder I was so eager to see him.**

**Even when he commented on the gaping hole in my dashboard, it didn't send me into a panic like it should have.**

**"Did the stereo break?" he wondered.**

**"Yeah," I lied.**

**He poked around in the cavity. "Who took it out? There's a lot of damage…"**

**"I did," I admitted.**

**He laughed. "Maybe you shouldn't touch the motorcycles too much."**

**"No problem."**

**According to Jacob, we did get lucky at the dump. He was very excited about several grease-blackened pieces of twisted metal that he found; I was just impressed that he could tell what they were supposed to be.**

I grinned and laughed lightly at that. Oh, Bella…

**From there we went to the Checker Auto Parts down in Hoquiam. In my truck, it was more than a two hour drive south on the winding freeway, but the time passed easily with Jacob.**

**He chattered about his friends and his school, and I found myself asking questions, not even pretending, truly curious to hear what he had to say.**

**"I'm doing all the talking," he complained** **after a long story about Quil and the trouble he'd stirred up by asking out a senior's steady girlfriend. "Why don't you take a turn? What's going on in Forks? It has to be more exciting than La Push."**

**"Wrong," I sighed. "There's really nothing. Your friends are a lot more interesting than mine.** **I like your friends. Quil's funny."**

**He frowned. "I think Quil likes you, too."**

**I laughed. "He's a little young for me."**

**Jacob's frown deepened. "He's not that much younger than you. It's just a year and a few months."**

I frowned. I had a feeling that Jacob wasn't talking about Quil anymore and I worried about what would happen to their friendship if Bella turned him down, as I was certain she would.

**I had a feeling we weren't talking about Quil anymore. I kept my voice light, teasing. "Sure, but, considering the difference in maturity between guys and girls, don't you have to count that in dog years? What does that make me, about twelve years older?"**

**He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Okay, but if you're going to get picky like that, you have to average in size, too. You're so small, I'll have to knock ten years off your total."**

**"Five foot four is perfectly average." I sniffed. "It's not my fault you're a freak."**

**We bantered like that till Hoquiam, still arguing over the correct formula to determine age–I lost two more years because I didn't know how to change a tire, but gained one back for being in charge of the bookkeeping at my house–until we were in Checker, and Jacob had to concentrate again. We found everything left on his list, and Jacob felt confident that he could make a lot of progress with our haul.**

**By the time we got back to La Push, I was twenty-three and he was thirty–he was definitely weighting skills in his favor.**

Emmett stopped reading and grinned. "Hey, cool, we should do that!" he exclaimed excitedly and Rose chuckled indulgently, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"Sure, babe, but another day, alright?" she asked amusedly and he nodded happily. We all just watched with smiles on our faces.

**I hadn't forgotten the reason for what I was doing. And, even though I was enjoying myself more than I'd thought possible, there was no lessening of my original desire.**

**I still wanted to cheat. It was senseless, and I really didn't care. I was going to be as reckless as I could possibly manage in Forks. I would not be the only keeper of an empty contract. Getting to spend time with Jacob was just a much bigger perk than I'd expected.**

I frowned, as did everyone else. Bella… It was unbearable to think that we had driven her to this…

**Billy wasn't back yet, so we didn't have to be sneaky about unloading our day's spoils. As soon as we had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to Jacob's toolbox, he went right to work, still talking and laughing while his fingers combed expertly through the metal pieces in front of him.**

**Jacob's skill with his hands was fascinating. They looked too big for the delicate tasks they performed with ease and precision. While he worked, he seemed almost graceful. Unlike when he was on his feet; there, his height and big feet made him nearly as dangerous as I was.**

**Quil and Embry did not show up, so maybe his threat yesterday had been taken seriously.**

**The day passed too quickly. It got dark outside the mouth of the garage before I was expecting it, and then we heard Billy calling for us.**

**I jumped up to help Jacob put things away, hesitating because I wasn't sure what I should touch.**

**"Just leave it," he said. "I'll work on it later tonight."**

**"Don't forget your schoolwork or anything," I said, feeling a little guilty.**

**I didn't want him to get in trouble. That plan was just for me.**

**"Bella?"**

**Both our heads snapped up as Charlie's familiar voice wafted through the trees, sounding closer than the house.**

**"Shoot," I muttered. "Coming!" I yelled toward the house.**

**"Let's go." Jacob smiled, enjoying the cloak-and-dagger. He snapped the light off, and for a moment I was blind. Jacob grabbed my hand and towed me out of the garage and through the trees, his feet finding the familiar path easily. His hand was rough, and very warm.**

Edward frowned and I snorted.

_Edward,_ I called and his eyes snapped to mine. _You've been here as we've read this entire book. Jasper showed you what she felt for you. Plus, no offense, but you've lost the right to be jealous until she takes you back. And she will take you back. She loves you, Edward. You. Now cut it out with the jealousy, okay? _

He nodded almost imperceptibly and I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. This little talk I had planned was starting to seem more and more necessary.

**Despite the path, we were both tripping over our feet in the darkness. So we were also both laughing when the house came into view. The laughter did not go deep; it was light and superficial, but still nice. I was sure he wouldn't notice the faint hint of hysteria. I wasn't used to laughing, and it felt right and also very wrong at the same time.**

**Charlie was standing under the little back porch, and Billy was sitting in the doorway behind them.**

**"Hey, Dad," we both said at the same time, and that started us laughing again.**

**Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to note Jacob's hand around mine.**

**"Billy invited us for dinner," Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone.**

**"My super secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations," Billy said gravely.**

**Jacob snorted. "I don't think Ragu's actually been around that long."**

**The house was crowded. Harry Clearwater was there, too, with his family–his wife, Sue, whom I knew vaguely from my childhood summers in Forks, and his two children. Leah was a senior like me, but a year older. She was beautiful in an exotic way–perfect copper skin, glistening black hair, eyelashes like feather dusters–and preoccupied. **

**She was on Billy's phone when we got in, and she never let it go. Seth was fourteen; he hung on Jacob's every word with idolizing eyes.**

**There were too many of us for the kitchen table, so Charlie and Harry brought chairs out to the yard, and we ate spaghetti off plates on our laps in the dim light from Billy's open door.**

**The men talked about the game, and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans. Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully, to shame him into eating something green and leafy. Jacob talked mostly to me and Seth, who interrupted eagerly whenever Jacob seemed in danger of forgetting him. Charlie watched me, trying to be inconspicuous about it, with pleased but cautious eyes.**

**It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. I didn't have to speak often, but I smiled a lot, and only because I felt like it.**

**I didn't want to leave.**

**This was Washington, though, and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the party; Billy's living room was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get-together. Harry had driven Charlie down, so we rode together in my truck on the way back home. He asked about my day, and I told mostly the truth–that I'd gone with Jacob to look at parts and then watched him work in his garage.**

**"You think you'll visit again anytime soon?" he wondered, trying to be casual about it.**

"She'll probably return the next day," Esme said knowingly. No one disagreed with her. It was becoming clear that Jacob was a very central character to this story, to Bella's life.

**"Tomorrow after school," I admitted. "I'll take homework, don't worry."**

**"You be sure to do that," he ordered, trying to disguise his satisfaction.**

**I was nervous when we got to the house. I didn't want to go upstairs. The warmth of Jacob's presence was fading and, in its absence, the anxiety grew stronger. I was sure I wouldn't get away with two peaceful nights of sleep in a row.**

**To put bedtime off, I checked my e-mail; there was a new message from Renee.**

**She wrote about her day, a new book club that filled the time slot of the meditation classes she'd just quit, her week subbing in the second grade, missing her kindergarteners. She wrote that Phil was enjoying his new coaching job, and that they were planning a second honeymoon trip to Disney World.**

**And I noticed that the whole thing read like a journal entry, rather than a letter to someone else. Remorse flooded through me, leaving an uncomfortable sting behind.**

Esme frowned sadly. "Poor Bella and Renee…" she sighed. She hated more than anything else for the mother-daughter relationship between two people to be strained or incomplete. She really was a natural mother.

**Some daughter I was.**

Esme shook her head and smiled now. "I think she's a wonderful daughter," she said softly and Carlisle smiled. "I agree," he breathed, motioning Emmett to continue reading.

**I wrote back to her quickly, commenting on each part of her letter, volunteering information of my own–describing the spaghetti party at Billy's and how I felt watching Jacob build useful things out of small pieces of metal–awed and slightly envious. I made no reference to the change this letter would be from the ones she'd received in the last several months. I could barely remember what I'd written to her even as recently as last week, but I was sure it wasn't very responsive. The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt; I really must have worried her.**

**I stayed up extra late after that, finishing more homework than strictly necessary. But neither sleep deprivation nor the time spent with Jacob–being almost happy in a shallow kind of way–could keep the dream away for two nights in a row.**

**I woke shuddering, my scream muffled by the pillow.**

We all frowned.

**As the dim morning light filtered through the fog outside my window, I lay still in bed and tried to shake off the dream. There had been a small difference last night, and I concentrated on that.**

**Last night I had not been alone in the woods. Sam Uley–the man who had pulled me from the forest floor that night I couldn't bear to think of consciously–was there. It was an odd, unexpected alteration. The man's dark eyes had been surprisingly unfriendly, filled with some secret he didn't seem inclined to share. I'd stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed; it made me uncomfortable, under all the usual panic, to have him there. Maybe that was because, when I didn't look directly at him, his shape seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision.**

Carlisle's eyes widened in surprise but he didn't say anything. I shrugged. He would let us know if it was something that we needed to know.

**Yet he did nothing but stand and watch. Unlike the time when we had met in reality, he did not offer me his help.**

**Charlie stared at me during breakfast, and I tried to ignore him. I supposed I deserved it. I couldn't expect him not to worry. It would probably be weeks before he stopped watching for the return of the zombie, and I would just have to try to not let it bother me. After all, I would be watching for the return of the zombie, too. Two days was hardly long enough to call me cured.**

**School was the opposite. Now that I was paying attention, it was clear that no one was watching here.**

**I remembered the first day I'd come to Forks High School–how desperately I'd wished that I could turn gray, fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon. It seemed I was getting that wish answered, a year late.**

Edward chuckled quietly and we all stared in shock. It was a weak imitation of the way he used to laugh when we were in Forks, but he hadn't laughed at all since we left.

"She never did like attention," he mused quietly, not seeming to notice our eyes on him. I shook my head and motioned to Emmett.

**It was like I wasn't there. Even my teachers' eyes slid past my seat as if it were empty.**

**I listened all through the morning, hearing once again the voices of the people around me. I tried to catch up on what was going on, but the conversations were so disjointed that I gave up.**

**Jessica didn't look up when I sat down next to her in Calculus.**

**"Hey, Jess," I said with put-on nonchalance. "How was the rest of your weekend?"**

**She looked at me with suspicious eyes. Could she still be angry? Or was she just too impatient to deal with a crazy person?**

**"Super," she said, turning back to her book.**

**"That's good," I mumbled.**

**The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it. I could feel the warm air blowing from the floor vents, but I was still too cold. I took the jacket off the back of my chair and put it on again.**

**My fourth hour class got out late, and the lunch table I always sat at was full by the time I arrived. Mike was there, Jessica and Angela, Conner, Tyler, Eric and Lauren. Katie Marshall, the redheaded junior who lived around the corner from me, was sitting with Eric, and Austin Marks–older brother to the boy with the motorcycles–was next to her. I wondered how long they'd been sitting here, unable to remember if this was the first day or something that was a regular habit.**

**I was beginning to get annoyed with myself. I might as well have been packed in Styrofoam peanuts through the last semester.**

**No one looked up when I sat down next to Mike, even though the chair squealed stridently against the linoleum as I dragged it back.**

**I tried to catch up with the conversation.**

**Mike and Conner were talking sports, so I gave up on that one at once.**

**"Where's Ben today?" Lauren was asking Angela. I perked up, interested. I wondered if that meant Angela and Ben were still together.**

**I barely recognized Lauren. She'd cut off all her blond, corn-silk hair–now she had a pixie cut so short that the back was shaved like a boy. What an odd thing for her to do.**

**I wished I knew the reason behind it. Did she get gum stuck in it? **

**Did she sell it? Had all the people she was habitually nasty to caught her behind the gym and scalped her?**

I struggled to hold in my laughter, as did the rest of my siblings. Emmett was the first to break. "Emmett…" Esme sighed in exasperation.

**I decided it wasn't fair for me to judge her now by my former opinion. For all I knew, she'd turned into a nice person.**

**"Ben's got the stomach flu," Angela said in her quiet, calm voice. "Hopefully it's just some twenty-four hour thing. He was really sick last night."**

**Angela had changed her hair, too. She'd grown out her layers.**

**"What did you two do this weekend?" Jessica asked, not sounding as if she cared about the answer. I'd bet that this was just an opener so she could tell her own stories. I wondered if she would talk about Port Angeles with me sitting two seats away? Was I that invisible, that no one would feel uncomfortable discussing me while I was here?**

**"We were going to have a picnic Saturday, actually, but… we changed our minds," Angela said. There was an edge to her voice that caught my interest.**

**Jess, not so much. "That's too bad," she said, about to launch into her story. But I wasn't the only one who was paying attention.**

**"What happened?" Lauren asked curiously.**

**"Well," Angela said, seeming more hesitant than usual, though she was always reserved, "we drove up north, almost to the hot springs–there's a good spot just about a mile up the trail. But, when we were halfway there… we saw something."**

**"Saw something? What?" Lauren's pale eyebrows pulled together. Even Jess seemed to be listening now.**

**"I don't know," Angela said. "We think it was a bear. It was black, anyway, but it seemed… too big."**

Emmett grinned. "Mmm… Bear," he said happily and we all chuckled at him. He was just like a little kid with a candy bar.

**Lauren snorted. "Oh, not you, too!" Her eyes turned mocking, and I decided I didn't need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Obviously her personality had not changed as much as her hair. "Tyler tried to sell me that one last week."**

**"You're not going to see any bears that close to the resort," Jessica said, siding with Lauren.**

**"Really," Angela protested in a low voice, looking down at the table. "We did see it."**

**Lauren snickered. Mike was still talking to Conner, not paying attention to the girls.**

**"No, she's right," I threw in impatiently.**

**"We had a hiker in just Saturday who saw the bear, too, Angela. He said it was huge and black and just outside of town, didn't he, Mike?"**

**There was a moment of silence. Every pair of eyes at the table turned to stare at me in shock.**

**The new girl, Katie, had her mouth hanging open like she'd just witnessed an explosion.**

I frowned. "Apparently they haven't heard her speak in a while…" I trailed off worriedly. I knew that it would be bad, but I had no idea that it would be _this _bad…

**Nobody moved.**

**"Mike?" I muttered, mortified.**

**"Remember the guy with the bear story?"**

**"S-sure," Mike stuttered after a second. I didn't know why he was looking at me so strangely.**

**I talked to him at work, didn't I? Did I? I thought so…**

**Mike recovered. "Yeah, there was a guy who said he saw a huge black bear right at the trailhead–bigger than a grizzly," he confirmed.**

**"Hmph." Lauren turned to Jessica, her shoulders stiff, and changed the subject.**

**"Did you hear back from USC?" she asked.**

**Everyone else looked away, too, except for Mike and Angela. Angela smiled at me tentatively, and I hurried to return the smile.**

**"So, what did you do this weekend, Bella?" Mike asked, curious, but oddly wary.**

**Everyone but Lauren looked back, waiting for my response.**

**"Friday night, Jessica and I went to a movie in Port Angeles. And then I spent Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday down at La Push."**

**The eyes flickered to Jessica and back to me. Jess looked irritated. I wondered if she didn't want anyone to know she'd gone out with me, or whether she just wanted to be the one to tell the story.**

Rosalie huffed. "I really hate that girl," she hissed quietly and I nodded in agreement.

"**There is one thing we can agree on." Edward added to Rosalie's comment. **

**"What movie did you see?" Mike asked, starting to smile.**

**"Dead End–the one with the zombies." I grinned in encouragement. Maybe some of the damage I'd done in these past zombie months was reparable.**

**"I heard that was scary. Did you think so?" Mike was eager to continue the conversation.**

**"Bella had to leave at the end, she was so freaked," Jessica inserted with a sly smile.**

**I nodded, trying to look embarrassed. "It was pretty scary."**

**Mike didn't stop asking me questions till lunch was over.**

Edward snorted quietly. "Of course he didn't," he muttered.

**Gradually, the others were able to start up their own conversations again, though they still looked at me a lot. Angela talked mostly to Mike and me, and, when I got up to dump my tray, she followed.**

**"Thanks," she said in a low voice when we were away from the table.**

**"For what?"**

**"Speaking up, sticking up for me."**

**"No problem."**

**She looked at me with concern, but not the offensive, maybe-she's-lost-it kind. "Are you okay?"**

**This is why I'd picked Jessica over Angela–though I'd always liked Angela more–for the girls' night movie. Angela was too perceptive.**

**"Not completely," I admitted. "But I'm a little bit better."**

**"I'm glad," she said. "I've missed you."**

Jasper smiled. "She seems to be a very nice person. Her emotions are very calm, soothing," he commented contently and I grinned, kissing him quickly. I loved to see him happy, and even if he wasn't exactly happy at the moment it was a vast improvement over the way all of us had been feeling since that night…

**Lauren and Jessica strolled by us then, and I heard Lauren whisper loudly, "Oh, joy Bella's back."**

Esme hissed, frowning slightly and I held back a smile. Esme, even her vampire side, was very protective of her children – all of her children.

**Angela rolled her eyes at them, and smiled at me in encouragement.**

**I sighed It was like I was starting all over again.**

**"What's today's date?" I wondered suddenly.**

**"It's January nineteenth."**

**"Hmm."**

**"What is it?" Angela asked.**

**"It was a year ago yesterday that I had my first day here," I mused.**

**"Nothing's changed much," Angela muttered, looking after Lauren and Jessica.**

**"I know," I agreed. "I was just thinking the same thing."**

"That was the end," Emmett commented and I hummed deep in my throat.

"I'll read now," I volunteered and Emmett tossed me the book. Well, here goes…


	8. Repetition

Alice

**Repetition**

**I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing here. **

**Was I trying to push myself back into the zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic–developed a taste for torture? I should have gone straight down to La Push I felt much, much healthier around Jacob. This was not a healthy thing to do. But I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over me like a green, living tunnel My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.**

My eyes widened and my mouth opened a little. "Is… Is she going… home?" I asked and I knew that everyone could tell exactly what I meant, but I had to ask anyway. "Is she going to the house in Forks?" I asked in disbelief. Bella even acknowledged it herself. That most definitely would _not _be healthy.

Esme frowned worriedly. "Oh, Bella…" she trailed off and we all exchanged anxious glances. None of us knew how she would react to seeing the house again, but we were about to find out.

**I knew that part of the reason I did this was the nightmare, now that I was really awake, the nothingness of the dream gnawed on my nerves, a dog worrying a bone.**

**There was something to search for. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted… but he was out there, somewhere. I had to believe that.**

"Damn it…" Edward murmured and I was about to glare at him, but I stopped when I looked at him. I wasn't sure yet what it was… but something was different. Something was changing. Hmph. Well, maybe he would finally figure out just what caused all of this. It would be about time.

**The other part was the strange sense of repetition I'd felt at school today, the coincidence of the date. The feeling that I was starting over–perhaps the way my first day would have gone if I'd really been the most unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon.**

**The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken:**

**It will be as if I'd never existed.**

**I was lying to myself by splitting my reason for coming here into just two parts. I didn't want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound.**

I had to grit my teeth as I read that. She was, quite literally, begging for it. She was begging to be in danger, begging to hear him again, and in a way she was begging for insanity. Because she had nothing left. The words flashed through my head again.

_Love, life, meaning… over._

**The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. **

**For that brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, when his voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I was able to remember without pain. It hadn't lasted; the pain had caught up with me, as I was sure it would for this fool's errand. But those precious moments when I could hear him again were an irresistible lure. I had to find some way to repeat the experience… or maybe the better word was episode.**

**I was hoping that déjà vu was the key.**

**So I was going to his home, a place I hadn't been since my ill-fated birthday party, so many months ago.**

**The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. I started to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn't I have reached the house yet? The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar.**

**What if I couldn't find it? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all?**

**Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before. The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltrated the meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It was like the lawn had been flooded–waist-high–with green, feathery waves.**

**And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, the emptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I'd seen the beautiful house, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.**

Esme frowned at the description of the house. Of all the places we've lived and all the houses she's renovated, I know that the house in Forks holds a special place in her heart. Why? Because it's where we found the final piece of our family. It's where we found Bella.

**I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther.**

**But nothing happened. No voice in my head.**

**So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. **

**Maybe, like Friday night, if I walked forward…**

**I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. I stopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here. No lingering sense of their presence… of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would not counteract the nothingness of the nightmares.**

**I didn't go any closer. I didn't want to look in the windows. I wasn't sure which would be harder to see. If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like my grandmother's funeral, when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during the viewing. She had said that I didn't need to see Gran that way, to remember her that way, rather than alive.**

**But wouldn't it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I'd last seen them, the paintings on the walls–worse still, the piano on its low platform?**

I gasped quietly and all of our eyes widened. Oh, no… We were in such a rush and we were all so devastated that we didn't take anything that wasn't necessary…

**It would be second only to the house disappearing all together, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in any way. That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them.**

**Just like me.**

I glanced at Edward again and he was breathing deeply, but he also had a thoughtful look on his face. Hmm… Maybe he was figuring it out after all…

Just then he let out a quiet groan and his face fell with agony. I shook my head in disgust. Nope. Still not figuring it out.

**I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to be gone, to get back to the human world. I felt hideously empty, and I wanted to see Jacob.**

**Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn't care. I pushed my truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix.**

**Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe.**

**"Hey, Bella," he called.**

**I smiled in relief. "Hey, Jacob," I waved at Billy, who was looking out the window.**

**"Let's get to work," Jacob said in a low but eager voice.**

**I was somehow able to laugh. "You seriously aren't sick of me yet?" **

**I wondered. He must be starting to ask himself how desperate I was for company.**

**Jacob led the way around the house to his garage.**

**"Nope. Not yet."**

**"Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don't want to be a pain."**

**"Okay." He laughed, a throaty sound. "I wouldn't hold your breath for that, though."**

**When I walked into the garage, I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than a pile of jagged metal.**

**"Jake, you're amazing," I breathed.**

**He laughed again. "I get obsessive when I have a project." He shrugged. "If I had any brains I'd drag it out a little bit."**

**"Why?"**

**He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard my question. Finally, he asked me, "Bella, if I told you that I couldn't fix these bikes, what would you say?"**

**I didn't answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression.**

**"I would say… that's too bad, but I'll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got really desperate, we could even do homework."**

I frowned. The way that Bella made it all sound, I had a feeling she was right. She was becoming addicted to him, to his presence. And I didn't know how that would affect things when we returned.

**Jacob smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. "So you think you'll still come over when I'm done, then?"**

**"Is that what you meant?" I shook my head. "I guess I am taking advantage of your very underpriced mechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I'll be here."**

**"Hoping to see Quil again?" he teased.**

**"You caught me."**

**He chuckled. "You really like spending time with me?" he asked, marveling.**

**"Very, very much. And I'll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we'll do something non-mechanical."**

**"Like what?"**

**"I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won't be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring your schoolwork–you have to be getting behind, because I know I am."**

**"Homework might be a good idea." He made a face, and I wondered how much he was leaving undone to be with me.**

Esme frowned. "That's very irresponsible. Not only are they doing something extremely dangerous and hiding it from their parents, but they're also leaving their schoolwork unfinished in order to do it," she said disapprovingly, her eyes concerned.

**"Yes," I agreed. "We'll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren't going to be so easygoing about this."**

**I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked that–he beamed.**

"I'm sure he did," I sighed. Definitely going to be a problem. I knew Bella well enough to know that she would never want to go out with him, but it was obvious that he was falling for her. And it was unclear how the whole thing would turn out. I really hated not being able to s_ee _any of this. I scowled before continuing to read.

**"Homework once a week?" he proposed.**

**"Maybe we'd better go with twice," I suggested, thinking of the pile I'd just been assigned today.**

**He sighed a heavy sigh. Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out two cans of soda, cracking one open and handing it to me. He opened the second, and held it up ceremoniously.**

**"Here's to responsibility," he toasted. "Twice a week."**

**"And recklessness every day in between," I emphasized.**

Esme hissed quietly. She didn't like the sound of that. Neither did I.

**He grinned and touched his can to mine.**

**I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn't let me apologize.**

**"I don't mind," he assured me. "You deserve a break from all the cooking, anyway."**

**I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person, and he was not about to rock the boat.**

**I checked my e-mail before I started on my homework, and there was a long one from Renee.**

**She gushed over every detail I'd provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day. Everything but the motorcycles. Even happy-go-lucky Renee was likely to be alarmed by that.**

As she should be, I thought.

**School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Angela and Mike seemed ready to welcome me back with open arms–to kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior. Jess was more resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident.**

**Mike was animated and chatty at work. It was like he'd stored up the semester's worth of talk, and it was all spilling out now. I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him, though it wasn't as effortless as it was with Jacob. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time.**

**Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter.**

**"This was fun tonight," Mike said happily.**

**"Yeah," I agreed, though I'd much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage.**

**"It's too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week."**

**I was a little confused by his train of thought. I shrugged. "I'm just a wimp, I guess."**

**"What I mean is, you should go to a better movie, something you'd enjoy," he explained.**

**"Oh," I muttered, still confused.**

**"Like maybe this Friday. With me. We could go see something that isn't scary at all."**

**I bit my lip.**

**I didn't want to screw things up with Mike, not when he was one of the only people ready to forgive me for being crazy. But this, again, felt far too familiar. Like the last year had never happened. I wished I had Jess as an excuse this time.**

**"Like a date?" I asked. Honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with.**

**He processed the tone of my voice "If you want. But it doesn't have to be like that."**

**"I don't date," I said slowly, realizing how true that was. That whole world seemed impossibly distant.**

**"Just as friends?" he suggested. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he really meant that we could be friends anyway.**

**"That would be fun. But I actually have plans already this Friday, so maybe next week?"**

**"What are you doing?" he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound.**

**"Homework. I have a… study session planned with a friend."**

**"Oh. Okay. Maybe next week."**

Rose rolled her eyes. "He never gives up, does he?" she asked in exasperation and I frowned in agreement and shook my head.

**He walked me to my car, less exuberant than before. It reminded me so clearly of my first months in Forks. I'd come full circle, and now everything felt like an echo–an empty echo, devoid of the interest it used to have.**

**The next night, Charlie didn't seem the smallest bit surprised to find Jacob and me sprawled across the living room floor with our books scattered around us, so I guessed that he and Billy were talking behind our backs.**

**"Hey, kids," he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna I'd spent the afternoon making–while Jacob watched and occasionally sampled–wafted down the hall; I was being good, trying to atone for all the pizza.**

**Jacob stayed for dinner, and took a plate home for Billy. He grudgingly added another year to my negotiable age for being a good cook.**

**Friday was the garage, and Saturday, after my shift at Newton's, was homework again.**

**Charlie felt secure enough in my sanity to spend the day fishing with Harry. When he got back, we were all done–feeling very sensible and mature about it, too–and watching Monster Garage on the Discovery Channel.**

**"I probably ought to go." Jacob sighed. "It's later than I thought."**

**"Okay, fine," I grumbled. "I'll take you home."**

**He laughed at my unwilling expression–it seemed to please him.**

Emmett smirked. "I bet it does," he commented, glaring at Edward when he growled quietly. I couldn't help the small smile that spread across my lips as I smirked up at Jazz.

Edward was my brother and I loved him, but we were all going to be giving him hell about this for quite a while – especially since he couldn't even figure out where he started to go wrong, what the root of the problem was.

**"Tomorrow, back to work," I said as soon as we were safe in the truck. "What time do you want me to come up?"**

**There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile. "I'll call you first, okay?"**

**"Sure." I frowned to myself, wondering what was up. His smile widened.**

**I cleaned the house the next morning–waiting for Jacob to call and trying to shake off the Latest nightmare. The scenery had changed. **

**Last night I'd wandered in a wide sea of ferns interspersed with huge hemlock trees. There was nothing else there, and I was lost, wandering aimless and alone, searching for nothing. I wanted to kick myself for the stupid field trip last week. I shoved the dream out of my conscious mind, hoping it would stay locked up somewhere and not escape again.**

Carlisle frowned. "Her conscious decisions are beginning to seep into her dreams. Anything to do with us, it seems, is completely taboo and when she breaks that rule it manifests in her nightmares and her own unconscious punishes her for breaking her own rules…" he trailed off in horror, while the rest of us stopped breathing as that sank in.

I turned into Jasper's chest and shut my eyes, gripping his hand tightly. After a moment, we all calmed down slightly – in part thanks to my mate's gift – and I looked back to the book.

**Charlie was outside washing the cruiser, so when the phone rang, I dropped the toilet brush and ran downstairs to answer it.**

**"Hello?" I asked breathlessly.**

**"Bella," Jacob said, a strange, formal tone to his voice.**

**"Hey, Jake."**

**"I believe that… we have a date" he said, his tone thick with implications.**

**It took me a second before I got it. "They're done? I can't believe it!" What perfect timing. I needed something to distract me from nightmares and nothingness.**

**"Yeah, they run and everything."**

**"Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one."**

**"Cool! I'm middle-aged now."**

I couldn't help but crack a smile at their silly banter. I had to admit that it was entertaining, and I was glad that she had something else to focus on – even though I _was _horrified by her choice of distraction. _Motorcycles_, I thought and frowned.

**I laughed. "I'm on my way up!"**

**I threw the cleaning supplies under the bathroom counter and grabbed my jacket.**

**"Headed to see Jake," Charlie said when I ran past him. It wasn't really a question.**

**"Yep," I replied as I jumped in my truck.**

**"I'll be at the station later," Charlie called after me.**

**"Okay," I yelled back, turning the key.**

**Charlie said something else, but I couldn't hear him clearly over the roar of the engine. It sounded sort of like, "Where's the fire?"**

**I parked my truck off to the side of the Blacks' house, close to the trees, to make it easier for us to sneak the bikes out. When I got out, a splash of color caught my eye–two shiny motorcycles, one red, one black, were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. Jacob was prepared.**

**There was a piece of blue ribbon tied in a small bow around each of the handlebars. I was laughing at that when Jacob ran out of the house.**

**"Ready?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes sparkling.**

**I glanced over his shoulder, and there was no sign of Billy.**

**"Yeah," I said, but I didn't feel quite as excited as before; I was trying to imagine myself actually on the motorcycle.**

**Jacob loaded the bikes into the bed of the truck with ease, laying them carefully on their sides so they didn't show.**

**"Let's go," he said, his voice higher than usual with excitement. "I know the perfect spot–no one will catch us there."**

**We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest–sometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered the beach here and the view seemed to stretch on forever.**

**I was driving slowly,** **so that I could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road wound closer to the sea cliffs. Jacob was talking about finishing the bikes, but his descriptions were getting technical, so I wasn't paying close attention.**

**That was when I noticed four figures standing on a rocky ledge, much too close to the precipice. I couldn't tell from the distance how old they were, but I assumed they were men.**

**Despite the chill in the air today, they seemed to be wearing only shorts.**

**As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowed automatically, my foot hesitating over the brake pedal.**

**And then he threw himself off the edge.**

**"No!" I shouted, stomping down on the brake.**

**"What's wrong?" Jacob shouted back, alarmed.**

**"That guy–he just jumped off the cliff! Why didn't they stop him? We've got to call an ambulance!" **

**I threw open my door and started to get out, which made no sense at all. The fastest way to a phone was to drive back to Billy's. But I couldn't believe what I'd just seen.**

**Maybe, subconsciously, I hoped I would see something different without the glass of the windshield in the way.**

**Jacob laughed, and I spun to stare at him wildly. How could he be so calloused, so cold-blooded?**

**"They're just cliff diving, Bella. Recreation. La Push doesn't have a mall, you know." He was teasing, but there was a strange note of irritation in his voice.**

**"Cliff diving?" I repeated, dazed. I stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, and then very gracefully leaped into space. He fell for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally cutting smoothly into the dark gray waves below.**

**"Wow. It's so high." I slid back into my seat, still staring wide-eyed at the two remaining divers. "It must be a hundred feet."**

I froze and then groaned, making everyone look at me. I chuckled humorlessly at them. "Can't you just see it? She wants danger, recklessness. What could be more reckless than to jump from a cliff?" I asked softly, glancing at Esme. She appeared to be frozen as horrified realization crept over her.

She drew in a sharp breath. "Oh, Carlisle!" Esme cried quietly and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hush, darling. Shh… I'm sure that she'll be just fine," Carlisle shushed her, rocking her from side to side slowly while we all clung to our mates.

Edward wrapped his arms around himself and gritted his teeth, his eyes shut tightly as he shook his head from side to side. I could tell that he was trying to tell himself that she wouldn't, that she couldn't…

He was wrong. I could feel it. She would do it. She would jump because she just didn't care anymore. Yes, she may have been giving the appearance of getting better in the book, but as her best friend I could tell that it was just that: an appearance, an act… She wouldn't get better, not until we went back. And I was determined that we weren't moving from this room until we finished this damn book and did just that.

I took a deep breath and squeezed Jazz's hand in my own, glancing back at the book.

**"Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that juts out from the cliff about halfway." He pointed out his window. The place he indicated did seem much more reasonable. "Those guys are insane. Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it's freezing today. That water can't feel good." He made a disgruntled face, as if the stunt personally offended him. It surprised me a little. I would have thought Jacob was nearly impossible to upset.**

**"You jump off the cliff?" I hadn't missed the "us."**

**"Sure, sure." He shrugged and grinned. "It's fun. A little scary, kind of a rush."**

**I looked back at the cliffs, where the third figure was pacing the edge. I'd never witnessed anything so reckless in all my life. My eyes widened, and I smiled. "Jake, you have to take me cliff diving."**

"Damn it," I breathed, just loud enough for Jasper to hear and he held me tighter, sending me a wave of calm and peace. I relaxed slightly and looked up at him with a small smile, showing my love and appreciation through my emotions and in my eyes.

**He frowned back at me, his face disapproving. "Bella, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sam," he reminded me.**

**I was surprised that he could tell who it was from this distance.**

**"I want to try," I insisted, starting to get out of the car again.**

**Jacob grabbed my wrist. "Not today, all right? Can we at least wait for a warmer day?"**

**"Okay, fine," I agreed. With the door open, the glacial breeze was raising goose bumps on my arm. "But I want to go soon."**

**"Soon." He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you're a little strange, Bella. Do you know that?"**

**I sighed. "Yes."**

**"And we're not jumping off the top."**

**I watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start and flung himself farther into the empty air than the other two. He twisted and cartwheeled through space as he fell, like he was skydiving. He looked absolutely free–unthinking and utterly irresponsible.**

**"Fine," I agreed. "Not the first time, anyway."**

**Now Jacob sighed.**

**"Are we going to try out the bikes or not?" he demanded.**

**"Okay, okay," I said, tearing my eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. I put my seat belt back on and closed the door. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We started down the road again.**

**"So who were those guys–the crazy ones?" I wondered.**

**He made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "The La Push gang."**

**"You have a gang?" I asked. I realized that I sounded impressed.**

Emmett burst out laughing and I couldn't help but smile. Bella would be impressed by their having a gang. I shook my head in amusement at my friend, my sister.

**He laughed once at my reaction. "Not like that. I swear, they're like hall monitors gone bad. They don't start fights, they keep the peace." He snorted.**

**"There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makah rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uley and his disciples ran him off our land. They're all about our land, and tribe pride… it's getting ridiculous. The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actually meets with Sam." He shook his head, face full of resentment. "Embry also heard from Leah Clearwater that they call themselves 'protectors' or something like that."**

Carlisle frowned. "The wolves…" he murmured and we all growled automatically. Damn it…

**Jacob's hands were clenched into fists, as if he'd like to hit something. I'd never seen this side of him.**

**I was surprised to hear Sam Uley's name. I didn't want it to bring back the images from my nightmare, so I made a quick observation to distract myself. "You don't like them very much."**

**"Does it show?" he asked sarcastically.**

**"Well… It doesn't sound like they're doing anything bad." I tried to soothe him, to make him cheerful again. "Just sort of annoyingly goody-two-shoes for a gang."**

**"Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They're always showing off–like the cliff thing. They act like… like, I don't know. Like tough guys. I was hanging out at the store with Embry and Quil once, last semester, and Sam came by with his followers, Jared and Paul. Quil said something, you know how he's got a big mouth, and it pissed Paul off. His eyes got all dark, and he sort of smiled–no, he showed his teeth but he didn't smile–and it was like he was so mad he was shaking or something. But Sam put his hand against Paul's chest and shook his head. Paul looked at him for a minute and calmed down. Honestly, it was like Sam was holding him back–like Paul was going to tear us up if Sam didn't stop him." He groaned.** **"Like a bad western. You know, Sam's a pretty big guy, he's twenty. But Paul's just sixteen, too, shorter than me and not as beefy as Quil. I think any one of us could take him."**

**"Tough guys," I agreed. I could see it in my head as he described it, and it reminded me of something… a trio of tall, dark men standing very still and close together in my father's living room. The picture was sideways, because my head was lying against the couch while Dr. Gerandy and Charlie leaned over me… Had that been Sam's gang?**

I frowned. The wolves found her… Damn it, I repeated in my mind. Not good. The wolves were dangerous, no control… I shook my head. They did save her, I admitted to myself grudgingly. Well, that didn't mean I had to like it.

**I spoke quickly again to divert myself from the bleak memories. "Isn't Sam a little too old for this kind of thing?"**

**"Yeah. He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him any crap about it, either. The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, oh no, Sam Uley can do no wrong."**

**His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrage–outrage and something else I didn't recognize at first.**

**"It all sounds really annoying and… strange. But I don't get why you're taking it so personally." I peeked over at his face, hoping I hadn't offended him. He was suddenly calm, staring out the side window.**

**"You just missed the turn," he said in an even voice.**

**I executed a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as my circle ran the truck halfway off the road.**

**"Thanks for the heads-up," I muttered as I started up the side road.**

**"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."**

**It was quiet for a brief minute.**

**"You can stop anywhere along here," he said softly.**

**I pulled over and cut the engine. My ears rang in the silence that followed. We both got out, and Jacob headed around to the back to get the bikes. I tried to read his expression.**

**Something more was bothering him. I'd hit a nerve.**

**He smiled halfheartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. "Happy late birthday. Are you ready for this?"**

**"I think so." The bike suddenly looked intimidating, frightening, as I realized I would soon be astride it.**

"Not that that'll stop her," Rose said wryly, but I could see my own concern mirrored in her eyes. We were all worried about her – our sister in my, Rose's, and Emmett's cases; our daughter in Esme and Carlisle's cases; and our mate in Edward's case.

**"We'll take it slow," he promised. I gingerly leaned the motorcycle against the truck's fender while he went to get his.**

**"Jake…"I hesitated as he came back around the truck.**

**"Yeah?"**

**"What's really bothering you? About the Sam thing, I mean? Is there something else?" I watched his face. He grimaced, but he didn't seem angry. He looked at the dirt and kicked his shoe against the front tire of his bike again and again, like he was keeping time.**

**He sighed. "It's just… the way they treat me. It creeps me out." The words started to rush out now. "You know, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad. I've never been able to figure out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion counts the most. It's got something to do with his father and his father's father. My great-grandpa, Ephraim Black, was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Billy, maybe because of that.** **But I'm just like everyone else. Nobody treats me special… until now."**

**That caught me off guard. "Sam treats you special?"**

**"Yeah," he agreed, looking up at me with troubled eyes. "He looks at me like he's waiting for something… like I'm going to join his stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of the other guys. I hate it."**

Carlisle's eyes widened slightly. "He's going to join the pack," he muttered and we all growled again. No. No, no, no, no, no. It was bad enough to be around a newly phased wolf. But to be around one that was getting ready to phase… Suddenly, I couldn't read fast enough, desperate to find out what happened, to make sure that the boy didn't accidentally harm my sister…

**"You don't have to join anything." My voice was angry. This was really upsetting Jacob, and that infuriated me. Who did these "protectors" think they were?**

**"Yeah." His foot kept up its rhythm against the tire.**

**"What?" I could tell there was more.**

**He frowned, his eyebrows pulling up in a way that looked sad and worried rather than angry.**

**"It's Embry. He's been avoiding me lately."**

**The thoughts didn't seem connected, but I wondered if I was to blame for the problems with his friend. "You've been hanging out with me a lot," I reminded him, feeling selfish. I'd been monopolizing him.**

**"No, that's not it. It's not just me–it's Quil, too, and everyone. Embry missed a week of school, but he was never home when we tried to see him. And when he came back, he looked… he looked freaked out. Terrified. Quil and I both tried to get him to tell us what was wrong, but he wouldn't talk to either one of us."**

**I stared at Jacob, biting my lip anxiously–he was really frightened. But he didn't look at me.**

**He watched his own foot kicking the rubber as if it belonged to someone else. The tempo increased.**

**"Then this week, out of nowhere, Embry's hanging out with Sam and the rest of them. He was out on the cliffs today." His voice was low and tense.**

**He finally looked at me. "Bella, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn't want anything to do with them. And now Embry's following Sam around like he's joined a cult.**

**"And that's the way it was with Paul. Just exactly the same. He wasn't friends with Sam at all. Then he stopped coming to school for a few weeks, and, when he came back, suddenly Sam owned him. I don't know what it means. I can't figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Embry's my friend and… Sam's looking at me funny . . and…" He trailed off.**

**"Have you talked to Billy about this?"**

**I asked. His horror was spreading to me. I had chills running on the back of my neck.**

**Now there was anger on his face. "Yes," he snorted. "That was helpful."**

**"What did he say?"**

**Jacob's expression was sarcastic, and when he spoke, his voice mocked the deep tones of his father's voice. "It's nothing you need to worry about now, Jacob. In a few years, if you don't… well, I'll explain later." And then his voice was his own. "What am I supposed to get from that? Is he trying to say it's some stupid puberty, coming-of-age thing? This is something else. Something wrong."**

**He was biting his lower lip and clenching his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.**

Esme frowned. "They don't even warn them about what's happening," she said, her tone appalled. I had to admit that a small part of me agreed with her. It would be bad enough to know that something like that was going to happen to you, but to have it happen without warning, not knowing what was going on… It gave me a small measure of sympathy for the wolves. But only a small one.

**I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up.**

**"Oh, Jake, it'll be okay!" I promised. "If it gets worse you can come live with me and Charlie. Don't be scared, we'll think of something!"**

**He was frozen for a second, and then his long arms wrapped hesitantly around me. "Thanks, Bella." His voice was huskier than usual.**

**We stood like that for a moment, and it didn't upset me; in fact, I felt comforted by the contact. This didn't feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Jacob was very warm.**

**It was strange for me, being this close–emotionally rather than physically, though the physical was strange for me, too–to another human being. It wasn't my usual style. I didn't normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level.**

**Not human beings**.

I couldn't help the wry smile that crossed my face. "Little does she know that he really isn't a human being, not completely," I mused and shook my head. Bella truly wasn't meant for the human world. She was always supposed to be part of our world, because it was her world, too. We just didn't realize it in time to spare her all of this pain… No one responded to my statement, likely thinking along similar lines to my own thoughts.

**"If this is how you're going to react, I'll freak out more often." Jacob's voice was light, normal again, and his laughter rumbled against my ear. His fingers touched my hair, soft and tentative.**

**Well, it was friendship for me.**

**I pulled away quickly, laughing with him, but determined to put things back in perspective at once.**

**"It's hard to believe I'm two years older than you," I said, emphasizing the word older. "You make me feel like a dwarf." **

**Standing this close to him, I really had to crane my neck to see his face.**

**"You're forgetting I'm in my forties, of course."**

**"Oh, that's right."**

**He patted my head. "You're like a little doll," he teased. "A porcelain doll."**

**I rolled my eyes, taking another step away. "Let's not start with the albino cracks."**

**"Seriously, Bella, are you sure you're not?" He stretched his russet arm out next to mine. The difference wasn't flattering. "I've never seen anyone paler than you… well, except for–"**

"Don't say it," Rose muttered, her eyes worried as we exchanged a glance. We could only imagine what actually hearing our name aloud would do to her when just thinking it was so devastating for her.

**He broke off, and I looked away, trying to not understand what he had been about to say.**

**"So are we going to ride or what?"**

**"Let's do it," I agreed, more enthusiastic than I would have been half a minute ago. His unfinished sentence reminded me of why I was here.**

"That's the end of the chapter," I said softly, tossing the book to Rose. She caught it lightly and took a deep breath.

"Well, let's see how this whole motorcycle business turns out, once and for all," she said determinedly, looking down at the page. I gritted my teeth slightly. Damn. Please, be okay Bella, I begged silently as Rose began to read.


	9. Adrenaline

Rosalie

**Adrenaline**

Damn. I can't believe Bella's going to ride a motorcycle. I nearly shuddered just thinking about it. I took a breath before going on.

**"Okay, Where's your clutch?"**

**I pointed to the lever on my left handlebar. Letting go of the grip was a mistake. The heavy bike wobbled underneath me, threatening to knock me sidewise. I grabbed the handle again, trying to hold it straight.**

**"Jacob, it won't stay up," I complained.**

I couldn't help the grin that appeared on my face as I read that and there were a few chuckles throughout the room as I did. Only Bella…

**"It will when you're moving," he promised. "Now where's your brake?"**

**"Behind my right foot."**

**"Wrong."**

**He grabbed my right hand and curled my fingers around the lever over the throttle.**

**"But you said–"**

**"This is the brake you want. Don't use the back brake now, that's for later, when you know what you're doing."**

**"That doesn't sound right," I said suspiciously. "Aren't both brakes kind of important?"**

Emmett smirked and shook his head. "Only Bells would be suspicious about something like that – especially when she has absolutely no idea what she's talking about," he grinned widely and I just shook my head at him.

**"Forget the back brake, okay? Here–" He wrapped his hand around mine and made me squeeze the lever down. "That is how you brake. Don't forget." He squeezed my hand another time.**

**"Fine," I agreed.**

**"Throttle?"**

**I twisted the right grip.**

**"Gearshift?"**

**I nudged it with my left calf.**

**"Very good. I think you've got all the parts down. Now you just have to get it moving."**

**"Uh-huh," I muttered, afraid to say more. My stomach was contorting strangely and I thought my voice might crack. I was terrified. I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I'd already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.**

Everyone frowned at that. It reminded us of _that _chapter again – as if we could forget. I shuddered.

**My stomach wasn't buying it.**

**I stared down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thick misty green on every side. The road was sandy and damp. Better than mud.**

**"I want you to hold down the clutch," Jacob instructed.**

**I wrapped my fingers around the clutch.**

**"Now this is crucial, Bella," Jacob stressed. "Don't let go of that, okay? I want you to pretend that I've handed you a live grenade. The pin is out and you are holding down the spoon."**

Jasper looked a little amused at the reference, a slight gleam in his eyes as he was no doubt reminded of his time in the Confederate Army during the Civil War. Yep. My history buff brother. I smirked.

**I squeezed tighter.**

**"Good. Do you think you can kick-start it?"**

**"If I move my foot, I will fall over," I told him through gritted teeth, my fingers tight around my live grenade.**

**"Okay, I'll do it. Don't let go of the clutch."**

**He took a step back, and then suddenly slammed his foot down on the pedal. There was a short ripping noise, and the force of his thrust rocked the bike. I started to fall sideways, but Jake caught the bike before it knocked me to the ground.**

**"Steady there," he encouraged. "Do you still have the clutch?"**

**"Yes," I gasped.**

**"Plant your feet–I'm going to try again." But he put his hand on the back of the seat, too, just to be safe.**

Alice snorted. "Yes, I'm sure that's why he has his hand there. It has nothing to do with being so close to her – " She stopped when she caught the warning glance that Esme sent her. She pouted slightly, making puppy dog eyes and Esme gave a small smile.

I sighed. I could feel the tension in the room even without having Jasper's gift. We may have all been trying to act normal but really we were just trying to stall a little bit in case something did actually go wrong. I took a deep breath and glanced back at the book.

**It took four more kicks before the ignition caught. I could feel the bike rumbling beneath me like an angry animal. I gripped the clutch until my fingers ached.**

**"Try out the throttle," he suggested. "Very lightly. And don't let go of the clutch."**

**Hesitantly, I twisted the right handle. Though the movement was tiny, the bike snarled beneath me. It sounded angry and hungry now. Jacob smiled in deep satisfaction.**

**"Do you remember how to put it into first gear?" he asked.**

**"Yes."**

**"Well, go ahead and do it."**

**"Okay."**

**He waited for a few seconds.**

**"Left foot," he prompted.**

Emmett smirked lightly and opened his mouth to comment but Edward hissed before he could say anything, making my mate glare at him fiercely before huffing and leaning back in his seat.

I looked at the douche bag responsible for all this shit – well, maybe not quite all but the majority of it. He looked like crap, which is fairly difficult to do if you're a vampire. I could just see the manic gleam in his eyes, crazy with worry and anger – no doubt at Bella's decisions. I shook my head in disgust. Was he ever going to figure it out?

**"I know," I said, taking a deep breath.**

**"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob asked. "You look scared."**

**"I'm fine," I snapped. I kicked the gearshift down one notch.**

**"Very good," he praised me. "Now, very gently, ease up on the clutch."**

**He took a step away from the bike.**

**"You want me to let go of the grenade?" I asked in disbelief. No wonder he was moving back.**

**"That's how you move, Bella. Just do it little by little."**

**As I began to loosen my grip, I was shocked to be interrupted by a voice that did not belong to the boy standing next to me.**

**"**_**This is reckless and childish and idiotic, Bella,**_**" the velvet voice fumed.**

Each of us frowned slightly. It wasn't healthy for her to be having these delusions. I still wasn't entirely sure how firm a grasp she had on reality at the moment and it was cause for major concern. I wouldn't relax until I was sure she was okay – physically _and _mentally, not to mention emotionally.

**"Oh!" I gasped, and my hand fell off the clutch.**

**The bike bucked under me, yanking me forward and then collapsing to the ground half on top of me.**

Esme gasped and our eyes widened. I quickly read on, sighing in relief as I read more pleasant news.

**The growling engine choked to a stop.**

**"Bella?" Jacob jerked the heavy bike off me with ease. "Are you hurt?"**

**But I wasn't listening.**

**"**_**I told you so,**_**" the perfect voice murmured, crystal clear.**

The entire family growled slightly, scowling at Edward before reluctantly backing off. That part actually wasn't his fault. He couldn't control Bella's 'episodes' as she called them.

**"Bella?" Jacob shook my shoulder.**

**"I'm fine," I mumbled, dazed.**

**More than fine. The voice in my head was back. It still rang in my ears–soft, velvety echoes.**

**My mind ran swiftly through the possibilities. There was no familiarity here–on a road I'd never seen, doing something I'd never done before–no déjà vu. So the hallucinations must be triggered by something else… I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins again, and I thought I had the answer. Some combination of adrenaline and danger, or maybe just stupidity.**

**Jacob was pulling me to my feet.**

**"Did you hit your head?" he asked.**

**"I don't think so." I shook it back and forth, checking. "I didn't hurt the bike, did I?"**

I hissed quietly. She just had the thing fall on top of her and she was worried that she damaged it. So unbelievably stubborn…

**This thought worried me. I was anxious to try again, right away. Being reckless was paying off better than I'd thought. Forget cheating. Maybe I'd found a way to generate the hallucinations–that was much more important.**

**"No. You just stalled the engine," Jacob said, interrupting my quick speculations. "You let go of the clutch too fast."**

**I nodded. "Let's try again."**

**"Are you sure?" Jacob asked.**

**"Positive."**

**This time I tried to get the kick-start myself. It was complicated; I had to jump a little to slam down on the pedal with enough force, and every time I did that, the bike tried to knock me over. Jacob's hand hovered over the handlebars, ready to catch me if I needed him.**

**It took several good tries, and even more poor tries, before the engine caught and roared to life under me. Remembering to hold on to the grenade, I revved the throttle experimentally.**

**It snarled at the slightest touch. My smile mirrored Jacob's now.**

**"Easy on the clutch," he reminded me.**

**"**_**Do you want to kill yourself, then? Is that what this is about?**_**" the other voice spoke again, his tone severe.**

I had to swallow back a grimace as I read that. None of us were entirely convinced that she wasn't – on some subconscious level – really trying to kill herself without actually doing so deliberately. It was more like deliberate carelessness and reckless endangerment of herself. No, not like. That's exactly what it was and it was driving them crazy with worry that she may eventually succeed…

**I smiled tightly–it was still working–and ignored the questions. Jacob wasn't going to let anything serious happen to me.**

Alice growled. "If he really wanted to keep anything from happening to her then he wouldn't have helped her in the first place. He wouldn't be teaching her to do something that could get her killed," she hissed angrily.

**"**_**Go home to Charlie**_**," the voice ordered. The sheer beauty of it amazed me. I couldn't allow my memory to lose it, no matter the price.**

Esme whimpered quietly, turning to tuck herself into Carlisle's side, his arm coming up to squeeze her shoulders in an attempt at comforting her while his own eyes were dark with worry.

**"Ease off slowly," Jacob encouraged me.**

**"I will," I said. It bothered me a bit when I realized I was answering both of them.**

**The voice in my head growled against the roar of the motorcycle.**

**Trying to focus this time, to not let the voice startle me again, I relaxed my hand by tiny degrees. Suddenly, the gear caught and wrenched me forward.**

**And I was flying.**

**There was wind that wasn't there before, blowing my skin against my skull and flinging my hair back behind me with enough force that it felt like someone was tugging on it. I'd left my stomach back at the starting point; the adrenaline coursed through my body, tingling in my veins. The trees raced past me, blurring into a wall of green.**

**But this was only first gear. My foot itched toward the gearshift as I twisted for more gas.**

"Oh no…" Emmett muttered, his honey-gold eyes widened slightly while I read quickly on, desperate to know what happened.

**"**_**No, Bella!**_**" the angry, honey-sweet voice ordered in my ear.**

**"**_**Watch what you're doing!**_**"**

**It distracted me enough from the speed to realize that the road was starting a slow curve to the left, and I was still going straight. Jacob hadn't told me how to turn.**

**"Brakes, brakes," I muttered to myself, and I instinctively slammed down with my right foot, like I would in my truck.**

**The bike was suddenly unstable underneath me, shivering first to one side and then the other.**

"No!" Edward exclaimed. No one bothered to hiss or growl at him that time. This was too important to waste time with that.

**It was dragging me toward the green wall, and I was going too fast. I tried to turn the handlebar the other direction, and the sudden shift of my weight pushed the bike toward the ground, still spinning toward the trees.**

**The motorcycle landed on top of me again, roaring loudly, pulling me across the wet sand until it hit something stationary. I couldn't see. My face was mashed into the moss. I tried to lift my head, but there was something in the way.**

Esme's face was horrified and I'm sure mine was the same but I continued to read, almost frenzied by now.

**I was dizzy and confused. It sounded like there were three things snarling–the bike over me, the voice in my head, and something else…**

**"Bella!" Jacob yelled, and I heard the roar of the other bike cut off.**

**The motorcycle no longer pinned me to the ground, and I rolled over to breathe. All the growling went silent.**

**"Wow," I murmured. I was thrilled. This had to be it, the recipe for a hallucination – adrenaline plus danger plus stupidity. Something close to that, anyway.**

**"Bella!" Jacob was crouching over me anxiously. "Bella, are you alive?"**

**"I'm great!" I enthused. I flexed my arms and legs. Everything seemed to be working correctly. "Let's do it again."**

Everyone hissed. "Absolutely not!" I growled, wishing I was there to protect my little sister from her own self-destructive tendencies. He better not say yes…

**"I don't think so." Jacob still sounded worried. "I think I'd better drive you to the hospital first."**

**"I'm fine."**

**"Um, Bella? You've got a huge cut on your forehead, and it's gushing blood," he informed me.**

Carlisle surprised us all by being the one to growl this time. "He didn't even make sure she wore a helmet!" he thundered, his eyes narrowed. We were all frozen in shock until Esme shushed him and held him in her arms. Carlisle almost never got so upset, and it was a bit shocking to see. Carlisle was always just so… calm.

**I clapped my hand over my head. Sure enough, it was wet and sticky. I could smell nothing but the damp moss on my face, and that held off the nausea.**

**"Oh, I'm so sorry, Jacob." I pushed hard against the gash, as if I could force the blood back inside my head.**

Alice sighed. "Only Bella would apologize for bleeding," she said wryly. I had to agree with her on that one.

**"Why are you apologizing for bleeding?" he wondered as he wrapped a long arm around my waist and pulled me to my feet. **

**"Let's go. I'll drive." He held out his hand for the keys.**

**"What about the bikes?" I asked, handing them over.**

**He thought for a second. "Wait here. And take this." He pulled off his T-shirt, already spotted with blood, and threw it to me. **

Edward hissed and I rolled my eyes at him. _Oh, get over your arrogant, possessive self, Edward. You left her, got it? _I hissed at him mentally and he glowered at me. I just ignored him and looked back to the book.

**I wadded it up and held it tightly to my forehead. I was starting to smell the blood; I breathed deeply through my mouth and tried to concentrate on something else.**

**Jacob jumped on the black motorcycle, kicked it to a start in one try, and raced back down the road, spraying sand and pebbles behind him. He looked athletic and professional as he leaned over the handlebars, head low, face forward, his shiny hair whipping against the russet skin of his back. My eyes narrowed enviously. I was sure I hadn't looked like that on my motorcycle.**

**I was surprised at how far I'd gone. I could barely see Jacob in the distance when he finally got to the truck. He threw the bike into the bed and sprinted to the driver's side.**

**I really didn't feel bad at all as he coaxed my truck to a deafening roar in his hurry to get back to me. My head stung a little, and my stomach was uneasy, but the cut wasn't serious. Head wounds just bled more than most. His urgency wasn't necessary.**

**Jacob left the truck running as he raced back to me, wrapping his arm around my waist again.**

**"Okay, let's get you in the truck."**

**"I'm honestly fine," I assured him as he helped me in. "Don't get worked up. It's just a little blood."**

**"Just a lot of blood," I heard him mutter as he went back for my bike.**

**"Now, let's think about this for a second," I began when he got back in. "If you take me to the ER like this, Charlie is sure to hear about it." I glanced down at the sand and dirt caked into my jeans.**

Carlisle looked exasperated now. "She's bleeding and she's more worried about what Charlie is going to think," he huffed; no one commented.

**"Bella, I think you need stitches. I'm not going to let you bleed to death."**

**"I won't," I promised. "Let's just take the bikes back first, and then we'll make a stop at my house so I can dispose of the evidence before we go to the hospital."**

**"What about Charlie?"**

**"He said he had to work today."**

**"Are you really sure?"**

**"Trust me. I'm an easy bleeder. It's not nearly as dire as it looks."**

**Jacob wasn't happy–his full mouth turned down in an uncharacteristic frown–but he didn't want to get me in trouble. **

**I stared out the window, holding his ruined shirt to my head, while he drove me to Forks.**

**The motorcycle was better than I'd dreamed. It had served its original purpose. I'd cheated – broken my promise. I'd been needlessly reckless. I felt a little less pathetic now that the promises had been broken on both sides.**

A small wry smile crossed my face and I shook my head. _Oh, little sister… _I thought and then I froze. That was the first time that I had referred to her like that, so casually. I frowned slightly, thinking for a moment before I relaxed. Well, that was what she was, right? I was just too stubborn to see it before.

**And then to discover the key to the hallucinations! At least, I hoped I had. I was going to test the theory as soon as possible. Maybe they'd get through with me quickly in the ER, and I could try again tonight.**

**Racing down the road like that had been amazing. The feel of the wind in my face, the speed and the freedom… it reminded me of a past life, flying through the thick forest without a road, piggyback while he ran– I stopped thinking right there, letting the memory break off in the sudden agony. I flinched.**

Edward frowned, his face pained and somewhat upset. I rolled my eyes before going on, my own face showing my concern for my younger sister.

**"You still okay?" Jacob checked.**

**"Yeah." I tried to sound as convincing as before.**

**"By the way," he added. "I'm going to disconnect your foot brake tonight."**

**At home, I went to look at myself in the mirror first thing; it was pretty gruesome. Blood was drying in thick streaks across my cheek and neck, matting in my muddy hair. I examined myself clinically, pretending the blood was paint so it wouldn't upset my stomach. I breathed through my mouth, and was fine.**

**I washed up as well as I could. Then I hid my dirty, bloody clothes in the bottom of my laundry basket, putting on new jeans and a button-up shirt (that I didn't have to pull over my head) as carefully as I could. I managed to do this one-handed and keep both garments blood-free.**

**"Hurry up," Jacob called.**

**"Okay, okay," I shouted back. After making sure I left nothing incriminating behind me, I headed downstairs.**

**"How do I look?" I asked him.**

**"Better," he admitted.**

**"But do I look like I tripped in your garage and hit my head on a hammer?"**

"**Sure, I guess so."**

**"Let's go then."**

**Jacob hurried me out the door, and insisted on driving again. We were halfway to the hospital when I realized he was still shirtless.**

**I frowned guiltily. "We should have grabbed you a jacket."**

**"That would have given us away," he teased. "Besides, it's not cold."**

**"Are you kidding?" I shivered and reached out to turn the heat on.**

**I watched Jacob to see if he was just playing tough so I wouldn't worry, but he looked comfortable enough. He had one arm over the back of my seat, though I was huddled up to keep warm.**

Carlisle frowned. "He must be getting closer to phasing," he muttered apprehensively.

**Jacob really did look older than sixteen–not quite forty, but maybe older than me. Quil didn't have too much on him in the muscle department, for all that Jacob claimed to be a skeleton.**

**The muscles were the long wiry kind, but they were definitely there under the smooth skin.**

**His skin was such a pretty color, it made me jealous.**

**Jacob noticed my scrutiny.**

**"What?" he asked, suddenly self-conscious.**

**"Nothing. I just hadn't realized before. Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?"**

Everyone but Edward laughed; he hissed. I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, please," I scoffed. "Get over yourself," I said scornfully before going on before he could do anything more than glare at me silently.

**Once the words slipped out, I worried that he might take my impulsive observation the wrong way.**

**But Jacob just rolled his eyes. "You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?"**

**"I'm serious."**

**"Well, then, thanks. Sort of."**

**I grinned. "You're sort of welcome."**

**I had to have seven stitches to close the cut on my forehead. After the sting of the local anesthetic, there was no pain in the procedure. Jacob held my hand while Dr. Snow was sewing, and I tried not to think about why that was ironic.**

**We were at the hospital forever. By the time I was done, I had to drop Jacob off at his home and hurry back to cook dinner for Charlie. Charlie seemed to buy my story about falling in Jacob's garage. After all, it wasn't like I hadn't been able to land myself in the ER before with no more help than my own feet.**

**This night was not as bad as that first night, after I'd heard the perfect voice in Port Angeles.**

I shuddered at the thought of what had almost happened to Bella and Emmett wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders, for which I was grateful.

**The hole came back, the way it always did when I was away from Jacob, but it didn't throb so badly around the edges. I was already planning ahead, looking forward to more delusions, and that was a distraction. Also, I knew I would feel better tomorrow when I was with Jacob again. That made the empty hole and the familiar pain easier to bear; relief was in sight. The nightmare, too, had lost a little of its potency. I was horrified by the nothingness, as always, but I was also strangely impatient as I waited for the moment that would send me screaming into consciousness. I knew the nightmare had to end.**

Alice smiled sadly. "Is that truly any better?" she murmured and I thought for a moment. True, it would be worse not knowing that it would end. But was it really any better when you knew that it would end but you were still forced to endure it anyway?

**The next Wednesday, before I could get home from the ER, Dr. Gerandy called to warn my father that I might possibly have a concussion and advised him to wake me up every two hours through the night to make sure it wasn't serious. Charlie's eyes narrowed suspiciously at my weak explanation about tripping again.**

**"Maybe you should just stay out of the garage altogether, Bella," he suggested that night during dinner.**

**I panicked, worried that Charlie was about to lay down some kind of edict that would prohibit La Push, and consequently my motorcycle. And I wasn't giving it up–I'd had the most amazing hallucination today. My velvet-voiced delusion had yelled at me for almost five minutes before I'd hit the brake too abruptly and launched myself into the tree.**

**I'd take whatever pain that would cause me tonight without complaint.**

**"This didn't happen in the garage," I protested quickly. "We were hiking, and I tripped over a rock."**

**"Since when do you hike?" Charlie asked skeptically.**

**"Working at Newton's was bound to rub off sometime," I pointed out. "Spend every day selling all the virtues of the outdoors, eventually you get curious."**

Jasper snorted. "Yeah, right," he muttered quietly. He was obviously still feeling somewhat guilty for his own small role in this tragedy, though he shouldn't. Still, he had improved exponentially since receiving Bella's belated forgiveness and I was glad.

**Charlie glared at me, unconvinced.**

**"I'll be more careful," I promised, surreptitiously crossing my fingers under the table.**

**"I don't mind you hiking right there around La Push, but keep close to town, okay?"**

**"Why?"**

**"Well, we've been getting a lot of wildlife complaints lately. The forestry department is going to check into it, but for the time being…"**

**"Oh, the big bear," I said with sudden comprehension. "Yeah, some of the hikers coming through Newton's have seen it. Do you think there's really some giant mutated grizzly out there?"**

"I wish," Emmett said wistfully and I chuckled, pecking him on the lips quickly.

**His forehead creased. "There's something. Keep it close to town, okay?"**

**"Sure, sure," I said quickly.**

**He didn't look completely appeased.**

**"Charlie's getting nosy," I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school Friday.**

**"Maybe we should cool it with the bikes." He saw my objecting expression and added, "At least for a week or so. You could stay out of the hospital for a week, right?"**

**"What are we going to do?" I griped.**

**He smiled cheerfully. "Whatever you want."**

**I thought about that for a minute–about what I wanted.**

**I hated the idea of losing even my brief seconds of closeness with the memories that didn't hurt–the ones that came on their own, without me thinking of them consciously. If I couldn't have the bikes, I was going to have to find some other avenue to the danger and the adrenaline, and that was going to take serious thought and creativity. Doing nothing in the meantime was not appealing. Suppose I got depressed again, even with Jake? I had to keep occupied.**

**Maybe there was some other way, some other recipe… some other place.**

**The house had been a mistake, certainly.**

**But his presence must be stamped somewhere, somewhere other than inside me. There had to be a place where he seemed more real than among all the familiar landmarks that were crowded with other human memories.**

Edward smiled sadly. "She won't find it," he said quietly and I glanced sharply at him.

"Won't find what?" I asked coldly; he didn't bother to look at me as he answered.

"Our meadow," he replied and I scoffed.

"Oh, she'll find it, alright," I smirked; I knew she would.

**I could think of one place where that might hold true. One place that would always belong to him and no one else. A magic place, full of light. The beautiful meadow I'd seen only once in my life, lit by sunshine and the sparkle of his skin.**

**This idea had a huge potential for backfiring–it might be dangerously painful. My chest ached with emptiness even to think of it. It was hard to hold myself upright, to not give myself away. But surely, there of all places, I could hear his voice. And I'd already told Charlie I was hiking…**

**"What are you thinking about so hard?" Jacob asked.**

**"Well…" I began slowly. "I found this place in the forest once – I came across it when I was, um, hiking. A little meadow, the most beautiful place. I don't know if I could track it down again on my own. It would definitely take a few tries…"**

**"We could use a compass and a grid pattern," Jacob said with confident helpfulness. "Do you know where you started from?"**

**"Yes, just below the trailhead where the one-ten ends. I was going mostly south, I think."**

**"Cool. We'll find it." As always, Jacob was game for anything I wanted. No matter how strange it was.**

**So, Saturday afternoon, I tied on my new hiking boots – purchased that morning using my twenty-percent-off employee discount for the first time – grabbed my new topographical map of the Olympic Peninsula, and drove to La Push.**

**We didn't get started immediately; first, Jacob sprawled across the living room floor–taking up the whole room–and, for a full twenty minutes, drew a complicated web across the key section of the map while I perched on a kitchen chair and talked to Billy. Billy didn't seem at all concerned about our proposed hiking trip. I was surprised that Jacob had told him where we were going, given the fuss people were making about the bear sightings.**

**I wanted to ask Billy not to say anything about this to Charlie, but I was afraid that making the request would cause the opposite result.**

**"Maybe we'll see the super bear," Jacob joked, eyes on his design.**

**I glanced at Billy swiftly, fearing a Charlie-style reaction.**

**But Billy just laughed at his son. "Maybe you should take a jar of honey, just in case."**

**Jake chuckled. "Hope your new boots are fast, Bella. One little jar isn't going to keep a hungry bear occupied for long."**

**"I only have to be faster than you."**

Emmett grinned. "That's my baby sister," he said proudly and we grinned at him.

**"Good luck with that!" Jacob said, rolling his eyes as he refolded the map. "Let's go."**

**"Have fun," Billy rumbled, wheeling himself toward the refrigerator.**

**Charlie was not a hard person to live with, but it looked to me like Jacob had it even easier than I did.**

**I drove to the very end of the dirt road, stopping near the sign that marked the beginning of the trailhead. It had been a long time since I'd been here, and my stomach reacted nervously.**

**This might be a very bad thing. But it would be worth it, if I got to hear him.**

**I got out and looked at the dense wall of green.**

**"I went this way," I murmured, pointing straight ahead.**

**"Hmm," Jake muttered.**

**"What?"**

**He looked at the direction I'd pointed, then at the clearly marked trail, and back.**

**"I would have figured you for a trail kind of girl."**

**"Not me." I smiled bleakly. "I'm a rebel."**

Jasper grinned at those words. He always had a soft spot for rebels considering that was what the Northerners considered the Confederacy.

**He laughed, and then pulled out our map.**

**"Give me a second." He held the compass in a skilled way, twisting the map around till it angled the way he wanted.**

**"Okay–first line on the grid. Let's do it."**

**I could tell that I was slowing Jacob up, but he didn't complain. I tried not to dwell on my last trip through this part of the forest, with a very different companion. Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I'd end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together, gasping for air, and how would I explain that to Jacob?**

Esme frowned sadly at the thought of Bella's pain and I clenched my jaw while Alice held more tightly to Jasper. None of us liked to think of her in such unimaginable agony.

**It wasn't as hard as I would have thought to keep focused on the present. The forest looked a lot like any other part of the peninsula, and Jacob set a vastly different mood.**

**He whistled cheerfully, an unfamiliar tune, swinging his arms and moving easily through the rough undergrowth. The shadows didn't seem as dark as usual. Not with my personal sun along.**

**Jacob checked the compass every few minutes, keeping us in a straight line with one of the radiating spokes of his grid. He really looked like he knew what he was doing.**

**I was going to compliment him, but I caught myself. No doubt he'd add another few years to his inflated age.**

**My mind wandered as I walked, and I grew curious. I hadn't forgotten the conversation we'd had by the sea cliffs–I'd been waiting for him to bring it up again, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.**

**"Hey… Jake?" I asked hesitantly.**

**"Yeah?"**

**"How are things… with Embry? Is he back to normal yet?"**

**Jacob was silent for a minute, still moving forward with long paces. **

**When he was about ten feet ahead, he stopped to wait for me.**

**"No. He's not back to normal," Jacob said when I reached him, his mouth pulling down at the corners. He didn't start walking again. I immediately regretted bringing it up.**

**"Still with Sam."**

**"Yup."**

**He put his arm around my shoulder, and he looked so troubled that I didn't playfully shake it off, as I might have otherwise.**

**"Are they still looking at you funny?" I half-whispered.**

**Jacob stared through the trees. "Sometimes."**

**"And Billy?"**

**"As helpful as ever," he said in a sour, angry voice that disturbed me.**

**"Our couch is always open," I offered.**

**He laughed, breaking out of the unnatural gloom. "But think of the position that would put Charlie in – when Billy calls the police to report my kidnapping."**

**I laughed too, glad to have Jacob back to normal.**

**We stopped when Jacob said we'd gone six miles, cut west for a short time, and headed back along another line of his grid. **

**Everything looked exactly the same as the way in, and I had a feeling that my silly quest was pretty much doomed. I admitted as much when it started to get darker, the sunless day fading toward a starless night, but Jacob was more confident.**

**"As long as you're sure we're starting from the right place…" He glanced down at me.**

**"Yes, I'm sure."**

**"Then we'll find it," he promised, grabbing my hand and pulling me through a mass of ferns.**

I frowned slightly. It wasn't good for her to be so passive with him, but I could understand that she needed him – whether he was going to turn into a mutt or not.

**On the other side was the truck. He gestured toward it proudly. **

**"Trust me."**

**"You're good," I admitted. "Next time we bring flashlights, though."**

**"We'll save hiking for Sundays from now on. I didn't know you were that slow."**

Edward's smile was full of melancholy. "I did," he said softly. We ignored him for the most part. We were still angry at him and would be for a while.

**I yanked my hand back and stomped around to the driver's side while he chuckled at me reaction.**

**"So you up for another try tomorrow.'" he asked, sliding into the passenger seat.**

**"Sure. Unless you want to go without me so I don't tie you down to my gimpy pace."**

**"I'll survive," he assured me. "If we're hiking again, though, you might want to pick up some moleskin. I bet you can feel those new boots right now."**

**"A little," I confessed.**

**It felt like I had more blisters than I had space to fit them.**

**"I hope we see the bear tomorrow. I'm sort of disappointed about that."**

**"Yes, me, too," I agreed sarcastically. "Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow and something will eat us!"**

Emmett burst out laughing and I couldn't help but grin. Only Bella…

"**Bears don't want to eat people. We don't taste that good." He grinned at me in the dark cab.**

"Hey! I must be special!" Emmett said excitedly and I smiled at him indulgently.

"Of course you are, babe," I told him amusedly and he kissed me for a moment before pulling back, his eyes having more of that "Emmett glint" than I had seen since we left Forks and I smiled at him.

**"Of course, you might be an exception. I bet you'd taste good."**

**"Thanks so much," I said, looking away. He wasn't the first person to tell me that.**

I took a deep breath. "That's the end of the chapter," I told everyone while standing and taking the book to Esme, smiling when I reached her.

I leant down to hug her. "She's okay," I said in relief and she squeezed me closer for a second.

"It'll be okay, Rose," she said softly, just for my ears and I smiled softly. I didn't allow her to often but Esme could always soothe me.

I returned to my seat and Esme opened the book to the next page. Here we go again…


	10. Third Wheel

**Third Wheel**

Esme

I took the book from Rose and looked down. I was so very worried about my youngest daughter, my baby. I could only hope that she would start getting better soon. My poor Bella…

**Time began to trip along much more quickly than before. School, work, and Jacob –though not necessarily in that order – created a neat and effortless pattern to follow. And Charlie got his wish: I wasn't miserable anymore. Of course, I couldn't fool myself completely. When I stopped to take stock of my life, which I tried not to do too often, I couldn't ignore the implications of my behavior.**

**I was like a lost moon – my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation – that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.**

My breath caught in my throat as I read that. I… I couldn't begin to imagine what that must feel like. It would be… horrifying. I shuddered lightly and leaned into Carlisle a little more.

**I was getting better with my bike, which meant fewer bandages to worry Charlie. But it also meant that the voice in my head began to fade, until I heard it no more.**

**Quietly, I panicked. I threw myself into the search for the meadow with slightly frenzied intensity. I racked my brain for other adrenaline-producing activities.**

I frowned in disapproval and saw Alice and Rose grimace. None of us liked the sound of that. It was bad enough to see her in danger through sheer accident or just bad luck. It was even worse to hear that she wanted to be in danger, wanted to get hurt even if it meant that she could just hear his voice…

**I didn't keep track of the days that passed – there was no reason, as I tried to live as much in the present as possible, no past fading, no future impending. So I was surprised by the date when Jacob brought it up on one of our homework days. He was waiting when I pulled up in front of his house.**

**"Happy Valentine's Day,"**

**Jacob said, smiling, but ducking his head as he greeted me.**

**He held out a small, pink box, balancing it on his palm. Conversation hearts.**

Edward growled and I gave him a warning glance. _She has the right to be friends with whoever she wants, Edward, and you have no claim on her, _I chastised him gently. I was significantly less irate with him than the rest of the family.

Still, I had to admit that even I was somewhat worried about the status of her relationship with Jacob. He may shift into a werewolf and, though I admit that they may not be any more dangerous than vampires, the younger wolves were very unpredictable and volatile and that could be very dangerous for her…

**"Well, I feel like a schmuck," I mumbled. "Is today Valentine's Day?"**

**Jacob shook his head with mock sadness. "You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the fourteenth day of February. So are you going to be my Valentine? Since you didn't get me a fifty-cent box of candy, it's the least you can do."**

**I started to feel uncomfortable. The words were teasing, but only on the surface.**

**"What exactly does that entail?" I hedged.**

**"The usual – slave for life, that kind of thing."**

**"Oh, well, if that's all…" I took the candy. But I was trying to think of some way to make the boundaries clear. Again. They seemed to get blurred a lot with Jacob.**

Alice sighed and turned to Rose. "We really do have to teach her how to deal with unwelcome admirers and overly friendly boys when we get back," she complained and Rose happily nodded her agreement. I couldn't help but smile at them – so eager to teach their little sister something. And I had to admit, I didn't like all of those boys crowding around my little girl. I wasn't naïve; I knew that many teenage boys nowadays only wanted to have sex with beautiful girls rather than have a real relationship with them, I thought disgustedly. Edward growly lowly again; I didn't say anything this time – I agreed with him.

**"So, what are we doing tomorrow? Hiking, or the ER?"**

**"Hiking," I decided. "You're not the only one who can be obsessive. I'm starting to think I imagined that place…" I frowned into space.**

**"We'll find it," he assured me. "Bikes Friday?" he offered.**

**I saw a chance and took it without taking time to think it through.**

**"I'm going to a movie Friday. I've been promising my cafeteria crowd that I would go out forever." Mike would be pleased.**

**But Jacob's face fell. I caught the expression in his dark eyes before he dropped them to look at the ground.**

**"You'll come too, right?" I added quickly. "Or will it be too much of a drag with a bunch of boring seniors?"**

Carlisle smiled and shook his head at that. "She's far too kind and selfless," he said lovingly and I murmured my agreement while the others simply smiled. We all knew just how true that statement was, particularly now that we were reading this book, painful though its pages and paragraphs may be to us – after all, if it brought us this much pain just to read it, how much pain must it cause her to live through it all? I shuddered at the thought.

**So much for my chance to put some distance between us.**

**I couldn't stand hurting Jacob; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own. Also, the idea of having his company for the ordeal – I had promised Mike, but really didn't feel any enthusiasm at the thought of following through – was just too tempting.**

**"You'd like me to come, with your friends there?"**

**"Yes," I admitted honestly, knowing as I continued that I was probably shooting myself in the foot with my words.**

**"I'll have a lot more fun if you're there. Bring Quil, and we'll make it a party."**

**"Quil's gonna freak. Senior girls." He chortled and rolled his eyes. I didn't mention Embry, and neither did he. I laughed, too. "I'll try to get him a good selection."**

**I broached the subject with Mike in English.**

**"Hey, Mike," I said when class was over. "Are you free Friday night?"**

**He looked up, his blue eyes instantly hopeful. "Yeah, I am. You want to go out?"**

Emmett and Jasper frowned deeply, glancing at each other. "So, when we get back, Newton's not getting within five feet of her, right?" Emmett asked casually and unusually seriously for him.

Jasper nodded. "In fact, make it ten feet," he said sternly and I had to grin. My two sons were simply born for the 'older brother' role that they now held. It was an amazing thing to see, for me at least.

**I worded my reply carefully. "I was thinking about getting a group" – I emphasized the word – "together to go see Crosshairs." I'd done my homework this time – even reading the movie spoilers to be sure I wouldn't be caught off guard. This movie was supposed to be a bloodbath from start to finish. I wasn't so recovered that I could stand to sit through a romance. "Does that sound like fun?"**

**"Sure," he agreed, visibly less eager.**

**"Cool."**

**After a second, he perked back up to near his former excitement level. "How about we get Angela and Ben? Or Eric and Katie?"**

**He was determined to make this some kind of double date, apparently.**

**"How about both?" I suggested "And Jessica, too, of course. And Tyler and Conner, and maybe Lauren," I tacked on grudgingly. I had promised Quil variety.**

Rose grinned. "Nice one," she murmured appreciatively.

**"Okay," Mike muttered, foiled.**

**"And," I continued, "I've got a couple of friends from La Push I'm inviting. So it sounds like we'll need your Suburban if everyone comes."**

**Mike's eyes narrowed in suspicion.**

**"These are the friends you spend all your time studying with now?"**

**"Yep, the very ones," I answered cheerfully. "Though you could look at it as tutoring–they're only sophomores."**

**"Oh," Mike said, surprised. After a second of thought, he smiled.**

**In the end, though, the Suburban wasn't necessary.**

**Jessica and Lauren claimed to be busy as soon as Mike let it slip that I was involved in the planning. Eric and Katie already had plans – it was their three-week anniversary or something.**

**Lauren got to Tyler and Conner before Mike could, so those two were also busy. Even Quil was out – grounded for fighting at school. In the end, only Angela and Ben, and, of course Jacob, were able to go.**

**The diminished numbers didn't dampen Mike's anticipation, though.**

**It was all he could talk about Friday.**

I frowned. I was genuinely beginning to dislike this boy…

**"Are you sure you don't want to see Tomorrow and Forever instead?" he asked at lunch, naming the current romantic comedy that was ruling the box office. "Rotten Tomatoes gave it a better review."**

**"I want to see Crosshairs" I insisted. "I'm in the mood for action. Bring on the blood and guts!"**

Emmett grinned. "Ooh, Rosie, can we see that one when it comes out on DVD?" he begged and Rose grinned at her playful husband.

She giggled. "Yes, Emmett, whatever you want," Rose told him in amusement, leaning over to kiss him. Emmett was grinning widely when she pulled back and moved her to sit on his lap with his arms wrapped around her.

I smiled widely while I watched them. I loved nothing more than to see my family happy. Reading this book and making the decision to return to Bella once we finished had revitalized all of us. We could smile true, happy smiles and laugh with real mirth. We were already halfway to getting her back. And we were never letting her go again.

**"Okay." Mike turned away, but not before I saw his maybe-she's-crazy-after-all expression.**

**When I got home from school, a very familiar car was parked in front of my house. Jacob was leaning against the hood, a huge grin lighting up his face.**

**"No way!" I shouted as I jumped out of the truck. "You're done! I can't believe it! You finished the Rabbit!"**

**He beamed. "Just last night. This is the maiden voyage."**

**"Incredible." I held my hand up for a high five.**

**He smacked his hand against mine, but left it there, twisting his fingers through mine. "So do I get to drive tonight?"**

**"Definitely," I said, and then I sighed.**

**"What's wrong?"**

**"I'm giving up – I can't top this one. So you win. You're oldest."**

**He shrugged, unsurprised by my capitulation. "Of course I am."**

**Mike's Suburban chugged around the corner. I pulled my hand out of Jacob's, and he made a face that I wasn't meant to see.**

I frowned. If Bella didn't want to have a romantic relationship with him, then he needed to respect that…

**"I remember this guy," he said in a low voice as Mike parked across the street. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"**

**I raised one eyebrow. "Some people are hard to discourage."**

**"Then again," Jacob said thoughtfully, "sometimes persistence pays off."**

**"Most of the time it's just annoying, though."**

****Jasper grinned and Emmett snickered. "Nice one, Bells," Emmett said appreciatively and we all just smiled at the two boys.

**Mike got out of his car and crossed the road.**

**"Hey, Bella," he greeted me, and then his eyes turned wary as he looked up at Jacob. I glanced briefly at Jacob, too, trying to be objective. He really didn't look like a sophomore at all. He was just so big – Mike's head barely cleared Jacob's shoulder; I didn't even want to think where I measured next to him – and then his face was older-looking than it used to be, even a month ago.**

**"Hey, Mike! Do you remember Jacob Black?"**

**"Not really." Mike held out his hand.**

**"Old family friend," Jacob introduced himself, shaking hands. They locked hands with more force than necessary. When their grip broke, Mike flexed his fingers.**

Alice rolled her eyes, muttering about 'stupid, full of testosterone, hormonal teenage boys'. Carlisle and I chuckled at her softly. You couldn't deny that Alice certainly had an interesting way of looking at things…

**I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen.**

**"I'd better get that – it might be Charlie," I told them, and dashed inside.**

**It was Ben. Angela was sick with the stomach flu, and he didn't feel like coming without her.**

**He apologized for bailing on us.**

**I walked slowly back to the waiting boys, shaking my head. I really hoped Angela would feel better soon, but I had to admit that I was selfishly upset by this development. Just the three of us, Mike and Jacob and me, together for the evening – this had worked out brilliantly, I thought with grim sarcasm.**

Carlisle groaned and we all looked at him in mild surprise and confusion.

"Carlisle, darling, what's wrong?" I asked curiously and he sighed.

"I don't like having those two hormone-driven teenagers out alone with my little girl," he muttered quietly, looking slightly embarrassed, and I grinned.

I leaned in and hugged him tightly, positioning my lips by his ear. "I don't like it either, but we'll be reunited with our daughter soon," I breathed into his ear and when I pulled back he smiled at me.

"How much more of the book do we have left?" Alice asked me and I looked down at it sitting in my lap, picking it up and flipping back to the table of contents.

"There are 25 chapters including the epilogue, so we have about 15 chapters left after this. We've decided to read straight through and it's only just before noon now, so we should be finished in a few hours," I speculated and she nodded.

**It didn't seem like Jake and Mike had made any progress towards friendship in my absence.**

**They were several yards apart, facing away from each other as they waited for me; Mike's expression was sullen, though Jacob's was cheerful as always.**

**"Ang is sick," I told them glumly. "She and Ben aren't coming."**

**"I guess the flu is making another round. Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time," Mike suggested.**

**Before I could agree, Jacob spoke.**

**"I'm still up for it. But if you'd rather to stay behind, Mike–"**

**"No, I'm coming," Mike interrupted. "I was just thinking of Angela and Ben. Let's go." He started toward his Suburban.**

**"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" I asked. "I told him he could – he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself," I bragged, proud as a PTA mom with a student on the principal's list.**

I grinned. I know the feeling, I thought lovingly, glancing at each of my 'children'.

**"Fine," Mike snapped.**

**"All right, then," Jacob said, as if that settled everything. He seemed more comfortable than anyone else.**

**Mike climbed in the backseat of the Rabbit with a disgusted expression.**

**Jacob was his normal sunny self, chattering away until I'd all but forgotten Mike sulking silently in the back.**

**And then Mike changed his strategy. He leaned forward, resting his chin on the shoulder of my seat; his cheek almost touched mine. I shifted away, turning my back toward the window.**

I hissed quietly at that and Carlisle chuckled at me, kissing the top of my head gently and causing me to calm almost instantly. He always had such a profound effect on me…

**"Doesn't the radio work in this thing?" Mike asked with a hint of petulance, interrupting Jacob mid-sentence.**

**"Yes," Jacob answered. "But Bella doesn't like music."**

**I stared at Jacob, surprised. I'd never told him that.**

Alice pouted. "She used to love music," she said sadly. No one commented, but I'm sure we were all thinking the same thing. We would get her to enjoy it again.

**"Bella?" Mike asked, annoyed.**

**"He's right," I mumbled, still looking at Jacob's serene profile.**

**"How can you not like music?" Mike demanded.**

**I shrugged. "I don't know. It just irritates me."**

**"Hmph." Mike leaned away.**

**When we got to the theater, Jacob handed me a ten-dollar bill.**

**"What's this?" I objected.**

**"I'm not old enough to get into this one," he reminded me.**

**I laughed out loud. "So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?"**

**"No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence."**

**I snickered, and Mike quickened his pace to keep up with us.**

**I almost wished that Mike had decided to bow out. He was still sullen – not much of an addition to the party. But I didn't want to end up on a date alone with Jacob, either. That wouldn't help anything.**

Jasper huffed. "No, it certainly wouldn't help to have the boy alone with you the way he wants," he muttered protectively and I smiled at him, shaking my head in amusement.

**The movie was exactly what it professed to be. In just the opening credits, four people got blown up and one got beheaded. The girl in front of me put her hands over her eyes and turned her face into her date's chest. He patted her shoulder, and winced occasionally, too.**

**Mike didn't look like he was watching. His face was stiff as he glared toward the fringe of curtain above the screen.**

**I settled in to endure the two hours, watching the colors and the movement on the screen rather than seeing the shapes of people and cars and houses. But then Jacob started sniggering.**

**"What?" I whispered.**

**"Oh, c'mon!" he hissed back. "The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?"**

**He chuckled again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall.**

I heard Emmett chuckled quietly. "I'm gonna like that movie," he whispered quietly.

**After that, I really watched the show, laughing with him as the mayhem got more and more ridiculous. How was I ever going to fight the blurring lines in our relationship when I enjoyed being with him so much?**

**Both Jacob and Mike had claimed the armrests on either side of me.**

**Both of their hands rested lightly, palms up, in an unnatural looking** **position. Like steel bear traps, open and ready.**

My burly son's face turned thoughtful and almost… wistful and I knew that he had to be thinking of catching a nice large bear, a grizzly usually. I just shook my head. He did love to wrestle with his prey before he drank, which is why he usually wore some of his 'meal' back home with him…

**Jacob was in the habit of taking my hand whenever the opportunity presented itself, but here in the darkened movie theater, with Mike watching, it would have a different significance – and I was sure he knew that. I couldn't believe that Mike was thinking the same thing, but his hand was placed exactly like Jacob's.**

**I folded my arms tightly across my chest and hoped that both their hands fell asleep.**

**Mike gave up first. About halfway through the movie, he pulled his arm back, and leaned forward to put his head in his hands. At first I thought he was reacting to something on the screen, but then he moaned.**

**"Mike, are you okay?" I whispered.**

**The couple in front of us turned to look at him as he groaned again.**

**I could see the sheen of sweat across his face in the light from the screen.**

**Mike groaned again, and bolted for the door. I got up to follow him, and Jacob copied me immediately.**

**"No, stay," I whispered. "I'll make sure he's okay."**

**Jacob came with me anyway.**

**"You don't have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage," I insisted as we walked up the aisle.**

**"That's okay. You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks."**

**His voice rose from a whisper to its normal pitch as we walked out of the theater.**

**There was no sign of Mike in the hallway, and I was glad then that Jacob had come with me–he ducked into the men's bathroom to check for him there.**

**Jacob was back in a few seconds.**

**"Oh, he's in there, all right," he said, rolling his eyes. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit."**

My sons snickered (excluding Edward who just half-smiled) and my daughters wrinkled their noses in distaste. Myself? I simply continued reading.

**"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that."**

**We were all alone in the hallway. Both theaters were halfway through the movie, and it was deserted – quiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at the concession counter in the lobby.**

**Jacob went to sit on the velveteen-upholstered bench against the wall, patting the space beside him.**

**"He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while," he said, stretching his long legs out in front of him as he settled in to wait.**

**I joined him with a sigh. He looked like he was thinking about blurring more lines. Sure enough, as soon as I sat down, he shifted over to put his arm around my shoulders.**

**"Jake," I protested, leaning away. He dropped his arm, not looking bothered at all by the minor rejection. He reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my wrist when I tried to pull away again. Where did he get the confidence from?**

Rose growled quietly and I could tell that she didn't like Jacob putting his hands on Bella without her permission, no matter how innocent the touch may be. I didn't necessarily disagree with her either.

**"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella," he said in a calm voice. "Tell me something."**

**I grimaced. I didn't want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever. There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.**

**"What?" I muttered sourly.**

**"You like me, right?"**

**"You know I do."**

**"Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" He gestured toward the bathroom door.**

**"Yes," I sighed.**

**"Better than any of the other guys you know?" He was calm, serene – as if my answer didn't matter, or he already knew what it was.**

**"Better than the girls, too," I pointed out.**

**"But that's all," he said, and it wasn't a question.**

**It was hard to answer, to say the word. Would he get hurt and avoid me? How would I stand that?**

**"Yes," I whispered.**

I smiled. I was proud of her for being honest with him even when she knew that it may cost her, though I frowned as I was once more reminded of her omnipresent pain at our absence.

**He grinned down at me. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I'm good-looking – sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."**

**"I'm not going to change," I said, and though I tried to keep my voice normal, I could hear the sadness in it.**

**His face was thoughtful, no longer teasing. "It's still the other one, isn't it?"**

**I cringed. Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name – just like before in the car with the music. He picked up on so much about me that I never said.**

"He knows her well," Carlisle commented for my ears alone and I nodded just barely in response. Indeed, he did know her very well I was glad for that. She needed someone who could understand her when we weren't there.

**"You don't have to talk about it," he told me.**

**I nodded, grateful.**

**"But don't get mad at me for hanging around, okay?" Jacob patted the back of my hand. "Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."**

**I sighed. "You shouldn't waste it on me," I said, though I wanted him to. Especially if he was willing to accept me the way I was – damaged goods, as is.**

We all frowned. "Bella…" my daughters and I muttered sadly in unison, our mates all holding us a bit tighter.

**"It's what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me."**

**"I can't imagine how I could not like being with you," I told him honestly.**

**Jacob beamed. "I can live with that."**

**"Just don't expect more," I warned him, trying to pull my hand away. He held onto it obstinately.**

**"This doesn't really bother you, does it?" he demanded, squeezing my fingers.**

**"No," I sighed. Truthfully, it felt nice. His hand was so much warmer than mine; I always felt too cold these days.**

Carlisle groaned. "He must be getting very close to phasing," he murmured unhappily and my eyes widened in alarm.

**"And you don't care what he thinks." Jacob jerked his thumb toward the bathroom.**

**"I guess not."**

**"So what's the problem?"**

**"The problem," I said, "is, that it means something different to me than it does to you."**

**"Well." He tightened his hand around mine "That's my problem, isn't it?"**

**"Fine," I grumbled. "Don't forget it, though."**

"Damn straight," Emmett agreed and I frowned.

"Emmett!" I scolded and he hung his head.

"Sorry, Mom," he apologized and I softened, laughing quietly. He may look fearsome but he was really just a big teddy bear, unless one of the family was in danger of course.

**"I won't. The pin's out of the grenade for me, now, eh?" He poked me in the ribs.**

**I rolled my eyes. I guess if he felt like making a joke out of it, he was entitled.**

**He chuckled quietly for a minute while his pinky finger absently traced designs against the side of my hand.**

**"That's a funny scar you've got there," he suddenly said, twisting my hand to examine it. "How did that happen?"**

**The index finger of his free hand followed the line of the long silvery crescent that was barely visible against my pale skin.**

I shuddered lightly at the thought of what happened with James. My poor brave, selfless daughter, I thought fondly. I had known her for only a few days when it happened but I already thought of her as my daughter and I had been so worried when I heard what happened…

**I scowled. "Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?"**

**I waited for the memory to hit – to open the gaping hole. But, as it so often did, Jacob's presence kept me whole.**

**"It's cold," he murmured, pressing lightly against the place where James had cut me with his teeth.**

**And then Mike stumbled out of the bathroom, his face ashen and covered in sweat. He looked horrible.**

**"Oh, Mike," I gasped.**

**"Do you mind leaving early?" he whispered.**

**"No, of course not." I pulled my hand free and went to help Mike walk. He looked unsteady.**

**"Movie too much for you?" Jacob asked heartlessly.**

I frowned. I didn't like the sound of this Mike boy, either, but there was no reason to be so harsh…

**Mike's glare was malevolent. "I didn't actually see any of it," he mumbled. "I was nauseated before the lights went down."**

**"Why didn't you say something?" I scolded as we staggered toward the exit.**

**"I was hoping it would pass," he said.**

**"Just a sec," Jacob said as we reached the door. He walked quickly back to the concession stand.**

**"Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?" he asked the salesgirl. She looked at Mike once, and then thrust a bucket at Jacob.**

**"Get him outside, please," she begged. She was obviously the one who would have to clean the floor.**

Alice and Rose exchanged a glance that clearly said 'Ew!' Well, it did sound rather disgusting…

**I towed Mike out into the cool, wet air. He inhaled deeply. Jacob was right behind us. He helped me get Mike into the back of the car, and handed him the bucket with a serious gaze.**

**"Please," was all Jacob said.**

**We rolled down the windows, letting the icy night air blow through the car, hoping it would help Mike. I curled my arms around my legs to keep warm.**

**"Cold, again?" Jacob asked, putting his arm around me before I could answer.**

**"You're not?"**

**He shook his head.**

**"You must have a fever or something," I grumbled. It was freezing. I touched my fingers to his forehead, and his head was hot.**

**"Whoa, Jake – you're burning up!"**

Carlisle's eyes widened. "Definitely close to phasing," he said worriedly and several hisses echoed through the room. But there was nothing to be done about it now, so I just kept reading.

**"I feel fine." He shrugged. "Fit as a fiddle."**

**I frowned and touched his head again. His skin blazed under my fingers.**

**"Your hands are like ice," he complained.**

**"Maybe it's me," I allowed.**

**Mike groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket.**

**I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasn't defiled.**

**The road felt longer on the way back.**

**Jacob was quiet, thoughtful. He left his arm around me, and it was so warm that the cold wind felt good.**

**I stared out the windshield, consumed with guilt.**

**It was so wrong to encourage Jacob.**

I sighed. Silly girl, I thought lovingly. She would feel guilty over something like that. She didn't mean to – she just needed him to be her friend.

**Pure selfishness. It didn't matter that I'd tried to make my position clear. If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other than friendship, then I hadn't been clear enough.**

I frowned. "Bella could never be truly selfish," I said softly and received six nods of agreement. She was far too kind and loving and self_less _to ever be considered self-centered.

**How could I explain so that he would understand? I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house – condemned – for months I'd been utterly uninhabitable. Now I was a little improved.**

**The front room was in better repair. But that was all – just the one small piece. He deserved better than that. – better than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.**

My unnecessary breath hitched in my throat. Oh, how I loathed hearing about the pain that she felt. My poor daughter…

**Yet I knew that I wouldn't send him away, regardless. I needed him too much, and I was selfish. Maybe I could make my side more clear, so that he would know to leave me. The thought made me shudder, and Jacob tightened his arm around me.**

**I drove Mike home in his Suburban, while Jacob followed behind us to take me home. Jacob was quiet all the way back to my house, and I wondered if he were thinking the same things that I was. Maybe he was changing his mind.**

**"I would invite myself in, since we're early," he said as we pulled up next to my truck. "But I think you might be right about the fever. I'm starting to feel a little… strange."**

**"Oh no, not you, too! Do you want me to drive you home?"**

**"No." He shook his head, his eyebrows pulling together. "I don't feel sick yet. Just…wrong. If I have to, I'll pull over."**

**"Will you call me as soon as you get in?" I asked anxiously.**

**"Sure, sure." He frowned, staring ahead into the darkness and biting his lip.**

**I opened my door to get out, but he grabbed my wrist lightly and held me there. I noticed again how hot his skin felt on mine.**

**"What is it, Jake?" I asked.**

**"There's something I want to tell you, Bella…but I think it's going to sound kind of corny."**

**I sighed. This would be more of the same from the theater. "Go ahead."**

**"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down – I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"**

I smiled sadly. I had a feeling that he was about to have to break that promise. He loved her – I could easily tell that much – and he never wanted to hurt her. After he phased, he would be dangerous to her and so would likely fall into making the same mistake that my foolish and overprotective but caring son had made.

**"Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know."**

**The smile broke across his face the way the sunrise set the clouds on fire, and I wanted to cut my tongue out. I hadn't said one word that was a lie, but I should have lied. The truth was wrong, it would hurt him. I would let him down.**

**A strange look crossed his face. "I really think I'd better go home now," he said.**

**I got out quickly.**

**"Call me!" I yelled as he pulled away.**

**I watched him go, and he seemed to be in control of the car, at least. I stared at the empty street when he was gone, feeling a little sick myself, but not for any physical reason.**

**How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and -blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now.**

**Heaven knows I had never wanted to use Jacob, but I couldn't help but interpret the guilt I felt now to mean that I had.**

**Even more, I had never meant to love him.**

**One thing I truly knew – knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest – was how love gave someone the power to break you.**

**I'd been broken beyond repair.**

A small whimper escaped me and Alice and Rose looked like they would cry if they could. I was still in slight disbelief. How could she endure so much pain? It was the most amazing – and terrible because of how much she suffered – thing that I had ever heard of…

**But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug. I'd used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I'd planned to go with anyone again. Now I couldn't bear for him to be hurt, and I couldn't keep from hurting him, either. He thought time and patience would change me, and, though I knew he was dead wrong, I also knew that I would let him try.**

**He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.**

**I went inside to sit by the phone and bite my nails.**

**"Movie over already?" Charlie asked in surprise when I came in. He was on the floor, just a foot from the TV. Must be an exciting game.**

**"Mike got sick," I explained. "Some kind of stomach flu."**

**"You okay?"**

**"I feel fine now," I said doubtfully. Clearly, I'd been exposed.**

Carlisle frowned and I gave his hand a squeeze, making him look at me, and gave him a look that let him know that now wasn't the time to go into 'Dr. Cullen' mode. He smiled sheepishly and nodded, making me smile and kiss his cheek.

**I leaned against the kitchen counter, my hand inches from the phone, and tried to wait patiently. I thought of the strange look on Jacob's face before he drove away, and my fingers started drumming against the counter. I should have insisted on driving him home.**

**I watched the clock as the minutes ticked by Ten. Fifteen. Even when I was driving, it took only fifteen minutes, and Jacob drove faster than I did. Eighteen minutes. I picked up the phone and dialed.**

**It rang and rang. Maybe Billy was asleep. Maybe I'd dialed wrong. I tried again.**

**On the eighth ring, just as I was about to hang up, Billy answered.**

**"Hello?" he asked. His voice was wary, like he was expecting bad news.**

**"Billy, it's me, Bella – did Jake make it home yet? He left here about twenty minutes ago."**

**"He's here," Billy said tonelessly.**

**"He was supposed to call me." I was a little irritated. "He was getting sick when he left, and I was worried."**

**"He was… too sick to call. He's not feeling well right now." Billy sounded distant. I realized he must want to be with Jacob.**

**"Let me know if you need any help," I offered. "I could come down." I thought of Billy, stuck in his chair, and Jake fending for himself…**

**"No, no," Billy said quickly. "We're fine. Stay at your place."**

Carlisle frowned. "Well, it's official. Jacob Black phased," he stated concernedly and we all exchanged glances. We had just read how Bella admitted to herself how much she genuinely needed Jacob in her life – and this was certain to put an end to his presence around her. None of us looked forward to reading about the effect that it had on her, but we knew that we had to.

**The way he said it was almost rude.**

**"Okay," I agreed.**

**"Bye, Bella."**

**The line disconnected.**

**"Bye," I muttered.**

**Well, at least he'd made it home. Oddly, I didn't feel less worried. I trudged up the stairs, fretting. Maybe I would go down before work tomorrow to check on him. I could take soup – we had to have a can of Campbell's around here somewhere.**

**I realized all such plans were canceled when I woke up early – my clock said four thirty – and sprinted to the bathroom.**

I frowned. Poor Bella, I thought sadly. I hated that she had been sick and I hadn't been there to take care of her however I could.

**Charlie found me there a half hour later, lying on the floor, my cheek pressed against the cold edge of the bathtub.**

**He looked at me for a long moment.**

**"Stomach flu," he finally said.**

"Gee, you think?" Rose muttered.

**"Yes," I moaned.**

**"You need something?" he asked.**

**"Call the Newtons for me, please," I instructed hoarsely. "Tell them I have what Mike has, and that I can't make it in today. Tell them I'm sorry."**

**"Sure, no problem," Charlie assured me.**

**I spent the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, sleeping for a few hours with my head on a crumpled up towel. Charlie claimed that he had to work, but I suspected that he just wanted access to a bathroom. He left a glass of water on the floor beside me to keep me hydrated.**

I scowled at that. "You don't just leave a sick child alone on the bathroom floor by themselves and leave the house!" I ranted. Charlie was a good man, but clearly he wasn't always the most capable when it came to parenting.

**It woke me up when he came back home. I could see that it was dark in my room –after nightfall. He clumped up the stairs to check on me.**

**"Still alive?"**

**"Sort of," I said.**

**"Do you want anything?"**

**"No, thanks."**

**He hesitated, clearly out of his element. "Okay, then," he said, and then** **he went back down to the kitchen.**

I scowled once more. My poor daughter. Not only had she had to endure being sick, but her own father was obviously clueless about how to take care of her in such a state. I sighed and eased up a little. Charlie loved Bella, I knew, but he had spent so little time with her over the years that he truly had no idea what he was doing when it came to parenting her. As with her mother, Bella was more the parent than he was…

**I heard the phone ring a few minutes later. Charlie spoke to someone in a low voice for a moment, and then hung up.**

**"Mike feels better," he called up to me.**

**Well, that was encouraging. He'd only gotten sick eight hours or so before me. Eight more hours. The thought made my stomach turn, and I pulled myself up to lean over the toilet.**

**I fell asleep on the towel again, but when I woke up I was in my bed and it was light outside my window. I didn't remember moving; Charlie must have carried me to my room–he'd also put the glass of water on my bedside table. I felt parched. I chugged it down, though it tasted funny from sitting stagnant all night.**

**I got up slowly, trying not to trigger the nausea again. I was weak, and my mouth tasted horrible, but my stomach felt fine. I looked at my clock.**

**My twenty-four hours were up.**

All of us sighed in relief. None of us liked to imagine Bella sick.

**I didn't push it, eating nothing but saltine crackers for breakfast. Charlie looked relieved to see me recovered.**

**As soon as I was sure that I wasn't going to have to spend the day on the bathroom floor again, I called Jacob.**

**Jacob was the one who answered, but when I heard his greeting I knew he wasn't over it.**

**"Hello?" His voice was broken, cracking.**

**"Oh, Jake," I groaned sympathetically. "You sound horrible."**

**"I feel horrible," he whispered.**

**"I'm so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks."**

**"I'm glad I went." His voice was still a whisper. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."**

**"You'll get better soon," I promised. "I woke up this morning, and I was fine."**

**"You were sick?" he asked dully.**

**"Yes, I got it, too. But I'm fine now."**

**"That's good." His voice was dead.**

**"So you'll probably be better in a few hours," I encouraged.**

**I could barely hear his answer. "I don't think I have the same thing you did."**

My jaw tightened. Oh, Bella…

**"Don't you have the stomach flu?" I asked, confused.**

**"No. This is something else."**

**"What's wrong with you?"**

**"Everything," he whispered. "Every part of me hurts."**

**The pain in his voice was nearly tangible.**

**"What can I do, Jake? What can I bring you?"**

**"Nothing. You can't come here." He was abrupt. It reminded me of Billy the other night.**

I sighed sadly. I was right. He was going to leave her all alone again out of the same misguided protection attempt as Edward.

I began to wonder. Did anyone ever take into account what she wanted? Or even bother to ask her? I had a feeling that I knew the answer and it disturbed me deeply.

**"I've already been exposed to whatever you have," I pointed out.**

**He ignored me. "I'll call you when I can. I'll let you know when you can come down again."**

**"Jacob –"**

**"I've got to go," he said with sudden urgency.**

**"Call me when you feel better."**

**"Right," he agreed, and his voice had a strange, bitter edge.**

**He was silent for a moment. I was waiting for him to say goodbye, but he waited too.**

**"I'll see you soon," I finally said.**

**"Wait for me to call," he said again.**

**"Okay… Bye, Jacob."**

**"Bella," he whispered my name, and then hung up the phone.**

I sighed. "That was the end of the chapter," I said softly, standing and moving to stand before Edward. I gave him a small smile as I handed him the book.

As I returned to my seat, I observed him. He was getting better. His eyes had light in them once more and he smiled sometimes as we read. Now, if only he could figure out the root of the problem here…

Well, nothing to do for now but read, I thought as my son opened the book and I curled into my mate's side.

I sighed, a soft smile on my lips. _Don't worry, Bella, my daughter. We'll be there soon…_


	11. The Meadow

**A/N: Okay, we finally get to see Edward have his big revelation that I've been alluding to! So, be on the lookout for it! ;)**

Edward

**The Meadow**

My breath caught in my throat. Was she… going to our meadow? But… No, no she couldn't. She could never find it on her own. She was only human, after all. The thought made my chest ache lightly.

I wanted her to be human, for her sake, but at the same time I wanted her to find it so that she would still remember me. Although, apparently she remembered everything about me.

I wasn't sure yet how to feel about the fact that we were going home. I could see now that I had been wrong about her. Having had Jasper show me, all of us, how she felt about me… I nearly shuddered. How could she feel so very much for me – so much that it was overwhelming to me, a vampire? It didn't compute.

Still, that wasn't what preoccupied the majority of my attention at the moment. My family's thoughts felt very… disgusted with me, for a reason other than my actions when leaving Bella. It was almost like they were waiting for me to realize something that was very obvious to them, but I just couldn't figure out what it was. I frowned.

**Jacob didn't call.**

**The first time I called, Billy answered and told me that Jacob was still in bed. I got nosy, checking to make sure that Billy had taken him to a doctor. Billy said he had, but, for some reason I couldn't nail down, I didn't really believe him. I called again, several times a day, for the next two days, but no one was ever there. Saturday, I decided to go see him, invitation be damned. But the little red house was empty. This frightened me – was Jacob so sick that he'd needed to go to the hospital? I stopped by the hospital on the way back home, but the nurse at the front desk told me neither Jacob nor Billy had been in.**

**I made Charlie call Harry Clearwater as soon as he got home from work. I waited, anxious, while Charlie chatted with his old friend; the conversation seemed to go on forever without Jacob even being mentioned. It seemed that Harry had been in the hospital…some kind of tests for his heart. Charlie's forehead got all pinched together, but Harry joked with him, blowing it off, until Charlie was laughing again. Only then did Charlie ask about Jacob, and now his side of the conversation didn't give me much to work with, just a lot of hmms and yeahs. I drummed my fingers against the counter beside him until he put a hand over mine to stop me.**

**Finally, Charlie hung up the phone and turned to me.**

**"Harry says there's been some trouble with the phone lines, and that's why you haven't been able to get through. Billy took Jake to the doc down there, and it looks like he has mono. He's real tired, and Billy said no visitors," he reported.**

**"No visitors?" I demanded in disbelief.**

I snorted quietly. That was the only good thing the dog had done. He shouldn't be around her – shouldn't have been around her in the first place so close to phasing.

**Charlie raised one eyebrow. "Now don't you go making a pest of yourself, Bells. Billy knows what's best for Jake. He'll be up and around soon enough. Be patient."**

**I didn't push it. Charlie was too worried about Harry. That was clearly the more important issue – it wouldn't be right to bug him with my lesser concerns. Instead, I went straight upstairs and turned on my computer. I found a medical site online and typed "mononucleosis" into the search box.**

**All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which was clearly not the case with Jake.**

**I read through the symptoms quickly – the fever he definitely had, but what about the rest of it? No horrible sore throat, no exhaustion, no headaches, at least not before he'd gone home from the movie; he'd said he felt "fit as a fiddle." Did it really come on so fast? The article made it sound like the sore stuff showed up first.**

**I glared at the computer screen and wondered why, exactly, I was doing this. Why did I feel so… so suspicious, like I didn't believe Billy's story? Why would Billy lie to Harry?**

**I was being silly, probably. I was just worried, and, to be honest, I was afraid of not being allowed to see Jacob – that made me nervous.**

I growled lowly. I may not be there but I certainly didn't want Bella to be with _him._

**I skimmed through the rest of the article, looking for more information. I stopped when I got to the part about how mono could last more than a month.**

**A month? My mouth fell open.**

**But Billy couldn't enforce the no-visitors thing that long. Of course not. Jake would go crazy stuck in bed that long without anyone to talk to.**

**What was Billy afraid of, anyway? The article said that a person with mono needed to avoid physical activity, but there was nothing about visitors. The disease wasn't very infectious.**

**I'd give Billy a week, I decided, before I got pushy. A week was generous.**

**A week was long. By Wednesday, I was sure I wasn't going to live 'til Saturday.**

**When I'd decided to leave Billy and Jacob alone for a week, I hadn't really believed that Jacob would go along with Billy's rule. Every day when I got home from school, I ran to the phone to check for messages. There never were any.**

**I cheated three times by trying to call him, but the phone lines still weren't working.**

**I was in the house much too much, and much too alone. Without Jacob, and my adrenaline and my distractions, everything I'd been repressing started creeping up on me. The dreams got hard again. I could no longer see the end coming. Just the horrible nothingness – half the time in the forest, half the time in the empty fern sea where the white house no longer existed. Sometimes Sam Uley was there in the forest, watching me again. I paid him no attention – there was no comfort in his presence; it made me feel no less alone. It didn't stop me from screaming myself awake, night after night.**

I flinched at the mention of her pain, her nightmares… _My fault, all my fault. Every scream, every throb… All my fault…_

**The hole in my chest was worse than ever. I'd thought that I'd been getting it under control, but I found myself hunched over, day after day, clutching my sides together and gasping for air.**

**I wasn't handling alone well.**

**I was relieved beyond measure the morning I woke up – screaming, of course – and remembered that it was Saturday. Today I could call Jacob. And if the phone lines still weren't working, then I was going to La Push. One way or another, today would be better than the last lonely week.**

**I dialed, and then waited without high expectations.**

**It caught me off guard when Billy answered on the second ring.**

**"Hello?"**

**"Oh, hey, the phone is working again! Hi, Billy. It's Bella. I was just calling to see how Jacob is doing. Is he up for visitors yet? I was thinking about dropping by –"**

**"I'm sorry, Bella," Billy interrupted, and I wondered if he were watching TV; he sounded distracted. "He's not in."**

**"Oh." It took me a second. "So he's feeling better then?"**

**"Yeah," Billy hesitated for an instant too long. "Turns out it wasn't mono after all. Just some other virus."**

**"Oh. So… where is he?"**

**"He's giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles – I think they were going to catch a double feature or something. He's gone for the whole day."**

**"Well, that's a relief. I've been so worried. I'm glad he felt good enough to get out." My voice sounded horribly phony as I babbled on.**

**Jacob was better, but not well enough to call me.**

I smiled grimly. I hated for her to be so distressed but I was glad that the dog was keeping his distance. Bella shouldn't be hanging around with werewolves – especially _young _werewolves. I shuddered.

**He was out with friends. I was sitting home, missing him more every hour. I was lonely, worried, bored… perforated – and now also desolate as I realized that the week apart had not had the same effect on him.**

**"Is there anything in particular you wanted?" Billy asked politely.**

**"No, not really."**

**"Well, I'll tell him that you called," Billy promised. "Bye, Bella."**

**"Bye," I replied, but he'd already hung up.**

**I stood for a moment with the phone still in my hand.**

**Jacob must have changed his mind, just like I'd feared. He was going to take my advice and not waste any more time on someone who couldn't return his feelings. I felt the blood run out of my face.**

My family's thoughts compounded my own sadness as I read over this.

_My poor daughter. She doesn't deserve any of this… - Esme_

_Bella… If this keeps going on it could become seriously unhealthy. She… - Carlisle_

_Damn it, what did we do to her? My little Bella-bear… - Emmett_

_So much sadness… Ah, Bella, please you need to get better sister… - Jasper_

_Can't believe I was ever so mean to her. I'm so sorry, Bella… - Rosalie_

_My best friend, my sister, please hold on. We'll be there soon, I promise, and we won't ever leave you again… - Alice_

I sighed. I knew that it was all my fault, but it brought me a strange sense of pleasure to hear how much they cared for her. God, I was such an idiot.

I shook my head, disgusted with myself. It was all starting to sink in, now. How could I have been so stupid as to leave her? I'm not admitting that it wasn't safer for her without me, but still… I caused her so much pain…

**"Something wrong?" Charlie asked as he came down the stairs.**

**"No," I lied, hanging up the phone. "Billy says Jacob is feeling better. It wasn't mono. So that's good."**

**"Is he coming here, or are you going there?" Charlie asked absentmindedly as he started poking through the fridge.**

**"Neither," I admitted. "He's going out with some other friends."**

**The tone of my voice finally caught Charlie's attention. He looked up at me with sudden alarm, his hands frozen around a package of cheese slices.**

**"Isn't it a little early for lunch?" I asked as lightly as I could manage, trying to distract him.**

**"No, I'm just packing something to take out to the river…"**

**"Oh, fishing today?"**

**"Well, Harry called… and it's not raining." He was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something. "Say, did you want me to stay with you, since Jake's out?"**

**"That's okay, Dad," I said, working to sound indifferent. "The fish bite better when the weather's nice."**

**He stared at me, indecision clear on his face. I knew that he was worrying, afraid to leave me alone, in case I got "mopey" again.**

We all shuddered. We didn't even want to consider what she may do if she was stuck in the haze that she described again. It was a terrifying prospect, all the more so because it was in no way impossible or improbable.

**"Seriously, Dad. I think I'll call Jessica," I fibbed quickly. I'd rather be alone than have him watching me all day. "We have a Calculus test to study for. I could use her help." That part was true. But I'd have to make do without it.**

**"That's a good idea. You've been spending so much time with Jacob, your other friends are going to think you've forgotten them."**

**I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought.**

**Charlie started to turn, but then spun back with a worried expression. "Hey, you'll study here or at Jess's, right?"**

**"Sure, where else?"**

**"Well, it's just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods, like I told you before."**

**It took me a minute to understand, distracted as I was. "More bear trouble?"**

**Charlie nodded, frowning. "We've got a missing hiker – the rangers found his camp early this morning, but no sign of him. There were some really big animal prints… of course those could have come later, smelling the food… Anyway, they're setting traps for it now."**

**"Oh," I said vaguely. I wasn't really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear.**

Everyone cracked a small smile at that, even me. Only Bella could be more concerned about her friend's odd behavior and seeming rejection of her than being eaten by a homicidal bear…

**I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry. He didn't wait for me to call Jessica, so I didn't have to put on that charade. I went through the motions of gathering my school-books on the kitchen table to pack them in my bag; that was probably too much, and if he hadn't been eager to hit the holes, it might have made him suspicious.**

**I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn't really crash down on me until after I'd watched him drive away. It only took about two minutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to decide that I wasn't staying home today. I considered my options.**

**I wasn't going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, Jessica had crossed over to the dark side.**

**I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle – an appealing thought but for one minor problem: who was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward? Or…I already had our map and compass in the truck. I was pretty sure I understood the process well enough by now that I wouldn't get lost. Maybe I could eliminate two lines today, putting us ahead of schedule for whenever Jacob decided to honor me with his presence again. I refused to think about how long that might be. Or if it was going to be never. I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Charlie would feel about this, but I ignored it. I just couldn't stay in the house again today.**

I clenched my teeth. Even if she wouldn't find the meadow, I didn't want her out in the forest alone. It was dangerous and there were any number of ways that she could get hurt. Hadn't I warned her enough times to stay out of the woods?

**A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in particular. I had the windows rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck, trying to enjoy the wind against my face. It was cloudy, but almost dry – a very nice day, for Forks.**

**Getting started took me longer than it would have taken Jacob. After I parked in the usual spot, I had to spend a good fifteen minutes studying the little needle on the compass face and the markings on the now worn map. When I was reasonably certain that I was following the right line of the web, I set off into the woods.**

**The forest was full of life today, all the little creatures enjoying the momentary dryness.**

**Somehow, though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around my head, and the occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs, the forest seemed creepier today; it reminded me of my most recent nightmare. I knew it was just because I was alone, missing Jacob's carefree whistle and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground.**

**The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees. Breathing started to get more difficult–not because of exertion, but because I was having trouble with the stupid hole in my chest again. I kept my arms tight around my torso and tried to banish the ache from my thoughts. I almost turned around, but I hated to waste the effort I'd already expended.**

**The rhythm of my footsteps started to numb my mind and my pain as I trudged on. My breathing evened out eventually, and I was glad I hadn't quit. I was getting better at this bushwhacking thing; I could tell I was faster.**

Emmett grinned and his thoughts were happy. _Alright, way to go little sis,_ he thought approvingly and I couldn't help the small smile that crossed my lips.

**I didn't realize quite how much more efficiently I was moving. I thought I'd covered maybe four miles, and I wasn't even starting to look around for it yet. And then, with an abruptness that disoriented me, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples –pushing past the chest-high ferns – into the meadow.**

I gaped. "She found it…" I muttered in disbelief, shaking my head, and Alice hissed at me quietly.

"Of course she did. I told you that she would, you moron," she growled lowly and I just shook my head. I couldn't believe that she actually managed to find it…

**It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. To the east, I could hear the stream bubbling quietly.**

**The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene. It was the wrong season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake.**

**It was the same place… but it didn't hold what I had been searching for. The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp. What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain–the pain that had me now, had me cold. There was nothing special about this place without him. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. My head swirled dizzily.**

**At least I'd come alone. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If I'd discovered the meadow with Jacob…well, there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging into now. How could I have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces, the way I had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing me apart? It was so much better that I didn't have an audience.**

Esme whimpered, cringing into Carlisle as she heard of her youngest daughter's pain. My jaw clenched. I felt like such a monster for taking Esme's youngest child away from her, but it was worth it if I could protect Bella. But had I really protected her?

I sighed. We were going back anyways, now. In fact, the family would never have left if they had known of the blasphemous things that I said to my angel that day. So, no, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it to cause her so much agony when I knew – and some part of me did know – that I could never stay away from her forever.

**And I wouldn't have to explain to anyone why I was in such a hurry to leave, either. Jacob would have assumed, after going to so much trouble to locate the stupid place, I would want to spend more than a few seconds here. But I was already trying to find the strength to get to my feet again, forcing myself out of the ball so that I could escape. There was too much pain in this empty place to bear – I would crawl away if I had to.**

**How lucky that I was alone!**

**Alone. I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my feet despite the pain. At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty paces away.**

My entire family stiffened at the same time that I did. That meadow would be nigh impossible to find if you didn't already know it was there. Unless…

**A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second. The first was surprise; I was far from any trail here, and I didn't expect company. Then, as my eyes focused on the motionless figure, seeing the utter stillness, the pallid skin, a rush of piercing hope rocked through me.**

… you were a vampire.

We all hissed. A vampire was in the meadow with Bella! Damn it! I snarled. The only question now was, who was it? Who would I be tearing from limb to limb if they dared lay a single finger on my Bella?

**I suppressed it viciously, fighting against the equally sharp lash of agony as my eyes continued to the face beneath the black hair, the face that wasn't the one I wanted to see. Next was fear; this was not the face I grieved for, but it was close enough for me to know that the man facing me was no stray hiker.**

**And finally, in the end, recognition.**

**"Laurent!" I cried in surprised pleasure.**

We all relaxed slightly at that, though we kept our suspicions up. Laurent had been staying with the Denali coven, as well as converting to our diet. Still, there was no reason for him to be back in Forks, and he was new to our ways… I shivered and hurried to continue reading.

**It was an irrational response. I probably should have stopped at fear. Laurent had been one of James's coven when we'd first met. He hadn't been involved with the hunt that followed – the hunt where I was the quarry – but that was only because he was afraid; I was protected by a bigger coven than his own. It would have been different if that wasn't the case – he'd had no compunctions, at the time, against making a meal of me. Of course, he must have changed, because he'd gone to Alaska to live with the other civilized coven there, the other family that refused to drink human blood for ethical reasons. The other family like…but I couldn't let myself think the name.**

**Yes, fear would have made more sense, but all I felt was an overwhelming satisfaction.**

I grimaced, shaking my head. Bella always had the wrong reactions when it came to these things.

**The meadow was a magic place again. A darker magic than I'd expected, to be sure, but magic all the same. Here was the connection I'd sought. The proof, however remote, that –somewhere in the same world where I lived – he did exist.**

**It was impossible how exactly the same Laurent looked. I suppose it was very silly and human to expect some kind of change in the last year. But there was something…I couldn't quite put my finger on it.**

**"Bella?" he asked, looking more astonished than I felt.**

**"You remember." I smiled. It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because a vampire knew my name.**

**He grinned. "I didn't expect to see you here." He strolled toward me, his expression bemused.**

**"Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."**

**He stopped about ten paces away, cocking his head to the side. His face was the most beautiful face I'd seen in what felt like an eternity. I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. Here was someone I didn't have to pretend for – someone who already knew everything I could never say.**

**"You're right," he agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect…When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."**

**"Oh." I bit my lip as the name set the raw edges of my wound throbbing. It took me a second to compose myself. Laurent waited with curious eyes.**

**"They did move on," I finally managed to tell him.**

**"Hmm," he murmured. "I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?"**

I hissed and Emmett snorted at me. "Oh, shut up! You're the one that practically told her that she was," he seethed at me. No one came to my aid; I didn't expect them to. What my adopted brother said was true, no matter how much I hated it – and myself.

**His eyes were innocent of any intended offense.**

**I smiled wryly. "Something like that."**

**"Hmm," he said, thoughtful again.**

**At that precise moment, I realized why he looked the same – too much the same. After Carlisle told us that Laurent had stayed with Tanya's family, I'd begun to picture him, on the rare occasions that I thought of him at all, with the same golden eyes that the…Cullens – I forced the name out, wincing – had. That all good vampires had.**

Everyone tensed again. "What?" Alice hissed menacingly, the small vampire looking truly frightening in that moment.

**I took an involuntary step back, and his curious, dark red eyes followed the movement.**

**"Do they visit often?" he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted toward me.**

**"**_**Lie,**_**" the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory.**

**I started at the sound of his voice, but it should not have surprised me. Was I not in the worst danger imaginable? The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this.**

**I did what the voice said to do.**

**"Now and again." I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. "The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted…" I was beginning to babble. I had to work to shut myself up.**

**"Hmm," he said again. "The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while…"**

_**"You must lie better than that, Bella**_**," the voice urged.**

Jasper groaned and we all looked at him. He sighed and explained. "People see it as a good thing to be an honest person, but in a situation like this it's a very important thing to be able to lie well – and everyone knows that Bella can't lie," he frowned and everyone silently agreed with him.

**I tried. "I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed your visit." I pretended to deliberate for a second. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to… Edward, I suppose –"**

**I barely managed to say his name, and it twisted my expression on the way out, ruining my bluff " – he has such a temper…well, I'm sure you remember. He's still touchy about the whole James thing." I rolled my eyes and waved one hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but there was an edge of hysteria to my voice. I wondered if he would recognize what it was.**

**"Is he really?" Laurent asked pleasantly…skeptically.**

**I kept my reply short, so that my voice wouldn't betray my panic. "Mm-hmm."**

**Laurent took a casual step to the side, gazing around at the little meadow. I didn't miss that the step brought him closer to me. In my head, the voice responded with a low snarl.**

**"So how are things working out in Denali? Carlisle said you were staying with Tanya?" My voice was too high.**

My family leaned forward a bit in their seats. We all would very much like to know the answer to that question.

**The question made him pause. "I like Tanya very much," he mused. "And her sister Irina even more…**

Carlisle's eyebrows rose slightly and his lips turned down at the corners. "It would appear that he may be Irina's mate," he muttered in surprise. No one commented. We were all too worried.

**I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult…I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long." He smiled at me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I cheat."**

**I couldn't swallow. My foot started to ease back, but I froze when his red eyes flickered down to catch the movement.**

**"Oh," I said in a faint voice. "Jasper has problems with that, too."**

**"Don't move," the voice whispered. I tried to do what he instructed. It was hard; the instinct to take flight was nearly uncontrollable.**

**"Really?" Laurent seemed interested. "Is that why they left?"**

**"No," I answered honestly. "Jasper is more careful at home."**

**"Yes," Laurent agreed. "I am, too."**

**The step forward he took now was quite deliberate.**

**"Did Victoria ever find you?" I asked, breathless, desperate to distract him.**

I growled before freezing. No. No, no, no. Victoria. I hadn't been able to find her. I had lost her trail. Leaving her free… to go right… back… to Bella… I groaned quietly, pained at the thought of having placed my angel in even more danger by leaving her.

**It was the first question that popped into my head, and I regretted it as soon as the words were spoken.**

**Victoria – who had hunted me with James, and then disappeared – was not someone I wanted to think of at this particular moment.**

**But the question did stop him.**

**"Yes," he said, hesitating on that step. "I actually came here as a favor to her." He made a face. "She won't be happy about this."**

**"About what?" I said eagerly, inviting him to continue. He was glaring into the trees, away from me. I took advantage of his diversion, taking a furtive step back.**

**He looked back at me and smiled – the expression made him look like a black-haired angel.**

**"About me killing you," he answered in a seductive purr.**

Everyone snarled at that and I had to toss the book aside for a moment to avoid tearing it apart. I breathed deeply, still growling lowly for a few moments before we all calmed down just enough to keep reading. We had to know what happened, so we all somewhat made a silent pact to keep reading with no interruptions until we reached the end of the conflict.

**I staggered back another step. The frantic growling in my head made it hard to hear.**

**"She wanted to save that part for herself," he went on blithely. "She's sort of…put out with you, Bella."**

**"Me?" I squeaked.**

**He shook his head and chuckled. "I know, it seems a little backward to me, too. But James was her mate, and your Edward killed him."**

**Even here, on the point of death, his name tore against my unhealed wounds like a serrated edge.**

**Laurent was oblivious to my reaction. "She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward – fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed –apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected."**

I whimpered but didn't say anything as I kept reading. _My fault, my fault, my fault…_

**Another blow, another tear through my chest.**

**Laurent's weight shifted slightly, and I stumbled another step back.**

**He frowned. "I suppose she'll be angry, all the same."**

**"Then why not wait for her?" I choked out.**

**A mischievous grin rearranged his features. "Well, you've caught me at a bad time, Bella. I didn't come to this place on Victoria's mission – I was hunting. I'm quite thirsty, and you do smell… simply mouthwatering."**

I clenched my teeth, almost hissing the words out now. _Keep going, just keep going, my fault, all my fault, keep going… _The mantra just kept repeating in my head.

**Laurent looked at me with approval, as if he meant it as a compliment.**

**"**_**Threaten him,"**_** the beautiful delusion ordered, his voice distorted with dread.**

**"He'll know it was you," I whispered obediently. "You won't get away with this."**

I did hiss the words out, now. Damn right he wouldn't!

**"And why not?" Laurent's smile widened. He gazed around the small opening in the trees. "The scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body – you'll simply go missing, like so many, many other humans. There's no reason for Edward to think of me, if he cares enough to investigate.**

**This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Bella. Just thirst."**

**"**_**Beg,"**_** my hallucination begged.**

**"Please," I gasped.**

**Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."**

**"Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back.**

**Laurent followed, lithe and graceful.**

**"Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."**

**I stared at him in horror.**

**He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply.**

**I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you.**

Oh, god… Even when she thought that she was about to die, she wanted her last thoughts to be of how much she loved me… Damn it…

I shook my head, my breathing quickening slightly. I should never have left. I should have stayed and protected her the way she needed me to. I made the wrong decision for her and –

My thoughts cut off as I felt horror rising in me. Wait… _I made the wrong decision for her…_The words echoed in my mind and my mouth dropped open slightly as shocked realization shot through me. Oh, god…

All of this, this all happened… because _I took Bella's choice away from her._ _I_ made the decision to leave. _I _took my family with me, forced them to go, really. _I _chose to lie to my beloved. _I _chose to shatter her before I left.

It truly was all my fault, and it could all have been avoided if I had just let Bella made her own choices.

How many times had she begged me to stay with her? How many times had she pledged her undying love for me? How many times had she begged me to change her, for the sole reason that if I did we would be able to spend eternity together? How many times had she told me that she didn't care about the danger, the risk, so long as she had me and my family?

I shook my head, dazed as the full implications of my actions throughout the entire course of mine and Bella's relationship flashed through my mind.

All throughout our relationship, I had been the one in control. I made the decisions. I decided how far mine and Bella's physical relationship could progress even when she expressed her desire for more, even just a little more. I decided when and where and how Bella spent her time. I decided what Bella ate and when she slept. I dictated her moods and her decisions.

Shock, grief, and guilt roiled within me. Without even realizing it, I was… _controlling _Bella, controlling every single aspect of her entire life without even asking her what she thought. I was… _abusing her._

I shuddered and uttered a low, pained cry at the thought – but it was true. I may not have – and never would – lay a single hand or even finger on her physically. But I had abused her by dictating her every move like that. And that's exactly what started this whole mess. I wasn't letting Bella make her own decisions.

It didn't matter whether I liked it or not – they were her decisions. If she wanted to be with me, that was her choice. If she wanted to become a vampire, it was up to her. If she wanted to spend forever with me, that was her decision. They were all her decisions – and I took that away from her.

"Oh, god…" I whispered, horrified at myself and was stunned by who responded to my statement.

"So, you finally figured it out?" Rosalie asked me sternly and I looked at her with wide, pained eyes.

I gulped and then nodded. "Yes… Yes, I figured it out," I replied softly, closing my eyes and biting my tongue.

No more. I wasn't going to control her anymore. From now on, and especially when we got back to Forks, I was going to let her make her own choices – because they _were _her choices. Not mine.

I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders, sitting up straight for the first time in months as I felt resolve flow through me. If Bella took me back after we returned, and I had good reason to believe that she would – though god knows why after the way that I treated her – then things would be different this time, things would be better.

Alice's smile caught my attention. It was small, not nearly as happy or excited as it would have been before we read this book, but it was there. "It's about time…" she muttered and I carefully returned her smile, nodding.

"It is. It's about time I got my act together and got over my possessive and controlling attitude," I grimaced as I admitted this out loud, earning a proud smile from Esme and a slow, approving nod from Carlisle.

I picked up the book and took a deep breath, holding myself erect as I read once more.

**Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Laurent paused in the act of inhaling and whipped his head abruptly to the left. I was afraid to look away from him, to follow his glance, though he hardly needed a distraction or any other trick to overpower me. I was too amazed to feel relief when he started slowly backing away from me.**

**"I don't believe it," he said, his voice so low that I barely heard it.**

**I had to look then. My eyes scanned the meadow, searching for the interruption that had extended my life by a few seconds. At first I saw nothing, and my gaze flickered back to Laurent. He was retreating more quickly now, his eyes boring into the forest.**

**Then I saw it; a huge black shape eased out of the trees, quiet as a shadow, and stalked deliberately toward the vampire. It was enormous – as tall as a horse, but thicker, much more muscular. The long muzzle grimaced, revealing a line of dagger-like incisors. A grisly snarl rolled out from between the teeth, rumbling across the clearing like a prolonged crack of thunder.**

**The bear. Only, it wasn't a bear at all. Still, this gigantic black monster had to be the creature causing all the alarm. From a distance, anyone would assume it was a bear. What else could be so vast, so powerfully built?**

_**"Don't move an inch**_**," Edward's voice whispered.**

**I wished I were lucky enough to see it from a distance. Instead, it padded silently through the grass a mere ten feet from where I stood.**

**I stared at the monstrous creature, my mind boggling as I tried to put a name to it. There was a distinctly canine cast to the shape of it, the way it moved. I could only think of one possibility, locked in horror as I was. Yet I'd never imagined that a wolf could get so big.**

**Another growl rumbled in its throat, and I shuddered away from the sound.**

I frowned slightly. The wolves… I wanted to growl but the strength of my realization was still at the forefront of my mind and I took a deep breath. It's her choice, I reminded myself.

**Laurent was backing toward the edge of the trees, and, under the freezing terror, confusion swept through me. Why was Laurent retreating? Granted, the wolf was monstrous in size, but it was just an animal. What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal? And Laurent was afraid. His eyes were wide with horror, just like mine.**

**As if in answer to my question, suddenly the mammoth wolf was not alone.**

**Flanking it on either side, another two gigantic beasts prowled silently into the meadow. One was a deep gray, the other brown, neither one quite as tall as the first. The gray wolf came through the trees only a few feet from me, its eyes locked on Laurent.**

**Before I could even react, two more wolves followed, lined up in a V, like geese flying south. Which meant that the rusty brown monster that shrugged through the brush last was close enough for me to touch.**

**I gave an involuntary gasp and jumped back – which was the stupidest** **thing I could have done. I froze again, waiting for the wolves to turn on me, the much weaker of the available prey. I wished briefly that Laurent would get on with it and crush the wolf pack – it should be so simple for him. I guessed that, between the two choices before me, being eaten by wolves was almost certainly the worse option.**

**The wolf closest to me, the reddish brown one, turned its head slightly at the sound of my gasp.**

**The wolf's eyes were dark, nearly black. It gazed at me for a fraction of a second, the deep eyes seeming too intelligent for a wild animal.**

**As it stared at me, I suddenly thought of Jacob – again, with gratitude. At least I'd come here alone, to this fairytale meadow filled with dark monsters. At least Jacob wasn't going to die, too. At least I wouldn't have his death on my hands.**

**Then another low growl from the leader caused the russet wolf to whip his head around, back toward Laurent.**

**Laurent was staring at the pack of monster wolves with unconcealed shock and fear. The first I could understand. But I was stunned when, without warning, he spun and disappeared into the trees.**

**He ran away.**

Esme frowned sadly. "Oh, poor Irena… To have waited so long and then lost her mate so soon…" she whispered, clinging to Carlisle's arm. We all nodded our agreement. In our world, the pain of losing your mate eclipsed everything.

**The wolves were after him in a second, sprinting across the open grass with a few powerful bounds, snarling and snapping so loudly that my hands flew up instinctively to cover my ears.**

**The sound faded with surprising swiftness once they disappeared into the woods.**

**And then I was alone again.**

**My knees buckled under me, and I fell onto my hands, sobs building in my throat.**

**I knew I needed to leave, and leave now. How long would the wolves chase Laurent before they doubled back for me? Or would Laurent turn on them? Would he be the one that came looking?**

**I couldn't move at first, though; my arms and legs were shaking, and I didn't know how to get back to my feet.**

**My mind couldn't move past the fear, the horror or the confusion. I didn't understand what I'd just witnessed.**

**A vampire should not have run from overgrown dogs like that. What good would their teeth be against his granite skin?**

**And the wolves should have given Laurent a wide berth. Even if their extraordinary size had taught them to fear nothing, it still made no sense that they would pursue him. I doubted his icy marble skin would smell anything like food.**

**Why would they pass up something warm-blooded and weak like me to chase after Laurent?**

**I couldn't make it add up.**

**A cold breeze whipped through the meadow, swaying the grass like something was moving through it.**

**I scrambled to my feet, backing away even though the wind brushed harmlessly past me.**

**Stumbling in panic, I turned and ran headlong into the trees.**

**The next few hours were agony. It took me three times as long to escape the trees as it had to get to the meadow.**

**At first I paid no attention to where I was headed, focused only on what I was running from.**

**By the time I collected myself enough to remember the compass, I was deep in the unfamiliar and menacing forest.**

**My hands were shaking so violently that I had to set the compass on the muddy ground to be able to read it. Every few minutes I would stop to put the compass down and check that I was still heading northwest, hearing – when the sounds weren't hidden behind the frantic squelching of my footsteps – the quiet whisper of unseen things moving in the leaves.**

**The call of a jaybird made me leap back and fall into a thick stand of young spruce, scraping up my arms and tangling my hair with sap. The sudden rush of a squirrel up a hemlock made me scream so loud it hurt my own ears.**

"Oh, the poor dear…" Esme murmured compassionately, her heart breaking for her daughter.

**At last there was a break in the trees ahead. I came out onto the empty road a mile or so south of where I'd left the truck. Exhausted as I was, I jogged up the lane until I found it. By the time I pulled myself into the cab, I was sobbing again. I fiercely shoved down both stiff locks before I dug my keys out of my pocket. The roar of the engine was comforting and sane. It helped me control the tears as I sped as fast as my truck would allow toward the main highway.**

**I was calmer, but still a mess when I got home. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway – I hadn't realized how late it was. The sky was already dusky.**

**"Bella?" Charlie asked when I slammed the front door behind me and hastily turned the locks.**

**"Yeah, it's me." My voice was unsteady.**

**"Where have you been?" he thundered, appearing through the kitchen doorway with an ominous expression.**

**I hesitated. He'd probably called the Stanleys. I'd better stick to the truth.**

**"I was hiking," I admitted.**

**His eyes were tight. "What happened to going to Jessica's?"**

**"I didn't feel like Calculus today."**

**Charlie folded his arms across his chest. "I thought I asked you to stay out of the forest."**

**"Yeah, I know. Don't worry, I won't do it again." I shuddered.**

**Charlie seemed to really look at me for the first time. I remembered that I had spent some time on the forest floor today; I must be a mess.**

**"What happened?" Charlie demanded.**

**Again, I decided that the truth, or part of it anyway, was the best option. I was too shaken to pretend that I'd spent an uneventful day with the flora and fauna.**

**"I saw the bear." I tried to say it calmly, but my voice was high and shaky. "It's not a bear, though – it's some kind of wolf. And there are five of them. A big black one, and gray, and reddish-brown…"**

**Charlie's eyes grew round with horror. He strode quickly to me and grabbed the tops of my arms.**

**"Are you okay?"**

Carlisle smiled at Charlie's concern. He, too, loved Bella like a daughter and he could absolutely empathize with Charlie's fear and worry as a father of a teenage daughter who had an uncanny ability for getting herself injured.

**My head bobbed in a weak nod.**

**"Tell me what happened."**

**"They didn't pay any attention to me. But after they were gone, I ran away and I fell down a lot."**

**He let go of my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me. For a long moment, he didn't say anything.**

**"Wolves," he murmured.**

**"What?"**

**"The rangers said the tracks were wrong for a bear – but wolves just don't get that big…"**

**"These were huge."**

**"How many did you say you saw?"**

**"Five."**

**Charlie shook his head, frowning with anxiety, He finally spoke in a tone that allowed no argument. "No more hiking."**

**"No problem," I promised fervently.**

**Charlie called the station to report what I'd seen. I fudged a little bit about where exactly I'd seen the wolves – claiming I'd been on the trail that led to the north. I didn't want my dad to know how deep I'd gone into the forest against his wishes, and, more importantly, I didn't want anyone wandering near where Laurent might be searching for me. The thought of it made me feel sick.**

**"Are you hungry?" he asked me when he hung up the phone.**

**I shook my head, though I must have been starving. I hadn't eaten all day.**

My father frowned now. "That's not healthy," he muttered and us 'kids' had to stifle laughs at the way that his doctor persona made these random little appearances whenever something dangerous or unhealthy was mentioned.

**"Just tired," I told him. I turned for the stairs.**

**"Hey," Charlie said, his voice suddenly suspicious again. "Didn't you say Jacob was gone for the day?"**

**"That's what Billy said," I told him, confused by his question.**

**He studied my expression for a minute, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there.**

**"Huh."**

**"Why?" I demanded. It sounded like he was implying that I'd been lying to him this morning. About something besides studying with Jessica.**

**"Well, it's just that when I went to pick up Harry, I saw Jacob out in front of the store down there with some of his friends. I waved hi, but he… well, I guess I don't know if he saw me. I think maybe he was arguing with his friends. He looked strange, like he was upset about something. And…different. It's like you can watch that kid growing! He gets bigger every time I see him."**

**"Billy said Jake and his friends were going up to Port Angeles to see some movies. They were probably just waiting for someone to meet them."**

**"Oh." Charlie nodded and headed for the kitchen.**

**I stood in the hall, thinking about Jacob arguing with his friends. I wondered if he had confronted Embry about the situation with Sam. Maybe that was the reason he'd ditched me today – if it meant he could sort things out with Embry, I was glad he had.**

I had to smile. My Bella… No. I cut that train of thought off quickly. Bella didn't… Bella didn't belong to me. She was her own person and I _would _treat her as such.

**I paused to check the locks again before I went to my room. It was a silly thing to do. What difference would a lock make to any of the monsters I'd seen this afternoon?**

**I assumed the handle alone would stymie the wolves, not having opposable thumbs.**

Emmett couldn't help himself and burst into laughter at that. I had to admit that it was pretty funny. Bella's mind was most definitely the most unique that I had ever read the thoughts of – even if I needed a book of unknown origins in order to do so.

**And if Laurent came here…**

**Or…Victoria.**

**I lay down on my bed, but I was shaking too hard to hope for sleep. I curled into a cramped ball under my quilt, and faced the horrifying facts.**

**There was nothing I could do. There were no precautions I could take. There was no place I could hide. There was no one who could help me.**

**I realized, with a nauseous roll of my stomach, that the situation was worse than even that.**

**Because all those facts applied to Charlie, too.**

**My father, sleeping one room away from me, was just a hairsbreadth off the heart of the target that was centered on me. My scent would lead them here, whether I was here or not.**

**The tremors rocked me until my teeth chattered.**

**To calm myself, I fantasized the impossible: I imagined the big wolves catching up to Laurent in the woods and massacring the indestructible immortal the way they would any normal person. Despite the absurdity of such a vision, the idea comforted me. If the wolves got him, then he couldn't tell Victoria I was here all alone. If he didn't return, maybe she'd think the Cullens were still protecting me. If only the wolves could win such a fight…**

**My good vampires were never coming back; how soothing it was to imagine that the other kind could also disappear.**

**I squeezed my eyes tight together and waited for unconsciousness – almost eager for my nightmare to start. Better that than the pale, beautiful face that smiled at me now from behind my lids.**

**In my imagination, Victoria's eyes were black with thirst, bright with anticipation, and her lips curled back from her gleaming teeth in pleasure. Her red hair was brilliant as fire; it blew chaotically around her wild face.**

**Laurent's words repeated in my head. If you knew what she had planned for you…**

I took a deep breath. "That was the end of the chapter," I informed everyone and they all nodded. I swiftly handed the book to Emmett and returned to my seat.

I smiled slightly, for the first time fully committing to our decision to return to Forks. I was already going before, but now… Now, I was going because I chose to. Because Bella deserved to make her own decision, instead of me lying to her and taking her choice, her freedom really, away from her.

And if she took me back then I wasn't going to make her decisions for her anymore. I would even… I gulped and bit my tongue. I would even change her if she asked me to. It's her choice, I reminded myself as my familiar rage and panic arose at the thought of Bella being changed.

It's her choice…


	12. Cult

Emmett

**Cult**

I frowned. I hated thinking about everything my little sister had been through. And my bastard of a brother was responsible for it all. You hear that, Edward! It's all your fault! I sighed. Maybe I was being a little unfair, but I wasn't about to forgive him until we got back and got proof that Bella was willing to forgive him, first.

**Each time that I opened my eyes to the morning light and realized I'd lived through another night was a surprise to me. After the surprise wore off, my heart would start to race and my palms would sweat; I couldn't really breathe again until I'd gotten up and ascertained that Charlie had survived as well.**

**I could tell he was worried – watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason that he could see. From the questions he asked now and then, he seemed to blame the change on Jacob's continued absence.**

**The terror that was always foremost in my thoughts usually distracted me from the fact that another week had passed, and Jacob still hadn't called me. But when I was able to concentrate on my normal life – if my life was really ever normal –** **this upset me.**

**I missed him horribly.**

I frowned. I didn't like having the dog around my little sister, especially since he was just making things worse…

**It had been bad enough to be alone before I was scared silly. Now, more than ever, I yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin. I needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around my cold fingers.**

**I'd half expected him to call on Monday. If there had been some progress with Embry, wouldn't he want to report it?**

**I wanted to believe that it was worry for his friend that was occupying all his time, not that he was just giving up on me.**

**I called him Tuesday, but no one answered. Were the phone lines still having problems? Or had Billy invested in caller I.D.?**

**On Wednesday I called every half hour until after eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Jacob's voice.**

**Thursday I sat in my truck in front of my house – with the locks pushed down – keys in hand, for a solid hour. I was arguing with myself, trying to justify a quick trip to La Push, but I couldn't do it.**

**I knew that Laurent had gone back to Victoria by now. If I went to La Push, I took the chance of leading one of them there. What if they caught up to me when Jake was nearby?**

**As much as it hurt me, I knew it was better for Jacob that he was avoiding me. Safer for him.**

**It was bad enough that I couldn't figure out a way to keep Charlie safe. Nighttime was the most likely time that they would come looking for me, and what could I say to get Charlie out of the house? If I told him the truth, he'd have me locked up in a rubber room somewhere. I would have endured that – welcomed it, even – if it could have kept him safe.**

**But Victoria would still come to his house first, looking for me. Maybe, if she found me here, that would be enough for her. Maybe she would just leave when she was done with me.**

**So I couldn't run away. Even if I could, where would I go? To Renee? I shuddered at the thought of dragging my lethal shadows into my mother's safe, sunny world. I would never endanger her that way.**

**The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matching punctures.**

Edward frowned but took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. He looked almost like… a soldier getting ready to go into battle. Well, it's about time, Eddie boy! You finally gonna step up and face your problems? I asked him mentally.

He glanced at me, a determined but fearful look in his eyes as I stared at him hard. He gave a small nod in response to my question and I gave a small smirk in return. Well, we'll just see if he lives up to it… Then… then, I'll forgive him, I decided.

**That night, Charlie did me another favor and called Harry again to see if the Blacks were out of town. Harry reported that Billy had attended the council meeting Wednesday night, and never mentioned anything about leaving. Charlie warned me not to make a nuisance of myself – Jacob would call when he got around to it.**

**Friday afternoon, as I drove home from school, it hit me out of the blue.**

**I wasn't paying attention to the familiar road, letting the sound of the engine deaden my brain and silence the worries, when my subconscious delivered a verdict it must have been working on for some time without my knowledge.**

**As soon as I thought of it, I felt really stupid for not seeing it sooner. Sure. I'd had a lot on my mind – revenge-obsessed vampires, giant mutant wolves, a ragged hole in the center of my chest – but when I laid the evidence out, it was embarrassingly obvious.**

**Jacob avoiding me. Charlie saying he looked strange, upset. . . . Billy's vague, unhelpful answers.**

**Holy crow, I knew exactly what was going on with Jacob.**

**It was Sam Uley. Even my nightmares had been trying to tell me that. Sam had gotten to Jacob. Whatever was happening to the other boys on the reservation had reached out and stolen my friend. He'd been sucked into Sam's cult.**

**He hadn't given up on me at all, I realized with a rush of feeling.**

Rose whimpered just loudly enough for me to hear it, and I drew her close to me, pausing to whisper in her ear. "We'll be back with her soon, Rose. I promise, we're gonna take care of her, babe," I murmured and I felt her nod against my chest as I grabbed the book once more.

**I let my truck idle in front of my house. What should I do? I weighed the dangers against each other.**

**If I went looking for Jacob, I risked the chance of Victoria or Laurent finding me with him.**

**If I didn't go after him, Sam would pull him deeper into his frightening, compulsory gang.**

**Maybe it would be too late if I didn't act soon.**

**It had been a week, and no vampires had come for me yet. A week was more than enough time for them to have returned, so I must not be a priority. Most likely, as I'd decided before, they would come for me at night. The chances of them following me to La Push were much lower than the chance of losing Jacob to Sam.**

I couldn't help my small smile. Only Bella could get mixed up with werewolves without even realizing it, after the vampires had left town.

**It was worth the danger of the secluded forest road. This was no idle visit to see what was going on. I knew what was going on. This was a rescue mission. I was going to talk to Jacob – kidnap him if I had to.**

**I'd once seen a PBS show on deprogramming the brainwashed.**

**There had to be some kind of cure.**

**I decided I'd better call Charlie first. Maybe whatever was going on down in La Push was something the police should be involved in. I dashed inside, in a hurry to be on my way.**

**Charlie answered the phone it the station himself.**

**"Chief Swan."**

**"Dad, it's Bella."**

**"What's wrong?'"**

**I couldn't argue with his doomsday assumption this time. My voice was shaking.**

Alice frowned. "He shouldn't have to automatically assume that," she said sadly, not talking to anyone in particular. Jasper wrapped his arm a little tighter around my pixie sister's waist and no one replied.

**"I'm worried about Jacob."**

**"Why?" he asked, surprised by the unexpected topic.**

**"I think…I think something weird is going on down at the reservation. Jacob told me about some strange stuff happening with the other boys his age. Now he's acting the same way and I'm scared."**

**"What kind of stuff?" He used his professional, police business voice. That was good; he was taking me seriously.**

**"First he was scared, and then he was avoiding me, and now… I'm afraid he's part of that bizarre gang down there, Sam's gang. Sam Uley's gang."**

**"Sam Uley?" Charlie repeated, surprised again.**

**"Yes."**

**Charlie's voice was more relaxed when he answered. "I think you've got it wrong, Bells. Sam Uley is a great kid. Well, he's a man now. A good son. You should hear Billy talk about him. He's really doing wonders with the youth on the reservation. He's the one who –" Charlie broke off mid-sentence, and I guessed that he had been about to make a reference to the night I'd gotten lost in the woods. I moved on quickly.**

**"Dad, it's not like that. Jacob was scared of him."**

Esme frowned disapprovingly. "It's terrible that they don't warn them about what's happening to them. It just makes it all the worse if they don't know," she said, dismayed. I had to admit. It did sound pretty bad. Then again, it's not like any of us had any warning at all, either.

**"Did you talk to Billy about this?" He was trying to soothe me now. I'd lost him as soon as I'd mentioned Sam.**

**"Billy's not concerned."**

**"Well, Bella, then I'm sure it's okay. Jacob's a kid; he was probably just messing around. I'm sure he's fine. He can't spend every waking minute with you, after all."**

**"This isn't about me," I insisted, but the battle was lost.**

**"I don't think you need to worry about this. Let Billy take care of Jacob."**

**"Charlie…" My voice was starting to sound whiney.**

**"Bells, I got a lot on my plate right now. Two tourists have gone missing off a trail outside crescent lake."**

**There was an anxious edge to his voice. "This wolf problem is getting out of hand."**

**I was momentarily distracted – stunned, really – by his news. There was no way the wolves could have survived a match-up with Laurent…**

**"Are you sure that's what happened to them?" I asked.**

**"Afraid so, honey. There was –" He hesitated. "There were tracks again, and… some blood this time."**

**"Oh!" It must not have come to a confrontation, then. Laurent must have simply outrun the wolves, but why? What I'd seen in the meadow just got stranger and stranger – more impossible to understand.**

Carlisle looked a little curious. "I wonder when she'll figure it out," he wondered aloud and I smiled. I would have bet on it with Jasper but even I could recognize the seriousness of all this. Besides, it still felt wrong to be betting or joking around when our family wasn't even complete…

**"Look, I really have to go. Don't worry about Jake, Bella. I'm sure it's nothing."**

**"Fine," I said curtly, frustrated as his words reminded me of the more urgent crisis at hand.**

**"Bye." I hung up.**

**I stared at the phone for a long minute. What the hell, I decided.**

I smiled proudly. That's my little sis!

**Billy answered after two rings.**

**"Hello?"**

**"Hey, Billy," I almost growled. I tried to sound more friendly as I continued. "Can I talk to Jacob, please?"**

**"Jake's not here."**

**What a shock. "Do you know where he is?"**

**"He's out with his friends." Billy's voice was careful.**

**"Oh yeah? Anyone I know? Quil?" I could tell the words didn't come across as casually as I'd meant them to.**

**"No," Billy said slowly. "I don't think he's with Quil today."**

**I knew better than to mention Sam's name.**

**"Embry?" I asked.**

**Billy seemed happier to answer this one.**

**"Yeah, he's with Embry."**

**That was enough for me. Embry was one of them.**

Jasper let loose a small chuckle. "She makes them sound like aliens," he mused and we all smiled a little. It did sound kind of funny.

**"Well, have him call me when he gets in, all right?"**

**"Sure, sure. No problem." Click.**

**"See you soon, Billy," I muttered into the dead phone.**

**I drove to La Push determined to wait. I'd sit out front of his house all night if I had to. I'd miss school. The boy was going to have to come home sometime, and when he did, he was going to have to talk to me.**

**My mind was so preoccupied that the trip I'd been terrified of making seemed to take only a few seconds. Before I was expecting it, the forest began to thin, and I knew I would soon be able to see the first little houses of the reservation.**

**Walking away, along the left side of the road, was a tall boy with a baseball cap.**

**My breath caught for just a moment in my throat, hopeful that luck was with me for once, and I'd stumbled across Jacob without hardly trying. But this boy was too wide, and the hair was short under the hat. Even from behind, I was sure it was Quil, though he looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him.**

**What was with these Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?**

**I crossed over to the wrong side of the road to stop next to him. He looked up when the roar of my truck approached.**

**Quil's expression frightened me more than it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding, his forehead creased with worry.**

"Oh, the poor boy's worried about his friend," Esme fretted and I just shook my head. I wouldn't go that far with it.

**"Oh, hey, Bella," he greeted me dully.**

**"Hi, Quil… Are you okay?"**

**He stared at me morosely. "Fine."**

**"Can I give you a ride somewhere?" I offered.**

**"Sure, I guess," he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in.**

**"Where to?"**

**"My house is on the north side, back behind the store," he told me.**

**"Have you seen Jacob today." The question burst from me almost before he'd finished speaking.**

**I looked at Quil eagerly, waiting for his answer. He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. "From a distance," he finally said.**

**"A distance?" I echoed.**

**"I tried to follow them – he was with Embry." His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. "I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don't think they were alone – I think Sam and his crew might have been with them.**

**"I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up."**

**"So Sam did get to him." The words were a little distorted – my teeth were gritted together.**

Rose chuckled quietly. "She's angry," she commented, amusement in her voice. I smiled widely at that – I loved it when Bella was angry. She was so non-threatening that it was hilarious.

**Quil stared at me. "You know about that?"**

**I nodded. "Jake told me…before."**

**"Before," Quil repeated, and sighed.**

**"Jacob's just as bad as the others now?"**

**"Never leaves Sam's side." Quil turned his head and spit out the open window.**

**"And before that – did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?"**

**His voice was low and rough. "Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him."**

**"What do you think it is? Drugs or something?"**

**"I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that… but what do I know? What else could it be? And why aren't the old people worried?" He shook his head, and the fear showed in his eyes now. "Jacob didn't want to be a part of this… cult. I don't understand what could change him." He stared at me, his face frightened. "I don't want to be next."**

**My eyes mirrored his fear. That was the second time I'd heard it described as a cult. I shivered. "Are your parents any help?"**

**He grimaced. "Right. My grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. Sam Uley is the best thing that ever happened to this place, as far as he's concerned."**

Carlisle shook his head. "They really should make an effort to inform the boys likely to phase. This effects their entire lives and they deserve to be aware of it," he said, troubled.

**We stared at each other for a prolonged moment. We were in La Push now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road. I could see the village's only store not too far ahead.**

**"I'll get out now," Quil said. "My house is right over there." He gestured toward the small wooden rectangle behind the store. I pulled over to the shoulder, and he jumped out.**

**"I'm going to go wait for Jacob," I told him in a hard voice.**

**"Good luck." He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, his shoulders slumped.**

**Quil's face haunted me as I made a wide U-turn and headed back toward the Blacks'. He was terrified of being next. What was happening here?**

**I stopped in front of Jacob's house, killing the motor and rolling down the windows. It was stuffy today, no breeze. I put my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait. A movement flashed in my peripheral vision – I turned and spotted Billy looking at me through the front window with a confused expression. I waved once and smiled a tight smile, but stayed where I was.**

**His eyes narrowed; he let the curtain fall across the glass.**

**I was prepared to stay as long as it took, but I wished I had something to do. I dug up a pen out of the bottom of my backpack, and an old test. I started to doodle on the back of the scrap.**

I had to laugh at that. "Always so stubborn, Bella…" I muttered and the rest of my family cracked smiles. She was stubborn and we knew we loved her even more for it.

**I'd only had time to scrawl one row of diamonds when there was a sharp tap against my door.**

**I jumped, looking up, expecting Billy.**

**"What are you doing here, Bella.'" Jacob growled.**

**I stared at him in blank astonishment.**

**Jacob had changed radically in the last weeks since I'd seen him. The first thing I noticed was his hair – his beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin. The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened…aged. His neck and his shoulders were different, too, thicker somehow. His hands, where they gripped the window frame, looked enormous, with the tendons and veins more prominent under the russet skin. But the physical changes were insignificant.**

**It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable. The open, friendly smile was gone like the hair, the warmth in his dark eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing. There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded.**

I growled. The dog was going to do something. I could tell. I felt Rose squeeze me in her arms. "I know, babe," she told me and I took a deep breath. Rose always could calm me down, my angel. I had always thought of her like that since she showed up and saved me from that bear, my very own guardian angel.

**"Jacob?" I whispered.**

**He just stared at me, his eyes tense and angry.**

**I realized we weren't alone. Behind him stood four others; all tall and russet-skinned, black hair chopped short just like Jacob's. They could have been brothers – I couldn't even pick Embry out of the group. The resemblance was only intensified by the strikingly similar hostility in every pair of eyes.**

Jasper frowned. "They have very little control," he muttered, obviously going through strategies and such things.

**Every pair but one. The oldest by several years, Sam stood in the very back, his face serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat. I wanted to take a swing at him.**

**No, I wanted to do more than that. More than anything, I wanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly.**

**I wanted to be a vampire.**

I grinned widely at that, laughing. "Only Bella would want to be a vampire for a reason like that," I said and everyone agreed, even Edward offering a small nod. He looked like he was concentrating hard on something before his expression cleared.

**The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me. It was the most forbidden of all wishes – even when I only wished it for a malicious reason like this, to gain an advantage over an enemy – because it was the most painful. That future was lost to me forever, had never really been within my grasp.**

**I scrambled to gain control of myself while the hole in my chest ached hollowly.**

**"What do you want?" Jacob demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across my face.**

Several of us hissed at the boy's insolence. How dare he talk to Bella like that? Dog or not – it wasn't right.

**"I want to talk to you," I said in a weak voice. I tried to focus, but I was still reeling against the escape of my taboo dream.**

**"Go ahead," he hissed through his teeth. His glare was vicious. I'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity – a physical pain, a stabbing in my head.**

**"Alone!" I hissed, and my voice was stronger.**

**He looked behind him, and I knew where his eyes would go. Every one of them was turned for Sam's reaction.**

**Sam nodded once, his face unperturbed. He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language – I could only be positive that it wasn't French or Spanish, but I guessed that it was Quileute. He turned and walked into Jacob's house. The others, Paul, Jared, and Embry, I assumed, followed him in.**

**"Okay." Jacob seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone. His face was a little calmer, but also more hopeless. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners.**

**I took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know."**

**He didn't answer. He just stared at me bitterly.**

I growled. The dog was really getting on my nerves now. He better snap out of it soon or his face would be having an intimate meeting with my fist – treaty or not.

**I stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain in his face unnerved me. I felt a lump beginning to build in my throat.**

**"Can we walk?" I asked while I could still speak.**

**He didn't respond in any way; his face didn't change.**

**I got out of the car, feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me, and started walking toward the trees to the north. My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound, at first I thought he wasn't following me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine.**

**I felt better in the fringe of trees, where Sam couldn't possibly be watching. As we walked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. I just got more and more angry that Jacob had gotten sucked in…that Billy had allowed this…that Sam was able to stand there so assured and calm…**

**Jacob suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of me easily with his long legs, and then swinging around to face me, planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too.**

**I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Jacob had been nearly as klutzy as me with his never-ending growth spurt. When did that change?**

**But Jacob didn't give me time to think about it.**

**"Let's get this over with," he said in a hard, husky voice.**

**I waited. He knew what I wanted.**

**"It's not what you think." His voice was abruptly weary. "It's not what I thought – I was way off."**

**"So what is it, then?"**

**He studied my face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left his eyes.**

**"I can't tell you," he finally said.**

**My jaw tightened, and I spoke through my teeth. "I thought we were friends."**

**"We were." There was a slight emphasis on the past tense.**

Alice hissed. "Stupid dog," she snarled quietly and I silently agreed with her.

**"But you don't need friends anymore," I said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that nice –you've always looked up to him so much."**

**"I didn't understand him before."**

**"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."**

**"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can."**

**His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burning out from his eyes.**

**"He's helping you," I repeated dubiously. "Naturally."**

I cocked my head slightly. Yeah, I wouldn't believe him either. I mean, really? You tell the girl that you think these dudes are part of a cult and out to get you. Then, you end up joining them and your behavior is totally different. Yeah, they're helping alright, I thought sarcastically.

**But Jacob didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.**

**"Jacob, please," I whispered "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help."**

**"No one can help me now." The words were a low moan; his voice broke.**

**"What did he do to you?" I demanded, tears collecting in my eyes. I reached out to him, as I had once before, stepping forward with my arms wide.**

**This time he cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. "Don't touch me," he whispered.**

**"Is Sam catching?" I mumbled. The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, and folded my arms across my chest.**

**"Stop blaming Sam." The words came out fast, like a reflex. His hands reached up to twist around the hair that was no longer there, and then fell limply at his sides.**

**"Then who should I blame?" I retorted.**

**He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing.**

**"You don't want to hear that."**

**"The hell I don't!" I snapped. "I want to know, and I want to know now."**

**"You're wrong," he snapped back.**

I snarled and Rose shushed me, rubbing her hand up and down my forearm. "It's okay, babe. She's safe and that's all that matters for now. We'll be there soon," she repeated my words from earlier and I took a deep breath, calming down slightly.

**"Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong – I'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!"**

**"You asked for it," he growled at me, eyes glinting hard. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?"**

I froze and so did everyone else. "What?" Carlisle asked in disbelief. They were blaming us?

**My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a whooshing sound. I was frozen in place, stabbed through with his double-edged words. The pain twisted in familiar patterns through my body, the jagged hole ripping me open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face. Only fury.**

**My mouth still hung wide.**

**"I told you that you didn't want to hear it," he said.**

**"I don't understand who you mean," I whispered.**

**He raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."**

**"I don't understand who you mean," I repeated mechanically.**

**"The Cullens," he said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing my face as he spoke it. "I saw that – I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."**

**I shook my head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time. How did he know this? And how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of vampire -haters?**

I snorted. Might as well be. But why were they blaming us for this? Stupid dogs.

**What was the point of forming such a society when no vampires lived in Forks anymore? Why would Jacob start believing the stories about the Cullens now, when the evidence of them was long gone, never to return?**

**It took me too long to come up with the correct response. "Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now," I said with a feeble attempt at mockery.**

**"He knows more than I gave him credit for."**

**"Be serious, Jacob."**

**He glared at me, his eyes critical.**

**"Superstitions aside," I said quickly. "I still don't see what you're accusing the... Cullens"–wince –"of. They left more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?"**

**"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes…things are set in motion, and then it's too late."**

**"What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?"**

**He was suddenly right in my face, his fury glowing in his eyes. "For existing," he hissed.**

Carlisle's eyes widened. "Wait… Then, that would mean… the wolves exist because we do?" he asked, before 'hmm'ing and drifting off into his world of scientific terms I couldn't understand. I just shook my head and kept reading.

**I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice again, when I wasn't even scared.**

_**"Quiet now, Bella. Don't push him**_**," Edward cautioned in my ear.**

**Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it behind, I'd been unable to lock it up again. It didn't hurt now – not during the precious seconds when I could hear his voice.**

**Jacob was fuming in front of me, quivering with anger.**

**I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind. Jacob was livid, but he was Jacob. There was no adrenaline, no danger.**

_**"Give him a chance to calm down,**_**" Edward's voice insisted.**

**I shook my head in confusion. "You're being ridiculous," I told them both.**

**"Fine," Jacob answered, breathing deeply again. "I won't argue it with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done."**

**"What damage?"**

**He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face.**

**"Let's head back. There's nothing more to say."**

**I gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"**

Alice groaned. "He's going to make it worse," she whispered, pained, and I gritted my teeth. How much more can she possibly be forced to go through?

**He walked past me, striding back toward the house.**

**"I ran into Quil today," I yelled after him.**

**He paused mid-step, but didn't turn.**

**"You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's terrified."**

**Jacob whirled to face me. His expression was pained. "Quil" was all he said.**

**"He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out."**

**Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes.**

**I goaded him further. "He's frightened that he's next."**

**Jacob clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of green under the red-brown surface. "He won't be next," Jacob muttered to himself. "He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?" His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn't a big tree, slender and only a few feet taller than Jacob. But it still surprised me when the trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blows.**

**Jacob stared at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror.**

**"I have to get back." He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog to keep up.**

**"Back to Sam!"**

**"That's one way of looking at it," it sounded like he said. He was mumbling and facing away.**

**I chased him back to the truck. "Wait!" I called as he turned toward the house.**

**He spun around to face me, and I saw that his hands were shaking again.**

**"Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."**

**The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. "Are you… breaking up with me?"**

**The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger.**

Edward frowned and swallowed deeply but didn't say anything. He still had that determined glint in his eyes and I looked at him appraisingly before nodding in approval.

**He barked out a bitter laugh. "Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that."**

**"Jacob… why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!" The blank emptiness of my life before – before Jacob brought some semblance of reason back into it – reared up and confronted me. Loneliness choked in my throat.**

**"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him.**

**I didn't believe that this was really what Jacob wanted to say. It seemed like there was something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn't understand the message.**

**Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with the Cullens. Maybe he was just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation. Maybe I should let him do that, if that's what was best for him. I should do that. It would be right.**

**But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper.**

**"I'm sorry that I couldn't… before… I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob." I was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into the shape of a lie. "Maybe… maybe I would change," I whispered. "Maybe, if you gave me some time… just don't quit on me now, Jake. I can't take it."**

Esme sobbed quietly. I knew that she hated hearing about how much pain her youngest child, her baby girl, was in. Right now, I hated that – and I hated that damn dog for putting her through this, wolf or not.

**His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached out toward me.**

**"No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."**

**"It's not you, it's me," I whispered. "There's a new one."**

We were all silent, agreeing without words that it was best just to hurry up and get this over with.

**"I mean it, Bella. I'm not…" he struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotion. His eyes were tortured. "I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good."**

**"What?" I stared at him, confused and appalled. "What are you saying? You're much better than I am, Jake.** **You are good! Who told you that you aren't? Sam? It's a vicious lie, Jacob! Don't let him tell you that!" I was suddenly yelling again.**

**Jacob's face went hard and flat. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."**

**"You're my friend, that's what you are! Jake – don't!"**

**He was backing away from me.**

**"I'm sorry, Bella," he said again; this time it was a broken mumble. He turned and almost ran into the house.**

**I was unable to move from where I stood. I stared at the little house; it looked too small to hold four large boys and two larger men. There was no reaction inside. No flutter at the edge of the curtain, no sound of voices or movement. It faced me vacantly.**

**The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against my skin. I couldn't take my eyes off the house. Jacob would come back. He had to.**

**The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above; they slanted at an angle from the west. I could smell the brine from the ocean. My hair whipped in my face, sticking to the wet places and tangling in my lashes. I waited.**

**Finally the door opened, and I took a step forward in relief.**

**Billy rolled his chair into the door frame. I could see no one behind him.**

**"Charlie just called, Bella. I told him you were on your way home." His eyes were full of pity.**

Esme sobbed, Carlisle took a deep breath, Rose whimpered, Alice cried out quietly, Jasper hissed, I snarled, and Edward – Edward gritted his teeth, still with that soldier-going-into-battle look about him. This wasn't right. It was just as wrong as what we had done in leaving her – it was the same thing, damn it!

**The pity made it final somehow. I didn't comment. I just turned robotically and climbed in my truck. I'd left the windows open and the seats were slick and wet. It didn't matter. I was already soaked.**

**Not as bad! Not as bad! my mind tried to comfort me. It was true. This wasn't as bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what little peace there was left behind. That was all.**

**Not as bad, I agreed, then added, but bad enough.**

"Damn it…" I whispered, pained at the thought of my little sister's agony. What kind of hell had we sentenced her to?

**I'd thought Jake had been healing the hole in me – or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I'd been wrong. He'd just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn't crumble into pieces.**

**Charlie was waiting on the porch. As I rolled to a stop, he walked out to meet me.**

**"Billy called. He said you got in fight with Jake – said you were pretty upset," he explained as he opened my door for me.**

**Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in his expression. I tried to feel my face from the inside out, to know what he was seeing. My face felt empty and cold, and I realized what it would remind him of.**

**"That's not exactly how it happened," I muttered.**

**Charlie put his arm around me and helped me out of the car. He didn't comment on my sodden clothes.**

**"Then what did happen?" he asked when we were inside. He pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa as he spoke and wrapped it around my shoulders. I realized I was shivering still.**

**My voice was lifeless. "Sam Uley says Jacob can't be my friend anymore."**

**Charlie shot me a strange look. "Who told you that?"**

**"Jacob," I stated, though that wasn't exactly what he'd said. It was still true.**

**Charlie's eyebrows pulled together. "You really think there's something wrong with the Uley kid?"**

Jasper hissed. "Yeah, there is. He's encouraging the same kind of stupid, idiotic behavior that we acted on," he growled.

**"I know there is. Jacob wouldn't tell me what, though." I could hear the water from my clothes dripping to the floor and splashing on the linoleum. "I'm going to go change."**

**Charlie was lost in thought. "Okay," he said absently.**

**I decided to take a shower because I was so cold, but the hot water didn't seem to affect the temperature of my skin. I was still freezing when I gave up and shut the water off. In the sudden quiet, I could hear Charlie talking to someone downstairs. I wrapped a towel around me, and cracked the bathroom door.**

**Charlie's voice was angry. "I'm not buying that. It doesn't make any sense."**

**It was quiet then, and I realized he was on the phone. A minute passed.**

**"Don't you put this on Bella!" Charlie suddenly shouted.**

Carlisle nodded approvingly, although his face was solemn. He was Bella's Dad, too, and he was clearly glad that Charlie was standing up for Bells.

**I jumped. When he spoke again, his voice was careful and lower. "Bella's made it very clear all along that she and Jacob were just friends…Well, if that was it, then why didn't you say so at first? No, Billy, I think she's right about this…Because I know my daughter, and if she says Jacob was scared before –" He was cut off mid-sentence, and when he answered he was almost shouting again.**

**"What do you mean I don't know my daughter as well as I think I do!"**

**He listened for a brief second, and his response was almost too low for me to hear. "If you think I'm going to remind her about that, then you had better think again. She's only just starting to get over it, and mostly because of Jacob, I think. If whatever Jacob has going on with this Sam character sends her back into that depression, then Jacob is going to have to answer to me. You're my friend, Billy, but this is hurting my family."**

**There was another break for Billy to respond.**

**"You got that right – those boys set one toe out of line and I'm going to know about it. We'll be keeping an eye on the situation, you can be sure of that." He was no longer Charlie; he was Chief Swan now.**

**"Fine. Yeah. Goodbye." The phone slammed into the cradle.**

**I tiptoed quickly across the hall into my room. Charlie was muttering angrily in the kitchen.**

**So Billy was going to blame me. I was leading Jacob on and he'd finally had enough.**

Everyone hissed at that. How dare he try and put this on Bella?! I had to breathe deeply for a minute or two before I could be sure I wasn't going to rip the book in half.

**It was strange, for I'd feared that myself, but after the last thing Jacob had said this afternoon, I didn't believe it anymore. There was much more to this than an unrequited crush, and it surprised me that Billy would stoop to claiming that. It made me think that whatever secret they were keeping was bigger than I'd been imagining.**

**At least Charlie was on my side now.**

I frowned. "He should have always been on her side," I muttered and my family nodded in agreement.

**I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Life seemed dark enough at the moment that I let myself cheat. The hole – holes now – were already aching, so why not? I pulled out the memory – nor a real memory that would hurt too much, but the false memory of Edward's voice in my mind this afternoon – and played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly down my empty face.**

**It was a new dream tonight. Rain was falling and Jacob was walking soundlessly beside me, though beneath my feet the ground crunched like dry gravel. But he wasn't my Jacob;** **he was the new, bitter, graceful Jacob. The smooth suppleness of his walk reminded me of someone else, and, as I watched, his features started to change. The russet color of his skin leached away, leaving his face pale white like bone. His eyes turned gold, and then crimson, and then back to gold again. His shorn hair twisted in the breeze, turning bronze where the wind touched it. And his face became so beautiful that it shattered my heart. I reached for him, but he took a step away, raising his hands like a shield. And then Edward vanished.**

**I wasn't sure, when I woke in the dark, if I'd just begun crying, or if my tears had run while I slept and simply continued now. I stared at my dark ceiling. I could feel that it was the middle of the night – I was still half-asleep, maybe more than half. I closed my eyes wearily and prayed for a dreamless sleep.**

**That's when I heard the noise that must have wakened me in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of my window with a high-pitched squeal, like fingernails against the glass.**

We all tensed. What… the… hell?

I growled lowly. "That was the end of the chapter," I said tersely, handing the book off to Alice, who took it with a frown. We all sat lightly in our seats, restraining ourselves as we waited impatiently to hear what had happened to our Bella.


	13. Intruder

**A/N: Hey, guys. Sorry about the long wait. I've been sick, however, the review of Shesacutie inspired me to get out of bed and write something for you so you can thank her for being my inspiration! :D Still, being that I am sick, there may be less commentary in this chapter, so just bear with me.**

Alice

I had to restrain a growl as I took the book from Emmett. Once I had it, I rushed to continue reading so that we could know what happened to my sister. We weren't anywhere near the end of the book so I was fairly certain that she would be alive, but 'alive' and 'okay' are two very different things.

**Intruder**

**My eyes flew wide open with fright, though I was so exhausted and muddled that I was not yet positive whether I was awake or asleep.** **Something scratched against my window again with the same thin, high-pitched sound.**

**Confused and clumsy with sleep, I stumbled out of my bed and to the window, blinking the lingering tears from my eyes on the way.**

**A huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward me like it was going to smash right through. I staggered back, terrified, my throat closing around a scream.**

**Victoria.** **She'd come for me.** **I was dead.**

We all growled at that, but all I wanted to do was sob. Us leaving was supposed to keep her safe, damn it!

**Not Charlie, too!**

I choked out a single, humorless laugh as I read that. Only Bella…

**I choked back the building scream. I would have to keep quiet through this. Somehow. I had to keep Charlie from coming to investigate…**

**And then a familiar, husky voice called from the dark shape.**

**"Bella!" it hissed. "Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"**

I gasped in realization. "Jacob…" I breathed, my eyes sliding shut. I heard the others' sounds of relief and felt Jasper hug me to him tightly. A relieved grin broke out on my face and I turned back to the book.

**I needed two seconds to shake off the horror before I could move, but then I hurried to the window and shoved the glass out of the way. The clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for me to make sense of the shapes.**

**"What are you doing?" I gasped.**

**Jacob was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of Charlie's little front yard. His weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung – his legs dangling twenty feet above the ground – not a yard away from me. The thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the side of the house again with a grating squeal.**

**"I'm trying to keep" – he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him – "my promise!"**

**I blinked my wet blurry eyes, suddenly sure that I was dreaming.**

**"When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?"**

The tension was slowly draining from the room and there were a few chuckles at the small joke. We certainly needed it after that scare.

**He snorted, unamused, swinging his legs to improve his balance. "Get out of the way," he ordered.**

**"What?"**

**He swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing his momentum. I realized what he was trying to do.**

**"No, Jake!"**

**But I ducked to the side, because it was too late. With a grunt, he launched himself toward my open window.**

**Another scream built in my throat as I waited for him to fall to his death – or at least maim himself against the wooden siding.**

**To my shock, he swung agilely into my room, landing on the balls of his feet with a low thud.**

**We both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had woken Charlie. A short moment of silence passed, and then we heard the muffled sound of Charlie's snore.**

**A wide grin spread slowly across Jacob's face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. It wasn't the grin that I knew and loved – it was a new grin, one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity, on the new face that belonged to Sam.**

**That was a bit much for me.**

I frowned. Jacob was hurting her more even as he was helping her, and I hated him for it. But I had to be grateful to him for trying to protect her, all the same. And besides, we would be there soon and it would be okay. I smiled a little and leaned into my husband's side.

**I'd cried myself to sleep over this boy. His harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in what was left of my chest. He'd left a new nightmare behind him, like an infection in a sore – the insult after the injury. And now he was here in my room, smirking at me as if none of that had passed. Worse than that, even though his arrival had been noisy and awkward, it reminded me of when Edward used to sneak in through my window at night, and the reminder picked viciously at the unhealed wounds.**

**All of this, coupled with the fact that I was dog-tired,** **did not put me in a friendly mood.**

**"Get out!" I hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as I could.**

**He blinked, his face going blank with surprise.**

**"No," he protested. "I came to apologize."**

**"I don't accept!"**

**I tried to shove him back out the window – after all, if this was a dream, it wouldn't really hurt him. It was useless, though. I didn't budge him an inch. I dropped my hands quickly, and stepped away from him.**

Emmett growled lowly. "I'll shove him out the window for her when we get back if he tries anything she doesn't want," he vowed and I'm pretty sure we were all agreeing with him silently, except for Rose who hissed and nodded.

**He wasn't wearing a shirt, though the air blowing in the window was cold enough to make me shiver, and it made me uncomfortable to have my hands on his bare chest. His skin was burning hot, like his head had been the last time I'd touched him. Like he was still sick with the fever.**

**He didn't look sick. He looked huge. He leaned over me, so big that he blacked out the window, tongue-tied by my furious reaction.**

**Suddenly, it was just more than I could handle – it felt as if all of my sleepless nights were crashing down on me en masse. I was so brutally tired that I thought I might collapse right there on the floor. I swayed unsteadily, and struggled to keep my eyes open.**

Carlisle frowned unhappily. "He needs to leave and let her sleep," he said worriedly.

**"Bella?" Jacob whispered anxiously. He caught my elbow as I swayed again, and steered me back to the bed. My legs gave out when I reached the edge, and I plopped into a limp heap on the mattress.**

**"Hey, are you okay?" Jacob asked, worry creasing his forehead.**

**I looked up at him, the tears not yet dried on my cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Jacob?"**

**Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face. "Right," he agreed, and took a deep breath. "Crap. Well… I – I'm so sorry, Bella." The apology was sincere, no doubt about it, though there was still an angry twist to his features.**

**"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Jake."**

**"I know," he whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."**

**I shook my head wearily. "I don't understand anything."**

I whimpered slightly as I read that. We had left her so lost… She needed us. _We're coming, Bella, _I vowed silently. I wasn't leaving her again, no matter what.

**"I know. I want to explain –" He broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like something had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep breath. "But I can't explain," he said, still angry.**

**"I wish I could."**

**I let my head fall into my hands. My question came out muffled by my arm. "Why?"**

**He was quiet for a moment. I twisted my head to the side – too tired to hold it up – to see his expression. It surprised me. His eyes were squinted, his teeth clenched, his forehead wrinkled in effort.**

**"What's wrong?" I asked.**

**He exhaled heavily, and I realized he'd been holding his breath, too. "I can't do it," he muttered, frustrated.**

**"Do what?"**

**He ignored my question. "Look, Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"**

**He looked at me with knowing eyes, and my thoughts jumped immediately to the Cullens. I hoped my expression didn't look guilty.**

Rose smiled slightly and our eyes met. I knew we were thinking the same thing: Even after we're gone, she loves us enough to protect us even though no one would believe her if she did say anything.

**"Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom… ?" he pressed.**

**"Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?"**

**I felt my eyes tighten. I didn't answer his question, though I knew he would take that as a confirmation.**

**"Can you understand that I might have the same kind of…situation?" He was struggling again, seeming to fight for the right words. "Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell."**

**So, I couldn't argue with that. He was exactly right – I had a secret that wasn't mine to tell, yet a secret I felt bound to protect. A secret that, suddenly, he seemed to know all about.**

**I still didn't see how it applied to him, or Sam, or Billy. What was it to them, now that the Cullens were gone?**

**"I don't know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."**

I chuckled dryly. "Sounds like someone we know, doesn't it?" I asked wryly, glancing at Edward. I was glad he seemed to be getting it but I wasn't ready to forgive him yet. Not until I could look at Bella and see her happy, genuinely happy not the way that she was in this book.

Edward glanced up and nodded at my thoughts. _I do love you, Edward, but I love her, too. We've hurt her too much and I can't forgive you for it until I hear her say the words,_ I told him before going on.

**"I'm sorry," he whispered. "This is so frustrating."**

**We looked at each other for a long moment in the dark room, both our faces hopeless.**

**"The part that kills me," he said abruptly, "is that you already know. I already told yon everything!"**

**"What are you talking about?"**

**He sucked in a startled breath, and then leaned toward me, his face shifting from hopelessness to blazing intensity in a second. He stared fiercely into my eyes, and his voice was fast and eager. He spoke the words right into my face; his breath was as hot as his skin.**

**"I think I see a way to make this work out – because you know this, Bella! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it! That would let me right off the hook!"**

**"You want me to guess? Guess what?"**

**"My secret! You can do it – you know the answer!"**

**I blinked twice, trying to clear my head. I was so tired. Nothing he said made sense.**

Jasper shrugged. "I've felt what humans feel when they're as tired as Bella sounds. It tends to leave them feeling everything very vaguely, like they're not completely there," he elaborated at our curious looks.

**He took in my blank expression, and then his face tensed with effort again. "Hold on, let me see if I give you some help," he said. Whatever he was trying to do, it was so hard he was panting.**

**"Help?" I asked, trying to keep up. My lids wanted to slip closed, but I forced them open.**

**"Yeah," he said, breathing hard. "Like clues."**

**He took my face in his enormous, too-warm hands and held it just a few inches from his. He stared into my eyes while he whispered, as if to communicate something besides the words he spoke.**

**"Remember the first day we met – on the beach in La Push?"**

**"Of course I do."**

**"Tell me about it."**

**I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. "You asked about my truck…"**

**He nodded, urging me on.**

**"We talked about the Rabbit…"**

**"Keep going."**

**"We went for a walk down the beach…" My cheeks were growing warm under his palms as I remembered, but he wouldn't notice, hot as his skin was. I'd asked him to walk with me, flirting ineptly but successfully,** **in order to pump him for information.**

I glanced at Edward and he frowned but didn't say anything. Emmett, however, chuckled and grinned. I had to admit, it did sound entertaining but not as much as Em probably thought it was.

**He was nodding, anxious for more.**

**My voice was nearly soundless. "You told me scary stories… Quileute legends."**

**He closed his eyes and opened them again. "Yes." The word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edge of something vital. He spoke slowly, making each word distinct. "Do you remember what I said?"**

**Even in the dark, he must be able to see the change in the color of my face. How could I ever forget that? Without realizing what he was doing, Jacob had told me exactly what I needed to know that day – that Edward was a vampire.**

**He looked at me with eyes that knew too much. "Think hard," he told me.**

**"Yes, I remember," I breathed.**

**He inhaled deeply, struggling. "Do you remember all the stor –" He couldn't finish the question. His mouth popped open like something had stuck in his throat.**

**"All the stories?" I asked.**

**He nodded mutely.**

**My head churned. Only one story really mattered. I knew he'd begun with others, but I couldn't remember the inconsequential prelude, especially not while my brain was so clouded with exhaustion. I started to shake my head.**

Esme smiled widely and I could see that she liked the idea that we were the most important thing, although she had a hint of sadness. Like me, she realized that if we hadn't been the most important thing, she wouldn't have hurt like that when we left. But we were selfish – if we weren't so important to her, she couldn't have loved us the way that she did and nothing could make us fully surrender our hold on Bella's love. Even more so than Esme, whose 'gift' was unconditional love, Bella loved with a passion and fierceness and totality that was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.

**Jacob groaned and jumped off the bed. He pressed his fists against his forehead and breathed fast and angry. "You know this, you know this," he muttered to himself.**

**"Jake? Jake, please, I'm exhausted. I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…"**

**He took a steadying breath and nodded. "Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story," he added in a sarcastic, bitter tone. He plunked back onto the mattress beside me. "Do you mind if I ask you a question about that?" he asked, still sarcastic. "I've been dying to know."**

**"A question about what?" I asked warily.**

**"About the vampire story I told you."**

**I stared at him with guarded eyes, unable to answer. He asked his question anyway.**

I smiled at her protectiveness of us. She truly was my sister and it was nice to know that, even as a human, she would do anything she was capable of to protect us.

**"Did you honestly not know?" he asked me, his voice turning husky. "Was I the one who told you what he was?"**

**How did he know this? Why did he decide to believe, why now? My teeth clenched together.**

**I stared back at him, no intention of speaking. He could see that.**

**"See what I mean about loyalty?" he murmured, even huskier now. "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound…"**

**I didn't like that – didn't like the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain when he spoke of being bound. More than dislike – I realized I hated it, hated anything that caused him pain.**

**Hated it fiercely.**

**Sam's face filled my mind.**

Carlisle's eyes widened in realization. "Perhaps it's like a true wolf pack. The orders of the Alpha must be obeyed," he suggested and we all paused for a moment, taking in the implications of that. I grimaced in distaste. I didn't like the way that sounded. Dogs or not, they deserved to have free will like everyone else.

**For me, this was all essentially voluntary. I protected the Cullens' secret out of love; unrequited, but true. For Jacob, it didn't seem to be that way.**

**"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" I whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of his shorn hair.**

**His hands began to tremble, but he didn't open his eyes. "No. I'm in this for life. A life sentence." A bleak laugh. "Longer, maybe."**

**"No, Jake," I moaned. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"**

Rose half-smiled, half-grimaced. "Bella would be selfless enough to offer such a thing," she murmured and I smiled in agreement, although I didn't like the idea of her running away with the dog.

**"It's not something I can run away from, Bella," he whispered. "I would run with you, though, if I could." His shoulders were shaking now, too. He took a deep breath. "Look, I've got to leave."**

**"Why?"**

**"For one thing, you look like you're going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep – I need you firing on all pistons. You're going to figure this out, you have to."**

**"And why else?"**

**He frowned. "I had to sneak out – I'm not supposed to see you. They've got to be wondering where I am." His mouth twisted. "I suppose I should go let them know."**

**"You don't have to tell them anything," I hissed.**

**"All the same, I will."**

**The anger flashed hot inside me. "I hate them!"**

Jasper looked a little surprised, too, and explained when we looked at him questioningly. "Whenever I've been around her, Bella's never felt hate or anything close to it," he explained and I nodded. That made sense. Bella was loving, selfless, and kind to a fault. She wouldn't feel such a thing unless someone she loved was being hurt, the way that Jacob sounded like he was.

**Jacob looked at me with wide eyes, surprised. "No, Bella. Don't hate the guys. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before – it's me. Sam is actually…well, incredibly cool.**

**Jared and Paul are great, too, though Paul is kind of… And Embry's always been my friend.**

**Nothing's changed there – the only thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam…"**

**"Sam was incredibly cool." I glared at him in disbelief, but let it go.**

**"Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" I demanded.**

**"It's not safe," he mumbled looking down.**

**His words sent a thrill of fear through me.**

**Did he know that, too? Nobody knew that besides me. But he was right – it was the middle of the night, the perfect time for hunting. Jacob shouldn't be here in my room. If someone came for me, I had to be alone.**

Esme shuddered. "Whether they hate us or not, I will thank them for protecting her when we get back if I get the chance," she said, resolved. I had to agree with her. As little as we liked them, they were trying to keep her safe and I would thank Satan himself for that if it happened.

**"If I thought it was too… too risky," he whispered, "I wouldn't have come. But Bella," he looked at me again, "I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."**

**He saw the incomprehension in my face. "After that stupid movie," he reminded me. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you… So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"**

**"I know you didn't want to do it, Jake. It's okay."**

**"Thanks, Bella." He took my hand. "I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised." He grinned at me suddenly. The grin was not mine, nor Sam's, but some strange combination of the two. "It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it."**

**I made a weak grimace. "I'll try."**

**"And I'll try to see you soon." He sighed. "And they'll try to talk me out of that."**

**"Don't listen to them."**

**"I'll try." He shook his head, as if he doubted his success. "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out." Something occurred to him just then, something that made his hands shake. "If you… if you want to."**

**"Why wouldn't I want to see you?"**

**His face turned hard and bitter, one hundred percent the face that belonged to Sam. "Oh, I can think of a reason," he said in a harsh tone. "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?"**

**I just nodded, frightened of the change in him.**

**"At least call me – if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that."**

**"That won't happen –"**

**He raised one hand, cutting me off. "Just let me know."**

**He stood and headed for the window.**

**"Don't be an idiot, Jake," I complained. "You'll break your leg. Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you."**

I snorted. "I doubt Charlie would care even if he did catch him," I muttered, just for Jasper to hear me, and I felt him shake with silent laughter.

**"I won't get hurt," he muttered, but he turned for the door. He hesitated as he passed me, staring at me with an expression like something was stabbing him. He held one hand out, pleading.**

**I took his hand, and suddenly he yanked me – too roughly – right off the bed so that I thudded against his chest.**

**"Just in case," he muttered against my hair, crushing me in a bear hug that about broke my ribs.**

**"Can't – breathe!" I gasped.**

Emmett pouted. "Hey, that's my job!" he complained and we all laughed at him. It was true, Emmett always managed to draw those same words from our sister – but we knew she loved it.

**He dropped me at once, keeping one hand at my waist so I didn't fall over. He pushed me, more gently this time, back down on the bed.**

**"Get some sleep, Bells. You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I need you to understand. I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this."**

**He was to the door in one stride, opening it quietly, and then disappearing through it. I listened for him to hit the squeaky step in the stairs, but there was no sound.**

**I lay back on my bed, my head spinning. I was too confused, too worn out. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of it, only to be swallowed up by unconsciousness so swiftly that it was disorienting.**

I frowned. It sounded like it would be annoying, that part of being human. Still, I was more concerned about her dreams…

I glanced back down and my eyebrows drew together in puzzlement. It looked like the page had suddenly stopped and was blank. I turned it and found… "There's another note," I informed everyone, pulling it out to read.

_Dear Cullens,_

_I'm sure that Alice must be wondering about Bella's dreams by now, so I thought I would throw this in there so that you know what the book's talking about in a moment._

_Hope This Helps, S.M_

I was stunned. "I… I was just thinking about that, actually," I muttered, looking down at what was written on the page.

"_In my dream it was very dark, and what dim light there was seemed to be radiating from Edward's skin._

_I couldn't see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn't catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned. Troubled, I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep again for what seemed like a very long time. After that, he was in my dreams nearly every night, but always on the periphery, never within reach._

_The month that followed the accident was uneasy, tense, and, at first, embarrassing."_

Edward looked stunned. "That must have been after I saved her from getting hit by Tyler's car," he muttered in disbelief, which we all shared.

"How could she possibly know that we sparkle in the sunlight?" Carlisle asked, shocked.

I looked down and frowned slightly. "There's another one," I said and silence fell.

"_I opened my eyes to a familiar place. Aware in some corner of my consciousness that I was dreaming, I recognized the green light of the forest. I could hear the waves crashing against the rocks somewhere nearby. And I knew that if I found the ocean, I'd be able to see the sun. I was trying to follow the sound, but then Jacob Black was there, tugging on my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest._

_"Jacob? What's wrong?" I asked. His face was frightened as he yanked with all his strength against my resistance; I didn't want to go into the dark._

_"Run, Bella, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified._

_"This way, Bella!" I recognized Mike's voice calling out of the gloomy heart of the trees, but I couldn't see him._

_"Why?" I asked, still pulling against Jacob's grasp, desperate now to find the sun._

_But Jacob let go of my hand and yelped, suddenly shaking, falling to the dim forest floor. He twitched on the ground as I watched in horror._

_"Jacob!" I screamed. But he was gone. In his place was a large red-brown wolf with black eyes. The wolf faced away from me, pointing toward the shore, the hair on the back of his shoulders bristling, low growls issuing from between his exposed fangs._

_"Bella, run!" Mike cried out again from behind me. But I didn't turn. I was watching a light coming toward me from the beach._

_And then Edward stepped out from the trees, his skin faintly glowing, his eyes black and dangerous. He held up one hand and beckoned me to come to him. The wolf growled at my feet._

_I took a step forward, toward Edward. He smiled then, and his teeth were sharp, pointed._

_"Trust me," he purred._

_I took another step._

_The wolf launched himself across the space between me and the vampire, fangs aiming for the jugular._

_"No!" I screamed, wrenching upright out of my bed."_

Again, I was shocked. I heard someone take a breath to comment, but I distractedly shushed them. "Just a little more," I whispered.

"_There was one thing I was sure of, if I was sure of anything. The dark Edward in my dream last night was a reflection only of my fear of the word Jacob had spoken, and not Edward himself. _

_Even so, when I'd screamed out in terror at the werewolf's lunge, it wasn't fear for the wolf that brought the cry of "no" to my lips. It was fear that __he __would be harmed - even as he called to me with sharp-edged fangs, I feared for __him__._

_And I knew in that I had my answer. I didn't know if there ever was a choice, really. I was already in too deep. Now that I knew - __if I __knew - I could do nothing about my frightening secret. Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now."_

I had to swallow and we all sat there in shock for a few moments before I spoke, my voice awed. "She has intuitive dreams," I murmured and Carlisle glanced at me curiously, nodding.

"I believe she does," he agreed. "It's like she has an ability similar to yours, but it manifests only when she sleeps and when she most needs it," he elaborated and I was stunned. I'd never met someone who could do even a fraction of what I could – or so I'd thought. It was an incredible feeling to know that Bella was capable of something similar to what I was, even if it was more limited than what I could do.

I grinned happily and continued reading where the book left off, seeing as no one else said anything.

**It was not the peaceful, dreamless sleep I'd yearned for – of course not. I was in the forest again, and I started to wander the way I always did.**

**I quickly became aware that this was not the same dream as usual. For one thing, I felt no compulsion to wander or to search; I was merely wandering out of habit, because that was what was usually expected of me here. Actually, this wasn't even the same forest. The smell was different, and the light, too. It smelled, not like the damp earth of the woods, but like the brine of the ocean. I couldn't see the sky; still, it seemed like the sun must be shining –the leaves above were bright jade green.**

**This was the forest around La Push – near the beach there, I was sure of it. I knew that if I found the beach, I would be able to see the sun, so I hurried forward, following the faint sound of waves in the distance.** **And then Jacob was there. He grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.**

Esme's eyes lit with understanding. "Jacob's words triggered her memory and she's having that dream again," she said.

**"Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked. His face was the frightened face of a boy, and his hair was beautiful again, swept back into a ponytail on the nape of his neck. He yanked with all his strength, but I resisted; I didn't want to go into the dark.**

**"Run, Bella, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified.**

**The abrupt wave of déjà vu was so strong it nearly woke me up.**

**I knew why I recognized this place now. It was because I'd been here before, in another dream. A million years ago, part of a different life entirely. This was the dream I'd had the night after I'd walked with Jacob on the beach, the first night I knew that Edward was a vampire. Reliving that day with Jacob must have dredged this dream out of my buried memories.** **Detached from the dream now, I waited for it to play out. A light was coming toward me from the beach. In just a moment, Edward would walk through the trees, his skin faintly glowing and his eyes black and dangerous. He would beckon to me, and smile. He would be beautiful as an angel, and his teeth would be pointed and sharp…**

**But I was getting ahead of myself. Something else had to happen first.**

**Jacob dropped my hand and yelped. Shaking and twitching, he fell to the ground at my feet.**

**"Jacob!" I screamed, but he was gone.**

**In his place was an enormous, red-brown wolf with dark, intelligent eyes.**

My eyes widened slightly as did my smile. "She already knew what his wolf-form would look like even before he phased," I said proudly and surprised glances were given around the room. We were so used to it just being me who was capable of something like this, even among vampires, that it was a little startling hearing about it occurring with someone else, particularly someone we knew but who we had no idea could do this.

**The dream veered off course, like a train jumping the tracks.**

**This was not the same wolf that I'd dreamed of in another life. This was the great russet wolf I'd stood half a foot from in the meadow, just a week ago.**

Carlisle nodded slightly. "She knew what he would look like but didn't know his size," he mused.

**This wolf was gigantic, monstrous, bigger than a bear.**

**This wolf stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his intelligent eyes.**

**The black-brown, familiar eyes of Jacob Black.**

**I woke screaming at the top of my lungs.**

**I almost expected Charlie to come check on me this time. This wasn't my usual screaming. I buried my head in my pillow and tried to muffle the hysterics that my screams were building into. I pressed the cotton tight against my face, wondering if I couldn't also somehow smother the connection I'd just made.**

**But Charlie didn't come in and eventually I was able to strangle the strange screeching coming out of my throat.**

Esme hissed slightly and I understood why. Charlie was Bella's father and he was supposed to check on her when things like that happened. But, I shuddered, with it happening so regularly, he may not even wake to the sound of her screams anymore.

**I remembered it all now – every word that Jacob had said to me that day on the beach, even the part before he got to the vampires, the "cold ones." Especially that first part.**

_**"Do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from–the Quileutes, I mean?" he asked.**_

_**"Not really," I admitted.**_

_**"Well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood–supposedly, the ancient Quileutes tied their canoes to the tops of the tallest trees on the mountain to survive, like Noah and the ark." He smiled then, to show me how little stock he put in the histories. **_

_**"Another legend claims that we descended from wolves–and that the wolves are our brothers still. It's against tribal law to kill them.**_

_**"Then there are the stories about the cold ones." His voice dropped a little lower.**_

_**"The cold ones?"**_

_**"Yes. There are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land." Jacob rolled his eyes.**_

_**" Your great-grandfather?"**_

_**"He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf–well, not the wolf really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. You would call them werewolves."**_

_**"Werewolves have enemies?"**_

_**"Only one."**_

**There was something stuck in my throat, choking me. I tried to swallow it down, but it was lodged there, un-moving. I tried to spit it out.**

**"Werewolf," I gasped.**

**Yes, that was the word that I was choking on.**

**The whole world lurched, tilting the wrong way on its axis.**

**What kind of a place was this? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters?**

**Did his mean every impossible fairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and ghost stories?**

Carlisle frowned. "I suppose it would be rather jarring," he agreed quietly.

**I clutched my head in my hands, trying to keep it from exploding.**

**A small, dry voice in the back of my mind asked me what the big deal was. Hadn't I already accepted the existence of vampires long ago – and without all the hysterics that time?**

**Exactly, I wanted to scream back at the voice. Wasn't one myth enough for anyone, enough for a lifetime?**

More than enough, I thought but didn't say it aloud. Edward nodded slightly in agreement. Even I thought so and I _was _a vampire.

**Besides, there'd never been one moment that I wasn't completely aware that Edward Cullen was above and beyond the ordinary. It wasn't such a surprise to find out what he was – because he so obviously was something.**

**But Jacob? Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that? Jacob, my friend? Jacob, the only human I'd ever been able to relate to…**

**And he wasn't even human.**

**I fought the urge to scream again.**

**What did this say about me?**

I smiled slightly. "That you were always meant to be a part of our world, because it's yours, too," I said, just loud enough for everyone to hear me. They looked thoughtful but smiled slightly, even Rose.

**I knew the answer to that one. It said that there was something deeply wrong with me. Why else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies? Why else would I care so much about them that it would tear big chunks right out of my chest when they went off along their mythical ways?**

**In my head, everything spun and shifted, rearranging so that things that had meant one thing before, now meant something else.**

**There was no cult. There had never been a cult, never been a gang. No, it was much worse than that. It was a pack.**

**A pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic, multihued werewolves that had stalked right past me in Edward's meadow…**

**Suddenly, I was in a frantic hurry. I glanced at the clock – it was way too early and I didn't care. I had to go to La Push now. I had to see Jacob so he could tell me that I hadn't lost my mind altogether.**

**I pulled on the first clean clothes I could find, not bothering to be sure they matched, and took the stairs two at a time. I almost ran into Charlie as I skidded into the hallway, headed for the door.**

**"Where are you going?" he asked, as surprised to see me as I was to see him. "Do you know what time it is?"**

**"Yeah. I have to go see Jacob."**

**"I thought the thing with Sam –"**

**"That doesn't matter, I have to talk to him right now."**

**"It's pretty early." He frowned when my expression didn't change. "Don't you want breakfast?"**

**"Not hungry." The words flew through my lips. He was blocking my path to the exit. I considered ducking around him and making a run for it, but I knew I would have to explain that to him later.**

**"I'll be back soon, okay?"**

**Charlie frowned. "Straight to Jacob's house, right? No stops on the way?"**

**"Of course not, where would I stop?" My words were running together in my hurry.**

**"I don't know," he admitted. "It's just…well, there's been another attack – the wolves again.**

**It was real close to the resort by the hot springs – there's a witness this time. The victim was only a dozen yards from the road when he disappeared. His wife saw a huge gray wolf just a few minutes later, while she was searching for him, and ran for help."**

**My stomach dropped like I'd hit a corkscrew on a roller coaster. "A wolf attacked him?"**

Emmett chuckled. "She's going to think the wolves are the ones attacking people," he mused and I had to agree that it was a little funny, but not from Bella's prospective, I was sure.

**"There's no sign of him – just a little blood again." Charlie's face was pained. "The rangers are going out armed, taking armed volunteers. There're a lot of hunters who are eager to be involved – there's a reward being offered for wolf carcasses. That's going to mean a lot of firepower out there in the forest, and it worries me." He shook his head. "When people get too excited, accidents happen…"**

**"They're going to shoot the wolves?" My voice shot through three octaves.**

**"What else can we do? What's wrong?" he asked, his tense eyes studying my face. I felt faint; I must be whiter than usual. "You aren't turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?"**

I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped me then. I had to admit that it was slightly funny to hear it that way.

**I couldn't answer. If he hadn't been watching me, I would have put my head between my knees. I'd forgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw prints… I hadn't connected those facts to my first realization.**

**"Look, honey, don't let this scare you. Just stay in town or on the highway – no stops –okay?"**

**"Okay," I repeated in a weak voice.**

**"I've got to go."**

**I looked at him closely for the first time, and saw that he had his gun strapped to his waist and hiking boots on.**

**"You aren't going out there after the wolves, are you, Dad?"**

**"I've got to help, Bells. People are disappearing."**

**My voice shot up again, almost hysterical now. "No! No, don't go. It's too dangerous!"**

**"I've got to do my job, kid. Don't be such a pessimist – I'll be fine." He turned for the door, and held it open. "You leaving?"**

**I hesitated, my stomach still spinning in uncomfortable loops. What could I say to stop him? I was too dizzy to think of a solution.**

**"Bells?"**

**"Maybe it's too early to go to La Push," I whispered.**

**"I agree," he said, and he stepped out into the rain, shutting the door behind him.**

**As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped to the floor and put my head between my knees.**

**Should I go after Charlie? What would I say?**

**And what about Jacob? Jacob was my best friend; I needed to warn him. If he really was a – I cringed and forced myself to think the word – werewolf (and I knew it was true, I could feel it), then people would be shooting at him! I needed to tell him and his friends that people would try to kill them if they went running around like gigantic wolves. I needed to tell them to stop.**

Rosalie smirked slightly. "Only Bella would even consider going near them when she realizes that they turn into gigantic wolves and she thinks they're killing people," she said, amused.

**They had to stop! Charlie was out there in the woods. Would they care about that? I wondered…Up until now, only strangers had disappeared. Did that mean anything, or was it just chance?**

**I needed to believe that Jacob, at least, would care about that.**

**Either way, I had to warn him.**

**Or… did I?**

**Jacob was my best friend, but was he a monster, too? A real one? A bad one? Should I warn him, if he and his friends were… were murderers! If they were out slaughtering innocent hikers in cold blood? If they were truly creatures from a horror movie in every sense, would it be wrong to protect them?**

**It was inevitable that I would have to compare Jacob and his friends to the Cullens. I wrapped my arms around my chest, fighting the hole, while I thought of them.**

**I didn't know anything about werewolves, clearly. I would have expected something closer to the movies – big hairy half-men creatures or something – if I'd expected anything at all. So I didn't know what made them hunt, whether hunger or thirst or just a desire to kill. It was hard to judge, not knowing that.**

**But it couldn't be worse than what the Cullens endured in their quest to be good. I thought of Esme – the tears started when I pictured her kind, lovely face – and how, as motherly and loving as she was, she'd had to hold her nose, all ashamed, and run from me when I was bleeding.**

**It couldn't be harder than that. I thought of Carlisle, the centuries upon centuries that he had struggled to teach himself to ignore blood, so that he could save lives as a doctor.**

**Nothing could be harder than that.**

I glanced at Carlisle and his face was full of awe and love. I could see just how much it meant to him to hear how Bella thought of him, of all of us, and what we tried to do by living the way that we did. Esme, too, looked touched by Bella's thoughts while at the same time saddened by the thought of being forced to leave when her daughter was hurt.

**The werewolves had chosen a different path.**

**Now, what should I choose?**

"That was the end," I informed everyone and they nodded. I tossed the book over to Rose to read. No one commented on the end of the chapter. We already knew what she would do – she would go and see Jacob because she was far too caring to ever let them get hurt without warning them or let them continue doing what she thought they were without saying something.

I snuggled into my mate's side and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. Oh, Bella… I smiled slightly. I couldn't wait to go back to my sister…


	14. Killer

Rosalie

I sighed. I hated that Bella was going to talk to the dog, but I was sure that she would. Well, we would be back soon and we would make sure that she was safe. Still, he was looking out for her and I had to feel grudging thanks towards him for that.

**Killer**

**If it was anyone but Jacob, I thought to myself, shaking my head as I drove down the forest-lined highway to La Push.** **I still wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but I'd made a compromise with myself.**

**I couldn't condone what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood now what he'd said last night – that I might not want to see him again –** **and I could have called him as he'd suggested, but that felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that I couldn't just overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue… That would make me a monster, too.**

**But I couldn't not warn him, either. I had to do what I could to protect him.**

I smiled softly before frowning. I hated the most of any of us what we were. For years, I had resented Carlisle for changing me, though I forgave him when he changed Emmett for me. But…

I was starting to see just how bad it was for Bella to be a human surrounded by mythical creatures who were so much stronger and faster than she was. I could remember all too well that feeling of helplessness and inferiority from my last night as a human, and I would wish that on anyone. Bella wanted so badly to help and protect the ones that she loved, and… As little as I liked to admit it, she needed to be a vampire for that to happen.

**I pulled up to the Blacks' house with my lips pressed together into a hard line. It was bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?**

**The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I didn't care if I woke them. My fist thudded against the front door with angry energy; the sound reverberated through the walls.**

**"Come in," I heard Billy call after a minute, and a light flicked on.**

**I twisted the knob; it was unlocked. Billy was leaning around an open doorway just off the little kitchen, a bathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turned stoic.**

**"Well, good morning, Bella. What are you doing up so early?"**

**"Hey, Billy. I need to talk to Jake – where is he?"**

**"Um… I don't really know," he lied, straight-faced.**

I rolled my eyes. Jackass.

**"Do you know what Charlie is doing this morning?" I demanded, sick of the stalling.**

**"Should I?"**

**"He and half the other men in town are all out in the woods with guns, hunting giant wolves."**

**Billy's expression flickered, and then went blank.**

**"So I'd like to talk to Jake about that, if you don't mind," I continued.**

**Billy pursed his thick lips for a long moment. "I'd bet he's still asleep," he finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. "He's out late a lot these days. Kid needs his rest – probably you shouldn't wake him."**

**"It's my turn," I muttered under my breath as I stalked to the hallway. Billy sighed.**

I smirked. Served the dog right. He may have been trying to protect her but he made the same jackass, narrow-minded mistake that my idiot brother did. I saw Alice muttering something under her breath and our eyes met in a flash of agreement. The dog was just as bad as Edward.

**Jacob's tiny closet of a room was the only door in the yard-long hallway. I didn't bother to knock. I threw the door open; it slammed against the wall with a bang.**

**Jacob – still wearing just the same black cut-off sweats he'd worn last night **– **was stretched diagonally across the double bed that took up all of his room but a few inches around the edges.** **Even on a slant, it wasn't long enough; his feet hung off the one end and his head off the other. He was fast asleep, snoring lightly with his mouth hanging open. The sound of the door hadn't even made him twitch.** **His face was peaceful with deep sleep, all the angry lines smoothed out. There were circles under his eyes that I hadn't noticed before. Despite his ridiculous size, he looked very young now, and very weary. Pity shook me.** **I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me.**

**Billy stared with curious, guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front room.**

**"I think I'll let him get some rest."**

**Billy nodded, and then we gazed at each other for a minute. I was dying to ask him about his part in this.**

**What did he think of what his son had become? But I knew how he'd supported Sam from the very beginning, and so I supposed the murders must not bother him. How he justified that to himself I couldn't imagine.** **I could see many questions for me in his dark eyes, but he didn't voice them either.**

**"Look," I said, breaking the loud silence. "I'll be down at the beach for a while. When he wakes up, tell him I'm waiting for him, okay?"**

**"Sure, sure," Billy agreed.**

**I wondered if he really would. Well, if he didn't, I'd tried, right?**

**I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark – the gloomy predawn of a cloudy day – and when I cut the headlights it was hard to see. I had to let my eyes adjust before I could find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off the black water, and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my winter jacket. At least the rain had stopped.**

**I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldn't see St. James or the other islands, just the vague shape of the water's edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwood that might trip me.**

Amusement flashed through me and Emmett's deep, booming laugh sounded. "Nice one, Bells," he grinned. He loved Bella's clumsiness, so long as she wasn't seriously hurt by it.

**I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom when it was just a few feet away: a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle tentacles. I couldn't be sure that it was the same tree where Jacob and I had had our first conversation – a conversation that had begun so many different, tangled threads of my life – but it seemed to be in about the same place I sat down where I'd sat before, and stared out across the invisible sea.**

**Seeing Jacob like that – innocent and vulnerable in sleep – had stolen all my revulsion, dissolved all my anger. I still couldn't turn a blind eye to what was happening, like Billy seemed to, but I couldn't condemn Jacob for it either. Love didn't work that way, I decided.** **Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore. Jacob was my friend whether he killed people or not. And I didn't know what I was going to do about that.**

**When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt an overpowering urge to protect him.**

Esme smiled softly and shook her head. "So selfless," she murmured, squeezing Carlisle's hand in hers.

**Completely illogical.** **Illogical or not, I brooded over the memory his peaceful face, trying to come up with some answer, some way to shelter him, while the sky slowly turned gray.**

**"Hi, Bella."**

**Jacob's voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but I'd been expecting some forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so it still startled me. I could see his silhouette against the coming sunrise – it looked enormous.**

**"Jake?"**

**He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously.**

**"Billy told me you came by – didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out."**

**"Yeah, I remember the right story now," I whispered.**

**It was quiet for a long moment and, though it was still too dark to see well, my skin prickled as if his eyes were searching my face. There must have been enough light for him to read my expression, because when he spoke again, his voice was suddenly acidic.**

**"You could have just called," he said harshly.**

I hissed. "Stupid, moronic dog," I growled, recognizing the sounds of Alice's and Emmett's growls as well. None of us were big fans of the immature pup. Yeah, he helped a little – until he made it worse again.

**I nodded. "I know."**

**Jacob started pacing along the rocks. If I listened very hard, I could just hear the gentle brush of his feet on the rocks behind the sound of the waves. The rocks had clattered like castanets for me.**

**"Why did you come?" he demanded, not halting his angry stride.**

**"I thought it would be better face-to-face."**

**He snorted. "Oh, much better."**

**"Jacob, I have to warn you –"**

**"About the rangers and the hunters? Don't worry about it. We already know."**

**"Don't worry about it?" I demanded in disbelief. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps and offering rewards and –"**

**"We can take care of ourselves," he growled, still pacing. "They're not going to catch anything. They're only making it more difficult – they'll start disappearing soon enough, too."**

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's a really great thing to say to a girl that just found out you turn into a giant wolf. Really great way to put her fears at ease," she commented sarcastically.

**"Jake!" I hissed.**

**"What? It's just a fact."**

**My voice was pale with revulsion. "How can you…feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's out there!" The thought made my stomach twist.**

**He came to an abrupt stop. "What more can we do?" he retorted.**

**The sun turned the clouds a slivery pink above us. I could see his expression now; it was angry, frustrated, betrayed.**

**"Could you…well, try to not be a…werewolf?" I suggested in a whisper.**

**He threw his hands up in the air. "Like I have a choice about it!" he shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you're worried about people disappearing?"**

**"I don't understand you."**

**He glared at me, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a snarl. "You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?"**

Esme hissed and a growl rumbled low in Carlisle's chest. Obviously they didn't take kindly to anyone speaking that way to their youngest child.

**I flinched away from his hostile expression. He seemed to be waiting for an answer, so I shook my head.**

**"You're such a hypocrite, Bella – there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?" His hands shook with anger.**

**"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"**

**"Ugh!" he groaned, pressing his trembling fists to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut.**

**"Would you listen to yourself?"**

**"What?"**

**He took two steps toward me, leaning over me and glaring with fury. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"**

Everyone but Carlisle and Esme snorted and muttered, "Clearly not!"

**I jumped to my feet and glared back. "No, you're not!" I shouted. "It's not what you are, stupid, it's what you do!"**

I grinned and Emmett kissed me quickly. I knew Bella would side with us, I thought smugly.

**"What's that supposed to mean?" He roared, his entire frame quivering with rage.**

**I was taken entirely by surprise when Edward's voice cautioned me. "**_**Be very careful, Bella,**_**" his velvet voice warned. **_**"Don't push him too far. You need to calm him down."**_

**Even the voice in my head was making no sense today.**

**I listened to him, though. I would do anything for that voice.**

Jasper smiled wryly. "That's part of the problem," he noted.

**"Jacob," I pleaded, making my tone soft and even. "Is it really necessary to kill people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try, too?"**

**He straightened up with a jerk, like my words had sent an electric shock through him. His eyebrows shot up and his eyes stared wide.**

**"Killing people?" he demanded.**

**"What did you think we were talking about?"**

**He wasn't trembling anymore. He looked at me with half-hopeful disbelief. "I thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves."**

**"No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a…wolf. That's fine," I promised him, and I knew as I said the words that I meant them. I really didn't care if he turned into a big wolf – he was still Jacob.**

Emmett chuckled next to me. "Of course, Bella wouldn't care if we all really _did _turn into bats or anything freaky like that," he grinned and I shuddered at the thought of turning into a disgusting little, creepy bat.

**"If you could just find a way not to hurt people…that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you –"**

**"Is that all? Really?" he interrupted me, a smile breaking across his face. "You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?"**

**"Isn't that reason enough?"**

**He started to laugh.**

Alice rolled her eyes and huffed in irritation. "He could tell her that she's wrong before he starts laughing about something like that," she complained.

**"Jacob Black, this is so not funny!"**

"See, Bella agrees with me!"

**"Sure, sure," he agreed, still chortling.**

**He took one long stride and caught me in another vice-tight bear hug.**

**"You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" he asked, his voice joyful in my ear.**

**"No," I gasped. "Can't – breathe – Jake!"**

**He let me go, but took both my hands. "I'm not a killer, Bella."**

**I studied his face, and it was clear that this was the truth. Relief pulsed through me.**

**"Really?" I asked.**

**"Really," he promised solemnly.**

**I threw my arms around him. It reminded me of that first day with the motorcycles – he was bigger, though, and I felt even more like a child now.**

I grimaced. That would be so irritating. Emmett was big but I wasn't as short as Bella, so we were more balanced together.

**Like that other time, he stroked my hair.**

Jasper and Emmett hissed at that, while Edward clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

**"Sorry I called you a hypocrite," he apologized.**

**"Sorry I called you a murderer."**

**He laughed.**

**I thought of something then, and pulled away from him so that I could see his face. My eyebrows furrowed in anxiety. "What about Sam? And the others?"**

**He shook his head, smiling like a huge burden had been removed from his shoulders.**

**"Of course not. Don't you remember what we call ourselves?"**

**The memory was clear – I'd just been thinking of that very day. "Protectors?"**

**"Exactly."**

**"But I don't understand. What's happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?"**

**His face was serious, worried at once. "We're trying to do our job, Bella. We're trying to protect them, but we're always just a little too late."**

**"Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?"**

I snorted. Some "Protectors" they would be if they couldn't take care of one measly bear…

**"Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing – our one enemy. It's the reason we exist – because they do."**

**I stared at him blankly for one second before I understood. Then the blood drained from my face and a thin, wordless cry of horror broke through my lips.**

**He nodded. "I thought you, of all people, would realize what was really going on."**

**"Laurent," I whispered. "He's still here."**.

**Jacob blinked twice, and cocked his head to one side. "Who's **

**Laurent?"**

I scowled at the mention of the French traitor. Nothing to be done about it now, but…

**I tried to sort out the chaos in my head so that I could answer. "You know – you saw him in the meadow. You were there…" The words came out in a wondering tone as it all sunk in.** **"You were there, and you kept him from killing me…"**

**"Oh, the black-haired leech?" He grinned, a tight, fierce grin. "Was that his name?"**

**I shuddered. "What were you thinking?" I whispered. "He could have killed you! Jake, you don't realize how dangerous –"**

**Another laugh interrupted me "Bella, one lone vampire isn't much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!"**

**"What was so easy?"**

**"Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count that towards the whole murder thing," he added quickly. "Vampires don't count as people."**

I rolled my eyes. "Stupid dog," I muttered. How stupid was this mutt? Really?

**I could only mouth the words. "You… killed… Laurent?"**

**He nodded. "Well, it was a group effort," he qualified.**

**"Laurent is dead?" I whispered.**

**His expression changed. "You're not upset about that, are you?**"

**He was going to kill you – he was going for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?"**

**"I know that. No, I'm not upset – I'm…" I had to sit down. I stumbled back a step until I felt the driftwood against my calves, and then sank down onto it. "Laurent is dead. He's not coming back for me."**

**"You're not mad? He wasn't one of your friends or anything, was he?"**

Alice hissed quietly. "How stupid does he think she is? Yes, she loves some vampires but she's not stupid enough to not realize when she's about to be killed by one!"

**"My friend?" I stared up at him, confused and dizzy with relief. I started babbling, my eyes getting moist. "No, Jake. I'm so…so relieved. I thought he was going to find me – I've been waiting for him every night, just hoping that he'd stop with me and leave Charlie alone. I've been so frightened, Jacob…But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble…"**

**He sat down next to me and put one big arm around me comfortingly. "It's what we're made for, Bells. We're strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so afraid. You didn't need to be."**

**"You weren't around," I mumbled, lost in thought.**

**"Oh, right."**

**"Wait, Jake – I thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasn't safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn't that what you were talking about?"**

**He looked confused for a minute, and then he ducked his head. "No, that's not what I meant."**

**"Then why didn't you think it was safe for you there?"**

**He looked at me with guilt-ridden eyes. "I didn't say it wasn't safe for me. I was thinking of you."**

Jasper frowned. "Well, he got that part right at least."

**"What do you mean?"**

**He looked down and kicked a rock. "There's more than one reason I'm not supposed to be around you, Bella. I wasn't supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it's not safe for you. If I get too mad…too upset…you might get hurt."**

**I thought about that carefully. "When you were mad before…when I was yelling at you… and you were shaking…?"**

**"Yeah." His face dropped even lower. "That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasn't going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But…I just got so upset that I was going to lose you...that you couldn't deal with what I am…"**

**"What would happen…if you got too mad?" I whispered.**

**"I'd turn into a wolf," he whispered back.**

**"You don't need a full moon."**

We all rolled our eyes. The myths were so ridiculous about us, although the ones about the true werewolves, the Children of the Moon, are fairly accurate oddly enough.

**He rolled his eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right."**

**Then he sighed, and was serious again. "You don't need to be so stressed out, Bells. We're going to take care of this.** **And we're keeping a special eye on Charlie and the others – we won't let anything happen to him. Trust me on that."**

**Something very, very obvious, something I should have grasped at once – but I'd been so distracted by the idea of Jacob and his friends fighting with Laurent, that I'd completely missed it at the time – occurred to me only then, when Jacob used the present tense again.**

**We're going to take care of this.**

**It wasn't over.**

**"Laurent is dead," I gasped, and my entire body went ice cold.**

**"Bella?" Jacob asked anxiously, touching my ashen cheek.**

**"If Laurent died…a week ago…then someone else is killing people now."**

**Jacob nodded; his teeth clenched together, and he spoke through them. "There were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight us – in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate –** **but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she's testing our defenses, looking for a way in – but in where? Where does she want to go? Sam thinks she's trying to separate us, so she'll have a better chance…"**

"Victoria!" The hiss came from several voices around the room. How stupid we were for letting her go the first time, in the clearing last year. And now she threatened Bella once more.

Carlisle, as usual, was the voice of reason in the midst of the tension. "We will take care of this beginning as soon as we return tomorrow," he said calmly and we relaxed for the most part. That bitch was going to die for going after my sister.

**His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; I couldn't make out the individual words anymore. My forehead dewed with sweat and my stomach rolled like I had the stomach flu again. Exactly like I had the flu.**

**I turned away from him quickly, and leaned over the tree trunk. My body convulsed with useless heaves, my empty stomach contracting with horrified nausea, though there was nothing in it to expel.**

**Victoria was here. Looking for me. Killing strangers in the woods. The woods where Charlie was searching…**

**My head spun sickeningly.**

**Jacob's hands caught my shoulders – kept me from sliding forward onto the rocks. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. "Bella! What's wrong?"**

**"Victoria," I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath around the nauseous spasms.**

**In my head, Edward snarled in fury at the name.**

Edward, here, looked like he would like to react the same way and I could see that he was struggling to maintain his calm. _Edward, we're going to take care of her and that bitch won't touch her,_ I reassured him. No, I hadn't forgiven him, but if he was ever going to genuinely change his ways then he was going to need our help sometimes.

He nodded gratefully, taking a deep breath and relaxing minutely more than before.

**I felt Jacob pull me up from my slump. He draped me awkwardly across his lap, laying my limp head against his shoulder. He struggled to balance me, to keep me from sagging over, one way or the other. He brushed the sweaty hair back from my face.**

**"Who?" Jacob asked. "Can you hear me, Bella? Bella?"**

**"She wasn't Laurent's mate," I moaned into his shoulder. "They were just old friends…"**

**"Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," he demanded, frantic.**

**"I'm not sick – I'm scared," I explained in a whisper. The word scared didn't really seem to cover it.**

**Jacob patted my back. "Scared of this Victoria?" I nodded, shuddering. "Victoria is the red-haired female?"**

**I trembled again, and whimpered, "Yes."**

**"How do you know she wasn't his mate?"**

**"Laurent told me James was her mate," I explained, automatically flexing the hand with the scar.**

I frowned, debating whether to mention it to the overprotective idiot but decided that it may benefit Bella in the end. _Remember, Edward? You've tasted her blood before – and you stopped. No matter how hard it was, no matter how much you wanted to keep going, you stopped. You did that, no one made you,_ I told him and looked over to see that he had a thoughtful look on his face. Good. Maybe he would get it through his thick head, now.

**He pulled my face around, holding it steady in his big hand. He stared intently into my eyes.**

**"Did he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?"**

**"Of course," I whispered. "She wants me." His eyes flipped wide, then narrowed into slits.**

**"Why?" he demanded.**

**"Edward killed James," I whispered. Jacob held me so tightly that there was no need for me to clutch at the hole – he kept me in one piece.**

**"She did get…pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know – still doesn't know, I guess – that…that…" I swallowed hard. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."**

**Jacob was distracted by that, his face torn between several different expressions. "Is that what happened? Why the Cullens left?"**

**"I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special," I explained, shrugging weakly.**

**Something like a growl – not a real growl, just a human approximation – rumbled in Jacob's chest under my ear. "If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough –"**

**"Please," I moaned. "Please. Don't."**

I think all of us winced at the mention of her pain, once more. We were all so very, very wrong for ever leaving her. She was a part of our family and we disrespected her in the absolute worst way by leaving without giving her a say in anything or even saying goodbye.

**Jacob hesitated, then nodded once.**

**"This is important," he said again, his face all business now. "This is exactly what we needed to know. We've got to tell the others right away."**

**He stood, pulling me to my feet. He kept two hands on my waist until he was sure I wasn't going to fall.**

**"I'm okay," I lied.**

**He traded his hold on my waist for one of my hands. "Let's go."**

**He pulled me back toward the truck.**

**"Where are we going?" I asked.**

**"I'm not sure yet," he admitted. "I'll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?"**

**He leaned me against the side of the truck and released my hand.**

**"Where are you going?"**

**"I'll be right back," he promised. Then he turned and sprinted through the parking lot, across the road, and into the bordering forest. He flitted into the trees, swift and sleek as a deer.**

**"Jacob!" I yelled after him hoarsely, but he was already gone.**

**It was not a good time to be left alone. Seconds after Jacob was out of sight, I was hyperventilating.**

Esme sighed in frustration. "Doesn't that boy realize that she's terrified of being left alone, even when she doesn't have to worry about Victoria?"

**I dragged myself into the cab of the truck, and mashed the locks down at once. It didn't make me feel any better.**

**Victoria was already hunting me. It was just luck that she hadn't found me yet – just luck and five teenage werewolves. I exhaled sharply. No matter what Jacob said, the thought of him coming anywhere close to Victoria was horrifying. I didn't care what he could turn into when he got mad. I could see her in my head, her face wild, her hair like flames, deadly, indestructible…**

**But, according to Jacob, Laurent was gone. Was that really possible? Edward – I clutched automatically at my chest –** **had told me how difficult it was to kill a vampire. Only another vampire could do the job. Yet Jake said this was what werewolves were made for…**

**He said they were keeping a special eye on Charlie – that I should trust the werewolves to keep my father safe. How could I trust that? None of us were safe! Jacob the very least of all, if he was trying to put himself between Victoria and Charlie…between Victoria and me.** **I felt like I might be about to throw up again.** **A sharp rap on the truck's window made me yelp in terror – but it was just Jacob, back already. I unlocked the door with trembling, grateful fingers.**

**"You're really scared, aren't you?" he asked as he climbed in.**

**I nodded.**

"Idiot," my sister and I muttered in unison.

**"Don't be. We'll take care of you – and Charlie, too. I promise."**

**"The idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me," I whispered.**

**He laughed. "You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It's insulting."**

**I just shook my head. I'd seen too many vampires in action.**

**"Where did you go just now?" I asked.**

**He pursed his lips, and said nothing.**

**"What? Is it a secret?"**

**He frowned. "Not really. It's kind of weird, though. I don't want to freak you out."**

**"I'm sort of used to weird by this point, you know." I tried to smile without much success.**

Emmett chuckled stiffly. "Well, she should be, by now."

**Jacob grinned back easily. "Guess you'd have to be. Okay. See, when we're wolves, we can… hear each other."**

**My eyebrows pulled down in confusion.**

**"Not hear sounds," he went on, "but we can hear…thoughts – each other's anyway – no matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing – having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?"**

**"Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you'd seen me, even though you didn't want to?"**

**"You're quick."**

**"Thanks."**

**"You're also very good with weird.** **I thought that would bother you."**

**"It's not…well, you're not the first person I've known who could do that. So it doesn't seem so weird to me."**

**"Really?… Wait – are you talking about your bloodsuckers?"**

"Right back at you, mutt," Emmett growled in annoyance.

**"I wish you wouldn't call them that."**

**He laughed. "Whatever. The Cullens, then?"**

**"Just… just Edward." I pulled one arm surreptitiously around my torso.**

**Jacob looked surprised – unpleasantly so. "I thought those were just stories. I've heard legends about vampires who could do…extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth."**

**"Is anything just a myth anymore?" I asked him wryly.**

**He scowled. "Guess not. Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes."**

**I started the truck and headed back up the road.**

**"So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?" I asked, curious.**

**Jacob nodded, seeming embarrassed. "I kept it real short – I tried not to think about you so they wouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you."**

**"That wouldn't have stopped me." I couldn't get rid of my perception of Sam as the bad guy.**

**My teeth clenched together whenever I heard his name.**

Carlisle cocked his head slightly. "I have to admit, Sam may not be a bad person, but I don't like the idea of anyone ever having that much absolute power over a group of people," he frowned.

**"Well, it would have stopped me," Jacob said, morose now. "Remember how I couldn't finish my sentences last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole story?"**

**"Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something."**

**He chuckled darkly. "Close enough. Sam told me I couldn't tell you. He's…the head of the pack, you know. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something –when he really means it, well, we can't just ignore him."**

**"Weird," I muttered.**

**"Very," he agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing."**

**"Huh" was the best response I could think of.**

**"Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that – wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like for Sam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support."**

**"Sam was alone?"**

**"Yeah." Jacob's voice lowered. "When I…changed, it was the most…horrible, the most terrifying thing I've ever been through – worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn't alone – there were the voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam…" He shook his head. "Sam had no help."**

**This was going to take some adjusting. When Jacob explained it like that, it was hard not to feel compassion for Sam.**

I grimaced. I didn't want to feel compassion for the wolf.

**I had to keep reminding myself that there was no reason to hate him anymore.**

**"Will they be angry that I'm with you?" I asked.**

**He made a face. "Probably."**

**"Maybe I shouldn't –"**

**"No, it's okay," he assured me. "You know a ton of things that can help us. It's not like you're just some ignorant human. You're like a…I don't know, spy or something. You've been behind enemy lines."**

**I frowned to myself. Was that what Jacob would want from me? Insider information to help them destroy their enemies? I wasn't a spy, though. I hadn't been collecting that kind of information. Already, his words made me feel like a traitor.**

I smiled wryly, a wave of love crashing over me. "She would protect our secrets sooner than she would protect herself," I murmured, shaking my head. Before, I would have been furious at her for telling them things about us, but this book changed things and I would rather have her tell them everything she knows than that damnable sadistic vampire get her.

**But I wanted him to stop Victoria, didn't I?**

**No.** **I did want Victoria to be stopped, preferably before she tortured me to death or ran into Charlie or killed another stranger. I just didn't want Jacob to be the one to stop her, or rather to try. I didn't want Jacob within a hundred miles of her.**

**"Like the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker," he continued, oblivious to my reverie.**

**"That's the kind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks that those stories are true. It makes everything more complicated. Hey, do you think this Victoria can do anything special?"**

**"I don't think so," I hesitated, and then sighed. "He would have mentioned it."**

**"He? Oh, you mean Edward – oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it."**

**I squeezed my midsection, trying to ignore the throbbing around the edges of my chest. "Not really, no."**

**"Sorry."**

**"How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it's like you can read my mind."**

Alice sighed. "As stupid as he is at times, he does know her well," she admitted grudgingly.

**"Naw. I just pay attention."**

**We were on the little dirt road where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle.**

**"This good?" I asked.**

**"Sure, sure."**

**I pulled over and cut the engine.**

**"You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" he murmured.**

**I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest.**

**"Did you ever think…that maybe…you're better off?"**

**I inhaled slowly, and then let my breath out. "No."**

**"'Cause he wasn't the best –"**

**"Please, Jacob," I interrupted, begging in a whisper. "Could we please not talk about this? I can't stand it."**

**"Okay." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I said anything."**

**"Don't feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it."**

**He nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not be able to talk to anyone."**

**"Hell," I agreed.**

I frowned before laughing once, humorlessly. Not only did we leave her without us, her family, but we left her isolated and without anyone to talk to even if the pain didn't tear her apart if she even thought our names.

**Jacob sucked in a sharp breath. "They're here. Let's go."**

**"Are you sure?" I asked while he popped his door open. "Maybe I shouldn't be here."**

**"They'll deal with it," he said, and then he grinned. "Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?"**

**"Ha ha," I said. But I got out of the truck, hurrying around the front end to stand close beside Jacob. I remembered only too clearly the giant monsters in the meadow. My hands were trembling like Jacob's had been before, but with fear rather than rage.**

**Jake took my hand and squeezed it. "Here we go."**

"That was the end," I told everyone, going to give Esme the book before going back and sharing and quick, passionate kiss with Emmett.

"Well, here goes," Esme said, turning the page to the next chapter.

**A/N: Hey, everyone. I just want to say thanks to all the people who reviewed telling me to feel better. :) I am feeling much better, so the next update won't take as long as this one did. Now, let me know what you think of the chapter!**


	15. Family

Esme

**Family**

I held in a sigh. We were her family and we should never have left her, but we would be back soon. I was just thankful that she was okay, even if her behavior worried me immensely.

**I cowered into Jacob's side, my eyes scanning the forest for the other werewolves. When they appeared, striding out from between the trees, they weren't what I was expecting.**

**I'd gotten the image of the wolves stuck in my head. These were just four really big half-naked boys.**

**Again, they reminded me of brothers, quadruplets.**

**Something about the way they moved almost in synchronization to stand across the road from us, the way they all had the same long, round muscles under the same red-brown skin, the same cropped black hair, and the way their expressions altered at exactly the same moment.**

**They started out curious and cautious. When they saw me there, half-hidden beside Jacob, they all became furious in the same second.**

I frowned. I didn't like their hostile reactions. Those poor boys should have been prepared for this possibility so that perhaps they would have a better handle on their tempers, I shook my head.

Jasper looked curious. "I've never experienced anything like that. The way that she describes it, it's as though they're truly on the same wavelength, somehow," he mused, pulling Alice slightly closer to him.

Edward paused for a second but nodded. "When we last met with the pack, I was able to read their minds in their wolf forms. Their minds are interconnected in that form, though not when they aren't phased," he said and Jasper glanced at him, nodding in acknowledgment.

I smiled. It was nice to hear Edward speak again. Yes, he made terrible mistakes but it was important to learn from and move on from those mistakes, not just spend eternity wallowing in and wishing to change them.

**Sam was still the biggest, though Jacob was getting close to catching up with him. Sam didn't really count as a boy. His face was older – not in the sense of lines or signs of aging, but in the maturity, the patience of his expression.**

**"What have you done, Jacob?" he demanded.**

**One of the others, one I didn't recognize – Jared or Paul – thrust past Sam and spoke before Jacob could defend himself.**

**"Why can't you just follow the rules, Jacob?" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "What the hell are you thinking? Is she more important than everything – than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?"**

**"She can help," Jacob said quietly.**

**"Help!" the angry boy shouted. His arms begin to quiver. "Oh, that's likely! I'm sure the leech-lover is just dying to help us out!"**

We all hissed at that. "The mutt's going to phase!" Rose growled and Alice took over her sentence. "And if he hurts her he'll be running on two legs!" she snarled.

I gritted my teeth, a low growl escaping me. Normally, I don't condone such violence, but this was my youngest child, my little girl. And there was nothing that I wouldn't do for her.

Jasper took a deep breath and a wave of calm washed over me. I clung to it, using it to help steady me as I threw my son a grateful glance as the rest of the family calmed down.

I realized then that I was gripping Carlisle's hand tightly in my own, and his grip was no less firm. I looked into his eyes and kissed his cheek. "Let's keep reading," I said and he nodded.

**"Don't talk about her like that!" Jacob shouted back, stung by the boy's criticism.**

**A shudder rippled through the other boy, along his shoulders and down his spine.**

**"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded.**

**Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he were trying to concentrate.**

**"Jeez, Paul," one of the other boys – probably Jared – muttered. "Get a grip."**

**Paul twisted his head toward Jared, his lips curling back in irritation. Then he shifted his glare in my direction. Jacob took a step to put himself in front of me.**

My blonde-haired son frowned. "Not a good idea," he muttered.

**That did it.**

**"Right, protect **_**her**_**!" Paul roared in outrage. Another shudder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.**

**"Paul!" Sam and Jacob shouted together.**

**Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded.**

**Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size – a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.**

**The wolf's muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his colossal chest. His dark, enraged eyes focused on me.**

I wanted to close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself but I didn't dare stop reading as the growls of my three sons rang through the room. Jasper was tensed as though about to go into battle, Emmett looked like he was about to go charging off to Forks and tear apart the wolf that threatened his little sister, and Edward was a mixture of both as he heard of the threat to his mate. There was no room in him for self-loathing or remorse at the moment. Bella was in danger and that was all that mattered. So, I did the smart thing – I kept reading.

**In the same second, Jacob was running across the road straight for the monster.**

**"Jacob!" I screamed.**

**Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down Jacob's spine. He leaped forward, diving headfirst into the empty air.**

**With another sharp tearing sound, Jacob exploded, too. He burst out of his skin – shreds of black and white cloth blasted up into the air. It happened so quickly that if I'd blinked, I'd have missed the entire transformation. One second it was Jacob diving into the air, and then it was the gigantic, russet brown wolf – so enormous that I couldn't make sense of its mass somehow fitting inside Jacob – charging the crouched silver beast.**

Alice smiled tightly. "It's about time he really came in handy for something," she muttered, leaning into Jasper's side tensely.

**Jacob met the other werewolf's attack head-on. Their angry snarls echoed like thunder off the trees.**

**The black and white scraps – the remains of Jacob's clothes – fluttered to the ground where he'd disappeared.**

**"Jacob!" I screamed again, staggering forward.**

**"Stay where you are, Bella," Sam ordered. It was hard to hear him over the roar of the fighting wolves. They were snapping and tearing at each other, their sharp teeth flashing toward each other's throats. The Jacob-wolf seemed to have the upper hand – he was visibly bigger than the other wolf, and it looked like he was stronger, too.**

**He rammed his shoulder against the gray wolf again and again, knocking him back toward the trees.**

**"Take her to Emily's," Sam shouted toward the other boys, who were watching the conflict with rapt expressions. Jacob had successfully shoved the gray wolf off the road, and they were disappearing into the forest, though the sound of their snarls was still loud. Sam ran after them, kicking off his shoes on the way. As he darted into the trees, he was quivering from head to toe.**

**The growling and snapping was fading into the distance. Suddenly, the sound cut off and it was very quiet on the road.**

Everyone in the room breathed a collective sigh of relief. "She's safe," I breathed, a smile breaking across my face as I turned to Carlisle in exultation. "She's safe," I repeated, smiling widely as my mate took me into his arms and held me tightly.

"She's safe," he agreed, squeezing me once before letting me go. I glanced around to see that the other two couples were experiencing similar moments of relief.

Edward, of course, looked even more relieved than the rest of us. _She's safe, Edward. _He nodded. _You need to remember this. _He looked at me questioningly when I thought that. I smiled and shook my head. _Yes, Paul phased and could have seriously hurt or even killed her. However, Jacob kept her safe, _I thought firmly and he frowned slightly before nodding, although he didn't seem to know where I was going with this.

_When we return, you need to remember that he kept her safe. I get the feeling that she won't part from him easily, even for you. You will not be able to separate them. _He frowned at that and his jaw tightened. I knew what he was thinking. _They're not safe? _I questioned; nodded. _Neither are we, _I pointed out and he opened his mouth but didn't say anything. _We aren't safe, truly, either. However, we exercise restraint and we work to control ourselves so that we are able to protect her – just as Jacob Black does. _Edward looked like he wanted to argue but he said nothing. I shook my head. _Think about it, son._

I looked back at Carlisle, who was looking at me curiously. I shook my head, smiling. "Shall we continue?" I asked, receiving a chorus of "yes" as my response.

**One of the boys started laughing.**

**I turned to stare at him – my wide eyes felt frozen, like I couldn't even blink them.**

**The boy seemed to be laughing at my expression. "Well, there's something you don't see every day," he snickered. His face was vaguely familiar – thinner than the others…Embry Call.**

**"I do," the other boy, Jared, grumbled. "Every single day."**

**"Aw, Paul doesn't lose his temper **_**every **_**day," Embry disagreed, still grinning. "Maybe two out of three."**

Edward frowned at that but took a deep breath and remained calm.

**Jared stopped to pick something white up off the ground. He held it up toward Embry; it dangled in limp strips from his hand.**

**"Totally shredded," Jared said. "Billy said this was the last pair he could afford – guess Jacob's going barefoot now."**

**"This one survived," Embry said, holding up a white sneaker. "Jake can hop," he added with a laugh.**

Emmett grinned widely when I read that last sentence and I had no doubt that he was visualizing it in his head. It must have been fairly humorous since his mental image drew a small smile even from Edward.

**Jared started collecting various pieces of fabric from the dirt. "Get Sam's shoes, will you? All the rest of this is headed for the trash."**

**Embry grabbed the shoes and then jogged into the trees where Sam had disappeared. He was back in a few seconds with a pair of cut-off jeans draped over his arm. Jared gathered the torn remnants of Jacob's and Paul's clothes and wadded them into a ball. Suddenly, he seemed to remember me.**

**He looked at me carefully, assessing.**

**"Hey, you're not going to faint or puke or anything?" he demanded.**

I sighed and grimaced. "Do they not teach proper manners, anymore?" I asked forlornly. I mean, really? How hard is it to simply exercise a bit of restraint and act respectfully?

Rose smiled wryly. "I'm afraid not, Esme. This generation seems to be fairly ignorant of any kind of manners at all, for the most part."

**"I don't think so," I gasped.**

**"You don't look so good. Maybe you should sit down."**

**"Okay," I mumbled. For the second time in one morning, I put my head between my knees.**

**"Jake should have warned us," Embry complained.**

**"He shouldn't have brought his girlfriend into this. What did he expect?"**

**"Well, the wolf's out of the bag now." Embry sighed. "Way to go, Jake."**

**I raised my head to glare at the two boys who seemed to be taking this all so lightly. "Aren't you worried about them at all?" I demanded.**

Alice smiled widely at that and laughed lightly. "Of course, Bella's worried about her friend. Never mind the fact that she just saw him turn into a giant wolf. Just as long as he's okay," she commented.

Jasper smiled. "She always worries," he mentioned and Rose tilted her head to the side a little.

"What do you mean?" she asked her "twin" curiously. I wondered that, as well. What did he mean when he said that she "always" worried?

Jasper's lips twitched up into a smile. "I mean, even when she's relaxed and everything is perfectly okay, she worries about us."

"She worries about _us_? But… why?" Emmett asked baffled by this news. Carlisle, too, looked interested in our son's answer.

Jasper shook his head and hesitated for just a moment. "She does worry about us, always. Her emotions tend to center on each of us, one at a time. And, though the intensity of her emotions never wavers on each of us, the tenor of them alters and changes to match each of us," he explained before telling us to brace ourselves when he saw our confused looks.

"Edward." First, there was love, the kind I felt for Carlisle. Then, there was the concern that Jasper mentioned, mixed with a tenderness and willingness to do whatever it took to ensure his happiness.

"Alice." I was once again filled with love, but this time it was the love of a sister. Again, there was worry, the kind that you felt when keeping watching over something very precious to you, even when you knew that everything was perfectly fine.

"Esme." I gasped quietly as I felt Bella's love for me, that pure and selfless love that a child feels for their mother. Still, I felt the concern, that wholesome desire to ensure the happiness of one's parent.

"Emmett." The love that my daughter felt for Emmett was similar, but different, from her love for Alice. It was intertwined with the gentle concern of an older sibling for one younger than her, although Bella was the younger sibling.

"Carlisle." Bella's love for Carlisle was very much the same as her love for me, yet still different somehow. For him she worried for his guilt as she knew that he was never quite sure whether he made the right decision in changing the others.

"Rosalie." Rosalie appeared shocked when we felt Bella's love for her, which was like her love for Alice, that of a sister. Bella's concern for Rose was fierce and mixed with a disappointment not in Rosalie herself but in the rest of us for… our _lack _of concern for Rose…

"And myself." I smiled as the pure love my youngest daughter held for my son washed through me. It was tempered by a watchful worry that was perhaps the most attentive of all, most likely tied to his thirst as it seemed as though she monitored the rest of us as she worried for Jasper.

No one said anything once we were through. I don't know that there was anything that we could say. It was a very uplifting thing to feel Bella's emotions as they tied her to us. After a brief moment of silence, I carried on reading softly.

**Embry blinked once in surprise "Worried? Why?"**

**"They could hurt each other!"**

**Embry and Jared guffawed.**

**"I hope Paul gets a mouthful of him," Jared said. "Teach him a lesson."**

**I blanched.**

**"Yeah, right!" Embry disagreed. "Did you see Jake? Even Sam couldn't have phased on the fly like that. He saw Paul losing it, and it took him, what, half a second to attack? The boy's got a gift."**

**"Paul's been fighting longer. I'll bet you ten bucks he leaves a mark."**

**"You're on. Jake's a natural. Paul doesn't have a prayer."**

**They shook hands, grinning.**

Emmett swallowed and grinned a little. "I think I might like them if they weren't dogs," he mused and Rosalie raised one eyebrow at him in amusement before shaking her head.

"Tell you what, Emmett. How about I get you a puppy for Christmas?" she teased and he smiled, pulling her onto his lap and holding her in his arms.

**I tried to comfort myself with their lack of concern, but I couldn't drive the brutal image of the fighting werewolves from my head. My stomach churned, sore and empty, my head ached with worry.**

**"Let's go see Emily. You know she'll have food waiting." Embry looked down at me. "Mind giving us a ride?"**

**"No problem," I choked.**

**Jared raised one eyebrow. "Maybe you'd better drive, Embry. She still looks like she might hurl."**

**"Good idea. Where are the keys?" Embry asked me.**

**"Ignition."**

**Embry opened the passenger-side door. "In you go," he said cheerfully, hauling me up from the ground with one hand and stuffing me into my seat. He appraised the available space.**

**"You'll have to ride in the back," he told Jared.**

**"That's fine. I got a weak stomach. I don't want to be in there when she blows."**

**"I bet she's tougher than that. She runs with vampires."**

Emmett laughed loudly. "Bella? Running with vampires?" he chuckled, no doubt thinking something along the lines of "How? She has enough trouble running with humans." Edward caught my eye and gave a small smile and nodded.

**"Five bucks?" Jared asked.**

**"Done. I feel guilty, taking your money like this."**

**Embry got in and started the engine while Jared leapt agilely into the bed. As soon as his door was closed, Embry muttered to me, "Don't throw up, okay? I've only got a ten, and if Paul got his teeth into Jacob…"**

**"Okay," I whispered.**

**Embry drove us back toward the village.**

**"Hey, how did Jake get around the injunction anyway?"**

**"The…what?"**

**"Er, the order. You know, to not spill the beans. How did he tell you about this?"**

**"Oh, that," I said, remembering Jacob trying to choke out the truth to me last night. "He didn't. I guessed right."**

**Embry pursed his lips, looking surprised. "Hmm. S'pose that would work."**

**"Where are we going?" I asked.**

**"Emily's house. She's Sam's girlfriend…no, fiancée, now, I guess. They'll meet us back there after Sam gives it to them for what just happened. And after Paul and Jake scrounge up some new clothes, if Paul even has any left."**

**"Does Emily know about…?"**

"It would be a rather difficult thing to hide," Carlisle pointed out reasonably. I had to agree.

**"Yeah. And hey, don't stare at her. That bugs Sam."**

**I frowned at him. "Why would I stare?"**

**Embry looked uncomfortable. "Like you saw just now, hanging out around werewolves has its risks."**

**He changed the subject quickly. "Hey, are you okay about the whole thing with the black-haired bloodsucker in the meadow? It didn't look like he was a friend of yours, but..."**

**Embry shrugged.**

**"No, he wasn't my friend."**

Rose hissed quietly. "Just because she hangs out with vampires doesn't make her stupid. I think she knows when she's about to get eaten," she muttered.

Emmett grinned wickedly and opened his mouth but Alice cut him off. "Don't Emmett!" she reprimanded him and Rose rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Emmett," she shook her head after hitting her husband on the back of the head. He just grinned sheepishly, a playful glint in his eyes. I sighed but couldn't help but smile.

**"That's good. We didn't want to start anything, break the treaty, you know."**

**"Oh, yeah, Jake told me about the treaty once, a long time ago. Why would killing Laurent break the treaty?"**

**"Laurent," he repeated, snorting, like he was amused the vampire had had a name.**

**"Well, we were technically on Cullen turf. We're not allowed to attack any of them, the Cullens, at least, off our land – unless they break the treaty first. We didn't know if the black-haired one was a relative of theirs or something. Looked like you knew him."**

**"How would they go about breaking the treaty?"**

**"If they bite a human. Jake wasn't so keen on the idea of letting it go that far."**

**"Oh. Um, thanks. I'm glad you didn't wait."**

**"Our pleasure." He sounded like he meant that in a literal sense.**

**Embry drove past the easternmost house on the highway before turning off onto a narrow dirt road. "Your truck is slow," he noted.**

Edward smiled wryly at that. "I noticed," he murmured in amusement and his siblings looked at him warily for a second before letting it pass. Edward hadn't even attempted to make any kind of joke since we left and I knew that they were glad but they weren't going to forgive him so easily. He may be their brother but he was in the wrong and Bella was their little sister – he had a lot of making up to do.

**"Sorry."**

**At the end of the lane was a tiny house that had once been gray. There was only one narrow window beside the weathered blue door, but the window box under it was filled with bright orange and yellow marigolds, giving the whole place a cheerful look.**

**Embry opened the truck door and inhaled. "Mmm, Emily's cooking."**

**Jared jumped out of the back of the truck and headed for the door, but Embry stopped him with one hand on his chest. He looked at me meaningfully, and cleared his throat.**

**"I don't have my wallet on me," Jared said.**

**"That's okay. I won't forget."**

**They climbed up the one step and entered the house without knocking. I followed timidly after them.**

**The front room, like Billy's house, was mostly kitchen. A young woman with satiny copper skin and long, straight, crow-black hair was standing at the counter by the sink, popping big muffins out of a tin and placing them on a paper plate. For one second, I thought the reason Embry had told me not to stare was because the girl was so beautiful.**

**And then she asked "You guys hungry?" in a melodic voice, and she turned to face us full on, a smile on half of her face.**

**The right side of her face was scarred from hairline to chin by three thick, red lines, livid in color though they were long healed. One line pulled down the corner of her dark, almond-shaped right eye, another twisted the right side of her mouth into a permanent grimace.**

I gasped and next to me Carlisle grimaced. "That must have been what they meant about the dangers of hanging out with werewolves," he murmured, a light shudder running through him. The others seemed to be frozen until I picked up the book that I hadn't even realized had slipped through my hands and began to read again.

**Thankful for Embry's warning, I quickly turned my eyes to the muffins in her hands. They smelled wonderful – like fresh blueberries.**

**"Oh," Emily said, surprised. "Who's this?"**

**I looked up, trying to focus on the left half of her face.**

**"Bella Swan," Jared told her, shrugging. Apparently, I'd been a topic of conversation before.**

**"Who else?"**

**"Leave it to Jacob to find a way around," Emily murmured. She stared at me, and neither half of her once-beautiful face was friendly. "So, you're the vampire girl."**

"You know it!" Jasper and Emmett crowed together, jumping up to bump fists. I smiled indulgently at them. I had a feeling that Bella would be getting to keep that nickname when we returned, if her brothers had anything to say about it.

**I stiffened. "Yes. Are you the wolf girl?"**

**She laughed, as did Embry and Jared. The left half of her face warmed. "I guess I am." She turned to Jared. "Where's Sam?"**

**"Bella, er, surprised Paul this morning."**

**Emily rolled her good eye. "Ah, Paul," she sighed. "Do you think they'll be long? I was just about to start the eggs."**

**"Don't worry," Embry told her. "If they're late, we won't let anything go to waste."**

**Emily chuckled, and then opened the refrigerator. "No doubt," she agreed. "Bella, are you hungry? Go ahead and help yourself to a muffin."**

**"Thanks." I took one from the plate and started nibbling around the edges. It was delicious, and it felt good in my tender stomach. Embry picked up his third and shoved it into his mouth whole.**

**"Save some for your brothers," Emily chastised him, hitting him on the head with a wooden spoon. The word surprised me, but the others thought nothing of it.**

I smiled. That sounded nice; I liked that they had each other to lean on, at least, even though they had to deal with so much when they were so very young.

**"Pig," Jared commented.**

**I leaned against the counter and watched the three of them banter like a family. Emily's kitchen was a friendly place, bright with white cupboards and pale wooden floorboards. On the little round table, a cracked blue-and-white china pitcher was overflowing with wildflowers. Embry and Jared seemed entirely at ease here.**

**Emily was mixing a humongous batch of eggs, several dozen, in a big yellow bowl. She had the sleeves of her lavender shirt pushed up, and I could see that the scars extended all the way down her arm to the back of her right hand. Hanging out with werewolves truly did have its risks, just as Embry had said.**

**The front door opened, and Sam stepped through.**

**"Emily," he said, and so much love saturated his voice that I felt embarrassed, intrusive, as I watched him cross the room in one stride and take her face in his wide hands. He leaned down and kissed the dark scars on her right cheek before he kissed her lips.**

**"Hey, none of that," Jared complained. "I'm eating."**

**"Then shut up and eat," Sam suggested, kissing Emily's ruined mouth again.**

**"Ugh," Embry groaned.**

**This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. I put my muffin down and folded my arms across my empty chest. I stared at the flowers, trying to ignore the utter peace of their moment, and the wretched throbbing of my wounds.**

We winced at the renewed reminder of Bella's pain. It was an extremely humbling thing to know her pain so intimately, and be so very aware that we, each of us, were responsible for some measure of it.

**I was grateful for the distraction when Jacob and Paul came through the door, and then shocked when I saw that they were laughing. While I watched, Paul punched Jacob on the shoulder and Jacob went for a kidney jab in return. They laughed again. They both appeared to be in one piece.**

**Jacob scanned the room, his eyes stopping when he found me leaning, awkward and out of place, against the counter in the far corner of the kitchen.**

**"Hey, Bells," he greeted me cheerfully. He grabbed two muffins as he passed the table and came to stand beside me. "Sorry about before," he muttered under his breath. "How are you holding up?"**

**"Don't worry, I'm okay. Good muffins." I picked mine back up and started nibbling again. My chest felt better as soon as Jacob was beside me.**

Alice half-frowned and half-smiled. I could understand her conflict. I was glad for her to have a friend but I worried about the ramifications of that friendship later on. Still, I could never possibly deny her the comfort of his companionship in the face of her agony.

**"Oh, man!" Jared wailed, interrupting us.**

**I looked up, and he and Embry were examining a fading pink line on Paul's forearm. Embry was grinning, exultant.**

**"Fifteen dollars," he crowed.**

**"Did you do that?" I whispered to Jacob, remembering the bet.**

**"I barely touched him. He'll be perfect by sundown."**

**"By sundown?" I looked at the line on Paul's arm. Odd, but it looked weeks old.**

**"Wolf thing," Jacob whispered.**

Carlisle's eyes lit up and I had to resist the urge not to chuckle. Carlisle's curiosity was insatiable; he always wanted to know more.

**I nodded, trying to not look weirded out.**

**"You okay?" I asked him under my breath.**

**"Not a scratch on me." His expression was smug.**

**"Hey, guys," Sam said in a loud voice, interrupting all the conversations going on in the small room. Emily was at the stove, scraping the egg mixture around a big skillet, but Sam still had one hand touching the small of her back, an unconscious gesture. "Jacob has information for us."**

**Paul looked unsurprised. Jacob must have explained this to him and Sam already. Or… they'd just heard his thoughts.**

**"I know what the redhead wants." Jacob directed his words toward Jared and Embry. "That's what I was trying to tell you before." He kicked the leg of the chair Paul had settled into.**

**"And?" Jared asked.**

**Jacob's face got serious. "She is trying to avenge her mate – only it wasn't the black-haired leech we killed. The Cullens got her mate last year, and she's after Bella now."**

**This wasn't news to me, but I still shivered.**

**Jared, Embry, and Emily stared at me with open-mouthed surprise.**

**"She's just a girl," Embry protested.**

Rose rolled her eyes. "What an awe-inspiring observation," she said dryly and her husband chuckled, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

**"I didn't say it made sense. But that's why the bloodsucker's been trying to get past us. She's been heading for Forks."**

**They continued to stare at me, mouths still hanging open, for a long moment. I ducked my head.**

**"Excellent," Jared finally said, a smile beginning to pull up the corners of his mouth. "We've got bait."**

Edward's teeth snapped together but he took a deep breath and looked to Jasper. "Please, Jasper?" he asked, his voice slightly strained before he relaxed once more. "Thank you," he said and Jasper nodded. I smiled. I was proud of him for asking for help when he needed it. That was a step in the right direction, at least.

**With stunning speed, Jacob yanked a can opener from the counter and launched it at Jared's head. Jared's hand flicked up faster than I would have thought possible, and he snagged the tool just before it hit his face.**

**"Bella is **_**not **_**bait."**

**"You know what I mean," Jared said, unabashed.**

**"So we'll be changing our patterns," Sam said, ignoring their squabble. "We'll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But if she's really after Bella, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers."**

**"Quil's got to be close to joining us," Embry murmured. "Then we'll be able to split evenly."**

**Everyone looked down. I glanced at Jacob's face, and it was hopeless, like it had been yesterday afternoon, outside his house. No matter how comfortable they seemed to be with their fate, here in this happy kitchen, none of these werewolves wanted the same fate for their friend.**

**"Well, we won't count on that," Sam said in a low voice, and then continued at his regular volume. "Paul, Jared, and Embry will take the outer perimeter, and Jacob and I will take the inner. We'll collapse in when we've got her trapped."**

**I noticed that Emily didn't particularly like that Sam would be in the smaller grouping. Her worry had me glancing up at Jacob, worrying, too.**

I frowned and so did Jasper. "It's inconvenient that they are unable to split into even groups, but the way that they're set up should ensure the highest possible chance of success," he nodded approvingly.

**Sam caught my eye. "Jacob thinks it would be best if you spent as much time as possible here in La Push. She won't know where to find you so easily, just in case."**

**"What about Charlie?" I demanded.**

**"March Madness is still going," Jacob said. "I think Billy and Harry can manage to keep Charlie down here when he's not at work."**

**"Wait," Sam said, holding one hand up. His glance flickered to Emily and then back to me.** **"That's what Jacob thinks is best, but you need to decide for yourself. You should weigh the risks of both options very seriously. You saw this morning how easily things can get dangerous here, how quickly they get out of hand. If you choose to stay with us, I can't make any guarantees about your safety."**

A soft smile tilted the corners of my lips up. My respect for them increased in that moment. They were giving her a choice. They presented her with what they saw as the best option and then they allowed _her _to choose.

I glanced at Edward, wondering if he had caught that. He nodded. I smiled. Perhaps that insight would help him realize that he could still protect her while giving her free will, too. Bella was a rational being. She would make the right choice if presented with the option to do so.

**"I won't hurt her," Jacob mumbled, looking down.**

**Sam acted as if he hadn't heard him speak. "If there was somewhere else you felt safe…"**

**I bit my lip. Where could I go that wouldn't put someone else in danger? I recoiled again from the idea of bringing Renee into this – pulling her into the circle of the target I wore… "I don't want to lead Victoria anywhere else," I whispered.**

**Sam nodded. "That's true. It's better to have her here, where we can end this."**

**I flinched. I didn't want Jacob or any of the rest of them trying to end Victoria. I glanced at Jake's face; it was relaxed, almost the same as I remembered it from before the onset of the wolf thing, and utterly unconcerned by the idea of hunting vampires.**

**"You'll be careful, right?" I asked, an audible lump in my throat.**

**The boys burst into loud hoots of amusement. Everyone laughed at me – except Emily. She met my eyes, and I could suddenly see the symmetry underlying her deformity.** **Her face was still beautiful, and alive with a concern even more fierce than mine. I had to look away, before the love behind that concern could start me aching again.**

**"Food's ready," she announced then, and the strategic conversation was history. The guys hurried to surround the table – which looked tiny and in danger of being crushed by them – and devoured the buffet-sized pan of eggs Emily placed in their midst in record time. Emily ate leaning against the counter like me – avoiding the bedlam at the table – and watched them with affectionate eyes. Her expression clearly stated that this was her family.**

**All in all, it wasn't exactly what I'd been expecting from a pack of werewolves.**

Emmett chuckled at that. "Is there really anything you can assume from a pack of werewolves, if you disregard all the pathetic Hollywood stereotypes?" he asked in amusement.

**I spent the day in La Push, the majority of it in Billy's house. He left a message on Charlie's phone and at the station, and Charlie showed up around dinnertime with two pizzas. It was good he brought two larges; Jacob ate one all by himself.**

**I saw Charlie eyeing the two of us suspiciously all night, especially the much-changed Jacob.**

**He asked about the hair; Jacob shrugged and told him it was just more convenient.**

**I knew that as soon as Charlie and I were headed home, Jacob would take off – off to run around as a wolf, as he had done intermittently through the entire day. He and his brothers of sorts kept up a constant watch, looking for some sign of Victoria's return. But since they'd chased her away from the hot springs last night – chased her halfway to Canada, according to Jacob – she'd yet to make another foray.**

**I had no hope at all that she might just give up. I didn't have that kind of luck.**

**Jacob walked me to my truck after dinner and lingered by the window, waiting for Charlie to drive away first.**

**"Don't be afraid tonight," Jacob said, while Charlie pretended to be having trouble with his seat belt. "We'll be out there, watching."**

**"I won't worry about myself," I promised.**

**"You're silly. Hunting vampires is fun. It's the best part of this whole mess."**

**I shook my head. "If I'm silly, then you're dangerously unbalanced."**

Alice giggled. "That sounds about right," she agreed with her sister and Rose smirked.

**He chuckled. "Get some rest, Bella, honey. You look exhausted."**

**"I'll try."**

**Charlie honked his horn impatiently.**

**"See you tomorrow," Jacob said. "Come down first thing."**

**"I will."**

**Charlie followed me home. I paid scant attention to the lights in my rearview mirror. Instead, I wondered where Sam and Jared and Embry and Paul were, out running in the night. I wondered if Jacob had joined them yet.**

**When we got home, I hurried for the stairs, but Charlie was right behind me.**

**"What's going on, Bella?" he demanded before I could escape. "I thought Jacob was part of a gang and you two were fighting."**

**"We made up."**

"Obviously," Emmett snorted and I had to smile at the clear "Duh" in his tone.

**"And the gang?"**

**"I don't know – who can understand teenage boys? They're a mystery. But I met Sam Uley and his fiancée, Emily. The seemed pretty nice to me." I shrugged. "Must have all been a misunderstanding."**

**His face changed. "I hadn't heard that he and Emily had made it official. That's nice. Poor girl."**

**"Do you know what happened to her?"**

**"Mauled by a bear, up north, during salmon spawning season – horrible accident. It was more than a year ago now. I heard Sam was really messed up over it."**

**"That's horrible," I echoed. More than a year ago. I'd bet that meant it had happened when there was just one werewolf in La Push. I shuddered at the thought of how Sam must have felt every time he looked at Emily's face…**

My heart filled with sympathy for the unknown Quileute man. I couldn't imagine how terrible it must be to have that reminder of the pain that you caused your loved one, to know that you nearly killed them.

I frowned slightly. Actually, I could. This book was a symbol of Bella's pain – pain that we all caused her. So, perhaps I could understand better than I thought.

**That night, I lay awake for a long time trying to sort through the day. I worked my way backward through dinner with Billy, Jacob, and Charlie, to the long afternoon in the Blacks' house, waiting anxiously to hear something from Jacob, to Emily's kitchen, to the horror of the werewolf fight, to talking with Jacob on the beach.**

**I thought about what Jacob had said early this morning, about hypocrisy. I thought about that for a long time. I didn't like to think that I was a hypocrite, only what was the point of lying to myself?**

**I curled into a tight ball. No, Edward wasn't a killer. Even in his darker past, he'd never been a murderer of innocents, at least.**

Edward's breath caught at the mention of his darker past and I looked at him sharply, seeing the flicker of self-hatred in his eyes. I didn't continue reading as I frowned, studying him. It was at times like these that he was in danger of falling back into his old pattern.

_Edward, _I called to him and he met my eyes shamefully.

"Yes, Esme?" he asked quietly and I sighed.

_Trust, Edward. _He appeared confused by that. _You need to trust in Bella's love for you. Jasper showed you, showed us all, the intensity of her love for you. Now, tell me. Do you truly think that anything that you say or do – or have done in the past – could alter that?_

He paused for a moment, taking several deep breaths before swallowing firmly. "No," he finally murmured. "I trust her," he said determinedly and I nodded, giving him a small smile. He would falter at times, but it was progress.

**But what if he had been? What if, during the time I that I'd known him, he'd been just like any other vampire? What if people had been disappearing from the woods, just like now?**

**Would that have kept me away from him?**

**I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.**

A small smile appeared on Edward's lips and his eyes softened with love for his mate.

**I rolled over and tried to think of something else – and I thought of Jacob and his brothers, out running in the darkness. I fell asleep imagining the wolves, invisible in the night, guarding me from danger. When I dreamed, I stood in the forest again, but I didn't wander. I was holding Emily's scarred hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home.**

"Alright, that was the end of it," I told everyone. I took the book to Edward, smiling at him as I did so. _I'm proud of you for trying, son._

He returned my smile and hugged me briefly before I returned to my seat. It wouldn't always be easy, but I truly believed that Edward could change his ways for the better. He just needed a little help and guidance along the way.


	16. Pressure

Alice

I was starting to get a bad feeling about this. I felt anxious, impatient, and it was growing by the minute. "Let's just get through this, quickly. Something's not right…" I shook my head. "Let's just hurry up and get through it, okay?" I asked, and everyone nodded in agreement.

**Pressure**

**It was spring break in Forks again.**

**When I woke up on Monday morning, I lay in bed for a few seconds absorbing that. Last spring break, I'd been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn't some kind of tradition forming.**

**Already I was falling into the pattern of things in La Push. I'd spent Sunday mostly on the beach, while Charlie hung out with Billy at the Black's house. I was supposed to be with Jacob, but Jacob had other things to do, so I wandered alone, keeping the secret from Charlie.**

**When Jacob dropped in to check on me, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me his schedule wasn't always this crazy, but until Victoria was stopped, the wolves were on red alert.**

**When we walked along the beach now, he always held my hand.**

**This made me brood over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his "girlfriend." I supposed that that was exactly what it looked like from the outside. As long as Jake and I knew how it really was, I shouldn't let those kinds of assumptions bother me. **

We all frowned. None of us were exactly happy about the wolf boy, but none of us could deny that he _had _saved her life and protected her when we had all abandoned her. It still hurt to think that, but I knew it was true.

**And maybe they wouldn't, if I hadn't known that Jacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared. But his hand felt nice as it warmed mine, and I didn't protest.**

**I worked Tuesday afternoon – Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely – and Mike noticed.**

**"Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?" He asked, poorly disguising the resentment in his tone.**

I couldn't help rolling my eyes at that, and apparently neither could Rose. "He's just never going to get it, is he?" I asked exasperatedly. I mean, really? Yeah, she was a little nicer to him than she should be, but she turned him down repeatedly.

Rose smirked. "Maybe we need to teach him a lesson," she said and Emmett grinned.

"Alright! We'll teach him to harass a woman," he said in satisfaction.

Esme frowned but didn't say anything. Even she could see the necessity of dealing with Mike in a more definitive way. The boy just wouldn't get the message.

**I shrugged. "Not in the technical sense of the word. I do spent most of my time with Jacob, though. He's my best friend."**

**Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you."**

**"I know," I sighed. "Life is complicated."**

**"And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.**

**I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too.**

Very true. Bella's actions in remaining friends with Jacob while being perfectly aware that he was in love with her could be seen as cruel, but the situation ran much deeper than that. She needed him – her sanity depended on it.

**That night, Sam and Emily joined Charlie and me for dessert at Billy's house. Emily brought a cake that would have won over a harder man than Charlie. I could see, as the conversation flowed naturally through a range of casual subjects, that any worries Charlie might have harbored about gangs in La Push were being dissolved.**

**Jake and I skipped out early, to get some privacy. We went out to his garage and sat in the Rabbit. Jacob leaned his head back, his face drawn with exhaustion.**

**"You need some sleep, Jake."**

**"I'll get around to it."**

**He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.**

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett hissed at that while Rose and I growled.

**"Is that one of those wolf things?" I asked him. "The heat, I mean."**

**"Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this" – he gestured to his bare torso – "in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."**

**"And you all heal fast – that's a wolf thing, too?"**

**"Yeah, wanna see? It's pretty cool." His eyes flipped open and he grinned. He reached around me to the glove compartment and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.**

**"No, I do not want to see!" I shouted as soon as I realized what he was thinking. "Put that away!"**

Esme's eyes widened. "What is he thinking?" she exclaimed in disbelief. Could he really be that stupid? I growled. Idiot!

**Jacob chuckled, but shoved the knife back where it belonged. "Fine. It's a good thing we heal, though. You can't go see just any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead."**

**"No, I guess not." I thought about that for a minute. "… And being so big – that's part of it? Is that why you're all worried about Quil?"**

**"That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead."**

**Jacob's face turned hopeless. "It won't be long now. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly –" He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again.**

**"Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything – I was happy." He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me – I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I – I exploded. I almost ripped his face off – my own father!" He shuddered, and his face paled.**

All our eyes widened. Carlisle shook his head disappointedly. "They really ought to warn those boys when they know that they're getting close to phasing. They've all been told the legends, so, really, what risks are they taking by confirming them to those that are about to face the challenges, themselves?" he asked, a note of distress in his voice.

We all agreed with him, certainly. It was inexcusable that they allowed them to go through that without any warning whatsoever. Not only were they subjecting children to a horrible situation, they were endangering members of their own tribe – or even other civilians with no relation to the Quileute tribe if a boy phased outside the Reservation.

**"Is it really bad, Jake?" I asked anxiously, wishing I had some way to help him. "Are you miserable?"**

**"No, I'm not miserable," he told me. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before." He leaned over so that his cheek was resting on top of my head.**

**He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe I didn't want to know.**

**"What's the hardest part?" I whispered, still wishing I could help.**

**"The hardest part is feeling…out of control," he said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself – like maybe you shouldn't be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I'm a monster who might hurt somebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second…and she was standing too close. And now there's nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts – I know what that feels like…**

**"Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?"**

Emmett clearly couldn't help himself and snorted. "Well, if you go by Eddie's way of thinking about us, then Bella does," he grinned; no one responded.

**"And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I'm better at it than the rest of them –does that make me even less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself."**

**"Is it hard? To find yourself again?"**

**"At first," he said. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it's easier for me."**

**"Why?" I wondered.**

"Perhaps because he is a direct descendent of Ephraim Black, the last Pack leader and Chief of the Quileute Tribe," Carlisle mused.

**"Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."**

**"Quil?" I asked in confusion.**

**"His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."**

**"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"**

**"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It's in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance."**

Carlisle nodded, satisfaction in his eyes, and I couldn't stop my lips from twitching up into a smile. He was always curious for new information – it was a thrill that never grew old for him.

**His expression was bleak.**

**"What's the very best part?" I asked, hoping to cheer him up.**

**"The best part," he said, suddenly smiling again, "is the speed."**

**"Better than the motorcycles?"**

**He nodded, enthusiastic. "There's no comparison."**

**"How fast can you… ?"**

**"Run?" he finished my question. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught… what was his name? Laurent? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else."**

Jasper snorted next to me. "Considering she's seen us run and knows many of the trademark secrets of our kind, I would say that's a fairly obvious conclusion," he said wryly.

**It did mean something to me. I couldn't imagine that – the wolves running faster than a vampire. When the Cullens ran, they all but turned invisible with speed.**

**"So, tell me something I don't know," he said. "Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn't it creep you out?"**

We all hissed at that. She was our daughter, our sister; our mate. Even Edward couldn't doubt that the answer to that question was undoubtedly 'no'.

**"No," I said curtly.**

**My tone made him thoughtful for a moment.**

**"Say, why'd your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?" he asked suddenly.**

We all froze and Emmett's mouth dropped open. "Did he seriously just ask that question?" he asked, dumbfounded.

Carlisle hesitated before sighing and shrugging. "Well, it is reasonable in their eyes, I would imagine. They see us as monsters, without a conscience or feelings. Is it such a stretch to think they wouldn't comprehend any part of our relationship with Bella?"

"Stupid dogs," Rose muttered angrily.

**"James was trying to kill me – it was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?"**

**Jacob sucked in a breath. "He got that close?"**

**"He got very, very close." I stroked my scar. Jacob noticed, because he held the hand I moved.**

**"What's that?" He traded hands, examining my right. "This is your funny scar, the cold one."**

**He looked at it closer, with new eyes, and gasped.**

**"Yes, it's what you think it is," I said. "James bit me."**

All of us growled at the reminder of that sadistic monster. Still, there was pride in my emotions at the memory. As terrible as the outcome was, I _was _proud that she was able to evade my gift just days after officially meeting me.

**His eyes bulged, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the russet surface. He looked like he was about to be sick.**

**"But if he bit you… ? Shouldn't you be… ?" He choked.**

**"Edward saved me twice," I whispered. "He sucked the venom out – you know, like with a rattlesnake." I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole.**

**But I wasn't the only one twitching. I could feel Jacob's whole body trembling next to mine.**

"No!" I couldn't have said which of us cried out. I know I was one of them.

"Hurry and read, Edward! Now!" I hissed as we all clung to our mates in the face of her dangerous situation.

**Even the car shook.**

**"Careful, Jake. Easy. Calm in down."**

**"Yeah," he panted. "Calm." He shook his head back and forth quickly. After a moment, only his hands were shaking.**

The entire family breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God," Edward whispered and I shot him a sympathetic look. I was still far from fully forgiving him but he was still my brother and he loved her, even if he didn't always show it in the correct ways.

**"You okay?"**

**"Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about."**

**"What do you want to know?"**

**"I don't know." He had his eyes closed, concentrating. "The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have… extra talents? Like the mind reading?"**

**I hesitated a second. This felt like a question he would ask of his spy, not his friend. But what was the point of hiding what I knew? It didn't matter now, and it would help him control himself.**

"Oh, Bella," Esme sighed. "Of course we would never be upset with you for that when it will help you protect yourself." It was true. We weren't exactly thrilled that they would have that information on us, but her safety was more important than our enmity with a bunch of mutts.

**So I spoke quickly, the image of Emily's ruined face in my mind, and the hair rising on my arms. I couldn't imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Rabbit – Jacob would tear the whole garage apart if he changed now.**

**"Jasper could…sort of control the emotions of the people around him.** **Not in a bad way, just to calm someone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help Paul a lot," I added, teasing weakly. "And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…"**

I chuckled. "She's downplaying it," I smirked. "Nicely done, sister." We all shared smiles. She was understating our abilities while distracting him and taking his mind off of her vampire bite.

**Like how she'd seen me dying…and she'd seen me becoming one of them. Two things that had not happened. And one that never would.**

**My head started to spin – I couldn't seem to pull in enough oxygen from the air. No lungs.**

**Jacob was entirely in control now, very still beside me.**

**"Why do you do that?" he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldn't come loose easily. I hadn't even realized I'd moved them. "You do that when you're upset. Why?"**

**"It hurts to think about them," I whispered. "It's like I can't breathe…like I'm breaking into pieces…"It was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets.**

I whimpered quietly and Jazz pulled me closer. "I know, darlin'. I know. I miss her, too – we all do. But we're gonna get her back an' it's all gonna be okay. Alright, darlin'?" he asked caringly, stroking his hand up and down my arms soothingly. I nodded.

"Okay," I whispered back.

**He smoothed my hair. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry."**

**"I'm fine." I gasped. "Happens all the time. Not your fault."**

**"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" Jacob said. "Neither one of us can hold our shape together right."**

**"Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless.**

**"At least we have each other," he said, clearly comforted by the thought.**

**I was comforted, too. "At least there's that," I agreed.**

**And when we were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled to do, and so I was often alone, stuck in La Push for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off any of my worries.**

"It's going to get bad again," Rose stated, frowning. I frowned, too. Bella wasn't doing so well with alone time, and Jacob was bound to be leaving her alone for long stretches of time while they hunted that red-headed bitch vampire. This wasn't going to be good.

**I felt awkward, always taking up space at Billy's. I did some studying for another Calculus test that was coming up next week, but I could only look at math for so long. When I didn't have something obvious to do in my hands, I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Billy – the pressure of normal societal rules.**

**But Billy wasn't one for filling up the long silences, and so the awkwardness continued.**

**I tried hanging out at Emily's place Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was kind of nice. Emily was a cheerful person who never sat still. I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house and yard, scrubbing at the spotless floor, pulling a tiny weed, fixing a broken hinge, tugging a string of wool through an ancient loom, and always cooking, too.**

**She complained lightly about the increase in the boys' appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them. It wasn't hard to be with her – after all, we were both wolf girls now.**

**But Sam checked in after I'd been there for a few hours. I only stayed long enough to ascertain that Jacob was fine and there was no news, and then I had to escape. The aura of love and contentment that surrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses, with no one else around to dilute it.**

Esme smiled sadly. "She can't even stand to be around two people in love." It was understandable, but that didn't make it any less sad. She needed to be around people; she just couldn't handle it.

**So that left me wandering the beach, pacing the length of the rocky crescent back and forth, again and again.**

**Alone time wasn't good for me. Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob, I'd been talking and thinking about the Cullens way too much. No matter how I tried to distract myself – and I had plenty to think of: I was honestly and desperately worried about Jacob and his wolf-brothers, I was terrified for Charlie and the others who thought they were hunting animals, I was getting in deeper and deeper with Jacob without ever having consciously decided to progress in that direction and I didn't know what to do about it – none of these very real, very deserving of thought, very pressing concerns could take my mind off the pain in my chest for long.**

**Eventually, I couldn't even walk anymore, because I couldn't breathe. I sat down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball.**

Edward had to pause to take a deep breath. I looked at him cautiously. _It will be okay, Edward. We are going to return to her, and we'll help her recover from this. _He looked up and nodded gratefully, the wavering in his eyes disappearing.

**Jacob found me like that, and I could tell from his expression that he understood.**

**"Sorry," he said right away. He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around my shoulders. I hadn't realized that I was cold until then. His warmth made me shudder, but at least I could breathe with him there.**

**"I'm ruining your spring break," Jacob accused himself as we walked back up the beach.**

**"No, you're not. I didn't have any plans. I don't think I like spring breaks, anyway."**

Emmett snorted. "After last year, probably not," he muttered.

**"I'll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun."**

**The word seemed out of place in my life right now, barely comprehensible, bizarre. "Fun?"**

We all frowned at how foreign the concept seemed to her. It was getting worse. She was slipping back into the depths of her depression, even if no one was seeing it just yet. It wouldn't have been obvious, considering she put so much effort into hiding her pain from the world, but the fact that it was starting to show through spoke volumes all on its own.

**"Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…" he gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating. As his eyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration.**

**"Got it!" he crowed. "Another promise to keep."**

**"What are you talking about?"**

**He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky half-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs.**

**I stared, uncomprehending.**

**"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?"**

"No!" we all shouted. In the state of mind that she was in, a simple moment of recreation or fun could easily turn into something far darker and more dangerous. She wasn't stable and placing her on that edge was just inviting her to jump – and not just for fun.

**I shivered.**

**"Yeah, it'll be pretty cold – not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?"**

**The dark water did not look inviting, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than before.**

That would have given us hope but we all knew that it would be too easy that way. She was too far gone at the moment.

**But it had been days since I'd heard Edward's voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them.**

**Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy that situation.**

**"Sure, I'm up for it. Fun."**

A sob caught in my chest and I held tightly to Jasper. She'll be okay. She'll be okay. I chanted that in my head, over and over again. I would just have to hope that it would hold true.

**"It's a date," he said, and draped his arm around my shoulders.**

**"Okay – now let's go get you some sleep." I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.**

**I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.**

**The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited. Maybe it would be fun.**

**A date with Jacob, a date with Edward…**

**I laughed darkly to myself. Jake could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pair – I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal.**

Esme whimpered at that. We all knew of her past, and even the idea – much less the certainty – that Bella would follow in her footsteps and jump from the edge of a cliff as our mother had decades ago… It was a horrifying thought.

**I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my arrival. When he didn't, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would wait – let him get as much rest as he could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Jake had been right about the weather, though; it had changed in the night. A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the atmosphere now, making it almost sultry; it was warm and close under the gray blanket. I left my sweater in the truck.**

**I knocked quietly on the door.**

**"C'mon in, Bella," Billy said.**

**He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.**

**"Jake sleeping?"**

**"Er, no." He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulled together.**

**"What happened?" I demanded. I could tell from his expression that something had.**

"Victoria," I muttered.

**"Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam was hopeful – she's hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this."**

**"Oh, no, Billy," I whispered. "Oh, no."**

**He chuckled, deep and low. "Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence here?"**

**"Don't make jokes, Billy. This is too scary for that."**

**"You're right," he agreed, still complacent. His ancient eyes were impossible to read. "This one's tricky."**

**I bit my lip.**

**"It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what he's doing. You're the one that you should worry about. The vampire doesn't want to fight them. She's just trying to find a way around them…to you."**

**"How does Sam know what he's doing?" I demanded, brushing aside his concern for me.** **"They've only killed just the one vampire – that could have been luck."**

**"We take what we do very seriously, Bella. Nothing's been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations."**

My mouth dropped open in disbelief. "They seriously think that some old stories and them taking down Laurent qualifies them to take on a vampire that's been eluding them for _months_?" I hissed.

**That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory of Victoria, wild, catlike, lethal, was too strong in my head. If she couldn't get around the wolves, she would eventually try to go through them.**

**Billy went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly though the TV channels. That didn't last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that I couldn't see out the curtained windows.**

**"I'll be at the beach," I told Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door.**

"No," Rose whispered. "If Jacob isn't there to take her, she'll go by herself." We all froze. She was right, of course. Bella was too stubborn to ever let something like that go just because Jacob was unavailable to go with her.

**Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn't see any animals – no birds, no squirrels. I couldn't hear any birds, either. The silence was eerie; there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees.**

**I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.**

**As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn't come – I'd already had enough of this place.**

**I'd been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.**

**I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I'd lost too much already – would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world.**

**Maybe…**

**No. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldn't be able to function.**

**"Argh!" I groaned, and jumped off the log. I couldn't sit still; it was worse than pacing.**

We all waited with bated breath as Edward read on. No one spoke; no one breathed other than my bronze-haired brother as we awaited that critical moment we all knew was coming.

**I'd really been counting on hearing Edward this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that might make it bearable to live through this day. The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob's presence had tamed it. The edges burned.**

**The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric charge – I could feel the static in my hair.**

**Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky.**

**There was still no movement in the air, though the clouds roiled more quickly now. It was eerie looking – like the clouds were moving by their own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure.**

**The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky.**

**Staring at them, I remembered the day Jacob had told me about Sam and his "gang." I thought of the boys – the werewolves – throwing themselves into the empty air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utter freedom of the fall… I imagined the way Edward's voice would have sounded in my head – furious, velvet, perfect… The burning in my chest flared agonizingly.**

**There had to be some way to quench it. The pain was growing more and more intolerable by the second. I glared at the cliffs and the crashing waves.**

**Well, why not? Why not quench it right now?**

"No…" The whisper was made up of our voices but I couldn't say who spoke. We all knew it was coming, but we all hoped against hope that it wouldn't come.

**Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadn't he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction I needed so badly – needed even worse because Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me. If it weren't for me, Victoria would not be killing people here…just somewhere else, far away.**

**If anything happened to Jacob, it would be my fault. That realization stabbed deep and had me jogging back up to the road toward Billy's house, where my truck waited.**

**I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs, but I had to hunt for the little path that would take me out to the ledge. As I followed it, I looked for turns or forks, knowing that Jake had planned to take me off the lower outcropping rather than the top, but the path wound in a thin single line toward the brink with no options.**

**I didn't have time to find another way down – the storm was moving in quickly now. The wind was finally beginning to touch me, the clouds pressing closer to the ground.**

**Just as I reached the place where the dirt path fanned out into the stone precipice, the first drops broke through and splattered on my face.**

**It was not hard to convince myself that I didn't have time to search for another way – I wanted to jump from the top. This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying.**

Esme sobbed as we all automatically braced ourselves. She'll be fine. She'll be fine. The mantra rang in my mind but I shook from the terror that coursed through me.

**I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away…**

**The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn't going to let that stop me.**

**The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies around me.**

**I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it…waiting.**

_**"Bella."**_

**I smiled and exhaled.**

**Yes? I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice – the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.**

_**"Don't do this," **_**he pleaded.**

**You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me.**

"Not like this," he moaned, agonized. "Not like this…"

_**"Please. For me."**_

**But you won't stay with me any other way.**

_**"Please." **_**It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes – making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.**

**I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.**

_**"No, Bella!" **_**He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.**

**I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool – feet first, first time.**

**I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…**

**And I flung myself off the cliff.**

No one spoke. Not that we could. Edward gritted his teeth and went on. All that we could hope for was that it would end okay. The book didn't end with this chapter. She lived. The only question was: how much damage was done, what happened before she escaped?

**I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.**

**Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I'd feared, and yet the chill only added to the high.**

**I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment of terror – just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge?**

**That was when the current caught me.**

**I'd been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadn't worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf.**

**It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn't know which way the shore was.**

**I couldn't even tell which way the surface was.**

**The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward.**

**Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves – I couldn't feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll.**

**I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen.**

**It didn't surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning.**

_**"Keep swimming!" **_**Edward begged urgently in my head.**

**Where? There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to.**

_**"Stop that!" **_**he ordered. "**_**Don't you dare give up!"**_

"Don't give up," I whispered desperately. Please, Bella, my sister, my best friend, don't give up…

**The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didn't feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water.**

**But I listened to him.**

**I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldn't be doing any good. What was the point?**

I cried out and Jasper held me to him tightly while we waited. All we could do was wait…

_**"Fight!" **_**he yelled. **_**"Damn it, Bella, keep fighting."**_

**Why?** **I didn't want to fight anymore. And it wasn't the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was.** **I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful.**

**I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?**

**I saw him, and I had no will to fight.**

We were all sobbing, now, but Edward forced the words out past the tearless sobs that shook his own body.

**It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory.**

**My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.**

_**"No! Bella, no!"**_

**My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like.**

**Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.**

I shut my eyes and gritted my teeth. Happy… She was genuinely happy for the first time since we left, and she was drowning… It was exactly what we were afraid of. She didn't intend to die, to… commit suicide, at first. But when she saw him, when she felt that rush of true and genuine happiness at his image… It was like she said: "she had no will to fight".

**The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down my throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me, pulling me away from Edward, deeper into the dark, to the ocean floor.**

**Goodbye, I love you, was my last thought.**

Edward whimpered and the book fell from his hands, landing on the floor with a thump. No one moved, no one breathed, and no one spoke for what felt like an eternity.

Eventually, Rose stood and took the book from the floor when it became evident that none of the rest of us were capable of doing so. A thought occurred to me, then.

"It hasn't happened," I whispered and they all turned to face me. "This won't happen for another three hours. We just have to hurry." Everyone exchanged glances before nodding.

_We're coming, Bella. We're coming, sister. Just hold on…_

**A/N: As with my other stories, I apologize for the long wait for the chapter. Also, I can't remember what my timeline was for what time it is at the Cullen house, so please excuse any mistakes. The whole 'three hours left' thing is necessary for the way I want to have the story go, so… Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for reading, everyone!**


	17. Paris

Rosalie 

"Let's just get this over with as fast as possible, alright?" I muttered, before hurriedly looking down at the book. I was terrified, but I kept reminding myself that it hadn't happened yet.

**Paris**

**At that moment, my head broke the surface.**

"Thank God," Esme murmured, and all of us relaxed somewhat. She was okay. She was safe and she was going to be fine. I held Emmett closely in relief.

**How disorienting. I'd been sure I was sinking.**

**The current wouldn't let up. It was slamming me against more rocks; they beat against the center of my back sharply, rhythmically, pushing the water from my lungs.**

**It gushed out in amazing volume, absolute torrents pouring from my mouth and nose. The salt burned and my lungs burned and my throat was too full of water to catch a breath and the rocks were hurting my back. Somehow I stayed in one place, though the waves still heaved around me. I couldn't see anything but water everywhere, reaching for my face.**

**"Breathe!" a voice, wild with anxiety, ordered, and I felt a cruel stab of pain when I recognized the voice – because it wasn't Edward's.**

A low whine escaped Edward's mouth. His eyes were agonized, but the relief and love he felt was palpable, even if the love was still muted.

**I could not obey. The waterfall pouring from my mouth didn't stop long enough for me to catch a breath. The black, icy water filled my chest, burning.**

**The rock smacked into my back again, right between my shoulder blades, and another volley of water choked its way out of my lungs.**

**"Breathe, Bella! C'mon!" Jacob begged.**

**Black spots bloomed across my vision, getting wider and wider, blocking out the light.**

**The rock struck me again.**

**The rock wasn't cold like the water; it was hot on my skin. I realized it was Jacob's hand, trying to beat the water from my lungs. The iron bar that had dragged me from the sea was also… warm… My head whirled, the black spots covered everything…**

**Was I dying again, then? I didn't like it – this wasn't as good as the last time. It was only dark now, nothing worth looking at here. The sound of the crashing waves faded into the black and became a quiet, even whoosh that sounded like it was coming from the inside of my ears…**

**"Bella?" Jacob asked, his voice still tense, but not as wild as before. "Bells, honey, can you hear me?"**

**The contents of my head swished and rolled sickeningly, like they'd joined the rough water…**

Carlisle looked worried but, at the same time, relieved. But he didn't comment. We all wanted to get through this as quickly as possible so that we could see for ourselves that she was safe.

**"How long has she been unconscious?" someone else asked.**

**The voice that was not Jacob's shocked me, jarred me into a more focused awareness.**

**I realized that I was still. There was no tug of the current on me – the heaving was inside my head. The surface under me was flat and motionless. It felt grainy against my bare arms.**

**"I don't know," Jacob reported, still frantic. His voice was very close. Hands – so warm they had to be his – brushed wet hair from my cheeks. "A few minutes? It didn't take long to tow her to the beach."**

**The quiet whooshing inside my ears was not the waves – it was the air moving in and out of my lungs again. Each breath burned – the passageways were as raw as if I'd scrubbed them out with steel wool. But I was breathing.**

**And I was freezing. A thousand sharp, icy beads were striking my face and arms, making the cold worse.**

**"She's breathing. She'll come around. We should get her out of the cold, though. I don't like the color she's turning…" I recognized Sam's voice this time.**

**"You think it's okay to move her?"**

**"She didn't hurt her back or anything when she fell?"**

**"I don't know."**

**They hesitated.**

Carlisle hissed. "Are they really going to move her without knowing what type of injuries she's sustained, and take the risk of injuring her further or even seriously hurting her?" he growled angrily, and Esme held onto him in an attempt to soothe him while motioning for me to read on.

**I tried to open my eyes. It took me a minute, but then I could see the dark, purple clouds, flinging the freezing rain down at me. "Jake?" I croaked.**

**Jacob's face blocked out the sky. "Oh!" he gasped, relief washing over his features. His eyes were wet from the rain.**

**"Oh, Bella! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you hurt anywhere?"**

**"J-Just m-my throat," I stuttered, my lips quivering from the cold.**

**"Let's get you out of here, then," Jacob said. He slid his arms under me and lifted me without effort – like picking up an empty box. His chest was bare and warm; he hunched his shoulders to keep the rain off of me. My head lolled over his arm. I stared vacantly back toward the furious water, beating the sand behind him.**

**"You got her?" I heard Sam ask.**

**"Yeah, I'll take it from here. Get back to the hospital. I'll join you later. Thanks, Sam."**

**My head was still rolling. None of his words sunk in at first. Sam didn't answer. There was no sound, and I wondered if he were already gone.**

**The water licked and writhed up the sand after us as Jacob carried me away, like it was angry that I'd escaped. As I stared wearily, a spark of color caught my unfocused eyes – a small flash of fire was dancing on the black water, far out in the bay.**

I hissed and they looked at me. "Victoria!" I hissed and their eyes widened in realization. That bitch came so close to my little sister… Emmett growled with me, holding me in his arms.

Jasper took a deep breath, fury in his eyes. "Let's keep reading. The wolves are there with her, and we'll be back there soon," he said evenly and I nodded.

**The image made no sense, and I wondered how conscious I really was. My head swirled with the memory of the black, churning water – of being so lost that I couldn't find up or down. So lost…but somehow Jacob…**

**"How did you find me?" I rasped.**

**"I was searching for you," he told me. He was half-jogging through the rain, up the beach toward the road. "I followed the tire tracks to your truck, and then I heard you scream…" He shuddered. "Why would you jump, Bella? Didn't you notice that it's turning into a hurricane out here? Couldn't you have waited for me?"**

**Anger filled his tone as the relief faded.**

**"Sorry," I muttered. "It was stupid."**.

**"Yeah, it was really stupid," he agreed, drops of rain shaking free of his hair as he nodded.**

**"Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I'm around? I won't be able to concentrate if I think you're jumping off cliffs behind my back."**

**"Sure," I agreed.**

**"No problem." I sounded like a chain-smoker. I tried to clear my throat – and then winced; the throat-clearing felt like stabbing a knife down there. "What happened today? Did you… find her?"**

**It was my turn to shudder, though I wasn't so cold here, right next to his ridiculous body heat.**

**Jacob shook his head. He was still more running than walking as he headed up the road to his house.**

**"No. She took off into the water – the bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That's why I raced home – I was afraid she was going to double back swimming. You spend so much time on the beach…" He trailed off, a catch in his throat.**

**"Sam came back with you…is everyone else home, too?" I hoped they weren't still out searching for her.**

**"Yeah. Sort of."**

**I tried to read his expression, squinting into the hammering rain. His eyes were tight with worry or pain.**

I saw the worry in Esme's eyes and I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips at her ever-compassionate attitude. She had the biggest heart out of any of the rest of the family – except for Bella. Bella was the only one who could match Esme's compassion for all people, even the ones that she didn't even know.

**The words that hadn't made sense before suddenly did. "You said… hospital. Before, to Sam. Is someone hurt? Did she fight you?" My voice jumped up an octave, sounding strange with the hoarseness.**

**"No, no. When we got back, Em was waiting with the news.**

**It's Harry Clearwater. Harry had a heart attack this morning."**

**"Harry?" I shook my head, trying to absorb what he was staying. "Oh, no! Does Charlie know?"**

**"Yeah. He's over there, too, with my dad."**

**"Is Harry going to be okay?"**

**Jacob's eyes tightened again. "It doesn't look so great right now."**

**Abruptly, I felt really sick with guilt – felt truly horrible about the brainless cliff dive. Nobody needed to be worrying about me right now. What a stupid time to be reckless.**

"She would feel guilty about something like that," Alice murmured, a small, sad smile on her lips. But there was still a slightly frenzied light in her eyes. Yes, Bella survived her cliff dive, but we were all worried about her, wanting to see her with our own eyes.

**"What can I do?" I asked.**

**At that moment the rain stopped. I hadn't realized we were already back to Jacob's house until he walked through the door. The storm pounded against the roof.**

**"You can stay here," Jacob said as he dumped me on the short couch. "I mean it – right here. I'll get you some dry clothes."**

**I let my eyes adjust to the dark room while Jacob banged around in his bedroom. The cramped front room seemed so empty without Billy, almost desolate. It was strangely ominous – probably just because I knew where he was.**

**Jacob was back in seconds. He threw a pile of gray cotton at me. "These will be huge on you, but it's the best I've got. I'll, er, step outside so you can change."**

**"Don't go anywhere. I'm too tired to move yet. Just stay with me."**

**Jacob sat on the floor next to me, his back against the couch. I wondered when he'd slept last. He looked as exhausted as I felt.**

**He leaned his head on the cushion next to mine and yawned. "Guess I could rest for a minute…"**

**His eyes closed. I let mine slide shut, too.**

**Poor Harry. Poor Sue. I knew Charlie was going to be beside himself. Harry was one of his best friends. Despite Jake's negative take on things, I hoped fervently that Harry would pull through. For Charlie's sake. For Sue's and Leah's and Seth's…**

**Billy's sofa was right next to the radiator, and I was warm now, despite my soaked clothes.**

**My lungs ached in a way that pushed me toward unconsciousness rather than keeping me awake.**

Carlisle frowned. "She needs to drink some water. The salt will dehydrate her. And he should have made her change out of those wet clothes before she went to sleep," he muttered anxiously.

"Shh…" Esme shushed him, though you could see that same anxious, worried light in her eyes. "She'll be okay. Keep reading, Rose."

**I wondered vaguely if it was wrong to sleep…or was I getting drowning mixed up with concussions…? Jacob began softly snoring, and the sound of it soothed like a lullaby. I fell asleep quickly.**

**For the first time in a very long time, my dream was just a normal dream. Just a blurred wandering through old memories – blinding bright visions of the Phoenix sun, my mother's face, a ramshackle tree house, a faded quilt, a wall of mirrors, a flame on the black water…**

**I forgot each of them as soon as the picture changed.**

**The last picture was the only one that stuck in my head. It was meaningless – just a set on a stage. A balcony at night, a painted moon hanging in the sky. I watched the girl in her nightdress lean on the railing and talk to herself.**

I raised my eyebrows. "Romeo and Juliet?" I asked, bewildered before I remembered the title of this chapter. "Paris," I muttered.

"What, Rose?" Emmett asked, confused.

I shook my head and sighed. "I'm not sure yet, but I think I know what this chapter may be about," I said sadly. I had a feeling that I knew exactly what was going on here, and it was so classically Bella that I was almost certain of it.

**Meaningless…but when I slowly struggled back to consciousness, Juliet was on my mind.**

**Jacob was still asleep; he'd slumped down to the floor and his breathing was deep and even.**

**The house was darker now than before, it was black outside the window. I was stiff, but warm and almost dry. The inside of my throat burned with every breath I took.**

**I was going to have to get up – at least to get a drink. But my body just wanted to be here limp, to never move again.**

**Instead of moving, I thought about Juliet some more.**

**I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interests. What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he'd changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet, he'd just disappeared?**

Edward drew a sharp breath. "She thinks…" he trailed off, looking anguished, his determination wavering, that same old self-hate slipping back in.

I growled at him. "I don't think so!" I snapped and everyone looked at me. I ignored them. "Don't you dare even think about playing the victim. I know exactly what you wanted to say and, yes, she thinks you're probably off with some bitch vampire. And she's right to think that."

He tried to protest, but I didn't let him get a word in. "When you left her, you basically told her 'You know what? I'm just tired of you. You're not good enough, so I'm going off to find someone better'. So, you better suck it up and be glad she still loves you," I said, glaring at him before turning back to the book, ignoring his repentant look.

**I thought I knew how Juliet would feel.**

**She wouldn't go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn't ever have moved on, I was sure of that. Even if she'd lived until she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been Romeo's face she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that, eventually.**

**I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn't say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure – a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand.**

**What if there were more to Paris?**

**What if Paris had been Juliet's friend? Her very best friend? What if he was the only one she could confide in about the whole devastating thing with Romeo? The one person who really understood her and made her feel halfway human again? What if he was patient and kind?**

**What if he took care of her? What if Juliet knew she couldn't survive without him? What if he really loved her, and wanted her to be happy?**

**And… what if she loved Paris? Not like Romeo. Nothing like that, of course. But enough that she wanted him to be happy, too?**

A look of deep hurt flashed in Edward's eyes, but he remained silent. "Of course," Alice whispered, realization clear in her eyes.

**Jacob's slow, deep breathing was the only sound in the room – like a lullaby hummed to a child, like the whisper of a rocking chair, like the ticking of an old clock when you had nowhere you needed to go…It was the sound of comfort.**

**If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get.**

Esme drew in a sharp breath, and I felt an ache deep in my chest for her pain. "Oh, my darling…" she trailed off. I could understand why. There were no words for this.

She had fallen so far into the darkness of her depression, and she was selfless enough that she would put herself into the position of bowing to Jacob's wishes in order to make him happy, putting on a show for everyone in her life, just so that the other people in her life could be happy and so that she wouldn't keep falling.

**I sighed, and then groaned when the sigh scraped my throat. I was reading too much into the story. Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That's why it was a good story. "Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris" would have never been a hit.**

**I closed my eyes and drifted again, letting my mind wander away from the stupid play I didn't want to think about anymore. I thought about reality instead – about jumping off the cliff and what a brainless mistake that had been. And not just the cliff, but the motorcycles and the whole irresponsible Evel Knievel bit. What if something bad happened to me? What would that do to Charlie?**

**Harry's heart attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me. Perspective that I didn't want to see, because – if I admitted to the truth of it – it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that?**

**Maybe. It wouldn't be easy; in fact, it would be downright miserable to give up my hallucinations and try to be a grown-up. But maybe I should do it. And maybe I could. If I had Jacob.**

**I couldn't make that decision right now. It hurt too much. I'd think about something else.**

Emmett held me just a little tighter, and I knew what he was thinking. She would do this, bring this pain upon herself, just for the sake of his happiness and her need for his presence. She was desperate, and it showed in her willingness to take such a drastic (even for her) step.

**Images from my ill-considered afternoon stunt rolled through my head while I tried to come up with something pleasant to think about… the feel of the air as I fell, the blackness of the water, the thrashing of the current… Edward's face… I lingered there for a long time. Jacob's warm hands, trying to beat life back into me… the stinging rain flung down by the purple clouds…the strange fire on the waves…**

**There was something familiar about that flash of color on top of the water. Of course it couldn't really be fire –**

**My thoughts were interrupted** **by the sound of a car squelching through the mud on the road outside. I heard it stop in front of the house, and doors started opening and closing. I thought about sitting up, and then decided against that idea.**

**Billy's voice was easily identifiable, but he kept it uncharacteristically low, so that it was only a gravelly grumble.**

**The door opened, and the light flicked on. I blinked, momentarily blind. Jake startled awake, gasping and jumping to his feet.**

**"Sorry," Billy grunted. "Did we wake you?"**

**My eyes slowly focused on his face, and then, as I could read his expression, they filled with tears.**

**"Oh, no, Billy!" I moaned.**

Esme frowned unhappily at the news of the Quileute man's death.

**He nodded slowly, his expression hard with grief. Jake hurried to his father and took one of his hands. The pain made his face suddenly childlike – it looked odd on top of the man's body.**

**Sam was right behind Billy, pushing his chair through the door. His normal composure was absent from his agonized face.**

**"I'm so sorry," I whispered.**

**Billy nodded. "It's gonna be hard all around."**

**"Where's Charlie?"**

Esme was still frowning. "This will be hard on Charlie considering just how close they seem to be," she murmured.

**"Your dad is still at the hospital with Sue. There are a lot of…arrangements to be made."**

**I swallowed hard.**

**"I'd better get back there," Sam mumbled, and he ducked hastily out the door.**

**Billy pulled his hand away from Jacob, and then he rolled himself through the kitchen toward his room. Jake stared after him for a minute, then came to sit on the floor beside me again. He put his face in his hands. I rubbed his shoulder, wishing I could think of anything to say.**

Carlisle nodded slowly. "It's often that way. There are truly no words to express that type of loss."

**After a long moment, Jacob caught my hand and held it to his face.**

**"How are you feeling? Are you okay? I probably should have taken you to a doctor or something." He sighed.**

**"Don't worry about me," I croaked.**

**He twisted his head to look at me. His eyes were rimmed in red. "You don't look so good."**

**"I don't feel so good, either, I guess."**

**"I'll go get your truck and then take you home – you probably ought to be there when Charlie gets back."**

**"Right."**

**I lay listlessly on the sofa while I waited for him. Billy was silent in the other room. I felt like a peeping tom, peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that wasn't mine.**

**It didn't take Jake long. The roar of my truck's engine broke the silence before I expected it.**

**He helped me up from the couch without speaking, keeping his arm around my shoulder when the cold air outside made me shiver. He took the driver's seat without asking, and then pulled me next to his side to keep his arm tight around me. I leaned my head against his chest.**

**"How will you get home?" I asked.**

**"I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?"**

**My next shudder had nothing to do with cold.**

**It was a quiet ride after that. The cold air had woken me up. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast.**

**What if? What was the right thing to do?**

I smiled sadly. She was so very selfless, but she lacked perspective on things such as that. While she could make him happy, it wouldn't be right because she could never truly love him the way that he loved her. And she was so lost in her grief and depression that she couldn't see that.

Despite how mature she was, Bella was really only eighteen years old. She couldn't always make the right decisions, but she didn't need someone else to make the decisions for her – she needed someone to guide her as she made the choices that would affect her life. And she had never had anyone to do that for her. But I promised myself, once we returned, I would do my best to help her.

**I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now – I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were…was that cruel, as Mike had accused?**

**I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realized now that all I really wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this. It just felt nice – warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was a safe harbor.**

**I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power.**

**I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it.**

I hissed quietly when I read that. "She's so very convinced that she's broken," Edward said near-silently, but we heard him and I looked at him sharply.

"That's because she is. You think your heartbreak is something?" I asked him seriously. "You have no idea. _You _left _her._ Her love is stronger than yours, and her pain is stronger than yours. You made all the decisions and you didn't have to endure that pathetic, cruel speech that you gave her," I said firmly, glaring at him.

**I'd even have to admit that I was crazy – explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision.**

**But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through.**

**I would have to commit to this – commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?**

**Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy?**

**Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?**

**Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now.**

**He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his cheat, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.**

I winced, just as I usually did at the mention of just how deep her pain went. She was left by her mate, and that was unbearable for our kind. And Bella's emotions ran even deeper than ours. It must be beyond the greatest torment imaginable, for her. Even this book could not truly let us see things as she did, for we could not feel the same things she did.

**I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic.**

**"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bella. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing – and that's something no one wants to hear."**

**He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.**

**My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.**

**Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances?**

**Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.**

"Yes," he breathed. No one bothered to point out the obvious to him, this time. His eyes showed his struggle and, for the moment at least, I was satisfied with what I had made him realize as of yet.

**Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.**

**If I turned my face to the side – if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder...I knew without any doubt what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight. But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?**

It sounded so much worse when put that way, but I knew it to be true. It would be a betrayal of herself to do that, but at that moment it was the only way to save both her sanity and her life, in the long run.

**Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought of turning my head.**

**And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.**

_**"Be happy,**_**" he told me.**

**I froze.**

**Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.**

**Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head.**

**Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck.**

**"OH!" The breath whooshed out of Jacob like someone had punched him in the gut. "Holy crap!"**

**He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition at the same moment. His hands were shaking so hard I didn't know how he managed it.**

**"What's wrong?"**

**He revved the engine too fast; it sputtered and faltered.**

**"Vampire," he spit out.**

**The blood rushed from my head and left me dizzy. "How do you know?"**

**"Because I can smell it. Dammit!"**

**Jacob's eyes were wild, raking the dark street. He barely seemed aware of the tremors that were rolling through his body. "Phase or get her out of here?" he hissed at himself.**

**He looked down at me for a split second, taking in my horror-struck eyes and white face, and then he was scanning the street again. "Right. Get you out."**

**The engine caught with a roar. The tires squealed as he spun the truck around, turning toward our only escape. The headlights washed across the pavement, lit the front line of the black forest, and finally glinted off a car parked across the street from my house.**

**"Stop!" I gasped.**

**It was a black car – a car I knew.**

My eyes widened. "One of us is there?" I asked, and I could see the same shock in the others' eyes. But, slowly, it faded and Alice grinned widely suddenly.

"Of course," she whispered. "I would have seen it, and I would have gone back," she said triumphantly, before frowning. "But, since I can't see the wolves, I… I probably think she's dead," Alice whispered and I frowned before going on.

**I might be the furthest thing from an autophile, but I could tell you everything about that particular car. It was a Mercedes S55 AMG. I knew the horsepower and the color of the interior. I knew the feel of the powerful engine purring through the frame. I knew the rich smell of the leather seats and the way the extra-dark tint made noon look like dusk through those windows.**

**It was Carlisle's car.**

**"Stop!" I cried again, louder this time, because Jacob was gunning the truck down the street.**

**"What?"**

**"It's not Victoria. Stop, stop! I want to go back."**

**He stomped on the brake so hard I had to catch myself against the dashboard.**

**"What?" he asked again, aghast. He stared at me with horror in his eyes.**

**"It's Carlisle's car! It's the Cullens. I know it."**

**He watched dawn break across my face, and a violent tremor rocked his frame.**

**"Hey, calm down, Jake. It's okay. No danger, see? Relax."**

**"Yeah, calm," he panted, putting his head down and closing his eyes. While he concentrated on not exploding into a wolf, I stared out the back window at the black car.**

**It was just Carlisle, I told myself.**

**Don't expect anything more. Maybe Esme… Stop right there, I told myself. Just Carlisle. That was plenty. More than I'd ever hoped to have again.**

**"There's a vampire in your house," Jacob hissed. "And you want to go back?"**

All of us growled this time. I understood that he was trying to keep her safe, but he had no right to speak to her that way. Still, I couldn't completely fault him for his caution, what with Victoria so nearby.

**I glanced at him, ripping my unwilling eyes off the Mercedes – terrified that it would disappear the second I looked away.**

**"Of course," I said, my voice blank with surprise at his question. Of course I wanted to go back.**

**Jacob's face hardened while I stared at him, congealing into the bitter mask that I'd thought was gone for good. Just before he had the mask in place, I caught the spasm of betrayal that flashed in his eyes. His hands were still shaking. He looked ten years older than me.**

**He took a deep breath. "You're sure it's not a trick?" he asked in a slow, heavy voice.**

**"It's not a trick. It's Carlisle. Take me back!"**

**A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. "No."**

**"Jake, it's okay–"**

**"No. Take yourself back, Bella." His voice was a slap – I flinched as the sound of it struck me.**

**His jaw clenched and unclenched.**

**"Look, Bella," he said in the same hard voice. "I can't go back. Treaty or no treaty, that's my enemy in there."**

**"It's not like that –"**

**"I have to tell Sam right away. This changes things. We can't be caught on their territory."**

**"Jake, it's not a war!"**

**He didn't listen. He put the truck in neutral and jumped out the door, leaving it running.**

**"Bye, Bella," he called back over his shoulder. "I really hope you don't die."**

The guys growled the loudest this time, but no one spoke. We all knew what a jackass Jacob was, but for him to be so callous about Bella's safety, her life… It was sickening.

**He sprinted into the darkness, shaking so hard that his shape seemed blurred; he disappeared before I could open my mouth to call him back.**

**Remorse pinned me against the seat for one long second. What had I just done to Jacob?**

**But remorse couldn't hold me very long.**

**I slid across the seat and put the truck back in drive. My hands were shaking almost as hard as Jake's had been, and this took a minute of concentration. Then I carefully turned the truck around and drove it back to my house.**

**It was very dark when I turned off the headlights. Charlie had left in such a hurry that he'd forgotten to leave the porch lamp on. I felt a pang of doubt, staring at the house, deep in shadow. What if it was a trick?**

**I looked back at the black car, almost invisible in the night. No. I knew that car.**

**Still, my hands were shaking even worse than before as I reached for the key above the door.**

**When I grabbed the doorknob to unlock it, it twisted easily under my hand. I let the door fall open. The hallway was black.**

**I wanted to call out a greeting, but my throat was too dry. I couldn't quite seem to catch my breath.  
**

**I took a step inside and fumbled for the light switch. It was so black – like the black water… Where was that switch?**

**Just like the black water, with the orange flame flickering impossibly on top of it. Flame that couldn't be a fire, but what then…?**

**My fingers traced the wall, still searching, still shaking – Suddenly, something Jacob had told me this afternoon echoed in my head, finally sinking in…She took off into the water, he'd said. The bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That's why I raced home – I was afraid she was going to double back swimming.**

**My hand froze in its searching, my whole body froze into place,** **as I realized why I recognized the strange orange color on the water.**

**Victoria's hair, blowing wild in the wind, the color of fire…**

**She'd been right there. Right there in the harbor with me and Jacob. If Sam hadn't been there, if it had been just the two of us…? I couldn't breathe or move.**

**The light flicked on, though my frozen hand had still not found the switch.**

**I blinked into the sudden light, and saw that someone was there, waiting for me.**

"That was the end," I told them, passing the book to Alice and snuggling into Emmett's side. She was safe, but it wasn't over yet. We still had several chapters to go. I could only hope that it would get better from here, but… There were no guarantees. All I could do was hope.


	18. Visitor

Alice

I took the book from my sister, anxious to discover who was in Bella's house, although I was almost certain that it was me. After all, I would have seen Bella make the decision to jump… I shuddered to imagine what I would have thought, if I had seen that. I would have thought her suicidal.

**Visitor**

**Unnaturally still and white, with large black eyes intent on my face,** **my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the hall, beautiful beyond imagining.**

**My knees trembled for a second, and I nearly fell. Then I hurled myself at her.**

**"Alice,** **oh, Alice!" I cried, as I slammed into her.**

I grinned widely. "I knew it was me," I crowed, looking at Jasper excitedly. He chuckled quietly before kissing me on the head, while the others relaxed once we knew for sure that it was me in the house waiting for Bella.

**I'd forgotten how hard she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement.**

**"Bella?" There was a strange mingling of relief and confusion in her voice.**

**I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible. It wasn't like anything else – not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare.**

I smiled widely, while Emmett chuckled under his breath about making "Alice perfume". Jasper squeezed me a little tighter. "I couldn't agree more," he breathed quietly.

**My memory hadn't done it justice.**

**I didn't notice when the gasping turned into something else – I only realized I was sobbing when Alice dragged me to the living room couch and pulled me into her lap. It was like curling up into a cool stone, but a stone that was contoured comfortingly to the shape of my body. She rubbed my back in a gentle rhythm, waiting for me to get control of myself.**

**"I'm… sorry," I blubbered. "I'm just…so happy…to see you!"**

**"It's okay, Bella. Everything's okay."**

**"Yes," I bawled. And, for once, it seemed that way.**

**Alice sighed. "I'd forgotten how exuberant you are," she said, and her tone was disapproving.**

**I looked up at her through my streaming eyes. Alice's neck was tight, straining away from me, her lips pressed together firmly. Her eyes were black as pitch.**

**"Oh," I puffed, as I realized the problem. She was thirsty. And I smelled appetizing. It had been a while since I'd had to think about that kind of thing. "Sorry."**

**"It's my own fault. It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty. But I was in a hurry today." The look she directed at me then was a glare. "Speaking of which, would you like to explain to me how you're alive?"**

We all winced, knowing just how close she came to really dying, both because of the water and because of Victoria. It was only because of Jacob that she survived either, not to mention Laurent's attack on her before that.

**That brought me up short and stopped the sobs. I realized what must have happened immediately, and why Alice was here.**

**I swallowed loudly. "You saw me fall."**

**"No," she disagreed, her eyes narrowing. "I saw you jump."**

I saw Rose shudder. "You saw it in a vision… and you thought she committed suicide," she whispered, and I nodded sadly.

"Yes," I agreed. I was completely sure that, that was what would have happened.

**I pursed my lips as I tried to think of an explanation that wouldn't sound nuts.**

**Alice shook her head. "I told him this would happen, but he didn't believe me. 'Bella promised,'" her voice imitated his so perfectly that I froze in shock while the pain ripped through my torso. "'Don't be looking for her future, either,'" she continued to quote him. '"We've done enough damage."**

**"But just because I'm not looking, doesn't mean I don't see" she went on. "I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Bella. It's just that I'm already attuned to you…when I saw you jumping, I didn't think, I just got on a plane. **

**I knew I would be too late, but I couldn't do nothing. And then I get here, thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up." She shook her head, this time in confusion. Her voice was strained. "I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come up, but you didn't. What happened?**

**And how could you do that to Charlie? Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have any idea what Edward –"**

**I cut her off then, as soon as she said his name. I'd let her go on, even after I realized the misunderstanding she was under, just to hear the perfect bell tone of her voice. But it was time to interrupt.**

Edward flinched a little that she stopped me after I said his name. Still, what did he expect? I had to admit, though. I did wish that, in the book, I hadn't said a few of those things. But I knew how shocked I would be, if that were to happen.

**"Alice, I wasn't committing suicide."**

**She eyed me dubiously. "Are you saying you didn't jump off a cliff?"**

**"No, but…" I grimaced. "It was for recreational purposes only."**

**Her expression hardened.**

**"I'd seen some of Jacob's friend's cliff diving," I insisted. "It looked like…fun, and I was bored…"**

**She waited.**

**"I didn't think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all."**

**Alice didn't buy it. I could see that she still thought I had been trying to kill myself. I decided to redirect. "So if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Jacob?"**

"She lied," I muttered and everyone looked at me, slightly confused. "Well, half-lied," I corrected myself.

"What do you mean, Alice?" Esme asked fearfully.

"She didn't mean to kill herself when she jumped, but she stopped fighting after she realized that she was going to drown," I whispered, pain going through my chest at the thought of it.

Everyone flinched. None of us liked even the idea of that, but we all knew it to be true.

**She cocked her head to the side, distracted.**

**I continued. "It's true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn't jumped in after me. Well, okay, there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that?"**

**She frowned in perplexity. "Someone pulled you out?"**

**"Yes. Jacob saved me."**

**I watched curiously as an enigmatic range of emotions flitted across her face. Something was bothering her – her imperfect vision? But I wasn't sure. Then she deliberately leaned in and sniffed my shoulder.**

**I froze.**

**"Don't be ridiculous," she muttered, sniffing at me some more.**

**"What are you doing?"**

**She ignored my question. "Who was with you out there just now? It sounded like you were arguing."**

**"Jacob Black. He's…sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was…" I thought of Jacob's angry, betrayed face, and wondered what he was to me now.**

**Alice nodded, seeming preoccupied.**

I scowled. That would be when I realized that Bella had been hanging around with the wolves. Even knowing what I did now, I felt uneasy about her being around them. Although, I would always be grateful to them for protecting her from Victoria and Laurent, and I was beyond thankful to Jacob for rescuing Bella from drowning to death. I just couldn't surrender my sister's safety to them so easily…

**"What?"**

**"I don't know," she said. "I'm not sure what it means."**

**"Well, I'm not dead, at least."**

**She rolled her eyes. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."**

Emmett grinned, shaking his head ruefully. "And you didn't have any idea, then," he pointed out, and I laughed quietly in agreement. No, I had no idea, then, but I did, now. I stood by what I said, but I also admired her strength, just the fact that she was able to function at all was a miracle, really.

**"I survived," I pointed out.**

**She was thinking of something else. "So, if the currents were too much for you, how did this Jacob manage?"**

**"Jacob is…strong."**

**She heard the reluctance in my voice, and her eyebrows rose.**

**I gnawed on my lip for a second. Was this a secret, or not? And if it was, then who was my greatest allegiance to? Jacob or Alice?**

**It was too hard to keep secrets, I decided. Jacob knew everything, why not Alice, too?**

I winced. It was only fair, since Jacob had been there for her when I hadn't… but it still hurt. Jasper held me closer, feeling my pain and soothing me with his touch.

**"See, well, he's…sort of a werewolf," I admitted in a rush. "The Quileute's turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?"**

**Alice gawked at me for a moment, and then recovered herself, blinking rapidly. "Well, I guess that explains the smell," she muttered.**

**"But does it explain what I didn't see?" She frowned, her porcelain forehead creasing.**

**"The smell?" I repeated.**

**"You smell awful," she said absently, still frowning. "A werewolf? Are you sure about that?"**

**"Very sure," I promised, wincing as I remembered Paul and Jacob fighting in the road. "I guess you weren't with Carlisle the last time there were werewolves here in Forks?"**

I paused, frowning. "Do they really smell that bad?" I wondered.

"Yes!" Emmett cried loudly, and Rosalie's nose wrinkled in disgust as I watched in amusement.

Carlisle sighed, one eyebrow raised. "They do tend to… irritate the senses," he admitted reluctantly.

**"No. I hadn't found him yet." Alice was still lost in thought. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she turned to stare at me with a shocked expression. "Your best friend is a werewolf?"**

**I nodded sheepishly.**

**"How long has this been going on?"**

**"Not long," I said, my voice sounding defensive. "He's only been a werewolf for just a few weeks."**

Jasper snorted. "Only Bella would answer that question like that," he mused, and we laughed. It was true, after all.

**She glowered at me. "A young werewolf? Even worse! Edward was right – you're a magnet for danger. Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?"**

Emmett laughed in his booming voice. "Since when does Bella Bear stay out of trouble?" he asked in amusement, making us laugh.

**"There's nothing wrong with werewolves," I grumbled, stung by her critical tone.**

**"Until they lose their tempers." She shook her head sharply from side to side. "Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."**

**I didn't want to argue with Alice – I was still trembling with joy that she was really, truly here, that I could touch her marble skin and hear her wind-chime voice – but she had it all wrong.**

**"No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave –** **not all of them, anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so –"**

**"Victoria?" she hissed. "Laurent?"**

**I nodded, a teensy bit alarmed by the expression in her black eyes. I pointed at my chest.**

**"Danger magnet, remember?"**

I shook my head. Only Bella could be so calm when talking about that. She really was an extraordinary person, human or otherwise. I couldn't possibly be so relaxed when talking about that, if I were her.

**She shook her head again. "Tell me everything – start at the beginning."**

**I glossed over the beginning, skipping the motorcycles and the voices, but telling her everything else right up to today's misadventure. Alice didn't like my thin explanation about boredom and the cliffs, so I hurried on to the strange flame I'd seen on the water and what I thought it meant. Her eyes narrowed almost to slits at that part. It was strange to see her look so…so dangerous – like a vampire.**

I huffed. "It's because I'm small, isn't it?" I muttered, disgruntled. I mean, come on?! Just because I'm little doesn't mean I'm not still a vampire!

Jasper, bless him, tried to reassure me, but I could see the others holding back laughs. I rolled my eyes and just went back to the book.

**I swallowed hard and went on with the rest about Harry.**

**She listened to my story without interrupting. Occasionally, she would shake her head, and the crease in her forehead deepened until it looked like it was carved permanently into the marble of her skin. She didn't speak and, finally, I fell quiet, struck again by the borrowed grief at Harry's passing. I thought of Charlie; he would be home soon. What condition would he be in?**

**"Our leaving didn't do you any good at all, did it?" Alice murmured.**

**I laughed once – it was a slightly hysterical sound. "That was never the point, though, was it? It's not like you left for my benefit."**

**Alice scowled at the floor for a moment. "Well…I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded."**

Rose winced. "She's really not gonna like that," she warned me, and I nodded in agreement. I felt a little ashamed that, even in the book, I would consider leaving her after I saw her again.

Really, we could try and excuse it all we wanted… but we left Bella, too. We were all at fault. We should never have left, and there was no getting around that fact.

**I could feel the blood draining from my face. My stomach dropped. "Don't go, Alice," I whispered. My fingers locked around the collar of her white shirt and I began to hyperventilate. "Please don't leave me."**

**Her eyes opened wider. "All right," she said, enunciating each word with slow precision. "I'm not going anywhere tonight. Take a deep breath."**

**I tried to obey, though I couldn't quite locate my lungs.**

**She watched my face while I concentrated on my breathing. She waited till I was calmer to comment.**

**"You look like hell, Bella."**

I couldn't say that I was surprised. I would be stunned if she didn't look like hell after everything that she had been through. It would take time for those wounds to heal, and the scars would always remain, a testament to how deeply – and how cruelly – we had hurt her.

**"I drowned today," I reminded her.**

**"It goes deeper than that. You're a mess."**

**I flinched. "Look, I'm doing my best."**

**"What do you mean?"**

I had to pause. "Could I possibly be that dense?" I asked, appalled by my own naiveté. It should have been obvious, especially to me, that she would be beyond devastated by our abandonment of her.

No one said anything, and Jasper, sensing my distress, simply held me closer. He knew that I wouldn't be at peace until we returned, so he just stayed close to me, comforting me as best he could.

**"It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it."**

**She frowned. "I told him," she said to herself.**

**"Alice," I sighed. "What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that."**

**"I do. But I hoped."**

**"Then I guess I don't have the corner on the idiocy market."**

"Clearly," Jasper drawled, throwing a sly glance at Emmett. "I do believe our brother cornered that particular market decades ago," he said with a smirk, lightening the atmosphere and releasing some of the tension in the room.

**The phone rang.**

**"That has to be Charlie," I said, staggering to my feet. I grabbed Alice's stone hand and dragged her with me to the kitchen. I wasn't about to let her out of my sight.**

**"Charlie?" I answered the phone.**

**"No, it's me," Jacob said.**

**"Jake!"**

**Alice scrutinized my expression.**

**"Just making sure you were still alive," Jacob said sourly.**

**"I'm fine. I told you that it wasn't –"**

**"Yeah. I got it. 'Bye."**

Rosalie scowled. "I may be grateful to him for saving her, but the damn dog doesn't have to be so rude!" she hissed, voicing what we were all thinking. Esme didn't even bother to correct her language. None of us were happy about the way that he spoke to Bella, and a low growl was rumbling in Edward's chest at the dog's disrespect of his mate.

**Jacob hung up on me.**

**I sighed and let my head hang back, staring at the ceiling. "That's going to be a problem."**

**Alice squeezed my hand. "They aren't excited I'm here."**

**"Not especially. But it's none of their business anyway."**

**Alice put her arm around me. "So what do we do now?" she mused. She seemed to talk to herself for a moment. "Things to do. Loose ends to tie."**

**"What things to do?"**

**Her face was suddenly careful. "I don't know for sure…I need to see Carlisle."**

**Would she leave so soon? My stomach dropped.**

I frowned. Surely I wouldn't…

**"Could you stay?" I begged. "Please? For just a little while. I've missed you so much." My voice broke.**

**"If you think that's a good idea." Her eyes were unhappy.**

I hissed, frustrated with myself. How could I possibly do that to Bella, to my sister? A low sob escaped my throat, and Esme rushed over to take me in her arms.

"Shh… relax, darling. Everything will be alright. I'm sure that you were thinking about something else. You wouldn't leave her again," she soothed me, and my sobs quieted though they didn't stop. "This isn't going to happen, and we will help her through this when we get back," she reassured me, and I was finally silent, taking a moment to relax before I went back to reading from the book.

**"I do. You can stay here – Charlie would love that."**

**"I have a house, Bella."**

**I nodded, disappointed but resigned. She hesitated, studying me.**

**"Well, I need to go get a suitcase of clothes, at the very least."**

**I threw my arms around her. "Alice, you're the best!"**

I grinned, my mood being uplifted by Bella's praise, and Esme smiled at me before returning to her seat next to Carlisle.

**"And I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately," she added in a strained voice.**

**"Oops." I took a step back.**

**"Can you stay out of trouble for one hour?" she asked skeptically. Then, before I could answer, she held up one finger and closed her eyes. Her face went smooth and blank for a few seconds.**

**And then her eyes opened and she answered her own question. "Yes, you'll be fine. For tonight, anyway." She grimaced. Even making faces, she looked like an angel.**

**"You'll come back?" I asked in a small voice.**

Carlisle frowned sadly. "She's going to have abandonment issues, and we'll all have to be very careful not to leave her completely alone for a while, unless she asks us to," he warned us, a melancholy smile on his face.

We all nodded. Our leaving hurt her tremendously, and it would take time for her to trust that we wouldn't disappear again, each time that we went hunting.

**"I promise – one hour."**

**I glanced at the clock over the kitchen table.**

**She laughed and leaned in quickly to kiss me on the cheek. Then she was gone.**

**I took a deep breath. Alice would be back. I suddenly felt so much better.**

**I had plenty to do to keep myself busy while I waited. A shower was definitely first on the agenda. I sniffed my shoulders as I undressed, but I couldn't smell anything but the brine and seaweed scent of the ocean. I wondered what Alice had meant about me smelling bad.**

**When I was cleaned up, I went back to the kitchen. I couldn't see any signs that Charlie had eaten recently, and he would probably be hungry when he got back. I hummed tunelessly to myself as I moved around the kitchen.**

**While Thursday's casserole rotated in the microwave, I made up the couch with sheets and an old pillow. Alice wouldn't need it, but Charlie would need to see it. I was careful not to watch the clock. There was no reason to start myself panicking; Alice had promised.**

**I hurried through my dinner, not tasting it – just feeling the ache as it slid down my raw throat.**

**Mostly I was thirsty; I must have drunk a half gallon of water by the time I was finished. All the salt in my system had dehydrated me.**

**I went to go try to watch TV while I waited.**

**Alice was already there, sitting on her improvised bed. Her eyes were a liquid butterscotch.**

**She smiled and patted the pillow. "Thanks."**

**"You're early," I said, elated.**

I smiled, but I knew that it wasn't a true smile. I was glad that I was able to help Bella, but it still hurt to know what pain she was in – or rather would have been in just a few hours.

**I sat down next to her and leaned my head on her shoulder. She put her cold arms around me and sighed.**

**"Bella. What are we going to do with you?"**

**"I don't know," I admitted. "I really have been trying my hardest."**

**"I believe you."**

**It was silent.**

**"Does – does he…" I took a deep breath. It was harder to say his name out loud, even though I was able to think it now. "Does Edward know you're here?" I couldn't help asking.**

**It was my pain, after all. I'd deal with it when she was gone, I promised myself, and felt sick at the thought.**

Esme's eyes were full of hurt. "She's so resigned to the inevitability of pain," she whispered, and I flinched. It was true, though.

"We're going to help her. Honestly, I think that these issues run deeper than we thought," Rose said thoughtfully, and we looked at her, confused. "Bella's always been insecure, and I have a feeling that her insecurities are a part of why it was so bad for her," she elaborated.

Edward winced. "And I played on every insecurity she had," he whispered. "I think you're right, Esme," he added quietly.

All of us exchanged glances, and it was clear in our eyes. We would help her overcome all her issues, and all of us would heal from this tragedy.

**"No."**

**There was only one way that could be true. "He's not with Carlisle and Esme?"**

**"He checks in every few months."**

**"Oh." He must still be out enjoying his distractions.**

I shot my brother a quick glare. I still couldn't believe that he had been moronic and heartless enough to do that to my sister.

**I focused my curiosity on a safer topic. "You said you flew here…Where did you come from?"**

**"I was in Denali. Visiting Tanya's family."**

**"Is Jasper here? Did he come with you?'"**

**She shook her head. "He didn't approve of my interfering. We promised…" she trailed off, and then her tone changed. "And you think Charlie won't mind my being here?" she asked, sounding worried.**

**"Charlie thinks you're wonderful, Alice."**

**"Well, we're about to find out."**

**Sure enough, a few seconds later I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. I jumped up and hurried to open the door.**

**Charlie trudged slowly up the walk, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely.**

**"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad."**

Esme smiled sadly. "It's going to be difficult for Charlie to lose his oldest friend," she murmured, and I nodded in agreement.

**"I'm really going to miss him," Charlie mumbled.**

**"How's Sue doing?"**

**"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" The volume of his voice faded in and out. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen…" He shook his head.**

**He kept his arms tight around me as he started toward the door again.**

**"Um, Dad?" I figured I'd better warn him. "You'll never guess who's here."**

Well, time to find out just how much making up I'm going to have to do to get back on Charlie's good side…

**He looked at me blankly. His head swiveled around, and he spied the Mercedes across the street, the porch light reflecting off the glossy black paint. Before he could react, Alice was in the doorway.**

**"Hi, Charlie," she said in a subdued voice. "I'm sorry I came at such a bad time."**

**"Alice Cullen?" he peered at the slight figure in front of him as if he doubted what his eyes were telling him. "Alice, is that you?"**

**"It's me," she confirmed. "I was in the neighborhood."**

**"Is Carlisle…?"**

**"No, I'm alone."**

**Both Alice and I knew he wasn't really asking about Carlisle. His arm tightened over my shoulder.**

Yep. Edward was so screwed when we got back. Charlie was gonna go ballistic when he first saw him, I was sure. He really had a lot of groveling to do – even more than me.

**"She can stay here, can't she?" I pleaded. "I already asked her."**

**"Of course," Charlie said mechanically. "We'd love to have you, Alice."**

**"Thank you, Charlie. I know its horrid timing."**

**"No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Harry's family; it will be nice for Bella to have some company."**

**"There's dinner for you on the table, Dad," I told him.**

**"Thanks, Bell." He gave me one more squeeze before he shuffled toward the kitchen.**

**Alice went back to the couch, and I followed her. This time, she was the one to pull me against her shoulder.**

I smiled. I missed being with her like that. Bella was my first and only best friend, as well as my sister, and it hurt being away from her. She was one of us, and I could hardly wait until we could talk and laugh together like we used to.

Hell, she even put up with all of the shopping trips that I dragged her on, just because it made me happy. I missed my sister.

**"You look tired."**

**"Yeah," I agreed, and shrugged. "Near-death experiences do that to me…So, what does Carlisle think of you being here?"**

**"He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip. I'll hear from him in a few days, when he gets back."**

**"You won't tell **_**him**_**, though…when he checks in again?" I asked. She knew I didn't mean Carlisle now.**

**"No. He'd bite my head off," Alice said grimly.**

**I laughed once, and then sighed.**

**I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up all night talking to Alice. And it didn't make sense for me to be tired, what with crashing on Jacob's couch all day. But drowning really had taken a lot out of me, and my eyes wouldn't stay open. I rested my head on her stone shoulder, and drifted into a more peaceful oblivion than I had any hope of.**

**I woke early, from a deep and dreamless sleep, feeling well-rested, but stiff. I was on the couch tucked under the blankets I'd laid out for Alice, and I could hear her and Charlie talking in the kitchen. It sounded like Charlie was fixing her breakfast.**

**"How bad was it, Charlie?" Alice asked softly, and at first I thought they were talking about the Clearwater's.**

**Charlie sighed. "Real bad."**

**"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left."**

We all straightened. Bella didn't have any clear memory of the first few months that we were gone, and maybe Charlie would be able to give us more information about just how bad it was at first.

**There was a pause while a cupboard door was closed and a dial on the stove was clicked off. I waited, cringing.**

**"I've never felt so helpless," Charlie began slowly. "I didn't know what to do. That first week – I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."**

Esme whimpered and Carlisle pulled her closer. "Shh, it's alright, honey. Alice, please, keep going," he told me.

**"She snapped out of it though?"**

**"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one…if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave – and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here… and she did seem to get better at first…"**

**Charlie trailed off. It was hard listening to this, knowing how much pain I'd caused him.**

**"But?" Alice prompted.**

**"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was…empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things – she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out – she was avoiding everything that might remind her of…him.**

**"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her – the littlest things would make her flinch – and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something.**

**"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling.**

**"It was night of the living dead around here.**

**I still hear her screaming in her sleep…"**

I had to pause for a minute. It was hard to hear just how hurt, how destroyed we had left her. But I knew that we deserved to hear just what we did to her.

**I could almost see him shuddering. I shuddered, too, remembering. And then I sighed. I hadn't fooled him at all, not for one second.**

**"I'm so sorry, Charlie," Alice said, voice glum.**

**"It's not your fault." The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he was holding someone responsible.**

"And he should. We're all responsible, to a certain degree," Rose muttered, and I had to agree with her. Although Edward played the largest role in just how much we hurt her, we all had a role in leaving her behind.

**"You were always a good friend to her."**

**"She seems better now, though."**

**"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." He paused, and his voice was different when he spoke again. "He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed that direction, anyway." Charlie said this in a tone that was almost belligerent. It was a warning, not for Alice, but for her to pass along. "Jake's old for his years," he continued, still sounding defensive. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too – takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know," Charlie insisted.**

**"Then it's good she has him," Alice agreed.**

**Charlie sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the lack of opposition. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know… even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal, Alice, and it… it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone… left her, but like someone died." His voice cracked.**

**It was like someone had died – like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family – the whole life that I'd chosen…**

The entire family drew in a collective breath. We did that to her. We… killed her, in a way. Not just that, we took everything away from her. We took her family, her future, and her life, all in one fell swoop.

I had to grit my teeth in order to keep going.

**Charlie went on in a hopeless tone. "I don't know if she's going to get over it – I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."**

**"She's one of a kind," Alice agreed in a dry voice.**

**"And Alice…" Charlie hesitated. "Now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but…I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her."**

**"So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."**

**"Don't apologize, honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her."**

**"I hope you're right."**

**There was a long break while forks scraped plates and Charlie chewed. I wondered where Alice was hiding the food.**

**"Alice, I have to ask you something," Charlie said awkwardly.**

**Alice was calm. "Go ahead."**

**"He's not coming back to visit, too, is he?" I could hear the suppressed anger in Charlie's voice.**

"I should never have left in the first place. I'm going to make this right," Edward murmured, so softly that I could barely hear him. I smiled, just a little. He was learning.

**Alice answered in a soft, reassuring tone. "He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke with him, he was in South America."**

**I stiffened as I heard this new information, and listened harder.**

**"That's something, at least." Charlie snorted. "Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."**

**For the first time, Alice's voice had a bit of steel in it. "I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie." I knew how her eyes would flash when she used that tone.**

**A chair scooted from the table, scraping loudly across the floor. I pictured Charlie getting up; there was no way Alice would make that kind of noise. The faucet ran, splashing against a dish.**

**It didn't sound like they were going to say anything more about Edward, so I decided it was time to wake up.**

"I'm sure, I knew she was awake the entire time," I smiled weakly, and Jasper squeezed me a little tighter.

**I turned over, bouncing against the springs to make them squeak. Then I yawned loudly.**

**All was quiet in the kitchen.**

**I stretched and groaned.**

**"Alice?" I asked innocently; the soreness rasping in my throat added nicely to the charade.**

**"I'm in the kitchen, Bella," Alice called, no hint in her voice that she suspected my eavesdropping. But she was good at hiding things like that.**

**Charlie had to leave then – he was helping Sue Clearwater with the funeral arrangements. It would have been a very long day without Alice. She never spoke about leaving, and I didn't ask her. I knew it was inevitable, but I put it out of my mind.**

**Instead, we talked about her family – all but one.**

**Carlisle was working nights in Ithaca and teaching part time at Cornell. Esme was restoring a seventeenth century house, a historical monument, in the forest north of the city. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to Europe for a few months on another honeymoon, but they were back now. Jasper was at Cornell, too, studying philosophy this time. And Alice had been doing some personal research, concerning the information I'd accidentally uncovered for her last spring.**

**She'd successfully tracked down the asylum where she'd spent the last years of her human life. The life she had no memory of.**

**"My name was Mary Alice Brandon," she told me quietly.**

**"I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter – my niece – is still alive in Biloxi."**

"**Did you find out why they put you in…that place?" What would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter saw visions of the future…**

**She just shook her head, her topaz eyes thoughtful. "I couldn't find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfilm. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents' engagement was there, and Cynthia's." The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. "My birth was announced… and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same."**

**I didn't know what to say, and, after a short pause, Alice moved on to lighter topics.**

**The Cullen's were reassembled now, with the one exception, spending Cornell's spring break in Denali with Tanya and her family. I listened too eagerly to even the most trivial news. She never mentioned the one I was most interested in, and for that I was grateful. It was enough to listen to the stories of the family I'd once dreamed of belonging to.**

I sighed quietly. Oh, Bella… You deserve far more than the hell that we sentenced you to, and far more than you think…

**Charlie didn't get back until after dark, and he looked more worn than he had the night before. He would be headed back to the reservation first thing in the morning for Harry's funeral, so he turned in early. I stayed on the couch with Alice again.**

**Charlie was almost a stranger when he came down the stairs before the sun was up; wearing an old suit I'd never seen him in before. The jacket hung open; I guessed it was too tight to fasten the buttons. His tie was a bit wide for the current style. He tiptoed to the door, trying not to wake us up. I let him go, pretending to sleep, as Alice did on the recliner.**

**As soon as he was out the door, Alice sat up. Under the quilt, she was fully dressed.**

**"So, what are we doing today?" she asked.**

**"I don't know – do you see anything interesting happening?"**

**She smiled and shook her head. "But it's still early."**

**All the time I'd been spending in La Push meant a pile of things I'd been neglecting at home, and I decided to catch up on my chores.**

**I wanted to do something, anything that might make life easier for Charlie – maybe it would make him feel just a little better to come home to a clean, organized house. I started with the bathroom – it showed the most signs of neglect.**

**While I worked, Alice leaned against the doorjamb and asked nonchalant questions about my, well, our high school friends and what they been up to since she'd left. Her face stayed casual and emotionless, but I sensed her disapproval when she realized how little I could tell her. Or maybe I just had a guilty conscience after eavesdropping on her conversation with Charlie yesterday morning.**

**I was literally up to my elbows in Comet, scrubbing the floor of the bathtub, when the doorbell rang.**

**I looked to Alice at once, and her expression was perplexed, almost worried, which was strange; Alice was never taken by surprise.**

I frowned. "The wolves are there. Jacob," I muttered, disgruntled. I hated that I couldn't see them because, if I wasn't able to see them, then I couldn't protect Bella as well. I sighed. But they would protect her, too…

**"Hold on!" I shouted in the general direction of the front door, getting up and hurrying to the sink to rinse my arms off.**

**"Bella," Alice said with a trace of frustration in her voice, "I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I'd better step out."**

**"Guess?" I echoed. Since when did Alice have to guess anything?**

**"If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it's most likely Jacob Black or one of his… friends."**

**I stared at her, putting it together. "You can't see werewolves?"**

**She grimaced. "So it would seem." She was obviously annoyed by this fact – very annoyed.**

**The doorbell rang again – buzzing twice quickly and impatiently.**

**"You don't have go anywhere, Alice. You were here first."**

Emmett pouted. "Yeah," he said childishly, and Rose shook her head, smiling at him. I don't think we would ever understand that big bear of a vampire.

**She laughed her silvery little laugh – it had a dark edge. "Trust me – it wouldn't be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together."**

**She kissed my cheek swiftly before she vanished through Charlie's door – and out his back window, no doubt.**

**The doorbell rang again.**

"That was the end of the chapter," I told everyone, passing the book back to Rose.

"Well, let's get this over with," she mused, shaking her head.


	19. Funeral

Rosalie

I couldn't help the feeling I was experiencing at the moment. I was sick of it – I was sick of this whole situation, and even more horrified that I had been glad to leave Bella behind before. We all abandoned her, and it was becoming more and more clear just what a mistake that had been.

Looking down at the book in my lap, I sighed. It was time to end this, so that we could return to the place that we truly belonged – in Forks, with my little sister.

**The Funeral**

**I sprinted down the stairs and threw the door open.**

**It was Jacob, of course. Even blind, Alice wasn't slow.**

**He was standing about six feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth – masklike. He didn't fool me; I could see the faint trembling of his hands.**

**Hostility rolled off of him in waves. It brought back that awful afternoon when he'd chosen Sam over me, and I felt my chin jerk up defensively in response.**

We all winced at the memory of her pain, and I felt my anger flare up over the despicable things that he had said to her. He had no right, whether he thought that he was protecting her or not. He was just as bad as Edward, I thought scathingly before I corrected myself. No, he was just as bad as each and every one of us. We all held our own portion of the blame – Edward was simply the catalyst behind it all.

**Jacob's Rabbit idled by the curb with Jared behind the wheel and Embry in the passenger seat. I understood what this meant; they were afraid to let him come here alone.**

**It made me sad, and a little annoyed. The Cullen's weren't like that.**

**"Hey," I finally said when he didn't speak.**

"Coward," Emmett muttered, disgusted. I didn't bother to hide my smirk at his words. The wolf was a coward, and an ass, at that.

**Jake pursed his lips, still hanging back from the door. His eyes flickered across the front of the house.**

**I ground my teeth. "She's not here. Do you need something?"**

**He hesitated. "You're alone?"**

**"Yes." I sighed.**

**"Can I talk to you a minute?"**

**"Of course you can, Jacob. Come on in."**

**Jacob glanced over his shoulder at his friends in the car. I saw Embry shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason, this bugged me to no end.**

**My teeth clenched together again. "Chicken" I mumbled under my breath.**

Jasper grinned a little. "You tell him, darlin'," he chuckled quietly. None of us were happy with the little bastard. He had done nearly as much damage as we had.

**Jake's eyes flashed back to me, his thick, black brows pushing into a furious angle over his deep-set eyes. His jaw set, and he marched – there was no other way to describe the way he moved – up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into the house.**

**I locked gazes with first Jared and then Embry – I didn't like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Jacob? – before I shut the door on them.**

**Jacob was in the hall behind me, staring at the mess of blankets in the living room.**

**"Slumber party?" he asked his tone sarcastic.**

**"Yeah," I answered with the same level of acid. I didn't like Jacob when he acted this way.**

**"What's it to you?"**

**He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. "Where's your 'friend'?" I could hear the quotation marks in his tone.**

Alice growled. "I'm far more of a friend to her than you could ever be, stupid mutt!" she hissed. "I actually care about her, and all you care about is your own selfish desires!" she retorted. Jasper held her a little closer to help calm her.

**"She had some errands to run. Look, Jacob, what do you want?"**

**Something about the room seemed to make him edgier – his long arms were quivering. He didn't answer my question. Instead he moved on to the kitchen, his restless eyes darting everywhere.**

**I followed him. He paced back and forth along the short counter.**

**"Hey," I said, putting myself in his way. He stopped pacing and stared down at me. "What's your problem?"**

**"I don't like having to be here."**

**That stung. I winced, and his eyes tightened.**

**"Then I'm sorry you had to come," I muttered. "Why don't you tell me what you need so you can leave?"**

**"I just have to ask you a couple of questions. It shouldn't take long. We have to get back for the funeral."**

**"Okay. Get it over with then." I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I didn't want him to see how much this hurt.**

**I knew I wasn't being fair. After all, I'd picked the bloodsucker over him last night. I'd hurt him first.**

We all frowned. "We really need to teach her about being too nice to people," I muttered into the momentary silence. She didn't see how he was manipulating her into feeling sorry for him. He knew exactly what seeing him upset or in pain did to her, and he used that to his advantage as much as he could.

**He took a deep breath, and his trembling fingers were suddenly still. His face smoothed into a serene mask.**

**"One of the Cullen's is staying here with you," he stated.**

**"Yes. Alice Cullen."**

**He nodded thoughtfully. "How long is she here for?"**

**"As long as she wants to be." The belligerence was still there in my tone. "It's an open invitation."**

**"Do you think you could…please…explain to her about the other one – Victoria?"**

Esme frowned. "Of course Bella would tell us about her," she said, shaking her head. That was another issue that we had to deal with once we returned. Clearly, the dogs weren't capable of catching her on their own, so we would have to step in and deal with the problem ourselves.

**I paled. "I told her about that."**

**He nodded. "You should know that we can only watch our own lands with a Cullen here. You'll only be safe in La Push. I can't protect you here anymore."**

**"Okay," I said in a small voice.**

**He looked away then, out the back windows. He didn't continue.**

**"Is that all?"**

**He kept his eyes on the glass as he answered. "Just one more thing."**

**I waited, but he didn't continue. "Yes?" I finally prompted.**

**"Are the rest of them coming back now?" he asked in a cool, quiet voice. It reminded me of Sam's always calm manner. Jacob was becoming more like Sam…I wondered why that bothered me so much.**

**Now I didn't speak. He looked back at my face with probing eyes.**

**"Well?" he asked. He struggled to conceal the tension behind his serene expression.**

**"No." I said finally. Grudgingly. "They aren't coming back."**

I flinched almost unnoticeably. Soon, little sister. We'll be there soon. I looked around the room and could tell that we were all thinking the same thing.

**His expression didn't change. "Okay. That's all."**

**I glared at him, annoyance rekindled. "Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren't coming to get you."**

**"Okay," he repeated, still calm.**

**That seemed to be it. Jacob walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet he'd become.**

**What a disaster. How could I have alienated him so completely in such a short amount of time?**

**Would he forgive me when Alice was gone? What if he didn't?**

**I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn't think of any better way, any perfect course of action.**

**"Bella…?" Jacob asked in a troubled voice.**

**I pulled my face out of my hands to see Jacob hesitating in the kitchen doorway; he hadn't left when I'd thought. It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I realized I was crying.**

We all hissed at that. The damn dog better watch his step, or I would put an end to him making any steps once we got back. I glanced at Edward and he nodded, a determined light in his eyes. For the first time since we read about his moronic, monumental mistake, I felt allied with him in something. I wasn't about to forgive him, but it was a start.

**Jacob's calm expression was gone; his face was anxious and unsure. He walked quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the same level with mine.**

**"Did it again, didn't I?"**

**"Did what?" I asked my voice cracking.**

**"Broke my promise. Sorry."**

**"'S'okay," I mumbled. "I started it this time."**

Carlisle looked like he was biting his tongue to keep from saying something. I didn't blame him. It wasn't Bella's fault. The dog shouldn't be making her choose when he knew that she loved Alice. But that was just it. In reality, Jacob really didn't care about how Bella felt. He just cared about making her choose him over us.

**His face twisted. "I knew how you felt about them. It shouldn't have taken me by surprise like that."**

**I could see the revulsion in his eyes. I wanted to explain to him what Alice was really like, to defend her against the judgments he'd made, but something warned me that now was not the time.**

**So I just said, "Sorry," again.**

**"Let's not worry about it, okay? She's just visiting, right? She'll leave, and things will go back to normal."**

**"Can't I be friends with you both at the same time?" I asked, my voice not hiding an ounce of the hurt I felt.**

**He shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think you can."**

**I sniffed and stared at his big feet. "But you'll wait, right? You'll still be my friend, even though I love Alice, too?"**

**I didn't look up, afraid to see what he'd think of that last part. It took him a minute to answer, so I was probably right not to look.**

**"Yeah, I'll always be your friend," he said gruffly. "No matter what you love."**

I didn't hold back my hiss. "It doesn't sound like that, to me," I growled, glaring down at the book in my hands. Jacob was just a manipulative, controlling little piece of shit. Damn dog…

**"Promise?"**

**"Promise."**

**I felt his arms wind around me, and I leaned against his chest, still sniffling. "This sucks."**

**"Yeah." Then he sniffed my hair and said, "Ew."**

**"What?" I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don't smell!"**

**He smiled a little. "Yes, you do – you smell like them. Bleach. Too sweet – sickly sweet. And…icy. It burns my nose."**

**"Really?" That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a human, anyway.**

Alice smiled smugly. "That's right, so back off, dog," she muttered, still smirking. Esme shook her head, an enraged glint in her eyes, but didn't say anything. I knew that she was pissed at Jacob, too. He was hurting her daughter; of course she was going to be furious.

**"But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?"**

**That wiped his smile away. "Huh. Maybe I don't smell so good to her, either. Huh."**

**"Well, you both smell fine to me." I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-22 – on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die – metaphorically – when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? What a mess, I thought again.**

**"I'll miss you," Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. "Every minute. I hope she leaves soon."**

**"It really doesn't have to be that way, Jake."**

**He sighed. "Yes, it really does. Bella. You…love her. So I'd better not get anywhere near her. I'm not sure that I'm even-tempered enough to handle that. Sam would be mad if I broke the treaty, and"– his voice turned sarcastic – "you probably wouldn't like it too much if I killed your friend."**

Carlisle frowned deeply. "He doesn't have to be so rude. He knows that she cares about us, and it doesn't even seem to matter to him that he's deliberately hurting her," he said roughly, disgusted.

**I recoiled from him when he said that, but he only tightened his arms, refusing to let me escape. "There's no point in avoiding the truth. That's the way things are, Bells."**

Seven snarls filled the air as I read that. "How dare he?" I hissed.

"He has no right to touch her that way," Edward growled. I was in complete agreement. I didn't care what the fucking dog wanted, no man ever had the right to touch any woman that way – especially not my little sister!

**"I do not like the way things are."**

**Jacob freed one arm so that he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and make me look at him. "Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn't it?"**

**I sighed.**

**We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness – I didn't want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed.**

**He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble – not with anger this time. He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands.**

Edward's hands were clenched into fists and he was growling lowly. No one said anything to him about it because it didn't seem as though this was something Bella wanted, but he was on thin ice.

Still, I couldn't deny that I was feeling my own hefty dose of anger. Poor Jasper looked like he was about to run back to Forks and kill the mutt any second now.

**"Bella," he whispered.**

**I was frozen.**

**No! I hadn't made this decision yet. I didn't know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences.**

**I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.**

Edward groaned, and that was too much for Emmett. "That's enough, Edward! You left her, and she's all alone except for the stupid dog. You did this, so you deal with it now," he said strongly, having stood to tower over the bronze haired vampire before slowly returning to my side.

**Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn't break any spells?**

**Maybe it would be easy – like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn't feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Just myself.**

**Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still absolutely undecided.**

**The shrill ring of the phone** **made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction.**

**"Swan residence," Jacob said his husky voice low and intense.**

**Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet the measly remainder of my college fund that it was Alice.**

Alice froze before she shook her head slowly. "It's not me," she said hesitantly. "I wouldn't do that. It's not me," she repeated, "but I have a bad feeling that it is one of us," she whispered. Everyone froze. And, in that instant, I knew. Of course, I knew. Still, I read on.

**I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me.**

**"He's not here," Jacob said, and the words were menacing.**

**There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, "He's at the funeral."**

**Then Jacob hung up the phone. "Filthy bloodsucker," he muttered under his breath. The face he turned back to me was the bitter mask again.**

**"Who did you just hang up on?" I gasped, infuriated. "In my house and on my phone?"**

**"Easy! He hung up on me!"**

**"He? Who was it?"**

**He sneered the title. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen."**

_That wasn't Carlisle. _I couldn't read minds, but I would stake everything I owned on the fact that, that was what was going through the entire family's minds in that instant.

**"Why didn't you let me talk to him?"**

**"He didn't ask for you," Jacob said coldly. His face was smooth, expressionless, but his hands shook. "He asked where Charlie was and I told him. I don't think I broke any rules of etiquette."**

**"You listen to me, Jacob Black –"**

**But he obviously wasn't listening. He looked quickly over his shoulder, as if someone had called his name from the other room. His eyes went wide and his body stiff, then he started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heard nothing.**

**"Bye, Bells," he spit out and wheeled toward the front door.**

**I ran after him. "What is it?"**

**And then I ran into him, as he rocked back on his heels, cussing under his breath. He spun around again, knocking me sideways. I bobbled and fell to the floor, my legs tangled with his.**

Esme glared at the book, and I scowled. Stupid dog…

**"Shoot, ow!" I protested as he hurriedly jerked his legs free one at a time.**

**I struggled to pull myself up as he darted for the back door; he suddenly froze again.**

**Alice stood motionless at the foot of the stairs.**

**"Bella," she choked.**

**I scrambled to my feet and lurched to her side. Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.**

**"Alice, what's wrong?" I cried. I put my hands on her face, trying to calm her.**

**Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.**

**"Edward," was all she whispered.**

_Of course. _Of course, it was Edward. I had known it would be, but to have it confirmed was still beyond unpleasant. I knew, also, what his purpose would have been. And then came the guilt. I had to force the next words out of my mouth.

**My body reacted faster than my mind was able to catch up with the implications of her reply.**

**I didn't at first understand why the room was spinning or where the hollow roar in my ears was coming from. My mind labored, unable to make sense of Alice's bleak face and how it could possibly relate to Edward, while my body was already swaying, seeking the relief of unconsciousness before the reality could hit me.**

**The stairway tilted at the oddest angle.**

**Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.**

**I was on the couch without understanding how I got there, and Jacob was still swearing. It felt like there was an earthquake – the couch was shaking under me.**

My eyes widened fearfully, and growls once more filled the room. "He's close to phasing right next to her!" Alice shrieked. I bit my tongue to hold in the numerous epithets that begged to escape my mouth. All we could do was read. This hadn't happened yet, and if we finished quickly enough, we could stop it from even being a possibility.

**"What did you do to her?" he demanded.**

**Alice ignored him. "Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry."**

**"Stay back," Jacob warned.**

**"Calm down, Jacob Black," Alice ordered. "You don't want to do that so close to her."**

**"I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus," he retorted, but his voice sounded a little cooler**.

**"Alice?" My voice was weak. "What happened?" I asked, even though I didn't want to hear.**

**"I don't know," she suddenly wailed. "What is he thinking?"**

**I labored to pull myself up despite the dizziness. I realized it was Jacob's arm I was gripping for balance. He was the one shaking, not the couch.**

**Alice was pulling a small silver phone from her bag when my eyes relocated her. Her fingers dialed the numbers so fast they were a blur.**

**"Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle now." Her voice whipped through the words. "Fine, as soon as he's back. No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?"**

**Alice paused now; listening with an expression that grew more appalled every second.**

**Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand.**

**"Why?" she gasped. "Why would you do that, Rosalie?"**

I paused, shutting my eyes in dismay. As much as I genuinely despised Edward, at the moment, I didn't want him to… I shook my head, not allowing the thought to come to fruition.

"What would you do, Rose?" Esme asked softly, sensing my distress. I just shook my head. I couldn't answer her. Not yet.

**Whatever the answer was, it made her jaw tighten in anger. Her eyes flashed and narrowed.**

**"Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" she asked acidly. "Yes, that's right. She's absolutely fine – I was wrong… It's a long story… But you're wrong about that part; too, that's why I'm calling… Yes, that's exactly what I saw."**

**Alice's voice was very hard and her lips were pulled back from her teeth. "It's a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." Alice snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers.**

Alice groaned quietly, looking at me with understanding, pained eyes. The question was clear. _You did it, didn't you? _Just as clear as the answer was in my own guilty, remorseful ones. _Yes. Yes, I did._

**Her eyes were tortured as she turned to face me.**

**"Alice," I blurted out quickly. I couldn't let her speak yet. I needed a few more seconds before she spoke and her words destroyed what was left of my life. "Alice, Carlisle is back, though. He called just before…"**

**She stared at me blankly. "How long ago?" she asked in a hollow voice.**

**"Half a minute before you showed up."**

**"What did he say?" She really focused now, waiting for my answer.**

**"I didn't talk to him." My eyes flickered to Jacob.**

**Alice turned her penetrating gaze on him. He flinched, but held his place next to me. He sat awkwardly, almost as if he were trying to shield me with his body.**

**"He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," Jacob muttered resentfully.**

**"Is that everything?" Alice demanded her voice like ice.**

**"Then he hung up on me," Jacob spit back. A tremor rolled down his spine, shaking me with it.**

**"You told him Charlie was at the funeral,"**

Esme gasped, and I could almost hear the click in her mind. I knew that she would be flashing back to the conversation Edward had with Bella, about if she had died… She looked at me desperately. "You didn't… You wouldn't…" she trailed off, shaking her head in anguish as she searched for some reassurance. I didn't respond. What was I supposed to say?

**I reminded him.**

**Alice jerked her head back toward me "What were his exact words?"**

**"He said, 'He's not here,' and when Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said, 'At the funeral.'"**

**Alice moaned and sank to her knees.**

**"Tell me Alice," I whispered.**

**"That wasn't Carlisle on the phone," she said hopelessly.**

**"Are you calling me a liar?" Jacob snarled from beside me.**

**Alice ignored him, focusing on my bewildered face.**

**"It was Edward." The words were just a choked whisper. "He thinks you're dead."**

Esme groaned, Alice whimpered, and my voice was icy as I struggled to keep reading. All three of us were held tightly in the attempted comfort of our mates' embraces.

**My mind started to work again. These words weren't the ones I'd been afraid of, and the relief cleared my head.**

**"Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn't she?" I said, sighing as I relaxed.**

I winced as I read that, and then Edward snarled. "How could you?" he demanded, fury radiating out from him when I looked at him. "Look at what your selfishness has done!" he growled at me, and that was enough to ignite my own rage.

"Don't you dare!" I hissed. "Yes, I was wrong in the books to tell you because clearly you can't be trusted to make good decisions," I told him scornfully. "But don't you dare put this all on me. Are you really that caught up in your own twisted head that you don't realize what you're about to do to Esme, to our family, by committing suicide in the story?!"

He looked down slightly, but I could still see him struggling to hold back a snarl. I shook my head in disgust before turning to Esme. "I am sorry for my actions in the book, Mom. I would never wish that kind of pain on you," I murmured, earning a soft but still panicked smile in return, before I turned back to the book.

**"Yes," Alice admitted, her eyes flashing hard again.**

**"In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn't she realize…or care…?" Her voice faded away in horror.**

**"And when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant **_**my**_ **funeral," I realized. It stung to know how close I'd been, just inches away from his voice. My nails dug into Jacob's arm, but he didn't flinch.**

**Alice looked at me strangely. "You're not upset," she whispered.**

All our eyes widened in shock, but then I understand. "She believes he doesn't love her," I said flatly, watching comprehension flicker across the stressed faces of my family members.

**"Well, it's really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him…what…really…" I trailed off. Her gaze strangled the words in my throat.**

**Why was she so panicked? Why was her face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it she had said to Rosalie on the phone just now? Something about what she'd seen…and Rosalie's remorse; Rosalie would never feel remorse for anything that happened to me. But if she'd hurt her family, hurt her brother…**

**"Bella," Alice whispered. "Edward won't call again. He believed her."**

**"I. Don't. Understand." My mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn't push the air out to actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant.**

**"He's going to Italy."**

Esme flinched again and it was all I could do to stay where I was and continue reading. Yes, I still harbored my own share of guilt, but that did not excuse his actions.

**It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend.**

**When Edward's voice came back to me now, it was not the perfect imitation of my delusions. It was just the weak, flat tone of my memories. But the words alone were enough to shred through my chest and leave it gaping open. Words from a time when I would have bet everything that I owned or could borrow on that fact that he loved me.**

**Well, I wasn't going to live without you, he'd said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, here in this very room. But I wasn't sure how to do it… I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…**

**You don't irritate them. Not unless you want to die.**

**Not unless you want to die.**

**"NO!" The half-shrieked denial was so loud after the whispered words, it made us all jump. I felt the blood rushing to my face as I realized what she'd seen. "No! No, no, no! He can't! He can't do that!"**

Alice groaned, placing her head in her hands. "No, no, no…" she moaned quietly.

"What is it, Alice?" Jasper asked urgently, his voice frantically calm as he strived to soothe his mate.

My sister shook her head. "The Volturi," she said quietly, and I frowned in slight confusion. What… "She won't let him go and do nothing to try and save him. The Preface," she reminded us. "Bella is about to meet the Volturi."

We froze in shocked dismay as that thought washed over us. No. Bella was human and, though Carlisle's friendship with the Volturi would save us, the law was clear – Bella's life would be forfeit. I gritted my teeth and shook it off. It wasn't happening now and we wouldn't let it happen in the future. We just had to get through this damned book first.

**"He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you."**

**"But he…he left! He didn't want me anymore! What difference does it make now? He knew I would die sometime!"**

**"I don't think he ever planned to outlive you by long," Alice said quietly.**

**"How dare he!" I screamed. I was on my feet now, and Jacob rose uncertainly to put himself between Alice and me again.**

**"Oh, get out of the way, Jacob!" I elbowed my way around his trembling body with desperate impatience. "What do we do?" I begged Alice. There had to be something. "Can't we call him? Can Carlisle?"**

**She was shaking her head. "That was the first thing I tried. He left his phone in a trash can in Rio – someone answered it…" she whispered.**

**"You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let's do it, whatever it is!"**

**"Bella, I – I don't think I can ask you to…" She trailed off in indecision.**

**"Ask me!" I commanded.**

Alice whimpered quietly in the back of her throat and Esme was by her side in an instant, taking my sister into her comforting embrace. The little vampire clung tightly to our mother, as I read on.

**She put her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, her fingers flexing sporadically to emphasize her words. "We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi…and asking to die." We both cringed, and my eyes were suddenly blind. I blinked feverishly at the tears. "It all depends on what they choose. I can't see that till they make a decision.**

**"But if they say no, and they might – Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn't want to offend him –** **Edward has a backup plan. They're very protective of their city. If Edward does something to upset the peace, he thinks they'll act to stop him. And he's right. They will."**

**I stared at her with my jaw clenched in frustration. I'd heard nothing yet that would explain why we were still standing here.**

**"So if they agree to grant his favor, we're too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we're too late. If he gives into his more theatrical tendencies…we might have time."**

**"Let's go!"**

**"Listen, Bella! Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good. There's a very good chance that they will eliminate us all – though in your case it won't be punishment so much as dinnertime."**

In unison, we snarled at the words. So long as we existed, that would never happen. I would make sure of it, personally.

**"This is what's keeping us here?" I asked in disbelief. "I'll go alone if you're afraid." I mentally tabulated what money was left in my account, and wondered if Alice would lend me the rest.**

**"I'm only afraid of getting you killed."**

**I snorted in disgust. "I almost get myself killed on a daily basis! Tell me what I need to do!"**

**"You write a note to Charlie. I'll call the airlines."**

**"Charlie," I gasped.**

**Not that my presence was protecting him, but could I leave him here alone to face…**

**"I'm not going to let anything happen to Charlie." Jacob's low voice was gruff and angry.**

**"Screw the treaty."**

**I glanced up at him, and he scowled at my panicked expression.**

**"Hurry, Bella," Alice interrupted urgently.**

**I ran to the kitchen, yanking the drawers open and throwing the contents all over the floor as I searched for a pen. A smooth, brown hand held one out to me.**

**"Thanks," I mumbled, pulling the cap off with my teeth. He silently handed me the pad of paper we wrote phone messages on. I tore off the top sheet and threw it over my shoulder.**

_**Dad, **_**I wrote. **_**I'm with Alice. Edward's in trouble. You can ground me when I get back. I know it's a bad time. So sorry. Love you so much. Bella.**_

**"Don't go," Jacob whispered. The anger was all gone now that Alice was out of sight.**

Emmett and Jasper growled at that. They didn't like the dog trying to keep her from saving our masochistic, pretentious, overbearing brother. As much as I hated to admit it at that moment, I didn't like it either.

**I wasn't about to waste time arguing with him. "Please, please, please take care of Charlie," I said as I dashed back out to the front room. Alice was waiting in the doorway with a bag over her shoulder.**

**"Get your wallet – you'll need ID. Please tell me you have a passport. I don't have time to forge one."**

**I nodded and then raced up the stairs, my knees weak with gratitude that my mother had wanted to marry Phil on a beach in Mexico. Of course, like all her plans, it had fallen through. But not before I'd made all the practical arrangements I could for her.**

**I tore through my room. I stuffed my old wallet, a clean T-shirt, and sweatpants into my backpack, and then threw my toothbrush on top. I hurled myself back down the stairs. The sense of déjà vu was nearly stifling by this point. At least, unlike the last time – when I'd run away from Forks to escape thirsty vampires rather than to find them – I wouldn't have to say goodbye to Charlie in person.**

Edward winced at the reminder, but I didn't have any sympathy left for the bastard. And it would probably be quite a while until the hostility died down – a _very, very _long while…

**Jacob and Alice were locked in some kind of confrontation in front of the open door, standing so far apart you wouldn't assume at first that they were having a conversation.**

**Neither one seemed to notice my noisy reappearance.**

**"You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you're taking her to –" Jacob was furiously accusing her.**

**"Yes. You're right, dog." Alice was snarling, too. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind – they're the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I'm not unaware of that."**

**"And you take her to them like a bottle of wine for a party!" he shouted.**

"I would never do that to Bella," Alice cried, and Esme shushed her gently, her own eyes full of pain.

**"You think she'd be better off if I left her here alone, with Victoria stalking her?"**

**"We can handle the redhead."**

**"Then why is she still hunting?"**

**Jacob growled, and a shudder rippled through his torso.**

**"Stop that!" I shouted at them both, wild with impatience. "Argue when we get back, let's go!"**

**Alice turned for the car, disappearing in her haste. I hurried after her, pausing automatically to turn and lock the door.**

**Jacob caught my arm with a shivering hand. "Please, Bella. I'm begging."**

**His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat.**

**"Jake, I have to –"**

**"You don't, though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me."**

**The engine of Carlisle's Mercedes purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Alice revved it impatiently.**

**I shook my head, tears spattering from my eyes with the sharp motion. I pulled my arm free, and he didn't fight me.**

**"Don't die, Bella," he choked out. "Don't go. Don't."**

**What if I never saw him again?**

**The thought pushed me past the silent tears; a sob broke out from my chest. I threw my arms around his waist and hugged for one too-short moment, burying my tear-wet face against his chest. He put his big hand on the back of my hair, as if to hold me there.**

**"Bye, Jake." I pulled his hand from my hair, and kissed his palm. I couldn't bear to look at his face. "Sorry," I whispered.**

**Then I spun and raced for the car. The door on the passenger side was open and waiting. I threw my backpack over the headrest and slid in, slamming the door behind me.**

**"Take care of Charlie!" I turned to shout out the window, but Jacob was nowhere in sight.**

**As Alice stomped on the gas and – with the tires screeching like human screams – spun us around to face the road, I caught sight of a shred of white near the edge of the trees. A piece of a shoe.**

"That was the end," I whispered in relief. Quickly, I handed the book off to Carlisle. He was likely to be the only one capable of reading the next chapter, anyway.

"Let's just get it over with, alright?" he asked, his voice firm but gentle. I snuggled into Emmett's chest as I nodded. We needed to get through this, because if we didn't finish it soon… I wasn't so sure that we would, or could, ever voluntarily start back up reading it again…


	20. Race

**dd: There will be a surprise in there for all of you in the next few chapters, but for the most part it will be the same. ;)**

**Kimmie: Sorry, I forgot to add this in with the last update. I was actually really interested in what you suggested and I will definitely incorporate it into the story. Thanks so much for reviewing and for the suggestion. :)**

Carlisle

I took the book from my daughter, breathing deeply as I did so. Ever since the beginning, I had been feeling more weary than I had in my entire existence.

It was agonizing to think of what I had done to the human girl that I considered to be my youngest daughter. Having all of my illusions about Edward's and Bella's relationship dispelled was… unpleasant. Never, could I have imagined that I had been so blind to the truth.

Bella deserved so much better, so much more, from all of us. It was galling to think that I had allowed my son the freedom and ability to tread so closely to abusing his mate.

I was not faultless in the situation, either. It was I, who allowed Edward to act autonomously when we left Forks. It was I, who gave him the authority to make decisions for Bella, without providing her the opportunity and choice she deserved, that were her right as his mate and a member of our family.

I had always been lenient with Edward, but now I saw just to what degree I had excused his faults. It wasn't a pretty picture, to say the least. And I was determined to change things. Edward was my son, and I was the head of the family. It was my responsibility to listen to all others' opinions before making my choice, not placing such weight on any one individual's views – excepting my lovely and compassionate mate, who was my equal when it came to authority in our house.

Edward wasn't like the rest of us, in many ways. He was so very set in his thinking, unmoved by the passing of time. He didn't change and adapt his views as the rest of us did, albeit to varying degrees. But I could see in his eyes that, that was changing, now.

I glanced at the seemingly innocent bundle of bound pages sitting in my lap. My heart ached at the pain that Bella endured, and I was horrified that my eldest son, my first companion in this life, would contemplate suicide to such a heavy degree.

There was another worry weighing heavily on my mind, but now was not the time to share it. All of our anxiety was mounting, and tensions were running high. It was best to wait until we were finished with this book before I revealed the source of my worry.

**Race**

**We made our flight with seconds to spare, and then the true torture began.**

**The plane sat idle on the tarmac while the flight attendants strolled – so casually – up and down the aisle, patting the bags in the overhead compartments to make sure everything fit. The pilots leaned out of the cockpit, chatting with them as they passed. Alice's hand was hard on my shoulder, holding me in my seat while I bounced anxiously up and down.**

**"It's faster than running," she reminded me in a low voice.**

**I just nodded in time with my bouncing.**

**At last the plane rolled lazily from the gate, building speed with a gradual steadiness that tortured me further. I expected some kind of relief when we achieved liftoff, but my frenzied impatience didn't lessen.**

Esme smiled sadly. "It's often true that the wait, the anticipation, is worse than the danger itself, whatever it may be," she murmured, hugging herself to me a bit more tightly.

Jasper nodded seriously. "Bella fears nothing more than losing anyone she cares about, and being forced to wait, unsure of the outcome of such a situation, would only make it that much worse," he frowned.

**Alice lifted the phone on the back of the seat in front of her before we'd stopped climbing, turning her back on the stewardess who eyed her with disapproval. Something about my expression stopped the stewardess from coming over to protest.**

**I tried to tune out what Alice was murmuring to Jasper; I didn't want to hear the words again, but some slipped through.**

**"I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind…A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square…mostly things that would expose them – he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction…"**

**"No, you can't." Alice's voice dropped till it was nearly inaudible, though I was sitting inches from her. Contrarily, I listened harder. "Tell Emmett no…Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back… Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"**

**She nodded. "Exactly. I think Bella is the only chance – if there is a chance…I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."**

I had to take a deep breath before I could continue. Sadness pierced my heart at the thought of losing my son, two of my daughters… all in one fell swoop. Edward caught my eye, shame burning in his gaze, and I nodded somberly. _You have much to atone for, son, but we will always be family. We will survive this. Together._

**She laughed then, and there was a catch in her voice. "I've thought of that…Yes, I promise."**

**Her voice became pleading. "Don't follow me. I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out…And I love you."**

**She hung up, and leaned back in her seat with her eyes closed. "I hate lying to him."**

A low growl rumbled in Jasper's chest, not an angry sound, but the half-hearted rumble of a man with a broken heart. The two shared a look, and I waited for them to calm once more before I continued. Alice and Jasper's relationship was unlike any I had ever seen before, and the intensity that thrilled between them was very nearly palpable.

**"Tell me everything, Alice," I begged. "I don't understand. Why did you tell Jasper to stop Emmett, why can't they come help us?"**

**"Two reasons," she whispered, her eyes still closed. "The first I told him. We could try to stop Edward ourselves – if Emmett could get his hands on him, we might be able to stop him long enough to convince him you're alive. But we can't sneak up on Edward. And if he sees us coming for him, he'll just act that much faster. He'll throw a Buick through a wall or something, and the Volturi will take him down.**

**"That's the second reason of course, the reason I couldn't say to Jasper. Because if they're there and the Volturi kill Edward, they'll fight them, Bella." She opened her eyes and stared at me, beseeching. "If there were any chance we could win… if there were a way that the four of us could save my brother by fighting for him, maybe it would be different. But we can't, and, Bella, I can't lose Jasper like that."**

"Oh, darlin'," Jasper sighed, kissing the top of his mate's head and closing his eyes, breathing in her scent.

**I realized why her eyes begged for my understanding. She was protecting Jasper, at our expense, and maybe at Edward's, too. I understood, and I did not think badly of her. I nodded.**

Alice smiled sadly, gratitude shining in her eyes. "I'm glad she would understand," she whispered, stroking her hand up and down Jasper's arm in an attempt to soothe the empath.

**"Couldn't Edward hear you, though?" I asked. "Wouldn't he know, as soon as he heard your thoughts, that I was alive, that there was no point to this?"**

**Not that there was any justification, either way. I still couldn't believe that he was capable of reacting like this. It made no sense! I remembered with painful clarity his words that day on the sofa, while we watched Romeo and Juliet kill themselves, one after the other. I wasn't going to live without you, he'd said, as if it should be such an obvious conclusion. But the words he had spoken in the forest as he'd left me had canceled all that out –forcefully.**

Edward whimpered, the sound difficult to bear, but I couldn't continue down the path I had always walked with my son. "Edward," I admonished him lightly. "You must remember that you made that choice. That doesn't mean that you don't have the right to feel pain, because I can recognize how much it hurts you. But you must remind yourself that this is the consequence of your decision," I said gently, and he nodded firmly, swallowing.

**"If he were listening," she explained. "But believe it or not, it's possible to lie with your thoughts. If you had died, I would still try to stop him. And I would be thinking 'she's alive, she's alive' as hard as I could. He knows that."**

**I ground my teeth in mute frustration.**

**"If there were any way to do this without you, Bella, I wouldn't be endangering you like this. It's very wrong of me."**

**"Don't be stupid. I'm the last thing you should be worrying about." I shook my head impatiently. "Tell me what you meant, about hating to lie to Jasper."**

**She smiled a grim smile. "I promised him I would get out before they killed me, too. It's not something I can guarantee – not by a long shot."**

**She raised her eyebrows, as if willing me to take the danger more seriously.**

**"Who are these Volturi?" I demanded in a whisper. "What makes them so much more dangerous than Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and you?" It was hard to imagine something scarier than that.**

My large son grinned, puffing out his chest dramatically in an obvious attempt to ease the tension. It worked, to a degree, and even Esme smiled at our son's antics.

**She took a deep breath, and then abruptly leveled a dark glance over my shoulder. I turned in time to see the man in the aisle seat looking away as if he wasn't listening to us. He appeared to be a businessman, in a dark suit with a power tie and a laptop on his knees. While I stared at him with irritation, he opened the computer and very conspicuously put headphones on.**

**I leaned closer to Alice. Her lips were at my ears as she breathed the story.**

**"I was surprised that you recognized the name," she said. "That you understood so immediately what it meant – when I said he was going to Italy. I thought I would have to explain. How much did Edward tell you?"**

**"He just said they were an old, powerful family – like royalty. That you didn't antagonize them unless you wanted to…die," I whispered. The last word was hard to choke out.**

**"You have to understand," she said, her voice slower, more measured now. "We Cullen's are unique in more ways than you know. It's…abnormal for so many of us to live together in peace. It's the same for Tanya's family in the north, and Carlisle speculates that abstaining makes it easier for us to be civilized, to form bonds based on love rather than survival or convenience. Even James' little coven of three was unusually large – and you saw how easily Laurent left them. Our kind travel alone, or in pairs, as a general rule. Carlisle's family is the biggest in existence, as far as I know, with the one exception. The Volturi.**

**"There were three of them originally, Aro, Caius, and Marcus."**

**"I've seen them," I mumbled. "In the picture in Carlisle's study."**

I had to smile a little, remembering Bella's reaction to that, as we had read in the book earlier on. Once again, I was struck by her intense attention to detail and her incredibly perceptive nature.

**Alice nodded. "Two females joined them over time, and the five of them make up the family. I'm not sure, but I suspect that their age is what gives them the ability to live peacefully together.**

**They are well over three thousand years old. Or maybe it's their gifts that give them extra tolerance. Like Edward and I, Aro and Marcus are…talented."**

**She continued before I could ask. "Or maybe it's just their love of power that binds them together. Royalty is an apt description."**

**"But if there are only five –"**

**"Five that make up the family," she corrected. "That doesn't include their guard."**

**I took a deep breath. "That sounds…serious."**

**"Oh, it is," she assured me. "There were nine members of the guard that were permanent, the last time we heard. Others are more…transitory. It changes. And many of them are gifted as well – with formidable gifts, gifts that make what I can do look like a parlor trick.**

I chuckled quietly, raising an eyebrow at my daughter. "A parlor trick, Alice?" She just shrugged. "Their abilities do tend to be offensive, but your gift is certainly no cheap trick," I assured her, hiding my worries over how Aro would love to meet Alice, hear her thoughts, and learn about the inner workings of her gift.

**The Volturi chose them for their abilities, physical or otherwise."**

**I opened my mouth, and then closed it. I didn't think I wanted to know how bad the odds were.**

**She nodded again, as if she understood exactly what I was thinking. "They don't get into too many confrontations. No one is stupid enough to mess with them. They stay in their city, leaving only as duty calls."**

**"Duty?" I wondered.**

**"Didn't Edward tell you what they do?"**

**"No," I said, feeling the blank expression on my face.**

**Alice looked over my head again, toward the businessman, and put her wintry lips back to my ear.**

**"There's a reason he called them royalty…the ruling class. Over the millennia, they have assumed the position of enforcing our rules – which actually translates to punishing transgressors. They fulfill that duty decisively."**

**My eyes popped wide with shock. "There are rules?" I asked in a voice that was too loud.**

**"Shh!"**

**"Shouldn't somebody have mentioned this to me earlier?" I whispered angrily. "I mean, I wanted to be a…to be one of you! Shouldn't somebody have explained the rules to me?"**

Rosalie frowned. "It's true. I would never have wanted her to join the family and give up her human life, but she deserved to know what she was getting into. How could she ever make a responsible choice, if no one was willing to tell her what she was choosing," she pointed out, no doubt restraining herself from accusing Edward more directly. I had to admit, though, that I agreed with her.

**Alice chuckled once at my reaction. "It's not that complicated, Bella. There's only one core restriction – and if you think about it, you can probably figure it out for yourself."**

**I thought about it. "Nope, I have no idea."**

**She shook her head, disappointed. "Maybe it's too obvious. We just have to keep our existence a secret."**

**"Oh," I mumbled. It was obvious.**

**"It makes sense, and most of us don't need policing," she continued. "But, after a few centuries, sometimes one of us gets bored. Or crazy. I don't know. And then the Volturi step in before it can compromise them, or the rest of us."**

**"So Edward…"**

**"Is planning to flout that in their own city -the city they've secretly held for three thousand years, since the time of the Etruscans. They are so protective of their city that they don't allow hunting within its walls. Volterra is probably the safest city in the world – from vampire attack at the very least."**

**"But you said they didn't leave. How do they eat?"**

I grimaced as I remembered my Italian friends' feeding habits. With my vampiric memory, I would always remember the echoes of the screams and cries of their victims…

**"They don't leave. They bring in their food from the outside, from quite far away sometimes. It gives their guard something to do when they're not out annihilating mavericks. Or protecting Volterra from exposure…"**

**"From situations like this one, like Edward," I finished her sentence. It was amazingly easy to say his name now. I wasn't sure what the difference was. Maybe because I wasn't really planning on living much longer without seeing him. Or at all, if we were too late. It was comforting to know that I would have an easy out.**

Esme gasped at my side, and I closed my eyes in agony. "No…" the word came out in a hiss. I didn't need Jasper's ability in order to feel the despair that descended heavily upon my family as the words left my lips. To lose Edward would be bad enough, but to lose both him and Bella – and Alice, too, perhaps… It was just too much…

I shook my head slowly, firmly. "This will not happen," I said strongly, opening my eyes to let my family see my resolve. "This will never happen, and we will change the course of the future. The future is already changed. Now, we will read on and get through this as a family. And then we will fix our mistakes, together."

I met each of my children's gazes, seeing the determination and love that I felt reflected in each of them, though there was pain there, and I felt increasingly proud to call them my children, my family.

**"I doubt they've ever had a situation quite like this," she muttered, disgusted. "You don't get a lot of suicidal vampires."**

**The sound that escaped out of my mouth was very quiet, but Alice seemed to understand that it was a cry of pain. She wrapped her thin, strong arm around my shoulders.**

**"We'll do what we can, Bella. It's not over yet."**

**"Not yet." I let her comfort me, though I knew she thought our chances were poor. "And the Volturi will get us if we mess up."**

**Alice stiffened. "You say that like it's a good thing."**

**I shrugged.**

**"Knock it off, Bella, or we're turning around in New York and going back to Forks."**

**"What?"**

Alice couldn't hold back a small, distraught hiss at the word.

**"You know what. If we're too late for Edward, I'm going to do my damnedest to get you back to Charlie, and I don't want any trouble from you. Do you understand that?"**

**"Sure, Alice."**

**She pulled back slightly so that she could glare at me. "No trouble."**

Her eyes narrowed. "I would never let her do that," she muttered into Jasper's shoulder.

"We know, darlin', we know," he soothed her gently.

**"Scout's honor," I muttered.**

**She rolled her eyes.**

**"Let me concentrate, now. I'm trying to see what he's planning."**

**She left her arm around me, but let her head fall back against the seat and closed her eyes.**

**She pressed her free hand to the side of her face, rubbing her fingertips against her temple.**

**I watched her in fascination for a long time. Eventually, she became utterly motionless, her face like a stone sculpture. The minutes passed, and if I didn't know better, I would have thought she'd fallen asleep. I didn't dare interrupt her to ask what was going on.**

**I wished there was something safe for me to think about. I couldn't allow myself to consider the horrors we were headed toward, or, more horrific yet, the chance that we might fail –not if I wanted to keep from screaming aloud.**

**I couldn't anticipate anything, either. Maybe, if I were very, very, very lucky, I would somehow be able to save Edward. But I wasn't so stupid as to think that saving him would mean that I could stay with him.**

**I was no different, no more special than I'd been before.**

**There would be no new reason for him to want me now. Seeing him and losing him again… I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save his life. I would pay it.**

My mate whimpered at my side, and I, too, was pained by our daughter's opinion of herself. That would also need to be addressed when we returned. It was unhealthy for her to feel that way, and on top of… I shook off that thought. Later, I reminded myself. Later.

**They showed a movie, and my neighbor got headphones. Sometimes I watched the figures moving across the little screen, but I couldn't even tell if the movie was supposed to be a romance or a horror film.**

**After an eternity, the plane began to descend toward New York City. Alice remained in her trance. I dithered, reaching out to touch her, only to pull my hand back again. This happened a dozen times before the plane touched down with a jarring impact.**

**"Alice," I finally said. "Alice, we have to go."**

**I touched her arm.**

**Her eyes came open very slowly. She shook her head from side to side for a moment.**

**"Anything new?" I asked in a low voice, conscious of the man listening on the other side of me.**

**"Not exactly," she breathed in a voice I could barely catch. "He's getting closer. He's deciding how he's going to ask.**

**We had to run for our connection, but that was good – better than having to wait. As soon as the plane was in the air, Alice closed her eyes and slid back into the same stupor as before. I waited as patiently as I could. When it was dark again, I opened the window to stare out into the flat black that was no better than the window shade.**

**I was grateful that I'd had so many months' practice with controlling my thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the terrifying possibilities that, no matter what Alice said, I did not intend to survive, I concentrated on lesser problems. Like what I was going to say to Charlie if I got back:' that was a thorny enough problem to occupy several hours. And Jacob? He'd promised to wait for me, but did that promise still apply? Would I end up home alone in Forks, with no one at all? Maybe I didn't want to survive, no matter what happened.**

"Oh, God…" Edward whispered. No one commented. His pain was regrettable, but he had brought it on himself. I couldn't save him from his own choices.

And I ached for my daughter's dark outlook on life, as she saw it. It hurt to read just how negatively we had impacted her life by leaving, how devastated we had left her. But I stood by my thoughts. We made out bed; now, we had to lie in it.

**It felt like seconds later when Alice shook my shoulder – I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep.**

**"Bella," she hissed her voice a little too loud in the darkened cabin full of sleeping humans.**

**I wasn't disoriented – I hadn't been out long enough for that.**

**"What's wrong?"**

**Alice's eyes gleamed in the dim light of a reading lamp in the row behind us.**

**"It's not wrong." She smiled fiercely. "It's right. They're deliberating, but they've decided to tell him no."**

The entire room breathed a collective sigh of relief. No matter how angry some of my children may be at their brother, he was family, and we all loved him.

**"The Volturi?" I muttered, groggy.**

**"Of course, Bella, keep up. I can see what they're going to say."**

**"Tell me."**

**An attendant tiptoed down the aisle to us. "Can I get you ladies a pillow?" His hushed whisper was a rebuke to our comparatively loud conversation.**

**"No, thank you." Alice beamed at up at him, her smile shockingly lovely. The attendant's expression was dazed as he turned and stumbled his way back.**

Alice beamed proudly while Jasper chuckled. "Poor, poor man," he shook his head pityingly.

**"Tell me," I breathed almost silently.**

**She whispered into my ear. "They're interested in him – they think his talent could be useful. They're going to offer him a place with them."**

**"What will he say?"**

**"I can't see that yet, but I'll bet it's colorful." She grinned again. "This is the first good news – the first break. They're intrigued; they truly don't want to destroy him – 'wasteful,' that's the word Aro will use – and that may be enough to force him to get creative. The longer he spends on his plans, the better for us."**

**It wasn't enough to make me hopeful, to make me feel the relief she obviously felt.**

**There were still so many ways that we could be too late. And if I didn't get through the walls into the Volturi city, I wouldn't be able to stop Alice from dragging me back home.**

**"Alice?"**

**"What?"**

**"I'm confused. How are you seeing this so clearly? And then other times, you see things far away – things that don't happen?"**

**Her eyes tightened. I wondered if she guessed what I was thinking of.**

"I…" Alice trailed off, shaking her head. "I may be thinking of that… or, I could be remembering seeing her jump," she whispered. I couldn't help the shiver that raced down my spine.

**"It's clear because it's immediate and close, and I'm really concentrating. The faraway things that come on their own – those are just glimpses, faint maybes. Plus, I see my kind more easily than yours. Edward is even easier because I'm so attuned to him."**

**"You see me sometimes," I reminded her.**

**She shook her head. "Not as clearly."**

**I sighed. "I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met…"**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"You saw me become one of you." I barely mouthed the words.**

**She sighed. "It was a possibility at the time."**

**"At the time," I repeated.**

I glanced at my daughter, one eyebrow raised, and she smiled faintly. "I still see it," she stated.

**"Actually, Bella…" She hesitated, and then seemed to make a choice. "Honestly, I think it's all gotten beyond ridiculous. I'm debating whether to just change you myself."**

Edward snarled, and his sister looked at him coldly. "Edward, you are not the only person who loves her. It is, and always should have been, her choice," she said firmly.

He appeared conflicted, and the rest of us kept silent as we watched the two. My son hissed quietly. "Alice, you don't even know if you could keep from…" he trailed off, unable to say the words.

She rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't change her myself unless I was absolutely certain that I could. I would never kill Bella," she scoffed. "Keep reading, Carlisle," she interrupted before anyone else could say anything.

**I stared at her, frozen with shock. Instantly, my mind resisted her words. I couldn't afford that kind of hope if she changed her mind.**

**"Did I scare you?" she wondered. "I thought that's what you wanted."**

**"I do!" I gasped. "Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much – and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"**

Emmett couldn't help himself and burst out laughing, and I felt my lips twitch up into a smile.

**"Shh," she cautioned. The attendant was looking in our direction again. "Try to be reasonable," she whispered. "We don't have enough time. We have to get into Volterra tomorrow. You'd be writhing in pain for days." She made a face. "And I don't think the other passengers would react well."**

"It seems like a safe bet," Jasper agreed wryly.

**I bit my lip. "If you don't do it now, you'll change your mind."**

**"No." She frowned, her expression unhappy. "I don't think I will. He'll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?"**

**My heart beat faster. "Nothing at all."**

**She laughed quietly, and then sighed. "You have too much faith in me, Bella. I'm not sure that I can. I'll probably just end up killing you."**

**"I'll take my chances."**

**"You are so bizarre, even for a human."**

Very much so, I agreed silently. There was very little about Bella that fit with the human world, beyond the physical aspects of it. I truly believed that she was born to be a vampire.

**"Thanks."**

**"Oh well, this is purely hypothetical at this point, anyway. First we have to live through tomorrow."**

**"Good point." But at least I had something to hope for if we did. If Alice made good on her promise – and if she didn't kill me – then Edward could run after his distractions all he wanted, and I could follow.**

**I wouldn't let him be distracted. Maybe, when I was beautiful and strong, he wouldn't want distractions.**

Edward didn't say anything, but I could tell from his facial expressions that he was pained by his mate's thoughts. The two of them were so very similar, but so very different, as well…

**"Go back to sleep," she encouraged me. "I'll wake you up when there's something new."**

**"Right," I grumbled, certain that sleep was a lost cause now. Alice pulled her legs up on the seat, wrapping her arms around them and leaning her forehead against her knees. She rocked back and forth as she concentrated.**

**I rested my head against the seat, watching her, and the next thing I knew, she was snapping the shade closed against the faint brightening in the eastern sky.**

**"What's happening?" I mumbled.**

**"They've told him no," she said quietly. I noticed at once that her enthusiasm was gone.**

**My voice choked in my throat with panic. "What's he going to do?"**

**"It was chaotic at first. I was only getting flickers; he was changing plans so quickly."**

**"What kinds of plans?" I pressed.**

**"There was a bad hour," she whispered. "He'd decided to go hunting."**

"Oh, Edward…" Esme sighed, worry in her eyes. I frowned slightly, but said nothing.

**She looked at me, seeing the incomprehension in my face.**

**"In the city," she explained. "It got very close. He changed his mind at the last minute."**

**"He wouldn't want to disappoint Carlisle," I mumbled. Not at the end.**

"I wouldn't," he whispered, and I nodded. _I know, Edward._

**"Probably," she agreed.**

**"Will there be enough time?" As I spoke, there was a shift in the cabin pressure. I could feel the plane angling downward.**

**"I'm hoping so – if he sticks to his latest decision, maybe."**

**"What is that?"**

**"He's going to keep it simple. He's just going to walk out into the sun."**

**Just walk out into the sun. That was all.**

**It would be enough. The image of Edward in the meadow – glowing, shimmering like his skin was made of a million diamond facets – was burned into my memory. No human who saw that would ever forget. The Volturi couldn't possibly allow it. Not if they wanted to keep their city inconspicuous.**

**I looked at the slight gray glow that shone through the opened windows. "We'll be too late," I whispered, my throat closing in panic.**

**She shook her head. "Right now, he's leaning toward the melodramatic. He wants the biggest audience possible, so he'll choose the main plaza, under the clock tower. The walls are high there. He'll wait till the sun is exactly overhead."**

Rosalie snorted. "You always were a drama queen," she sneered, but we could all hear the tension in her voice. Rose loved her family more than anything, much like Bella did, and she would never wish death for one of us.

**"So we have till noon?"**

**"If we're lucky. If he sticks with this decision."**

**The pilot came on over the intercom, announcing, first in French and then in English, our imminent landing. The seat belt lights dinged and flashed.**

**"How far is it from Florence to Volterra?"**

**"That depends on how fast you drive…Bella?"**

**"Yes?"**

**She eyed me speculatively. "How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"**

**A bright yellow Porsche screamed to a stop a few feet in front of where I paced the word TURBO scrawled in silver cursive across its back.**

Alice's eyes widened, and a small smile appeared on her lips. "Oh, Jazz…" she sang, and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, darlin'," he promised her, making her squeal with happiness and, no doubt deliberately, providing a small break in the tense atmosphere.

**Everyone beside me on the crowded airport sidewalk stared.**

**"Hurry, Bella!" Alice shouted impatiently through the open passenger window.**

**I ran to the door and threw myself in, feeling as though I might as well be wearing a black stocking over my head.**

**"Sheesh, Alice," I complained. "Could you pick a more conspicuous car to steal?"**

**The interior was black leather, and the windows were tinted dark. It felt safer inside, like nighttime.**

**Alice was already weaving, too fast, through the thick airport traffic – sliding through tiny spaces between the cars as I cringed and fumbled for my seat belt.**

**"The important question," she corrected, "is whether I could have stolen a faster car, and I don't think so. I got lucky."**

**"I'm sure that will be very comforting at the roadblock."**

**She trilled a laugh. "Trust me, Bella. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be behind us." She hit the gas then, as if to prove her point.**

**I probably should have watched out the window as first the city of Florence and then the Tuscan landscape flashed past with blurring speed. This was my first trip anywhere, and maybe my last, too. But Alice's driving frightened me; despite the fact that I knew I could trust her behind the wheel.**

My raven-haired daughter smiled smugly at that, her eyes bright. She was Bella's best friend, and Bella was her very first friend who wasn't a vampire. Their relationship was completely unique in all the family, and I knew how close my two girls were.

**And I was too tortured with anxiety to really see the hills or the walled towns that looked like castles in the distance.**

**"Do you see anything more?"**

**"There's something going on," Alice muttered. "Some kind of festival. The streets are full of people and red flags. What's the date today?"**

**I wasn't entirely sure. "The nineteenth, maybe?"**

**"Well, that's ironic. It's Saint Marcus Day."**

I sighed. "They wouldn't be pleased to have their festival ruined, not when it's in celebration of Marcus, himself," I grimaced.

**"Which means?"**

**She chuckled darkly. "The city holds a celebration every year. As the legend goes, a Christian missionary, a Father Marcus – Marcus of the Volturi, in fact – drove all the vampires from Volterra fifteen hundred years ago. The story claims he was martyred in Romania, still trying to drive away the vampire scourge. Of course that's nonsense – he's never left the city. But that's where some of the superstitions about things like crosses and garlic come from. Father Marcus used them so successfully. And vampires don't trouble Volterra, so they must work."**

**Her smile was sardonic. "It's become more of a celebration of the city, and recognition for the police force – after all, Volterra is an amazingly safe city. The police get the credit."**

**I was realizing what she meant when she'd said ironic. "They're not going to be very happy if Edward messes things up for them on St. Marcus Day, are they?"**

**She shook her head, her expression grim. "No. They'll act very quickly."**

**I looked away, fighting against my teeth as they tried to break through the skin of my lower lip. Bleeding was not the best idea right now.**

Emmett opened his mouth, a mischievous glint in his eyes. However, before he could speak, Rosalie cut him off with a slap to the back of his head. "Now's not really the time, Emmett," she rolled her eyes, and he pouted.

**The sun was terrifyingly high in the pale blue sky.**

**"He's still planning on noon?" I checked.**

**"Yes. He's decided to wait. And they're waiting for him."**

**"Tell me what I have to do."**

**She kept her eyes on the winding road – the needle on the speedometer was touching the far right on the dial.**

**"You don't have to do anything. He just has to see you before he moves into the light. And he has to see you before he sees me."**

**"How are we going to work that?"**

**A small red car seemed to be racing backward as Alice zoomed around it.**

**"I'm going to get you as close as possible, and then you're going to run in the direction I point you."**

**I nodded.**

**"Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."**

**I groaned. That would be just like me – ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness.**

My burly son frowned. "Okay, I don't think I like Bella's clumsiness so much anymore," he admitted reluctantly.

**The sun continued to climb in the sky while Alice raced against it. It was too bright, and that had me panicking. Maybe he wouldn't feel the need to wait for noon after all.**

**"There," Alice said abruptly, pointing to the castle city atop the closest hill.**

**I stared at it, feeling the very first hint of a new kind of fear. Every minute since yesterday morning – it seemed like a week ago – when Alice had spoken his name at the foot of the stairs, there had been only one fear. And yet, now, as I stared at the ancient sienna walls and towers crowning the peak of the steep hill, I felt another, more selfish kind of dread thrill through me.**

I had to smile. Only Bella would think it selfish to fear for her life in the face of such overwhelming danger… Edward caught my eye and nodded, the smallest possible smile making a swift appearance on his lips.

**I supposed the city was very beautiful. It absolutely terrified me.**

**"Volterra," Alice announced in a flat, icy voice.**

"That was the end of it," I announced, glancing at my son. "Edward, will you read the next chapter?" I offered, holding his gaze steadily. _Take responsibility, son, and be strong. We're all here with you. You can do this._

He took a deep breath, before crossing to me and taking the book from my possession. "Yes, I will read," he murmured, reclaiming his seat.

I held Esme close to me. "We're almost finished," she said quietly, and I smiled a little.

"Yes, darling, we're almost finished. We'll be back with her, soon," I promised, my smile widening just a bit. Yes, soon…


	21. Volterra

Edward

I had to clench my jaw for a moment as I took the book from Carlisle. I couldn't believe what I had done. My stupid mistake had ultimately caused Bella to be exposed to the Volturi.

I took a deep breath. I should never have left. It was hard to believe that I had hurt Bella so badly, had come so close to becoming one of the monsters that I preyed upon in my rebellious days, rather than the monster I had always thought myself to be.

**Volterra **

**We began the steep climb, and the road grew congested. As we wound higher, the cars became too close together for Alice to weave insanely between them anymore. We slowed to a crawl behind a little tan Peugeot.**

**"Come on," Alice groaned. "We don't have time for this."**

**"Alice," I moaned. The clock on the dash seemed to be speeding up.**

**"It's the only way in," she tried soothe me. But her voice was too strained to comfort.**

My sister flinched, and I could see it in her mind. She was imagining how very painful it would be to not know whether I would survive or not, and I wince at the love and concern her thoughts held for me.

**The cars continued to edge forward, one car length at a time. The sun beamed down brilliantly, seeming already overhead.**

**The cars crept one by one toward the city. As we got closer, I could see cars parked by the side of the road with people getting out walking the rest of the way. At first I thought it was just impatience – something I could easily understand. But then we came around a switchback, and I could see the filled parking lot outside the city wall, the crowds of people walking through the gates. No one was being allowed to drive through.**

**"Alice," I whispered urgently.**

**"I know," she said. Her face was chiseled from ice.**

**Now that I was looking, and we were crawling slowly enough to see, I could tell that it was very windy. The people crowding toward the gate gripped their hats and tugged their hair out of their faces. Their clothes billowed around them. I also noticed that the color red was everywhere. Red shirts, red hats, red flags dripping like long ribbons beside the gate, whipping in the wind–as I watched, the brilliant crimson scarf one woman had tied around her hair was caught in a sudden gust. It twisted up into the air above her, writhing like it was alive. She reached for it, jumping in the air, but it continued to flutter higher, a patch of bloody color against the dull, ancient walls.**

The tension in the room was fast approaching unbearable, so Jasper sent us a wave of calm to help us get through this as quickly as possible. Though, even he couldn't penetrate the cloud of chaotic emotions surrounding me at the moment.

After all my efforts in the beginning to let Bella be in charge and make all the decisions… It was devastating to see how blind I had been. I took all her choices away, and I didn't even have the decency or rest her enough to tell her the truth. I held back a groan.

**"Bella." Alice spoke quickly in a fierce, low voice. "I can't see what the guard here will decide now – if this doesn't work, you're going to have to go in alone. You're going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, and running in the direction they tell you. Don't get lost."**

**"Palazzo dei Priori, Palazzo dei Priori," I repeated the name over and over again, trying to get it down.**

**"Or 'the clock tower,' if they speak English. I'll go around and try to find a secluded spot somewhere behind the city where I can go over the wall."**

**I nodded. "Palazzo dei Priori." **

**"Edward will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There's a narrow alleyway on the right, and he'll be in the shadow there. You have to get his attention before he can move into the sun."**

I frowned. I wouldn't listen if she tried to yell in order to get my attention. This could all go even more wrong, so easily. I didn't even want to imagine what would happen if the Volturi got their hands on Bella, but I had the most awful feeling that I was going to find out.

**I nodded furiously.**

**Alice was near the front of the line. A man in a navy blue uniform was directing the flow of traffic, turning the cars away from the full lot. They U-turned and headed back to find a place beside the road. Then it was Alice's turn.**

**The uniformed man motioned lazily, not paying attention. Alice accelerated, edging around him and heading for the gate. He shouted something at us, but held his ground, waving frantically to keep the next car from following our bad example.**

**The man at the gate wore a matching uniform. As we approached him, the throngs of tourists passed, crowding the sidewalks, staring curiously at the pushy, flashy Porsche.**

**The guard stepped into the middle of the street. Alice angled the car carefully before she came to a full stop. The sun beat against my window, and she was in shadow. She swiftly reached behind the seat and grabbed something from her bag.**

**The guard came around the car with an irritated expression, and tapped on her window angrily.**

**She rolled the window down halfway, and I watched him do a double take when he saw the face behind the dark glass.**

**"I'm sorry, only tour buses allowed in the city today, miss," he said in English, with a heavy accent. He was apologetic, now, as if he wished he had better news for the strikingly beautiful woman.**

"I imagine he did," Jasper raised an eyebrow at his wife, a smirk on his face, and a small wave of amusement went around the room.

**"It's a private tour," Alice said, flashing an alluring smile. She reached her hand out of the window, into the sunlight. I froze, until I realized she was wearing an elbow-length, tan glove. She took his hand, still raised from tapping her window, and pulled it into the car. She put something into his palm, and folded his fingers around it.**

**His face was dazed as he retrieved his hand and stared at the thick roll of money he now held. The outside bill was a thousand dollar bill.**

**"Is this a joke?" he mumbled.**

**Alice's smile was blinding. "Only if you think it's funny."**

**He looked at her, his eyes staring wide. I glanced nervously at the clock on the dash. If Edward stuck to his plan, we had only five minutes left.**

**"I'm in a wee bit of a hurry," she hinted, still smiling.**

**The guard blinked twice, and then shoved the money inside his vest. He took a step away from the window and waved us on. None of the passing people seemed to notice the quiet exchange. Alice drove into the city, and we both sighed in relief.**

I sighed in remorse. This was my fault, but I wasn't going to let this happen in this reality. I was going to go back, and I was going to do whatever it took to prove myself to Bella. She deserved so much more than me, in my mind, but now I could see that it didn't work that way. The truth was, she deserved whatever she wanted, and she wanted me. So, I was going to do my best to change, and give her what _she _wanted, rather than what I thought that she should want.

**The street was very narrow, cobbled with the same color stones as the faded cinnamon brown buildings that darkened the street with their shade. It had the feel of an alleyway. Red flags decorated the walls, spaced only a few yards apart, flapping in the wind that whistled through the narrow lane.**

**It was crowded, and the foot traffic slowed our progress.**

**"Just a little farther," Alice encouraged me; I was gripping the door handle, ready to throw myself into the street as soon as she spoke the word.**

**She drove in quick spurts and sudden stops, and the people in the crowd shook their fists at us and said angry words that I was glad I couldn't understand. She turned onto a little path that couldn't have been meant for cars; shocked people had to squeeze into doorways as we scraped by. We found another street at the end. The buildings were taller here; they leaned together overhead so that no sunlight touched the pavement – the thrashing red flags on either side nearly met. The crowd was thicker here than anywhere else. Alice stopped the car. I had the door open before we were at a standstill.**

**She pointed to where the street widened into a patch of bright openness. "There – we're at the southern end of the square. Run straight across, to the right of the clock tower. I'll find a way around –"**

**Her breath caught suddenly, and when she spoke again, her voice was a hiss. "They're everywhere?"**

"No," Esme whispered, her eyes anguished. Carlisle pulled her closer, and her eyes met mine. _You have to make this right, son. I know how hard this is for you, so learn from it. And, please… promise me that you'll never do this to me. I can't lose any of you, son._

I took a deep breath. I couldn't refuse her pleading. How selfish I had been, when I made the decision to kill myself following Bella's death! That's not to say that I wouldn't want to join her in death, but it was far too cruel of a thing to do to my family, not to mention my mother. I nodded. "I promise," I murmured.

**I froze in place, but she pushed me out of the car. "Forget about them. You have two minutes. Go, Bella, go!" she shouted, climbing out of the car as she spoke.**

**I didn't pause to watch Alice melt into the shadows. I didn't stop to close my door behind me. I shoved a heavy woman out of my way and ran flat out, head down, paying little attention to anything but the uneven stones beneath my feet.**

**Coming out of the dark lane, I was blinded by the brilliant sunlight beating down into the principal plaza. The wind whooshed into me, flinging my hair into my eyes and blinding me further. It was no wonder that I didn't see the wall of flesh until I'd smacked into it.**

**There was no pathway, no crevice between the close pressed bodies. I pushed against them furiously, fighting the hands that shoved back. I heard exclamations of irritation and even pain as I battled my way through, but none were in a language I understood.**

**The faces were a blur of anger and surprise, surrounded by the ever-present red. A blond woman scowled at me, and the red scarf coiled around her neck looked like a gruesome wound. A child, lifted on a man's shoulders to see over the crowd, grinned down at me, his lips distended over a set of plastic vampire fangs.**

**The throng jostled around me, spinning me the wrong direction. I was glad the clock was so visible, or I'd never keep my course straight. But both hands on the clock pointed up toward the pitiless sun, and, though I shoved viciously against the crowd, I knew I was too late. I wasn't halfway across. I wasn't going to make it. I was stupid and slow and human, and we were all going to die because of it.**

**I hoped Alice would get out. I hoped that she would see me from some dark shadow and know that I had failed, so she could go home to Jasper.**

I groaned quietly, reminded of Bella's own self-destructive plans, should she fail to save me. Esme whimpered, while my siblings hissed and growled. None of us could stand the thought that Bella would take her own life, should I die.

**I listened, above the angry exclamations, trying to hear the sound of discovery: the gasp, maybe the scream, as Edward came into someone's view.**

**But there was a break in the crowd – I could see a bubble of space ahead. I pushed urgently toward it, not realizing till I bruised my shins against the bricks that there was a wide, square fountain set into the center of the plaza.**

**I was nearly crying with relief as I flung my leg over the edge and ran through the knee-deep water. It sprayed all around me as I thrashed my way across the pool. Even in the sun, the wind was glacial, and the wet made the cold actually painful. But the fountain was very wide; it let me cross the center of the square and then some in mere seconds. I didn't pause when I hit the far edge – I used the low wall as a springboard, throwing myself into the crowd.**

**They moved more readily for me now, avoiding the icy water that splattered from my dripping clothes as I ran.**

**I glanced up at the clock again.**

**A deep, booming chime echoed through the square.**

**It throbbed in the stones under my feet.**

**Children cried, covering their ears. And I started screaming as I ran.**

**"Edward!" I screamed, knowing it was useless. The crowd was too loud, and my voice was breathless with exertion. But I couldn't stop screaming.**

A small shiver ran down my spine. Even when, in the book, we were facing mortal danger… just the thought of hearing her voice again was irresistible. I could hardly comprehend how I had lived without it for so long…

**The clock tolled again. I ran past a child in his mother's arms – his hair was almost white in the dazzling sunlight. A circle of tall men, all wearing red blazers, called out warnings as I barreled through them. The clock tolled again.**

**On the other side of the men in blazers, there was a break in the throng, space between the sightseers who milled aimlessly around me. My eyes searched the dark narrow passage to the right of the wide square edifice under the tower. I couldn't see the street level – there were still too many people in the way. The clock tolled again.**

**It was hard to see now. Without the crowd to break the wind, it whipped at my face and burned my eyes. I couldn't be sure if that was the reason behind my tears, or if I was crying in defeat as the clock tolled again.**

**A little family of four stood nearest to the alley's mouth. The two girls wore crimson dresses, with matching ribbons tying their dark hair back. The father wasn't tall. It seemed like I could see something bright in the shadows, just over his shoulder. I hurtled toward them, trying to see past the stinging tears. The clock tolled, and the littlest girl clamped her hands over her ears.**

**The older girl, just waist high on her mother, hugged her mother's leg and stared into the shadows behind them. As I watched, she tugged on her mother's elbow and pointed toward the darkness.**

**The clock tolled, and I was so close now.**

**I was close enough to hear her high-pitched voice. Her father stared at me in surprise as I bore down on them, rasping out Edward's name over and over again.**

**The older girl giggled and said something to her mother, gesturing toward the shadows again impatiently.**

**I swerved around the father – he clutched the baby out of my way – and sprinted for the gloomy breach behind them as the clock tolled over my head.**

**"Edward, no!" I screamed, but my voice was lost in the roar of the chime.**

**I could see him now. And I could see that he could not see me.**

**It was really him, no hallucination this time. And I realized that my delusions were more flawed than I'd realized; they'd never done him justice.**

I couldn't help the smile that came to my face. I didn't deserve her; I never had. Still, I couldn't deny that I loved how she responded to seeing me again.

**Edward stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple, his arms relaxed at his sides, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things.**

_You, angel, always you…_

**The marble skin of his chest was bare – there was a small pile of white fabric at his feet. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin.**

**I'd never seen anything more beautiful – even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived.**

Rose gave me a hard look. "Do you understand, now?" she asked evenly. I nodded helplessly. Reading that… It added a whole new level to just how very much I had underestimated Bella's love for me.

**The clock tolled, and he took a large stride toward the light.**

**"No!" I screamed. "Edward, look at me!"**

**He wasn't listening. He smiled very slightly.**

_I was listening, angel. I'll always listen to you, from now on…_

**He raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun.**

**I slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled me to the ground if his arms hadn't caught me and held me up. It knocked my breath out of me and snapped my head back.**

**His dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again.**

**He looked down at me with quiet surprise.**

**"Amazing," he said, his exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right."**

Carlisle let a smile spread across his face. I smiled in return. Maybe he was right… I shot him a look that clearly said 'Not right now, but we'll talk about it later'.

**"Edward," I tried to gasp, but my voice had no sound. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"**

**He seemed bemused. His hand brushed softly against my cheek. He didn't appear to notice that I was trying to force him back. I could have been pushing against the alley walls for all the progress I was making. The clock tolled, but he didn't react.**

**It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect – not healed, but as if there had been no wound in the first place.**

My smile widened, even as I felt that familiar ache for her pain. Jasper sent me a piece of her love and I sent him a wave of gratitude. My fears all seemed so silly now. I needed her, and she needed me. And… I steeled myself before thinking it. If she wanted to be changed, then I would give her that. She deserved to make her own choice, and I would change her if that was what she truly wanted…

**"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing – they're very good," he mused, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips against my hair. His voice was like honey and velvet.**

**"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty," he murmured, and I recognized the line spoken by Romeo in the tomb. The clock boomed out its final chime "You smell just exactly the same as always," he went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."**

**"I'm not dead," I interrupted. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"**

**I struggled in his arms, and his brow furrowed in confusion.**

**"What was that?" he asked politely.**

**"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi –"**

**Comprehension flickered on his face as I spoke. Before I could finish, he suddenly yanked me away from the edge of the shadows, spinning me effortlessly so that my back was tight against the brick wall, and his back was to me as he faced away into the alley. His arms spread wide, protectively, in front of me.**

**I peeked under his arm to see two dark shapes detach themselves from the gloom.**

"No!" The hiss echoed around the room.

**"Greetings, gentlemen," Edward's voice was calm and pleasant, on the surface. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."**

**"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" a smooth voice whispered menacingly.**

**"I don't believe that will be necessary." Edward's voice was harder now. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."**

**"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," the other shadow said in a soothing tone. They were both concealed within smoky gray cloaks that reached to the ground and undulated in the wind. "Let us seek better cover."**

**"I'll be right behind you," Edward said dryly. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"**

**"No, bring the girl," the first shadow said, somehow injecting a leer into his whisper.**

**"I don't think so." The pretense of civility disappeared. Edward's voice was flat and icy. His weight shifted infinitesimally, and I could see that he was preparing to fight.**

**"No." I mouthed the word.**

**"Shh," he murmured, only for me.**

**"Felix," the second, more reasonable shadow cautioned. "Not here." He turned to Edward.**

**"Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."**

**"Certainly," Edward agreed. '"But the girl goes free."**

**"I'm afraid that's not possible," the polite shadow said regretfully. "We do have rules to obey."**

**"Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."**

**"That's just fine," Felix purred. My eyes were adjusting to the deep shade, and I could see that Felix was very big, tall and thick through the shoulders. His size reminded me of Emmett.**

Emmett pouted, and I tried to force a smile. It didn't work so well, though. I just couldn't, now when Bella was about to come face to face with Aro Volturi.

**"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.**

**"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," Edward replied.**

**Felix and Demetri stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could come at Edward from two sides. They meant to force him deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. No reflected light found access to their skin; they were safe inside their cloaks.**

**Edward didn't move an inch. He was dooming himself by protecting me.**

A small, humorless chuckle left my lips at that. I would doom myself a thousand times over, if it would save her.

**Abruptly, Edward's head whipped around, toward the darkness of the winding alley, and Demetri and Felix did the same, in response to some sound or movement too subtle for my senses.**

**"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" a lilting voice suggested. "There are ladies present."**

**Alice tripped lightly to Edward's side, her stance casual. There was no hint of any underlying tension. She looked so tiny, so fragile. Her little arms swung like a child's.**

**Yet Demetri and Felix both straightened up, their cloaks swirling slightly as a gust of wind funneled through the alley. Felix's face soured. Apparently, they didn't like even numbers.**

**"We're not alone," she reminded them.**

**Demetri glanced over his shoulder. A few yards into the square, the little family, with the girls in their red dresses, was watching us. The mother was speaking urgently to her husband, her eyes on the five of us. She looked away when Demetri met her gaze. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazered men on the shoulder.**

**Demetri shook his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said.**

**"Let's," Edward agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."**

**Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."**

**Six men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxious expressions. I was very conscious of Edward's protective stance in front of me – sure that this was what caused their alarm. I wanted to scream to them to run.**

I smiled. Bella was always so selfless.

**Edward's teeth came together audibly. "No."**

**Felix smiled.**

**"Enough."**

**The voice was high, reedy, and it came from behind us.**

**I peeked under Edward's other arm to see a small, dark shape coming toward us. By the way the edges billowed; I knew it would be another one of them. Who else?**

**At first I thought it was a young boy. The newcomer was as tiny as Alice, with lank, pale brown hair trimmed short. The body under the cloak – which was darker, almost black –was slim and androgynous. But the face was too pretty for a boy. The wide-eyed, full-lipped face would make a Botticelli angel look like a gargoyle. Even allowing for the dull crimson irises.**

A startled hiss left me. "Jane!" I growled, and my family's eyes widened in horror. Jane, one of the "witch twins". Her power could put a vampire flat on his back, and she was there with my mate. I hurried to read on, silently pleading for her to be alright.

**Her size was so insignificant that the reaction to her appearance confused me.**

**Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately, stepping back from their offensive positions to blend again with the shadows of the overhanging walls.**

**Edward dropped his arms and relaxed his position as well – but in defeat.**

**"Jane," he sighed in recognition and resignation.**

**Alice folded her arms across her chest, her expression impassive.**

**"Follow me," Jane spoke again, her childish voice a monotone. She turned her back on us and drifted silently into the dark.**

**Felix gestured for us to go first, smirking.**

**Alice walked after the little Jane at once. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along beside her. The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed. I looked up at him with frantic questions in my eyes, but he just shook his head. Though I couldn't hear the others behind us, I was sure they were there.**

**"Well, Alice," Edward said conversationally as we walked. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."**

**"It was my mistake," Alice answered in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right."**

"It wasn't your fault, Alice," I stated firmly. "This whole mess is entirely my fault, and I promise you all that I'm going to do my best to fix it," I vowed, and she smiled at me. It was just a small smile, but it was a start to earning my sister's forgiveness.

**"What happened?" His voice was polite, as if he were barely interested. I imagined this was due to the listening ears behind us.**

**"It's a long story." Alice's eyes flickered toward me and away. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."**

**I flushed and turned my eyes straight ahead, looking after the dark shadow that I could no longer see. I could imagine what he was hearing in Alice's thoughts now. Near-drownings, stalking vampires, werewolf friends…**

**"Hm," Edward said curtly, and the casual tone of his voice was gone.**

**There was a loose curve to the alley, still slanting downward, so I didn't see the squared-off dead end coming until we reached the flat, windowless, brick face. The little one called Jane was nowhere to be seen.**

**Alice didn't hesitate, didn't break pace as she strode toward the wall. Then, with easy grace, she slid down an open hole in the street.**

**It looked like a drain, sunk into the lowest point of the paving. I hadn't noticed it until Alice disappeared, but the grate was halfway pushed aside. The hole was small, and black.**

**I balked.**

Alice's lips twitched up. "She can stand toe to toe with werewolves and vampires, but she can't handle dropping down through a drain," she chuckled.

**"It's all right, Bella," Edward said in a low voice. "Alice will catch you."**

**I eyed the hole doubtfully. I imagine he would have gone first, if Demetri and Felix hadn't been waiting, smug and silent, behind us.**

**I crouched down, swinging my legs into the narrow gap.**

**"Alice?" I whispered, voice trembling.**

**"I'm right here, Bella," she reassured me. Her voice came from too far below to make me feel better.**

**Edward took my wrists – his hands felt like stones in winter – and lowered me into the blackness.**

**"Ready?" he asked.**

**"Drop her," Alice called.**

**I closed my eyes so I couldn't see the darkness, scrunching them together in terror, clamping my mouth shut so I wouldn't scream. Edward let me fall.**

**It was silent and short. The air whipped past me for just half a second, and then, with a huff as I exhaled, Alice's waiting arms caught me.**

**I was going to have bruises; her arms were very hard. She stood me upright.**

I couldn't help it when my lips turned down at the corners, though I knew that a few bruises would be the least of her worries, depending on the type of mood that Aro was in…

**It was dim, but not black at the bottom. The light from the hole above provided a faint glow, reflecting wetly from the stones under my feet. The light vanished for a second, and then Edward was a faint, white radiance beside me. He put his arm around me, holding me close to his side, and began to tow me swiftly forward. I wrapped both arms around his cold waist, and tripped and stumbled my way across the uneven stone surface. The sound of the heavy grate sliding over the drain hole behind us rang with metallic finality.**

**The dim light from the street was quickly lost in the gloom. The sound of my staggering footsteps echoed through the black space; it sounded very wide, but I couldn't be sure. There were no sounds other than my frantic heartbeat and my feet on the wet stones –except for once, when an impatient sigh whispered from behind me.**

**Edward held me tightly. He reached his free hand across his body to hold my face, too, his smooth thumb tracing across my lips. Now and then, I felt his face press into my hair. I realized that this was the only reunion we would get, and I clutched myself closer to him.**

My frown deepened. She deserved so much better… and I was going to do my damnedest to make sure that she got it, this time around.

**For now, it felt like he wanted me, and that was enough to offset the horror of the subterranean tunnel and the prowling vampires behind us.**

**It was probably no more than guilt – the same guilt that compelled him to come here to die when he'd believed that it was his fault that I'd killed myself.**

A whimper escaped me, and Emmett's glaring eyes bored into my own. He didn't speak aloud, but he didn't let it slide, either. _You don't get to feel hurt that she thinks it was just out of guilt, you got that? You did this – all of it. You left her. You went to the Volturi. Now, you deal with it. _I nodded almost imperceptibly; only Emmett was watching me closely enough to catch it. His thoughts softened just barely. _You're my brother, but I'm not forgiving you until I hear her say that she does. I owe her that much as _her _brother._

**But I felt his lips press silently against my forehead, and I didn't care what the motivation was. At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life.**

What a fool I was… I sighed silently, shaking my head slightly. A damned fool… Jasper showed me proof when we first started reading that she not only loved me as much as I loved her, she loved me _more _than I loved her. It stung to realize just how lacking my own affections had been, despite my efforts. But I could see where I had gone wrong. In my mind, somewhere along the way, her safety became more important to me than her happiness.

Bella was right all those months ago, when she insisted that it was the same thing for me to stay as long as she wanted me and as long as it was good for her…

**I wished I could ask him exactly what was going to happen now. I wanted desperately to know how we were going to die – as if that would somehow make it better, knowing in advance. But I couldn't speak, even in a whisper, surrounded as we were. The others could hear everything – my every breath, my every heartbeat.**

**The path beneath our feet continued to slant downward, taking us deeper into the ground, and it made me claustrophobic. Only Edward's hand, soothing against my face, kept me from screaming out loud.**

**I couldn't tell where the light was coming from, but it slowly turned dark gray instead of black. We were in a low, arched tunnel. Long trails of ebony moisture seeped down the gray stones, like they were bleeding ink.**

**I was shaking, and I thought it was from fear. It wasn't until my teeth started to chatter together that I realized I was cold.**

**My clothes were still wet, and the temperature underneath the city was wintry. As was Edward's skin.**

**He realized this at the same time I did, and let go of me, keeping only my hand.**

**"N-n-no," I chattered, throwing my arms around him. I didn't care if I froze. Who knew how long we had left?**

**His cold hand chafed against my arm, trying to warm me with the friction.**

**We hurried through the tunnel, or it felt like hurrying to me. My slow progress irritated someone – I guessed Felix – and I heard him heave a sigh now and then.**

**At the end of the tunnel was a grate – the iron bars were rusting, but thick as my arm. A small door made of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. Edward ducked through and hurried on to a larger, brighter stone room. The grille slammed shut with a clang, followed by the snap of a lock. I was too afraid to look behind me.**

**On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick – as I could tell because it, too, stood open.**

**We stepped through the door, and I glanced around me in surprise, relaxing automatically.**

"The reception area," Carlisle muttered, a deep frown upon his face.

**Beside me, Edward tensed, his jaw clenched tight.**

"That was the end of the chapter," I informed everyone, my muscles tense. The room was quiet, as it had been for the majority of the chapter. Even my family's thoughts were quiet as we all thought about just how terrible things could have become in so short a time…

"I'll read the next chapter," Jasper interrupted my thoughts and I handed him the book, grateful not to have to read the next chapter, though I knew that it would be no less difficult to listen to the hell that my angel was about to go through in the book.

But, I reminded myself, it was a book. None of that would happen. I wouldn't let it. If Bella took me back, then I was going to spend every day she gave me – all of eternity, if she still wanted it – making it up to her.


End file.
